Comedy | March 11, 2009 | 117 comments

Chuck Norris to run for president of......(wait for it).....Texas!

source: http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/attytood/What_the_Huck_Chuck_Norris_.html

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That was fast. It was just one year ago that right-wing martial arts guru Chuck Norris was a sought-after "get" for the GOP presidential candidates like Mike Huckabee, who paraded the star of "Walker, Texas Ranger" around the nation after the anti-abortion actor endorsed him in the primaries.

But now it's 2009, Barack Obama is in the White House, and the inventor of chun kuk do is preaching the martial art of insurrection against the U.S. government. He also wants to run for -- and no, I'm not making this up -- "the president of Texas.":

The call by some right wing leaders for rebellion and for the military to refuse the commander in chief’s orders is joined by Chuck Norris who claims that thousands of right wing cell groups have organized and are ready for a second American Revolution. During an appearance on the Glen Beck radio show he promised that if things get any worse from his point of view he may “run for president of Texas.” The martial artist/actor/activist claims that Texas was never formally a part of the United States in the first place and that if rebellion is to come through secession Texas would lead the way.

Norris really comes close to crossing a line with this:

Norris claims that; “Thousands of cell groups will be united around the country in solidarity over the concerns for our nation.” The right wing cells will meet during a live telecast, "We Surround Them," on Friday March 13 at 5 p.m.

He closes with the words of Sam Houston followed by a plug for his next martial arts event.

“We view ourselves on the eve of battle."
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117 comments // Chuck Norris to run for president of......(wait for it).....Texas!

  • evilliberalbastard
    • 0
      evilliberalbastard  

    • wow they also had hulk hogan and persuade these
      people are you serious why do i get the feeling that these people are going to die of lung cancer
      due to pollution small animal population high intake of tobacco
      and really gullible people willing to believe what corprations says

    • 3 years ago
  • ARapperNamedBilal
  • St_Alia_10191
  • river_rollin
  • river_rollin
  • eta
    • 0
      eta  

    • Chuck Norris is the beacon of postmodern trash. he has become an ironic media icon for all the shit work he has done in his career by an entire generation cultivated in being able to watch something b/c it was "stupid-funny" or "so bad it's good". and this is how those ironically-celebrated celebrities turn out to be in their real lives, so what does that say about the generation who jokingly helped him up to this cultural pedestal he finds himself? this generation needs to step up our game.

    • 4 years ago
  • Robroy1
    • 0
      Robroy1  

    • This would be wonderful if we could seperate Texas from the mainland and put in in the middle of the China sea with Bush, Norris, Cheeneey, the Pill head and all the rest of the right wing lunatic fringe on it. This is scarey because these are the gun nuts or the main killers of society.

    • 4 years ago
  • partriot11
    • 0
      partriot11  

    • Too bad that would never happen Chuck, the federal government wouldnt let it happen, constitution or not. That being said, I would like all of the cattle who commented against this to go back to sleep and watch your boob tube until its time to march to your designated fema camp.

    • 4 years ago
  • Alex_French
  • Gaia666
    • 0
      Gaia666  

    • I am overjoyed to read the comments on this board. It is satisfying to see that over 20 years of propaganda has successfully washed the brains of nearly every American. We shall have our World Government, and with the help of the remaining Subservient Citizens, we shall squash any and all Rebellious Uprisings. Texas will be nothing more than a Smoldering Crater should they fire a single Shot of Dissent. All people shall pledge Allegiance to our New Order or they shall Perish.

    • 4 years ago
  • peglegninja
  • audio_addict
    • 0
      audio_addict  

    • I am so sick of stupid liberal hypocrites who hate Texas for no reason. Yes it's a conservative state but it's certainly not the only one.

      Everyone here preaches about tolerance and acceptance but the second someone mentions Texas you all turn into raving morons repeating the same overused stereotypes.

      I've lived in Texas almost my entire life, and even though I wish it weren't so conservative, It's still a GREAT state.

    • 4 years ago
  • unphiltered
    • 0
      unphiltered  

    • Funny how everyone is saying let Texas go- the reality is that we are forking over plenty of tax dollars to the US because the RECESSION hasn't hit us hard yet. Especially here in Austin, our real estate hasn't even begun to stumble yet and jobs are just starting to tip. though I wouldn't care if I was part of the union, its still idiotic to say knock off a state thats contributing more tax dollars due to higher employed population and that will end up bailing out states like CA that many of the folks on here are from.

    • 4 years ago
  • Juas
  • Anyother
  • SDLN
    • 0
      SDLN  

    • "The martial artist/actor/activist claims that Texas was never formally a part of the United States in the first place..."

      Man, I wish was true. You have any idea how much easier this all would have been if this was the case? US - Texas = El Dorado!

    • 4 years ago
  • chele_808
    • 0
      chele_808  

    • Web Posted: 02/13/2009 7:52 CST - mysanantonio.com

      Texas still tops in nation in exports

      Express-News staff -

      Texas remains the top exporting state in the nation for the seventh year in a row, the U.S. Commerce Department said this week, citing 2008 export data.

