Community | February 16, 2010 | 114 comments

Domestic Violence-Time For a Change

source: http://www.drdondutton.com/

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MotherForTruth
What do Chris Brown, Ike Turner, and OJ Simpson have in common? They are all famous men who beat their wives. Chris Brown's case got maximum exposure on Oprah, Ike Turner was vilified in a movie, OJ got all day/every day coverage at his murder trial. Our ability to remember them as examples of "wife beaters" is called the availability heuristic- we develop these associations largely from high profile media events. Since an availability heuristic- the examples of domestic violence we can call to mind-shapes our beliefs and judgments about an issue like domestic violence, the question is raised whether these media examples are representative of typical domestic violence. The answer is that they are not. They mis- represent domestic violence in three ways by making the perpetrators appear to always be black, male and acting alone.


Reality bites- when large sample victim surveys that ask about domestic violence are done, a very different picture emerges. In the first place, domestic violence is not more common in black relationships than white or other racial groups. Perhaps more surprisingly, the stereotype of the male as a bully and the female as hapless victim is not supported by the data. Surveys from 1989 to 2007 keep finding the same thing; the most common form of domestic violence is two -way- both partners assault each other at about the same level of severity. Women are hurt somewhat more but only somewhat- men get hurt too for the obvious reason that everyday weapons get used, knives, frying pans, and boiling water, amongst other things.


Here's another big surprise- "husband battering" (where the woman used severe violence against a non-violent man) is about three times more common as wife battering. A recent large sample survey by the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta found this but it had been found before and Canadian surveys by Stats Can also find a relative equality in domestic violence perpetration. The media does treat violence towards men differently- the killing of NFL Quarterback Steve MacNair by his girlfriend was hardly covered at all, same with the death of Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chris Henry, the killing of London Ontario Police Detective Dave Lucio by his girlfriend Kelly Johnson (also a police officer) was similarly brushed aside.


The most famous example of media misandry was Wayne Bobbit whose wife castrated him. He became a running joke for late night comedians. Imagine this happening with the genders reversed. Controlled studies find that the same action is viewed differently by research subjects when the genders of the perpetrator and victim are varied. If a man does it (for example- asks his wife where she has been) it abuse or control. If a woman does it it's not. When the first shelter for battered men was set up in New Hampshire , the men reported that when they had called local shelters to ask for help they were told that they were the real batterers. All of these men had been injured. These results are found whether the research subjects are the general public or professional psychologists. When a spousal homicide occurs, the media asks the head of a local shelter why it happens. She will inevitably describe it as another example of violence towards women.


When Marc Lepine killed women in a mass shooting in Montreal , it was presented as an example of male violence towards women. When Denis Lortie shot up the Quebec Assembly the year before, he was simply a madman. The truth is, they were both psychotic. The gender paradigm that shapes our views on domestic violence is pervasive and affects everything from police responses to custody decisions in family court. The problem is the scientific data do not support these beliefs- they were just a political theory that was wrong when it was written and is even more askew in the present. Time for a change!


Professor Don Dutton

University of British Columbia

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"Domestic violence 'research' has been misleading, in that data has been extracted from crime reports and/or 'crime victim surveys – in which men underreport more than women – and have been publicized as indicating domestic violence is a gender issue (male-perpetrator/female-victims). In fact, when larger surveys with representative samples are examined, perpetration of domestic violence perpetration is slightly more common for females..."

Dr Don Dutton

Professor of Psychology

University of British Columbia

12th October 2008

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"Put somewhat differently, 999,992 men and 999,997.7 per million women do not kill their spouse. I would say that is not then a gender issue. If such a miniscule group of either gender kills, then something else beside gender must be involved. Government ministries that repeatedly misrepresent domestic violence statistics to perpetuate their existence do no favours to taxpayers, be they male or female”

Dr Don Dutton UBC

Professor of Psychology

University of British Columbia

13h December 2006

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  1. groups:
    Community,   Current Tonight,   Current Cultural Issues,   Law and Justice,   2 more
  2. tags:
    Gender,  Domestic Violence,  Gender Equality,  DV,  2 more
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114 comments // Domestic Violence-Time For a Change

