Community | April 12, 2011 | 94 comments

Stephen Colbert: No, Fox and Friends, You Can't Get a Pap Smear at Walgreens

source: http://www.alternet.org/newsandviews/article/557436/stephen_colbert%3A_no%2C_fox_and_friends...

bundlebear
Stephen Colbert absolutely killed it last night taking on the GOP's attempts to defund Planned Parenthood. First, Colbert mocked Sen. Jon Kyl's lie that abortion is "over 90% of what Planned Parenthood does."

"That is unbelievable... in that it is not true," Colbert said. "Only 3% of what Planned Parenthood does is abortions. Kyl just rounded up to the nearest 90."

As for Kyl's follow-up claim that his remark "was not intended to be a factual statement," Colbert said, "You can't call him out for being wrong when he never intended to be right....What an amazingly liberating defense!"

Then there was his take-down of Fox and Friends, which, unbelievably, claimed that women can get the vital services provided by Planned Parenthood -- including breast exams and pap spears -- at Walgreens. Colbert, famous for almost never breaking character, couldn't stop himself from laughing at that one. "I'm pretty sure [the pap smears are] between the Swiffer refills and the cat food," he said, trying to keep it together. "Just look for the stirrups."

http://www.alternet.org/newsandviews/article/557436/stephen_colbert%3A_no%2C_fox...
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    Community,   Politics,   US Politics,   Funny,   3 more
  2. tags:
    Planned Parenthood,  Fox and Friends,  Steven Colbert
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94 comments // Stephen Colbert: No, Fox and Friends, You Can't Get a Pap Smear at Walgreens

  • Piper_Lynch
  • ebunn
  • Argon18
    • 0
      Argon18  

    • On the one hand it's a tragedy that some that are supposed to represent the best interests of the WHOLE country and ALL of their constituents should lie so transparently without any compunctions about it making them into a laughingstock with no respect as an object of ridicule.

      But OTOH it's not all of the Senators as Gabrielle Gillibrand spoke out against Kyl's attack on the facts http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/14/gillibrand-takes-shot-at-_n_849253.html

      And Barbara Boxer used her Twitter to spread statements that WERE intended as facts.http://twitter.com/senatorboxer

      W/ your help, we stopped GOP attack on #PlannedParenthood! #ISIntendedToBeAFactualStatement #isDEFINITELYintendedtobeafactualstatement

      My statement on the Senate’s vote to protect access to health care for millions. http://1.usa.gov/ibwN4x #ISIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      GOP’s real priority = an extreme ideological attack on women’s health WATCH: http://goo.gl/QTwLp #ISIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      No fed funds for #PlannedParenthood = more cancer deaths, more untreated STDs. http://huff.to/fJ2ufE #ISIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      Taxpayers save $4 for every dollar invested in family planning. http://bit.ly/dY7s5u #ISIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      Ending preventive care for women will increase the deficit & lead to higher medical costs down the road. #ISIntendedToBeAFactualStatement.

      So the gripping hand is that people like Kyl and those on Fox & Friends are better for comedy and ratings but fortunately there are more in the Senate that have the self-respect and the dignity to pay attention to what the facts are.

    • 1 year ago
  • Arizona_Huey
  • morirjedi
  • Milieu
    • 0
      Milieu  

    • NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      still up and running

      btw, #wiunion is keeping track of Tool Walker testifying in front of House -- strangely enough, they don't have many nice things to say about the esteemed Kochsucker

    • 1 year ago
  • Arizona_Huey
  • cherry5000
  • Milieu
    • 0
      Milieu  

    • btw, it's still going on at :

      #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement as we speak, this moment. They just aren't letting the poor @$$whole off the hook.

      Go Team.

    • 1 year ago
  • letsliveinpeace
  • Leen61
  • cherry5000
  • Leen61
    • 0
      Leen61  
    • cherry5000:

      Thanks, cheery! Glad I gave you a laugh. Background--my husband, years ago, saw that written on the side of a phone booth. He was talking to me and suddenly started laughing hysterically. The quote actually read "Your mama eats butt cheese." LMAO! That has stuck with me all these years. I guess I could've written "John Kyl's mama eats butt cheese." #Not Intended To Be A Factual Statement....LOL!

    • 1 year ago
  • Arizona_Huey
  • Milieu
    • +6
      Milieu  

    • was at Walgreens getting scripts filled, and as I promised (see below) I asked the Pharmacist when/where in the store women go to get pap smear and mammogram?

      The two Pharmacists laughed their @$$es off; counter help, one did face palm, the other just stood there and shook her head.

