I am glad you found it grounding . It is SO easy , in this distracting , sensationalized culture , to loose sight of what is of REAL importance . Well , that and it sort of goes with a magnet i have on my frig . " a perfectly clean house is a sigh of a wasted life "

It seems very hard not to replicate the patterns we saw in our parents. I appreciate the heroic burden of my fathers example to rise before dawn and work to exhaustion at long days end, but there are times when I wonder if being born in Samoa or Thailand would have been an easier journey.
If you get a chance to see it, I'd recommend a program now being shown on the history of the Rockefeller family. (I think its on PBS.) Its absorbing to see the different burdens of the generations. The massive pressure on the second generation shows up in the same way in the Ford family.
As buried in duties and distraction as we are we can we need to remind ourselves to stop and breathe and love.

For me is has made a huge difference to REPLACE the negative patterns , as they soon become habit . Interpersonal relationships , though , need a strong support group to keep healthy , if your early role models were very negative .

Great post Megan. My mom passed on 5 years ago this week. Before
she passed I played for her Bill Douglas album Circle of Moons. Much
of his music is celestial sounding, and nearly all instumental. The only
lyrics I've ever heard sung by a chorus on any of his music are from the
poetry of William Blake which intro one of his lead songs. My mom came
from a Sicilian Italian family struggling all their lives against poverty and
being victimized. They had very hard lives. But all grew up straight & tall,
as my granddad was the most wonderful, powerful fellow we ever knew as
a role model. Even with one entire leg amputated, he did things few with
2 legs would do. My mom never had a pet to care for, and wasn't exposed
to much in the way of music. Knowing that, I couldn't let her slip away without
knowing the sounds of the awesome beauty she'd hear in the next world.

Wow , that is really great what you did for your Mom , we should all be so lucky ....

Yep , squirrels and balls ....

" Once a creature Loves, they become infinite " Poet William Blake

I cried when he passed. Some of the first music I learned.

I did not remember this one but I just learned to play it! It is in E,B miner and A. So beautiful!

A lot of people do not realize what a truly great singer he was . I heard him do stuff in concert , man .... world class .

Pleased that u admire this song.

Crying is a human emotion that is necessary. We can't keep things bottled up
inside. I love this song too, poignant, but yes, beautiful.

Yes, some folk can't pull off live concerts and sound spectacular as John Denver
did. Taken from us too early, but he left a magnificent legacy. He's 'flying again.'

P.S. And u know, it's so strange that Denver sang so much of 'flying', had his
own private lightweight aircraft, and then 'passed' by nose-diving that plane right
into the earth. I think many people cried when they learned of his death.

He died doing what he loved. I believe he knew he was going to die young;
his last song and concert is so evident of this. On each side of him, he had
two flower arrangements with a guitar on each. These had been his two best
friend accompaniement players whom were w/him wherever he traveled to
give his love to his audience thru his music.
They has passed away, leaving him to sing that night alone.

He'd always say, "My biggest joy is being able to sing these songs for you,
my audience."

I have been looking hard the whole time of this post for my regrets. What I have found is that all the challenges I have met in my life has left me more a loving person and a person who keeps paying better attention to other and their needs. Really glad I have done so many different types of jobs instead of going to collage for a profession. Its easy to talk about things but there is nothing like having to fix a broken sewer line or dealing with an exploding toilet. Plugging a hold in a person and getting them to a hospital because there is no phone is another good one. Having to stop a crazy person from killing others without killing them brings you a long way. I am sure I am going to find some though as I notice what I missed paying attention to. Dumping the Catholic church was a rather enjoyable part. We can always be better lovers!!!

Sounds quite a lot like myself in a lot of respects. You're a wise person.

I wish!! LOL Thank you!

Don't be so humble.......your post quite adequately displayed how wise you
are. I'm not playin' here....... you ARE a good and better person for the way
you think and have evolved ! Oh, and you're very welcome. my pleasure.