  • unclepete813
    • 0
      unclepete813  

    • I never respond to people who comment on my comments, But this will be the first since people say i need my meds or i dont get it or the white man is good. Please all yall need to stick your heads back up your ass and smell your shit cause you act like your shit dont stinks and you're right. WRONG. I do this for fun, I dont have to work im retired,being to the military fought for this imperialist country you call america. I still rent 6apts, I still have a studio, and run my trucking business. So im rich bitch. I dont follow no man no more, when i say im god i mean what i say I AM GOD. And i make my rules and i love hummanity and my Woman are my GODDESS THEY CREATE LIFE I ENFORCE THE RULES. So i will kill a man in NY second. I will never harm a woman or child. I will not destroy water or contaminated food and feed it to the masses, I will not poison people lands, I will not enslave people. Now who did this on my earth. Not a black man. Thankyou. Please dont call me out. Cause i am god, and you worship the devil you who go to church. cause you should not worship nothing. read your dam good book. but thats all evil. you need help without taking meds or listening to a preacher, I sell knowledge for free. I dont need money im not lost in your matrix like all you people who looking for work or working 40hours a weak just to survive. Get in touch with nature and you might just find the way back to your God I am the universe i am energy, I am water im not poison i dont have hate but i will kill a man if he harms my woman or earth again. thats not hate thats a fact. I love hummanity and the person who destroys my earth or my woman or children are not human they are devils or evil. Now get your facts straight lost people of the tribes of dan. you are evil to try and comment on me cause i defend woman and children. take your ass back to the strip club where you feel powerful. but becareful I might have one of my woman set your trick ass up and black mail you. cause i know what you do. now respect me and my woman and children of the world. your God. who has no fear but love. peace out 1love to hummanity death to the NWO>

    • 2 years ago
  • brotherlelo
    • 0
      brotherlelo  
    • unclepete813:

      Ok Uncle Pete: I knew you have something interesting to say. I always thought that way too, we are miniature God with power to build and destroy, procreate and kill, Rich with millions of ideas but poor in how to carry them out. However, Uncle Pete, I am talking for myself and thousands of other ordinary citizens who have fall in the trap of a prejudiced system. I was accused of 22 counts of domestic abuse, by a woman who I though she was my wife but she never kissed or slept in my room. No proof no medical bill no witnesses were enough to convict me to two year of humiliating drug test. I was alone fighting a losing battle. Everybody was against me, I was treated like a criminal, a liar, a psycho, not even the evidence of the 911 tape call I did or recording that have speak for itself was recognized to vindicate my innocence. When you have a system that convict people who have never used drugs to drug testing and treat decent hard working people as criminals something is very wrong. We have to unite and bring the million black men and white men and Latino men together and march all over America to stop the abuse. We need a leader a voice that speak for us and bring this changes that are long over due. As long as we stay away and do not do anything about it, we all are going to suffer the consequences.

    • 2 years ago
  • brotherlelo
    • 0
      brotherlelo  

    • God created the earth and then rested.
      God created men and then rested.
      God created women and since then, God or men have not rested.
      The more I learn about women the more frigten I get.
      How many time I hear "If you marry me you can have all sex you want"
      After you got married not only you do not get even that but you loose everything you have, you can go to jail and you can loose your life too.
      I am happily merried to the idea of never marry again.
      My advice to the young men: No marry, No children and the problems will go away.

    • 2 years ago
  • Walks_in_Storms
  • MotherForTruth
    • +1
      MotherForTruth  
    • Walks_in_Storms:

      You are right, this is sad truth. Prosecutors are NOT seeking the truth they are getting convictions. There is no longer "Innocent until proven guilty" it's "Guilty and go ahead try to prove you are innocent" justice system Please post the link to the article, I would love to read the story.

    • 2 years ago
  • Allfazeman
    • 0
      Allfazeman  
    • Walks_in_Storms:

      What you speak of here is what I will give my last dying breath to end. That is so my son and down the line will not have to go through the humiliation of being falsely charged and arrested like has happened to me in the past. It will start by trying to see that Obama/Biden are one term.

    • 2 years ago
  • Allfazeman
    • 0
      Allfazeman  

    • I just read a post from a group I peek at just for kicks. And this is how a real anti-feminists thinks and sounds. Just remember this is not me...,

      Why are women voting at all?

      Women were not allowed to vote until woman's sufferage. That was 150 years after the US Constitution was written. It is the woman's vote that got us where we are. No, I do not thank you women voters. It is women voters that put John Kennedy in. It is women voters that put women in office. All those women voted into office by women voters are feminists, communists and domestic enemies of the USA.