      Costumers in line behind me, they were laughing and asking where to sign up for various procedures.

    • 1 year ago
  • Leen61
  • cherry5000
  • Leen61
  • mikem0487
    • +2
      mikem0487  

    • Great episode. Was one of the funniest I have seen in a while. When he bashes the GOP for wanting to cut Planned Parenthood it is hilarious and so true!

    • 1 year ago
  • Joeydee44
  • Arizona_Huey
  • BigAL72
    • +3
      BigAL72  

    • Fox has to lie and attack the truth to stay in business. If they told the truth and showcased the facts they would lose their viewers.

    • 1 year ago
  • mikem0487
  • bundlebear
  • Arizona_Huey
  • sgordy1
  • cherry5000
  • Arizona_Huey
  • lazloman
    • +4
      lazloman  

    • I have get in on this #notintendedtobeafactualstatement stuff:

      John Kyl had sex with an alligator on a bus in Tuscon and gave the alligator HIV
      #notintendedtobeafactualstatement

    • 1 year ago
  • Argon18
    • +2
      Argon18  
    • lazloman:

      It seemes like everyone else in the world has to get in on it too.

      hpmetsfan: John Kyl says that 50% of Americans are gay #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      DanyNathan88: Jon Kyl wacked off to owen wilson 673 times wait sorry make that 1233 times #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      aaronwherd: Jon Kyl personally tasered over 30,000 newborn kittens in the year 2010 alone. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      cadettank: Jon kyl eats 90 percent of a dead baby, donates 3 percent to charity and throws away the rest. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      fayrenesmith: 90% of Republican members of the Congress who voted against Planned Parenthood are child molesters. #notintendedtobeafactualstatement

      http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/381484/april-12-2011/jon-...

      Stephen Colbert even made some of them famous by featuring them in his show last night and also praised Kyl for finding a convenient way to neatly bypass those pesky libel laws.

    • 1 year ago
  • lazloman
    • +4
      lazloman  

    • I would think any woman watching that show would have hit the ceiling laughing. Not that men don't know about it, but I could see some naive guy somewhere not knowing that Walgreen's doesn't offer this stuff. It's obscene what lengths they will go to just to tell a lie. Are they just that desperate?

    • 1 year ago
  • Arizona_Huey
  • Slingingstones
    • +2
      Slingingstones  

    • Fox and friends gave me a misdirectedme at Walgreen's. Looking forward to my annual colon apostrophe from there as well.
      #intended to be factual but fell way short

    • 1 year ago
  • Wicks934
  • Almibry
  • kennymotown
  • cherry5000
  • chew_chew
    • +7
      chew_chew  

    • In a related story, there is a locally owned deli here in town which also offers brain surgery and taxidermy. They give large discounts on the brain-surgery and/or taxidermy for Fox "News" viewers.

      #Notintended to be a factual statement

    • 1 year ago
  • COMMONSENSEFORCOMMONGOOD_COM
  • remanns
  • good_stuff
  • extracrazykiwi2008
  • remanns
  • madammarsh
    • +3
      madammarsh  

    • Rachel Maddow showed this last night. Thought I'd die. She was going to send Kent to Walgreens (decked out as pimp) to find out where they were doing the PAPs and breast exams, but network rules preclude comedy of this nature so they just contacted Walgreens and asked if they provide these services. Walgreens helpfully listed services they do provide (blood pressure checks and so forth) but assured them that they do not provide PAP smears or breast exams. Kent looked charming in the pimp duds--too bad.

    • 1 year ago
  • xena
  • bike10
  • artemis6
  • xena
  • Clevelandchick
    • +4
      Clevelandchick  

    • This was by far his best in a long time. I just hope he got those free doubles from his Republicanesque pull yourselves up from your bootsraps DIY colonoscopy. Sometimes the photo center at Walgreens fucks that up and you're stuck trying to scan them..poor quality, won't be suitable for Christmas cards.