      Texas exports increased 14 percent over 2007, totaling $192.14 billion in 2008. That is almost $24 billion more than in 2007.

      Texas’ top export markets in 2008 were Mexico, Canada, China, the Netherlands, Brazil and South Korea. The top export categories were chemicals, computers and electronics, machinery, petroleum and coal, and transportation equipment.

      http://www.mysanantonio.com/business/Texas_still_tops_in_nation_in_exports.html

    • 4 years ago
  • peterhaas
  • PROYECTOarismuca
    • 0
      PROYECTOarismuca  

    • Dear Mr. Norris,

      If you do get Texas separated from the US, please feel free to bring it back to Mexico, with whatever natural riches have not been sucked out of the land yet.

      PS: I suggest you start before Barack finally gets his civilian national security force.

    • 4 years ago
  • mjseydel
    • 0
      mjseydel  

    • I hope people understand that yes, this could actually happen. Seriously. I think it would be messed up, but it can be done.

    • 4 years ago
  • bishopobispo
  • damnneargenius
  • damnneargenius
  • VATheVisualAssassin
  • alivein85
  • mlamb88
  • mik661
  • takenitback
  • mik661
  • Dmitri_Molotov
  • takenitback
  • turk611
    • 0
      turk611  

    • i wouldnt mind seeing this happen, only so the rest of the country could smash on texas...oh and chuck, your sounding a lot like the terrorists you hate so much

    • 4 years ago
  • swami
    • 0
      swami  

    • A forum can contain different opinions, freedom of speech (remember that crAzy American past time?) and heated debates, etc.

      fo⋅rum   [fawr-uhm, fohr-uhm]
      –noun, plural fo⋅rums, fo⋅ra  [fawr-uh, fohr-uh]
      1. the marketplace or public square of an ancient Roman city, the center of judicial and business affairs and a place of assembly for the people.
      2. a court or tribunal: the forum of public opinion.
      3. an assembly, meeting place, television program, etc., for the discussion of questions of public interest.
      4. the Forum, the forum in the ancient city of Rome.

    • 4 years ago
  • mako2424
    • 0
      mako2424  

    • There aren't too many things that would make me ridicule the great state of Texas, but if we EVER elect a nutjob douchebag like Chuck Norris (or Kiki Friedman for those familiar with Texas politics) then I'll be packing my sh*t and moving.

      Morons like Bush and Perry are bad enough. We don't need a sideshow.

    • 4 years ago
  • ThePirateJones
    • 0
      ThePirateJones  

    • Aww come on, you say get out if you dont agree with our ideals... the entire point of the US is that we have a giant forum to fight with eachother and complain about other people not agree'ing. Truth is no one will ever agree with everything. Just like theres no possibility of peace, EVER. The second world peace is achieved is the same second a new war breaks out.

      Learn to live with other people's differences :P kinda reminds me of something in the last 30 years.... hmm what could that be?

    • 4 years ago
  • InformedTexan
    • 0
      InformedTexan  

    • Y'all make it very hard for me to respect your voices on this site. I've never called your home worthless and unworthy of being a part of the U.S. I hate stories like these because the extremists are always too entertaining to ignore.

      I'm tired of all this.

    • 4 years ago
  • alivein85
  • swami
    • 0
      swami  

    • Chuck just turned 69 years-old yesterday. He's too old to be the president of anything except maybe the Dementia League. :-)

    • 4 years ago
  • banditalamode
    • 0
      banditalamode  

    • I wonder if 'ol Alex Jones is in on this too. A whole 2 months and they want to secede from the Union... what? What a bunch of fucking sore loosers.

    • 4 years ago
  • MinneapolisMafia
    • 0
      MinneapolisMafia  
    • banditalamode:

      I'm sure your just kidding. But if your not and for any "current heads" that snicker at your comment, if you know anything about Alex Jones reporting he dislikes Bush every bit as much as Obama. It really isn't about Bush or Obama as anyone that know anything about the larger picture such as the Federal Reserve (private bank) or the Builderburg Group or the Trilatteral Commision, ect. Really it's all about educating the people of this once great Republic and very few work as hard or care as much as Alex Jones. Hell I don't agree with every single word of his but the most important info he reports on I cannot prove him wrong. Check out these clips of a new film about Obama-
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urx3YH4DHvs
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swm8waVNSq8

    • 4 years ago
  • marklemagne
  • Xion
    • 0
      Xion  

    • I don't get what everyone's deal with Texas is;
      have you been to Austin or Dallas (where I live)?
      Both are highly liberal cities, I mean come on, Austin holds SXSW.

      As for Chuck Norris running, I don't think he'd get far, and yes, Texas is maintaining itself well economically, but we're starting to slip like the rest of the country.