      VAWA and the Hate Crimes Act was lobbied for by women. They were written by women. Those bills both are man hating and morality hating. Those bills are made to escew men. They are written to put men out of work. They were written to destroy family. They were written and supported by women voters. Joe Biben pushed those bills through because he was afraid of the women voters.

      Men are the only ones that are supposed to vote according to the original Constitution in any election. Those voting men are to be representatives of their families and themselves. Men are to be the head of their homes and families including their wives.

      Adding "Women's Sufferage" to the US Constitution has only added to the destruction of America. WE have 435 representives so-called in the House of representatives and 100 senators in the senate.. A vicious anti-America and Anti-Constitution woman is the head or speaker of the house. That should be enough proof to you that women's voting only leads to destruction od America.

      God's holy word says women are not to be in authority. Our founding fathers knew this when they drafted the Constitution. That is why women were left out. It was righteous wisdom that kept women out of the political processes. Repeal woman's sufferage, make women be keepers at home again.

      I personally do not care what women's gripes are. I want no more of women's destruction of my nation.

      Me again; What I do see here is a product of men being abused not only by women, but also the system that has produced unequal laws and arrest policies over the last 20 years. The constant pumping of false statistics on DV and the family courts assumption that the children are better off with the mother.; This was not the truth in my case so despite all her false allegations I have been raising our 2 children for many years now. This is because the other hidden fact is that women who abuse their mate are usually abusing the children also.

    • 2 years ago
  • regjoeschmo
    • 0
      regjoeschmo  
    • Allfazeman:

      that is definately anti-female banter and rediculous in its whole..... gender feminism has taken a hold on lobbyism and unfortunately our society suffers from it... still I would like to point out that anyone who is an abuser to their spouse is more likely to abuse their children as well....

    • 2 years ago
  • Walks_in_Storms
  • curtisreed
  • Walks_in_Storms
  • Nancyf
    • 0
      Nancyf  
    • Walks_in_Storms:

      There have always been some fist-fights between men and their women. My daddy used to go to bars and sometimes mom would go with, and told me about a man and his wife getting into a fight when she came in and found him with another woman. And although he was starting to hurt her bad, mom said another man stepped in and tried to stop him and both of them started beating him up! Never step inbetween a fighting couple, unless ur a lawman...

    • 2 years ago
  • unclepete813
    • -2
      unclepete813  

    • You gots to be kidding right? Nope you serious. You gone to pick 3 men who happen to be black and say this. You Numb Nutts. You devils been beating women since roman days. you celbrated this for Xmas. You rape women not just your own but other races as well. how did the brother get this way. cause the hate you put into him. You the devil. You have beaten a women and rape her in every country. every state. you have hung women and fathered children. You sick bastards. You have kill,rape and torture millions of women and children. I promise you in the near future this country will pay for her sins against hummanity and women. this is the next babylon. It will be hell to pay for all evil done to my people and women of the world. I'm just a god speaking for God. Get ready cause you havent seen shit yet. The little black magic you bring to haiti, The tribe of Levy and Katrina aint nothing what is about to come down in this racist country you call america. You people are pure evil. You smile in my face but hate me behind my back. And only if you knew i was your god. E=mc2 Energy=Matter,Carbon2 dark brings light. the darker the flesh the more energy it holds, the more energy the more godly. What was first will be first again and you devils will pay for your sins. God dont forgive that was lie by satan for you to keep committing sins against hummanity. you cant even forgive Michael Vick. Now Oj Chris Brown, Ike. You rape people, and enslave people and you want them to forget and forgive and move on. do you see the hypocripacy. You believe your hands is clean. You havent seen pain yet. You have no love in your heart you are plain evil. you rooted for bush to bomb my first city bagdad. For greed. You people have follow the blood line of reptilians who aka illuminati elites. You will suffer along with them they cant hide under ground when the time comes this earth will be cleanse once again. peace to hummanity 1love for all who have love.

    • 2 years ago
  • MotherForTruth
  • lifestudentno83
    • 0
      lifestudentno83  
    • unclepete813:

      You generalize too much. White people are not the root of evil, those who seek to control the world are the root of evil. While those people may tend to be white here in America, they are a multicultural bunch who's influence is based more on greed and control rather than skin color. The white people in this country are not your enemy, and the division based on race and class will continue as long as you continue to perpetuate that stereotype.