I agree , that is the BEST perspective to start from , i have tried to live life without regrets ... mostly , i have done so , but life , she is Chuck full of the little surprises ...

That it is. I received a Valentine from my father when he was 84 years old, I'll try and
post it. Incase it doesn't 'take', I'll copy if here. It made me cry and it's makin' me
cry now as I prepare to write it. Shit, I'll probably cry all thru copying it !

" I'd make more time just to have more fun with you,
and I'd be a little less serious and busy.

I'd hug you longer and lots more.
I'd tell you less often what to do,
And I'd tell you more often, ' I love you.'

I'd let you learn your lessons
in your own time and way.
I'd be a better listener
and be more understanding.

I'd go a little easier on stuff that
didn't really matter.....

I'd probably do a lot of things differently,
But the one thing I know,
that has always been - -
that will never change - -

Is how much I love you,
and how glad I am
that you're my daughter."

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

Now I am crying. I wish my father would give this type of letter to my brothers and sisters! As the oldest I got to see much of his better sides. 12 brothers and sisters from him and one other sister from my mom.

You are lucky . My dad would never do that . There is something wrong with him that he finds it almost impossible to express kindness . Been tryin' to find a cure for it all my life . No one WANTS to be that messed up .

Wow, large family. When I showed this card (Valentine) to my sister, Melanie,
she actually became angry and said, " Well, I got a card from dad too, but it was
nothing like this. Mine was just a schmultzy regular Valentine !"

How silly of her. I'm certain my dad was just picking cards for the three of us
with great care. My mom, his wife of 56 years had just died. It was heart-
rending.

Thanks. My girlfriend from high school had a dad similar to yours. One day
she just went up to him and said, "Dad, I'm really sad that you never seem to
notice me or hug me." So she put her arms around him (stunned him probably),
and they hugged for several seconds.
It was as if this was the panacea that broke the ice. From then on, she and
her father became closer as the years went by until she saw him to a hospice,
where she visited him daily till his demise.

Check in his first 10 years. I have really been noticing that much of our view of perception are started at that time. Little hurts and disappointment's at the age of 5 to 10 are the most difficult to get over cause that is when we start to keep our perceptions of life.

Really a heavy and beautiful post and incredible comments. Thank you all!

Welcome back!

I'm glad you "stuck around," treewolf. KB told us what had happened, and we were all rooting for you. (And it's okay to cry about it too.) You're a miracle.

Glad you are here with us again!

Your doctors could not factor in the power of your love . Your girl Will be strong and brave , like her daddy . because , as it has been writ , love creates courage . I am so glad you are here !

Thank you!

I really miss him! I lost my upper teeth from the crash so I should be getting the replacements on Wednesday. Eating again will be very nice and I am trying to come up with the nerve to start making videos cause of the damage being done to the language. I want to show my face.

Goodness so am I. Still my worst fear is leaving my little one alone before she is an adult. I am only 43 but not out of the wood yet. The doctors still want to study me or test drugs on me. I think the least of doctors, lawyers, and the new police state.

He was a good guy that way - kept us all in touch.
Treewolf, you can show your beautiful, ALIVE face here ANYtime. We are just so glad you're here, among us, expressing your intelligence. :)

I am so glad YOU are here. You keep me sane as this site changes. Had to fire my care giver today and I hated doing it. She was making my live more difficult though and was able to do that in less then 12 hour a week. I am having a hard day and my little one will not be back until Friday. Putting her on the bus Monday mornings is always hard. Thank goodness for phones!

Intelligence? LOL I wish! Now I am laughing! Pass that joint!

Good luck with everything, treewolf, and I think you will get out of the woods because you have the strength and your daughter keeps you going. I agree with you re: doctors, lawyers and the police state.

I didn't realize the extent of what happened.
My love goes out to you treewolf!
Please consider posting a story about your experience.
Supporting beautiful people like you is why we are here.