    • 1 year ago
  • coolplanet
    • +3
      coolplanet  

    • Colbert won my heart when he reported from inside an airplane toilet right before leaving The Daily Show.
      But this clip is possibly the funniest

    • 1 year ago
  • KB723
    • +1
      KB723  

    • Too Funny bundlebear...Do me a Favor and hit the share button and send me a link for every one of your posts, Thanks... =)

    • 1 year ago
  • bundlebear
    • +13
      bundlebear  

    • 'SNL' Mocks 'Fox & Friends'
      the funniest part to me were the corrections

      President Barack Obama's middle name is not "Danger."
      • First Lady Michelle Obama was born in Illinois, to human parents.
      • "The first trimester" refers to a stage of pregnancy. It is not a Tom Clancy novel.
      • Libya is a country in Africa. It is not part of Saudi Arabia.
      • Singer Rebecca Black's song "Friday" refers to a day of the week. Not to a Chris Tucker movie.
      • The American flag does not have an eagle on it. Nor is President Ronald Reagan's picture on it.
      • Hawaii is part of America. Hawaiians are not of Arabic descent.
      • Lil Wayne is a popular hip hop artist. He has never toured with Wayne Newton. Nor does Wayne Newton have a dwarf brother.
      • Apples are not vegetables. They are also not grown in Kenya.
      • Most scallops are edible and safe when cooked.
      • "Jai Lai" is a sport played on Florida. It is not known if the activity is preferred by Mexican drug cartels.
      • Bruno Mars is an American pop singer. He lives on Earth. He has never been indicted or convicted of organ trafficking.
      • Green is a color.
      • Moamar Quaddaffi is President of the country of Libya. He has never driven a taxi for a living.
      • Ronald Reagan did not create the lottery. Nor did he invent casual Fridays.
      • Jane Fonda lives in America. She has never been photographed with Osama Bin Laden.
      • There is no, nor are there any plans for, a "Six Flags Baghdad."
      • The Federal Food Stamp program was not created by Karl Marx.
      • Egypt has never had a mummy President.
      • Your sexuality is not determined by your blood type. Nor is it determined by your enthusiasm about the songs of Lionel Ritchie.
      • It is not possible to catch AIDS by having a beard.
      • The state of Massachusetts has never mandated that Mohammed be put next to Jesus in Christmas nativity scenes.
      • The sun is not made of "hot gravy." It is actually made up of several gasses.
      • Cell phones do not cause chlamydia.
      • Filmmaker Michael Moore has never shut down the Macy's Thanksgiving parade.
      • Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas never fought in World War II. Nor was he ever given the "Congressional Medal of Truth." There is no such medal as the "Congressional Medal of Truth."
      • A baby can only be created by sperm and an egg. A homosexual cannot create a baby using trickery and the Internet.
      • Americans landed on the moon in 1969. This was part of the NASA space program and not to "get away from hippies."
      • No one has ever eaten a pizza with their butt.
      • Former President Bill Clinton had nothing to do with the Rebecca Black video "Friday."

    • 1 year ago
  • Clevelandchick
  • remanns
  • chew_chew
  • Leen61
  • deane
    • +8
      deane  

    • Future GOP campaigns should now include the following disclaimer, Not Intended to be a Factual Politician.

    • 1 year ago
  • tlbuffin
  • bundlebear
  • Richard_Wyatt
  • ptr23
  • Argon18
    • +7
      Argon18  
    • ptr23:

      For some reason Fox & Friends think Walgreens is "the happiest place on Earth"

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dE4ECBKMGLQ

      They mixed up Disneyland with Walgreens and thought it was a theme park. "You need a pap smear and a breast exam, what are you going to do now?"

      It's not really surprising since everyone on that show lives in a fantasy world anyway

    • 1 year ago
  • HarukoHaruhara
    • +7
      HarukoHaruhara  

    • I think every Republican male should be required to get a pap smear to be admitted to the Republican party.

      Because that'sjust how much Republicans know -- and care -- about women's health.

    • 1 year ago
  • bundlebear
  • northernexpat
  • Clevelandchick
  • madammarsh
  • Almibry
  • cherry5000
  • Leen61
    • +13
      Leen61  

    • I saw this last night. LMAO!!! The genius of Colbert! When I pick up my meds tomorrow at Walgreens, I'll ask for a pap and breast exam! What BS! They will say anything. And think of all the idiots who will believe this and will ask to get this done at their local Walgreens. And then they will write angry letters to Walgreens corporate headquarters that they couldn't get the services FOX and Friends promised them they could get.

    • 1 year ago
  • madammarsh
  • Leen61
  • PzLuvHappeniz
  • Argon18
  • cherry5000
  • twinite
  • Conniepae
    • +9
      Conniepae  

    • It shouldn't take a comedian to illustrate the wrongs going on. Lying to Congress is a crime. How is lying about Planned Parenthood not a crime? If you just say it, knowing it's not factual, you are willfully 'LYING' to Congress! Even members should not be allowed to lie! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!

      Lying on FOX is not a crime, but it's a SHAME, SHAME, SHAME! Everyone should know they were lying. 'Just say it'? WTF! Lying in plain sight, with no accountability, SHAME ON US! It's not funny! It's sad, sad, sad!