      Also, God doesn't not want you to judge people, as you are no one's God. If you truly believe in God, then you would refrain from putting yourself on his pedestal. Instead of focusing on the negativity in this world, focus on your own positivity. This way you can influence better behavior in all people rather than alienate them based off your "blame whitey" rhetoric.

      While there have been may white people who have done despicable things in the past, not everyone is responsible for those actions. When you go around convicting all those people based on skin color and not by the content of their character, then you are no better than the people you vehemently oppose.

    • 2 years ago
  • observer2121
    • 0
      observer2121  
    • unclepete813:

      You totally missed the point he was making and then you go on some crazy rant. C'mon if you actually read what he was saying you would realize he is against how the media portrays domestic abuse. Wake up.

    • 2 years ago
  • brotherlelo
    • 0
      brotherlelo  
    • unclepete813:

      Uncle Pete: I would like to read what you have in your mind but you are so full of hate that is hard to agree or disagree with you. America is our country now and is not perfect but we can change it and make it better. There is not need to destroy the beautifulness created by so many men and women. America could be an example for all the countries in the world where there is not justice at all. I have seen in the news people than have been in prison for 25 years convicted of rape and later released because DNA have proven they were innocent. That is a bigger crime than rape but if we do not unite to change it God will not do it for us.

    • 2 years ago
  • flyingkick
    • +1
      flyingkick  
    • unclepete813:

      Looks like unclepete was too upset at the white man to get to the end of the first paragraph of this article!

      "They mis- represent domestic violence in three ways by making the perpetrators appear to always be black, male and acting alone."

      Yeah, that white devil made of pure evil was actually fighting for you not against you.

    • 2 years ago
  • 2hellnwait
  • Walks_in_Storms
  • Nancyf
    • 0
      Nancyf  
    • Walks_in_Storms:

      That makes little sense when President Land was the top of the racist and sexist since they overthrew GOD'S churches. They are white. Not only germans but Irish as well as some others that are white. They even went so far to starve us by putting their people in gov. offices who refused to save us from starving. And they STILL want slaves, to do little discrimination. It's STILL a sin.

    • 2 years ago
  • curtisreed
    • 0
      curtisreed  
    • unclepete813:

      "And only if you knew i was your god. E=mc2 Energy=Matter,Carbon2 dark brings light. the darker the flesh the more energy it holds, the more energy the more godly"

      what you talking about willis?

    • 2 years ago
  • Walks_in_Storms
  • Nancyf
  • TasteHi
    • -2
      TasteHi  

    • It is unnatural for both genders to be equal, and it is humanely wrong to treat either one as the lesser. We are NOT a sum of our genders, we are individuals.

      Respectively to this article yes there are humans whom are nurturing and compassionate to a fault, and the counterparts that abuse these traits in them. But as individuals we all have the opportunities to stand up for our selves, the self is usually the toughest opponent that one must overcome first.

    • 2 years ago
  • unimatrix0
  • regjoeschmo
  • MotherForTruth
  • Walks_in_Storms
  • curtisreed
  • nursediesel
    • +3
      nursediesel  

    • People that kill or do physical violence against another human for anything other reason than (acute) self-defense belong in prison. The sentences should not reflect a difference because of the sex of the perpetrator or the victim. The punishment should fit the crime not the sex of the people involved.

    • 2 years ago
  • MotherForTruth
    • -1
      MotherForTruth  

    • Well known American author Christina Hoff Sommers defines the terms "equity feminism" and "gender feminism" to differentiate what she sees as acceptable and non-acceptable forms of feminism. She describes equity feminism as the struggle for equal legal and civil rights and many of the original goals of the early feminists, as in the first wave of the women's movement. She describes "gender feminism" as the action of accenting the differences of genders for the purposes of creating privilege for women in academia, government, industry, or advancing personal agendas.

      Unfortunately we are experiencing "gender feminism" way too often.

    • 2 years ago
  • lvk104
    • +3
      lvk104  
    • MotherForTruth:

      "creating privilege for women in academia, government, industry, or advancing personal agendas"

      By that do you mean claiming their rightful slightly-more-than-half of positions in colleges, jobs, and politics? Your problem is that you see feminists "taking" what is "rightfully yours", when in reality it's just 51% of the population standing up to participate instead of staying at home. Men have been dominant for so long that they thing their own privileged positions are what is natural and right, when in reality its an unbalanced system finally approaching equilibrium.