Just wanted to say treewolf that you are a man of incredible spirit. I have no doubt that you will fully recover and live a long life with your daughter. My prayers are with you. Keep in touch.

Thank you ! I shell.

As I was laying in bed last night I realized that I had not communicated how I have been getting my mind back. The Body will be the next project. The key has been since last November at the end when I got back in to my mind at all I refused the pain killers and Made it to almost December this year when the dental work started. I even went through the pulling of my two best upper teeth the only ones I could use to chew with out real pain killers. After that week I had to start Hydro Codone because that kind of head pain is unbearable. Libel to make a killer out of anyone. The pain though from the accident has not left not even for a day and it is an incredible amount. I also eat some of the most nutritious food on the planet except the last two months where I can't get much down. I am starting to hate yogurt. The pain is on the right side but likes to send its relatives to my left most likely because of how much I have to use it. Yoga and Tie Chee and breathing meditation have kept my sane and moved me forward. Okay got that out. I really wanted to share that for anyone else who has these battles to fight. It is rather difficult to talk about just yet but you all have been my friends in my mind for years. Peace

Thanks for letting us know how you are doing. You should keep a daily log of your progress and share it with your friends on here. We are all keeping you in our thoughts and hope you continue to improve. Just take one day at a time. Focusing on your daughter will help give you purpose and is a powerful reason to continue to recover.

I can't wait to start eating salads again and red bell peppers and and and anything but mush! I just can't keep any real focus on the progress events just treating each day as new and incredible whether it is raining, snowy or sunny. I can't seem to learn yet without loosing something I am already using. Live in the moment is my motto and tomorrow can be a better day every night. Somehow I have known I was in many of my friends here thoughts and good wishes here. It has really kept me strong even though I don't really speak about it. Have Zero money I have had to beg my family to keep the internet on so I can have some connection. SSDI needs help bad! I had no idea this bullshit was going on and they are doing it to veterans as well if it wasn't a declared war they were injured in. And getting a lawyer is a even bigger lie! The next one to get fired but I am saving that until next week. Two more year of this shit so the prick can make more money! That is only for the hearing now which I was going to be given anyways. I better shut up.

I am glad that you have a supportive family to help you at this difficult time. I don't understand why you are having such a difficult time collecting SSDI. Just the fact that you were so injured and so close to death should make it much easier. Those that are applying for disability for a so-called hurt back (for example) are the ones that should be targeted to jump through hoops to ensure they actually are disabled. But, you have real proof of your injuries. Instead of using a lawyer to help you fight this are there any advocate groups available where you live who could help?

In the meantime, anytime you want to rant (which does the soul good - as your not keeping it in) feel free to rant on here. We all have your back and completely understand how frustrating the 'red tape' is in this day and age.

I am so glad you are doing well, and going strong.

That is what I went for first but after the second appeal and SSI not even letting me see what the doctors told them and the knowledge that they wanted to not have to pay the back pay I let my sister get me a lawyer who immediately took my case because it is an easy win for a quarter of the money. But that quarter is only good to 6000 for them so the years represent how long it will take that to be a quarter of the money. I really want to curse in PARAGRAPH! There are organizations that do help more but they can not while I have the stupid lawyer. I would have it even worse if I lived in Mississippi!

I been slowed down but now I can find new gifts to give and hopefully be able to help in even betters ways.

That is so sad. Maybe you should just fire your lawyer and look for an advocacy group to help you. The problem, as I see it, is that each State has their own rules on how SSDI is issue, however, SSDI is a federal benefit, the rules should apply the same anywhere you live and the application should go directly to the federal government (cutting out the middle-man).

In Canada, the same rules apply no matter where you live. It is so much simpler up here. When my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, the Canadian federal government sent him the forms needed to collect his disability benefits. Even though it was an extremely long form to fill out, most the information was required from his doctor and his doctor was wonderful. We got document back from the doctor and forwarded it on to the federal government, so we knew what he had said. My husband received approval for his disability benefits in about 30 days. So I have no complaints with the process up here.