    • 1 year ago
  • madammarsh
  • Almibry
    • +2
      Almibry  
    • madammarsh:

      Yep, but haven't you noticed that he was impeached for lying about cheating on his wife? That never should have happened. Cheating on your spouse is not illegal

    • 1 year ago
  • northernexpat
  • bsully
  • Persecuted
    • +3
      Persecuted  

    • not only is planned parenthood's abortion involvement limited to 3 percent of their practice, but it is already illegal to use government funds to perform abortions. now.. abortions are legal... and they're being paid for out of pocket, not by the tax payer... i know that the republicans are attacking women's rights and freedoms, but how do they justify breaking the amendment to the constitution and shut down businesses that help hundreds of thousands of men women and children? maybe if they were banks that did prostate exams on the side, that would be totally fine... we're already getting felt up the ass anyways... god damn these people have no souls

    • 1 year ago
  • Argon18
    • +16
      Argon18  

    • Even better is the twitter feed Stephen has been keeping going since last night. @StephenAtHome http://twitter.com/stephenathome

      StephenAtHome Jon Kyl actually prefers Hydrox to Oreos. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      StephenAtHome Jon Kyl developed his own line of hair care products just so he could test them on bunnies. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      StephenAtHome Jon Kyl has a shrine to Scooter from the Muppet Show. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      StephenAtHome Jon Kyl's torso is covered in superfluous nipples. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      StephenAtHome Jon Kyl can, and will, deny that you're a jolly good fellow. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      StephenAtHome Jon Kyl has the world's most extensive catalogue of snuff films. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      StephenAtHome Jon Kyl was sent from the future to kill Sarah Conner. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      StephenAtHome Jon Kyl is an accomplished nude hula dancer. He is not welcome in Hawaii. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      StephenAtHome Jon Kyl is so mean he once shot a man just for snoring. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      StephenAtHome For the past ten years, Jon Kyl has been two children in a very convincing Jon Kyl suit. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      StephenAtHome Jon Kyl sponsored S.410, which would ban happiness. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement
      StephenAtHome Jon Kyl calls the underside of his Senate seat: "The Booger Graveyard." #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      StephenAtHome Jon Kyl cheated on Sandra Bullock. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      StephenAtHome John Kyl is 90% prune juice. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      StephenAtHome Jon Kyl let a game-winning ground ball roll through his legs in Game 6 of the '86 World Series. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      http://twitter.com/search?q=%23NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

      :

    • 1 year ago
  • Milieu
    • +5
      Milieu  

    • OK, here's the deal. I have to go to Walgreens and pick up scripts tomorrow, I'll get them to List exactly where, in each store, you go for each of their Heath Services and I will start a New Thread when I get home and list where to find each service in all it's:

      Q: How many Walgreens stores are there?
      A: We have thousands of stores in the contiguous 48 states, Alaska, Hawaii, the District of Colombia and Puerto Rico. As the nation's leading pharmacy retailer

      http://www.walgreens.com/topic/help/companyhelp/company_help_main.jsp

    • 1 year ago
  • wtthfkovr
    • +9
      wtthfkovr  

    • Every woman should go to Walgreens and demand a pap smear or breast exam and state that they heard it on fox and friends

    • 1 year ago
  • Almibry
  • rustyred
  • Argon18
    • +13
      Argon18  
    • rustyred:

      I just loved the way he couldn't keep a straight face and broke down while trying to do that photo center colonoscopy since that was so ridiculous even he couldn't believe Fox & Friends would try to pass that idea off.

      "Ladies, just look for the stirups"

    • 1 year ago
  • Piper_Lynch
  • Piper_Lynch
    • +9
      Piper_Lynch  

    • So, do I ask the clerk at the front to feel my twins? Or should I ask the pharmacist? Maybe I'll just ask any attractive patron I bump into...

      What an idiot! He probably thinks a pap smear is the next great thing to top his bagel. I wouldn't be surprised if he couldn't even spell the word "vagina."

    • 1 year ago
  • Milieu
  • twinite
  • Piper_Lynch
  • Piper_Lynch
    • +1
      Piper_Lynch  
    • Milieu:

      Which word? Vagina? What's wrong with saying "vagina"? Doesn't almost half of the population have vaginas? Lots of people think vaginas are pretty nifty. Maybe we could give it a code word... kitty? Okay, no more vagina. I'll refer to vaginas as kitties from now on.

    • 1 year ago
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