      Get used to it...women are here to stay, and you can't marginalize them by claiming to be the poor downtrodden men. Soon you'll be claiming that 'the gays' are running everything by asking for their right to marry.

      There's a book about exactly what you're doing, by Susan Faludi, called "Backlash".

      Until you learn that men and women are EQUAL, and should have EQUAL privileges and equal rights and equal opportunities (rather than maintaining the uneven status quo, as you are wont to do), you'll be considered a misogynist blowhard by most logical, level-headed men and women.

    • 2 years ago
  • regjoeschmo
    • 0
      regjoeschmo  
    • lvk104:

      "Until you learn that men and women are EQUAL, and should have EQUAL privileges and equal rights and equal opportunities (rather than maintaining the uneven status quo, as you are wont to do), you'll be considered a misogynist blowhard by most logical, level-headed men and women."

      Unfortunately by this statement alone you have absolutely misinterpreted MFT's words... this is exactly what she is saying...... It is a shame that this cannot be seen when such walls are placed in the way of understanding the facts that are presented.

    • 2 years ago
  • MotherForTruth
    • +1
      MotherForTruth  
    • lvk104:

      You should read Christina Hoff Sommers she and I are women who believe "equity feminism" is good and "gender feminism" is bad for all of us. So get used to it we are here to stay.

    • 2 years ago
  • 02
    • 0
      02  
    • lvk104:

      What happens when the scraps become too small for the animals arguing over them?

      Also, most people in our rich society compete to hold a life of mediocrity. Do you really want your equal piece of that?

    • 2 years ago
  • 02
    • +1
      02  
    • lvk104:

      A-N-D another thing -
      Women, the smarter ones, when they get that pregnancy leave, realize they don't want to go back to work, they want to stay home and raise that baby.

      They see this because they discover what's it like to love someone - more than themselves.

    • 2 years ago
  • MotherForTruth
  • unimatrix0
  • Allfazeman
    • 0
      Allfazeman  
    • 02:

      The type of women I am speaking of don't love anyone better than themselves and they prove this everyday. Most are extremely narcissistic as well as good looking which means high maintainence. Either way, even if they don't look so good, they have a mindset for only themselves.

    • 2 years ago
  • scabbio
    • +2
      scabbio  

    • I think the commentary on this posting has become muddled. Let's get down to brass tacks here: people are violent.

      I do not like, however, to see anyone putting out hatred towards womens rights groups, AKA feminists. Women have had the short end of the stick historically, and they still get shorted in many ways. For instance: women make on average 70 cents to the mans dollar.

      There are too many gender related issues to solve, and not a single answer can be found in blanket assumptions/statements/biases, from men OR women. The way to solve this stuff is through communication, and working WITH women instead of isolating ourselves and insulting women...So I'm going to go ahead and suggest posters be more mindful of the big picture.

    • 2 years ago
  • regjoeschmo
  • 02
    • -2
      02  
    • scabbio:

      Yes, the alpha female has kept careful hold of the cave, negotiating the beta females and beta males, and the kids and the pecking order better than any CEO while the bone-head alpha male went out and drug back the buffalo.
      There was way more going on at home than Alphy had any idea about.

      She knew how to pass her genes along.

      And she knew how to get rough, too.

    • 2 years ago
  • Allfazeman
    • 0
      Allfazeman  
    • scabbio:

      So just because women have gotten the short end of the stick that makes it OK for them to lie to police? Get out of here!!! The fact remains that this goes much deeper than just lying to the cops. The continue to commit perjury in court and on official documents just because at one time in history they weren't allowed to vote. You are ridiculous in your thinking to make such a statement.

    • 2 years ago
  • Allfazeman
    • 0
      Allfazeman  
    • scabbio:

      PS..., What's even worse it that most of them are getting away with these numerous crimes that continues to make the courts look corrupt. This ALONG WITH BIAS JUDGES ON THE BENCH NOW Has many men getting the short end of the stick. They are tossed out of their homes and told they now can't see their children along with being humiliated among their friends and peers. So is the stick short enough for you now? Never mind the police record that stays around when many of these men never had a blemish on their record before. So you tell me why women should be allowed to lie to make up for past shortcomings?

    • 2 years ago
  • lvk104
    • 0
      lvk104  
    • Allfazeman:

      I didn't see Scabbio mention anything about it being okay for anyone to lie - he's just asking that you not apply the actions of some women (whom you've obviously been hurt by) to women as a whole.