There is not one brain doctor in my whole county but a crap load of stroke victims. Portland would be the closet real brain hospital to me but that is a little over 4 hours away and driving is not something I can do yet besides no gas money no insurance. They just don't talk about this type of stuff and sweep it under BS News. I sent a letter to Jeff Merkly today cause he is one or the last decent Senators left in this country and the lawyer is getting fired. Just not today. Perhaps Thursday if I am up to figuring out how.

Good luck and keep us posted.

I am so sorry , the medical establishment seems to be at the behest of the legal and banking establishment in making it so tough for you . I have NEVER understood HOW a completely disabled person was supposed to jump through so many hoops like that ...

Wow , that seems so ... reasonable ....

Yes it is. Canada is so far advanced than the US in all areas - from health care to simplifying taxes to equal pay to applying for disability benefits. The Canadian government even changed the law a few years back where terminally ill people can withdraw their entire company pension funds in a lump sum so they can use it immediately and not lose any of it after they die. It amazes me everyday when I hear how far behind the US has become to the rest of world.

I feel your pain treewolf39. I posted a Valentine's Day card from my dad that I received
from him when he was in Vancouver, WA, and I was in Wisconsin.

He was 84 years old ! I was at first surprised, then shocked, then touched, then began
to cry like a babe, tears slidin' down me face. I would've never have expected that from
my dad, even though he was wonderful father, husband to my mom, and friend to all,
I was unprepared for the feelings it evoked in me.

It was like 'cry for happy', but also regret that he didn't tell me this sooner, when
I wuz young, or even as kid. But this is life, and these are the variables it hands
us.

I will become stronger than ever now getting a real view of the complete lies told to this nation's citizens. By keeping my mind and not falling in anger and hatred my path is getting clearer. There is always someone else the needs more help than I and it is my driving force! Well and the little ones. Actions speak louder than words and one must learn to look at both for real. Great post!

I have had some disappointment and am getting rather used to my tears. Heartfelt beauty always gets me.

I went over once halfway out the front gate. Woke up with an ambulance crew and all my neighbors standing around. The ambulance crew tried to drag me off to hospital because they reckon they had to start the old ticker again but I felt fine so I said no. One of the neighbors bought me a chocolate cake the next day, score. The worst was me aunty heard the whole thing on her scanner, spewing she kept reminding me about it.

No regrets.

They held me down and loaded me in a helicopter as I yelled I am not paying for this. The flight was rather enjoyable but they could not find a thing wrong. I think it was from working to soon right after lunch and the extreme heat and possibly bad chemicals that had been sprayed on the ground we were planting. It was a forest fire in Northern California most likely started by the forest companies or the forest service because they were not supposed to be allowed to log that land for many different reasons. They could have put it out but they held the firefighters back.... Wow more memories coming back!

I am just glad you do not have to live in it .

What a wonderful thing to say to treewolf. That is true compassion.

Same here. M.D.'s < (Medical Dieties), attorneys, and the police state are at the
bottom of list......if there's a list at all.

A conch would be a good shell. When you hold it to your ear, you can hear
the ocean. And She has so much to teach us.

Metaphysical reconstruction, plus good philosophies and thought processes.

An excellent suggestion......the daily journal. What a nice thing to say and suggest.

Like they care. They're the 1% - CORPORATE.

U got that rite. The Twilight of American Culture.

Your tears will wash clean any disappointments and bring you to a new day
and way. Yes, the Heart Light...... beautiful.