      I think it was a sensible and respectful comment - which said absolutely not a single word about lying to the cops. Where are you getting your anger here? Did you read his comment?

    • 2 years ago
  • common_sense_please
    • +2
      common_sense_please  

    • Okay I agree women are equally violent and evil and can and do beat on men.

      But until we quit looking at gender of both the perpetrator and the victim and get to the place where we treat domestic violence and assault and rape as crimes against another person and refuse to accept any kind of lame gender based defense nothing is going to really change.

      The real reason people beat on each other is because they have already made that switch--because regardless of gender, the perpetrator of the violent acts no longer views the person they are abusing as a person--they see them as an enemy or a weakling or someone less than an equal to them person. Which is why one of the first things alternative to battering programs do is teach the perpetrators to use their victim's name rather than refer to them by a pronoun or a slang or negative description

      The other problem is that by posting stories or articles that use pop culture references or examples of obviously over the top crazy and gender biased judicial rulings on sentencing to make the point that gender profiling is bad and should be stopped or at least addressed as a serious issue--is sort of pointless and reminds me of the cliche'
      "why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?"
      because it makes a nice sound bite but it does nothing to really open up discussion or promote the exchange of ideas how to solve the problem.

      Because honestly just about every post on this subject is everybody feels like they are being attacked or that they have to defend their position on women's issues or everybody gets into throwing around the "F" word (feminism) in the same misguided way the fringe groups throw the "S" word (socialism) against President Obama and with the same result of getting everybody off track and reverting to name calling and revisiting the drama of their Jr high school years instead of discussing the real deeper more problematic issue of gender bias and violence and coming up with sensible, well thought out and workable solutions.

    • 2 years ago
  • regjoeschmo
  • Allfazeman
    • 0
      Allfazeman  
    • common_sense_please:

      This is an impossible task you suggest. After all look at the name of the law that has instigated most of the problems. The Violence Against WOMEN Act !!! This unconstitutional law is supposed to be gender equal, but is far from it. And as long as there are radical FEMINISTS to support this law and the use of false reports and arrests it will remain a two sex ( or opposite sex) issue and infringement of a man's rights.

    • 2 years ago
  • Allfazeman
    • +1
      Allfazeman  

    • Nanacyf, I have been assaulted by a woman before so I know what it is like. But unlike you I was ashamed of it and that highly depressed me for so long. Yet once the same woman began to also do the same to our children I drew the line and the rest is history
      The many false reports shoved down our throats by the likes of radical feminists and unconstitutional laws thanks to Vice Pre3sident Joe Biden are in need of radical changes. I do know of many other men who have been assaulted by women and then end up arrested because of the poor education of the truth. And the truth is that women are just as violent, if not more so, than men..
      And finally it most be known that I don't hate women at all. What is despise is woman who lie as well as men. To many women lie about the men in their life in order to get the upper hand in separations and divorces. In many cases they are the worst of the 2 parents getting custody of the children which is another form of abuse in itself. So the next time you see any statistics that say men harm more than women please know that is bogus and there are way to many women getting away with being violent to men and their children. That is a fact.

    • 2 years ago
  • brotherlelo
    • +3
      brotherlelo  
    • Allfazeman:

      Allfazeman: Not only women are violent and inciters of violence but they are encoraged in my case by latino women in action how to lie to the police to get me arrested and by her lawyer how to make fault report to make their case look good in the court.

    • 2 years ago
  • MotherForTruth
  • regjoeschmo
    • +1
      regjoeschmo  
    • brotherlelo:

      by special interest groups and lawyers doing this they help perpetrate the statistics needed to unsure funding to these systems.... Billions of dollars per year go into DV shelters and not one cent is audited.....

    • 2 years ago
  • Allfazeman
    • +1
      Allfazeman  
    • brotherlelo:

      It makes no difference where they learn how to lie and make up stories for police reports, but you would be surprised where it does happen.

      For me it was a result of my Ex going to AA and Alanon. I would see a woman come in and say her BF yelled at her and she would have 5 or more women right there coaching her of what to do next. None of what they said had much to do with the truth. And one of the worst things to happen to that 12 Step program was "women's meetings." Those meeting mostly turn out to be men bashing conferences as opposed to anything concerning any recovery.

    • 2 years ago
  • Nancyf
    • 0
      Nancyf  
    • Allfazeman:

      I didn't lie and I didn't hurt him. I even saved him from drowning once. But for sure I didn't lie. I have permanet black eyes since he hurt me so many times. I would have left him sooner but there were few jobs in the small town we lived in and welfare there wouldn't even help me feed my child. When he threatened my life I desperately looked for help and found it. A woman killed him, yes. He married a month after HE divorced me and his 'catholic' wife shot him in the head. I was angry at first and hurting, but I have had to admit, he deserved it. He had nightmares that he was going to die with a cut throat a man was coming for him but he was wrong on that part. It must have been guilt. 'Nuff said.

    • 2 years ago
  • Walks_in_Storms
  • artemis6
    • 0
      artemis6  
    • Nancyf:

      Glad you made it out . I think it is that sense of entitlement that corrupt men's souls . Some women have it too . That they are entitled to use whatever means necessary to get their way .

    • 2 years ago
  • Nancyf
    • 0
      Nancyf  
    • Walks_in_Storms:

      Well, I do feel so sorry for her. But it seems it was a set-up deal for my first husband's murder. His wife just went to jail overnight and they let her go the next day. Funny, I had a uncle who was working as a jailer there in the county one. I still wonder about what was going on ...I hear it was her son that killed him, but the OSBI hardly did any investigation. And the rich men he worked for to get them insurance money and goods they had him steal made me wonder to this day if they were behind it. Since he had pixs of their wife-swapping party. It was a horrible life and times being in the town where I was born. ThXs for the story.

    • 2 years ago
  • Nancyf
  • regjoeschmo
    • 0
      regjoeschmo  
    • Walks_in_Storms:

      its a shame that with documented proof of such events, one gets convicted for defending themselves, but yet many of the cases of aquittal have no such evidence to back them up..... the judicial system as a whole is messed up (to put it nicely)

    • 2 years ago
  • brotherlelo
    • 0
      brotherlelo  
    • regjoeschmo:

      RegJ: I agree, with you but what is even worse is that when you have the proof in hand to prove them wrong and that you are innocent, they do not even care to look at it. They throw it away like it is garbage.

    • 2 years ago
  • brotherlelo
    • 0
      brotherlelo  
    • Allfazeman:

      We do not know how many targets we have. The lady who never had a boyfriend, that visited the neighbor was the one that corrupted the mind of my ex. They come on with some estranges ideas of things that happened hundreds of years ago and I was not even born. why we have to be blame for that? So men have been slaved and abused too.

    • 2 years ago
  • regjoeschmo
  • Walks_in_Storms
  • Nancyf
    • 0
      Nancyf  
    • Walks_in_Storms:

      Are you unaware that the Southern Baptist Convention elites in cahoots with a few other big ones, Pat Roberstson, Jerry Falwell, ect; plotted to take over power over the people with a 'Reconstructive' veiw? Here in Okla. they want to take control over all our women's bodies and THAT is a grave sin. No different than the Pharisees that wanted to stone the woman who committed adultery and Jesus told them, "He without sin should cast the first stone." And they are bloody under grave sins here in Okla. Looks like they will be punished severley by my Lord. Their lust for power tickled Satan pink for the easy way he took them over. One of the few times he laughed...

    • 2 years ago
  • Walks_in_Storms
  • Nancyf
  • brotherlelo
    • 0
      brotherlelo  

    • Professor Dutton: Thank you for your comment. The change is long over due but I doubt ther will be any change because domestic abuse and rape are the cowmilkink cash of the lawyers and women. Police know it, lawyers know it and as long as they are employed by faulse allegation they will not change it.

    • 2 years ago
  • Nancyf
    • 0
      Nancyf  

    • Gee, I didn't know u were one of those women-hating women. But I see u r one of them. I'll never come to one of y our posts again.

    • 2 years ago
  • Mike_Murphy
    • +1
      Mike_Murphy  
    • Nancyf:

      So you disagree with a poster and resort to name calling. Who is it that is abusive. Those who state the facts reasonably or those who quickly resort to name calling. I always find it interesting that those who claim to be the victim also seem to be the first to be abusive. Is this what you did in your relationship?

    • 2 years ago
  • MotherForTruth
  • regjoeschmo
  • artemis6
  • 02
  • regjoeschmo
    • +1
      regjoeschmo  
    • 02:

      deflections seems to be the most prevalant form of disbelief... irregardless of the facts or the content, any time this is brought up it is accused of being anti-female... when in reality it is anti-domestic violence.