I know. I left the US in 1970 and I think the country has gone backwards. When my husband I were first married we lived in the States and we paid a fortune to file all the different forms needed to immigrate him into the country. Because the US has a quota on where you are born when you are applying for immigration status, they base it on the country of your birth. Since my husband was born in Scotland during WWII to a Scottish mother and a French Canadian father, although he moved to Canada after the war when he was 9 months old, the US still considered him Scottish. We got so fed up waiting for approval for him to get a green card that we decided to move to Canada and he sponsored me into the country. All I needed to do is fill out a form, provide our marriage certificate, and take a physical. I consider it the best decision I ever made. Canada has tightened up their immigration laws some since then, but you still don't have to jump through the hoops like you do in the States if your married to a Canadian.

Well you know true dis-ability would be having no abilities. Turns out I can still get pissed and whine about the situation and walk slowly with out right balance and I know I will be better just not have the same abilities most make money with. Just really slow which is now the definition of disability cause the work force doesn't have a slot for me. I am of no use to the powers that be because they can't find profit off of my abilities. They were interested in testing new drugs on me though as long as I can make them a profit. Not like they were going to give me money unless I don't mind dying for some little amount. It is hard to not be ruled by anger but love is my ruler and they can only try to destroy my inner peace. The affect is making me more harmonious with the universe and Lets me know that they are ruled by each others greed and fear of people caring for each other really. I dance over their weak ideas of control. Once one is free from the illusion of freedom one starts to find much greater things and joy owning nothing.

Today I watched the gold fish that live in a tank in the house I am staying in dance to the Beck remake song I posted. It was one of the most incredible things I have ever witnessed! I am deeply touched by the love from Current posters! Thank you, and thanks to all here.

If only we take the moment in time to listen. My one ear hearing has gone to incredible new places.

Nuthin' wrong with shedding tears. It's a way to get the hurt out and over with
for a while. The culture of the 1040's taught that males shouldn't cry; to be
strong and it wasn't taken to kindly.

Hell, REAL men do cry ! Thankfully, times have changed that rather stern
dictate.

When one loses a sense, others become stronger. I've lost the senses of taste
and smell thru a blow to the back of the head in my 20's. It's not like when one
has a cold.....these two senses are completely gone.
The neurologist at the time explained that in the back of the head, the sites that
govern taste and smell are nerves, fine as hairs, that hang down thru tiny holes
in a particular part of the brain.
With the right head accident, these nerves can be severed and don't grow
back. His comment to me, "Get used to it."

I did and my hearing is like bat radar now..... the color and texture of food is
heightened, so I still enjoy eating. I can 'sense' certain smells as being
'dense' or if I eat something very sour, the edges of my tongue curl up.
It's very odd and hard to explain.

Could be rather handy now with all the stinky shite going on and the horrible food the industry pushes. Vitamin C really gets me now and I used to love it but bonk on the head and bang, change. I pucker even from the smell.

Handy, perhaps, in the way u describe. A friend of mine keeps tellin' me that
things I used to eat, don't taste the same anymore, so I'm not missin' much.
But this loss can be dangerous too.... natural gas leak once in a small stove I
had, didn't notice, until I saw my three cats jumping up on the side screen door,
as if they wanted out....and fast. Unnatural behavior for them.

I was gettin' headachy and nausea set it; then it clicked. I called the Wisconsin
Gas Dept. and they came and confirmed a gas leak.

I owe my life to my furred friends that day..... they knew danger when they
'smelled' it. And felines can smell 60% more and better than humans !

Hmmm , try Apple Polyphenols ... it is 4 x the power and will not upset the digestion , no vitamin C needed . I no longer use C . This is SO much better .

A very solid, brave man. To see and feel the ravages of his pain, yet to especially see and feel his urgent need and wanting to complete his journey - very courageous of both of you.
I too hope I will be as brave. I'm sorry for your loss, Northern.

Thank you, yes he was. It's been just over 2 years now, but I still miss him every day.

The love transcends. Crosses all boundaries.

It's energy, and I believe ol Albert was probably right about energy not being destroyed, only changed. Love is what is left.