    • 2 years ago
  • Nancyf
  • 2hellnwait
  • Nancyf
  • MotherForTruth
  • Nancyf
    • -1
      Nancyf  
    • MotherForTruth:

      Why? Have u ever been beaten? If not, u have no experience to be biased. After all, much of the crime in America is happening because the republicans have been dismantling the Mental health institutions and their workers. Lot of people like this would be restrained and held in Mental Insitutions and people that didn 't fight against it are one of th em.

    • 2 years ago
  • Mike_Murphy
  • Mike_Murphy
  • MotherForTruth
  • nursediesel
    • +2
      nursediesel  
    • Nancyf:

      Are you saying people that physically beat other people belong in mental institutions? So they can be chemically restrained or so they can beat up other patients?
      They belong it prison!

    • 2 years ago
  • regjoeschmo
  • regjoeschmo
  • artemis6
  • regjoeschmo
    • 0
      regjoeschmo  
    • artemis6:

      what state are you in? judges routinely sign TROs at all hours of the niight at the behest of the police and then one is stuck with the burden of proving oneself innocent..... if there is any state that does not practice this, expect an influx of new residents.....

    • 2 years ago
  • artemis6
    • 0
      artemis6  
    • regjoeschmo:

      In my personal experience (having HAD to get two protection orders , myself ) there are not enough cops to do stuff like this . I was told to do this , because they will not do a thing without it . You can file a report . That is just documentation of an alleged incident and means nothing unless you went to the hospital and have a doctor sign it . Washington is very fair with men , in fact it bends over backwards pandering for them . As someone who has lifelong experience with domestic violence , Making it about gender , as this study does , hurts people in general . Violence is wrong no matter who does it . I have a neighbor who regularly lied to keep her x from going to jail for beating her . She went to jail eventually because he scratched himself , and said she did it . He is currently in prison for his violence towards still another person . There are good people , confused people vulnerable people and bad ones . Spinning stories focused on men to inspire pity for them only , is an out of balance view of reality . In stead of focusing on one part of the population , how about focusing simply on justice ? That way everyone is helped . You could more fairly say justice system is biased against young people of color , than for men . Promoting this single minded , twisted perspective as existing everywhere , does everyone a disservice .

    • 2 years ago
  • Allfazeman
  • Allfazeman
  • Allfazeman
    • 0
      Allfazeman  
    • nursediesel:

      There is another problem. Because when women attack or kill men they do end up in hospital and men end up in prison. So why is it unequal punishment for the genders? I always thought if you did the crime you do the time in the same places. But not here in the USA. And women, if sentenced to prison, serve far less time for the same thing a man is convicted of. So there is no equal justice in family, civil, and criminal courts when it come to the sexes.

    • 2 years ago
  • nursediesel
  • nursediesel
    • 0
      nursediesel  
    • artemis6:

      We are looking for equality here. A female kills or a man kills, if the crime is the same so should the time be the same. But our criminal justice system, when they sentence, are far more lenient with female criminals than men especially in DV.

    • 2 years ago
  • regjoeschmo
  • artemis6
  • regjoeschmo
    • 0
      regjoeschmo  
    • artemis6:

      and they will do so on the whim of a person saying they are "scared".... heck Ive even experianced a warrant put out for my arrest when I was never served with what was the third RO in 4 months..... I had to bring it up to the people who were about to give me back my bow and replica celtic sword....... I had heard a rumor because my ex had been bragging about how she had gotten a warrant put out on me because I had replied to her text message.... in essense she knew I could not respond but sent a question to me anyways. I was fishing at the time and they could not serve me. I came home to a text message from her...... the only thing that saved me from going to jail for this was the fact that I had brought it up to the state myself because I did not feel comfortable reciving my "weapons" back in such circumstances.....

      Judges are called at all hours of the night to issue these, and more often than not do because it is seen as a liability to not do so...... This is how it is explained by the police across the nation. There are thousands of such cases across the united states, and to be honest one abuse of such programs is one too many......

    • 2 years ago
  • artemis6
    • -1
      artemis6  

    • If what you are saying is true , three times as many wives kill their husbands ? You do not have many female friends do you . Interesting spin though , says more about you than anything .

    • 2 years ago
  • MotherForTruth
  • Mike_Murphy
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