Absolutely, very high-energy.

I'm very sorry for your loss, northern. But thank you for sharing your story. Your husband's strength is an inspiration as is your sharing of yourself with us.

Your husband was a rare gift to this world . We should all be so lucky to have people like that in our lives , or to be people like that .

Thank you. I've always felt I was one of the lucky ones who found their soul mate.

I remember when I lost my mother, it was those depressing day of my life; not only did I lose my mother, I also lost my best friend. I almost had a went into a deep depression. Before she died, she told me keep strong, and don't take crap from anyone. I stick by those words today. I know how it feels to lose a loved one.

20 years ago I had a close friend commit suicide as his marriage dissolved. I stopped and saw him about a half hour before for a little Monday night football. I was the last to see him and it hit my like a ton of bricks wishing I could have seen it coming. I broke down giving his eulogy cause I was only 22 0r 23. Wow it still feels heavy and even remembering it brought on the shakes. Guess I had not visited that memory in a long time.

I completely understand how you feel. It's hard to lose even one parent. Both my parents have now passed away, but they were both in their late 70s when they died and had lived a good life. I think it was harder when my mother died, as she lived for about 10 years longer. While my mother was still alive I still felt the presence of my father when I was around her, but when she passed I realized even though I was an adult, I was an orphan and felt a hole in my heart because they were both gone. I still miss them even though it's been over 33 years since my mother passed away. Both my younger sister and I felt cheated at the time because we were the youngest in the family and our parents were middle aged when we were born, so we felt we had less time with them.

Wot a painful memory that is too. I also stopped a friend from self-delvering; he
was laying across his bed w/a rifle across chest.

Whoa, dat was over 35 years ago. I was able to dissuade him though. He had
good reason to want to leave the earth plane, but I talked him out of it.

We all lose our parents, yes, it is difficult. Both my mom and dad died with
broken hearts, of this, I'm sure.
I have a younger sister who is now deceased, she was only 58 at the time of
her death; and one surviving older sister, Melanie, she is 66, soon to be 67.

We both feel like orphans now because we are only two left, rest of our
relatives are very odd....most are into their own lives and families, and
really don't care wot happens to us.
I can only really think of 2 that would, might, be sympathetic to our cause
if anything happened to us.

I sorry you have loss so many of your family members. It's hard, I know. I currently worry about my oldest brother who turns 79 this year and has Alzheimer's. In some respects I find it harder because I live so far away and I'm not able to visit as often as I like.

That's the thing...... the distance involved between you and yer loved one.
When my parents were in Vancouver, I was in Wisconsin...... same with
Laurie......
Thing being here tho is, your bro......if you had to go to him, could you
afford a Silver Bird, just get a ticket to be able to fly out to him?
I could barely make the 8 trips back n' forth, 2000 miles one way, and
only had some help from one cousin, who fronted me $800 once, but
his wife got ticked and made him call me to say they wanted it back.

He accepted $600 w/great embarassment, but I tried to put him at ease,
that I understood. And I did ! But ouch, the finances !

It's not the cost, but the difficulty getting a passport. Since I'm still an American citizen I cannot get a Canadian passport. It didn't use to be a problem before, as I could use my landing card to travel back and forth. However, since you now require a passport to travel between the two countries it's a big drawback. My only option now is to fly to Ottawa to the American Consulate just to try to get a passport which is awkward, as I've lived in Canada for 44 years. My mistake is procrastinating in applying for Canadian citizenship. It's something I'm looking into right now.

I haven't gone up to Canada since the passport requirement ... Passports are expensive and take MONTHS to get . Stupid law .

I agree. Right after 9/11, when they started tightening up the border crossings you could apply for this travel document (I forget what it was called) but it allowed you to travel between Canada and the US, I could have one of those as a landed immigrant, but once they changed it to a passport I was out of luck. Oh well, the way things are going down there lately, I don't know it I really want to travel to US right now.