    • 4 years ago
  • blknight
    • 0
      blknight  
    • Xion:

      Yea, I've visited both and found it to be completely normal. I live in the midwest and always have to tell people that Texas isn't all southern folk.

    • 4 years ago
  • MinneapolisMafia
    • 0
      MinneapolisMafia  
    • Xion:

      People that hate Tx because Bush had a ranch there are the same people that know nothing about the Builderburg Group or the Trilateral Commission. They have no real idea of the Predictive Programming that they are a slave to. They have no idea what "Agenda 21" is and even if they study it they wouldn't believe it and call you a "Fox News" style name rather than provide any substantial debate. This will be a good piece of investigative reporting in documentary for m if it get our to the people-

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swm8waVNSq8

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urx3YH4DHvs

      What are they ever going to hate Paraguay if they find out the Bush family bought a well guarded ranch there? LOL Ahh the arrogance of the ignorant....

    • 4 years ago
  • alivein85
    • 0
      alivein85  
    • Xion:

      @ minneapolis: you are the one who is arrogant and bias with your "people who__" this and "people who __" that. Why don't you take your stereotype and shove it.

      I think the point that not everybody thinks alike, and not every texan is the same, and not all texans are republican or racist has been clearly made.

      ok

      I GET IT.

      Its people like YOU that give texas and the US as a whole a bad name; the rest of us are tired of it.

    • 4 years ago
  • chele_808
    • 0
      chele_808  
    • Xion:

      right on! i live in wichita falls, tx. our state is wonderful. i have visited many states in the grand ole u.s. of a. and i must say that texas is just as diverse and tolerant.

    • 4 years ago
  • Samiammi
    • 0
      Samiammi  
    • Xion:

      You're exactly right Xion! People assume because Chuck wants to run for president, that its a republican attack on the nation! Who cares about Chuck - he's just one guy. Its all these stupid people on here who think, "Texas has republicans in it, Texas must be republican, chuck Norris was in the movie pentagon so he's a republican icon, Chuck Norris will lead Texas in the next civil war!"

      I know, it doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense - ahha, its just one guy!!! Its like Anna Nichole Smith not knowing who the father of her child was - another celebrity making drama - who cares??? This is so dumb.

    • 4 years ago
  • CalgarC
  • MinneapolisMafia
  • DougChristian
    • 0
      DougChristian  

    • Hopefully the average American can see and understand what's going on. These people must never gain power again. It's easy to get confused about which party puts "country first" during the campaigns, but the answer is pretty clear the rest of the time. America has never stood for isolationism, unilateralism, or laissez-faire capitalism as the conservatives believe. "Socialism" isn't anti-American because we've been doing some form of it since the start. 40 acres and a mule anyone? America stands for diversity, opportunity and freedom of thought. Modern Republicans hate these things. They hate what this country stands for and what it was founded on. They don't hate the current actions of the current administration, as Bush antagonists did, they actually hate America. They are the American Taliban.

      I fear there will be right-wing domestic terrorism ahead. Who needs Al Queda when you have the KKK, neo-nazis, and other Sarah Palin fans. Remember Oklahoma!

    • 4 years ago
  • PressCore
    • 0
      PressCore  
    • DougChristian:

      Wow ! Are you ever on a roll ! Great Speech. I only wish Ron Paul would have said it (simulcast) in the H.R. Too bad Chuck Norris supports this concept. As a man of nearly 70 he's so well preserved, I truely admire him as an hombre. But as a former citizen of Texas myself who voted for Jimmy Carter in the 1980 Presidential election, I realy think their radical right wing ideas are nuts. They look upon a President who fashions himself in the spirit of Abraham Lincoln-and they want to test him on it ! Right wing people never ever understand that violence is a disease whenever it's not used as a last resort for self defense. Although
      Texas was a republic for a while before it joined the
      Union, it as quickly sided with the Confederacy too.
      I admire their independent spirit. I visited the Alamo shrine area and the paseo del rio. I never got to Amistad, but Texas IS one of the most beautiful places on earth. It's like driving into the sky. But still,
      if they had any sense they'd be supporting people like Ron Paul, and not Bush/Cheny/Gonzales who are Racketeers.

    • 4 years ago
  • takenitback
    • 0
      takenitback  
    • DougChristian:

      you know i think itsfunning its always about race anytime a black man tries to do somthing right and ends up fucking it up the people that catch he are racist if you all arent racist as you say you arent quit using it as a shield you dumb a** dems are exactly that your not supost to see color but you all always hind behind it

    • 4 years ago
  • mik661
  • Samiammi
    • 0
      Samiammi  
    • DougChristian:

      Wow, so you think all republicans are terrorists? Is that what you're getting at? This could be the dumbest thing I've ever read. We are a society - you can't blanket oppress or attack half a society. I'll set you straight - terrorists are people who crash planes into buildings, strap bombs on their chests, and call for Jihad against the USA - (which includes both dems and reps) Now let me ask you something - what is freedom? In its most basic definition I would assume it would be able to act or have an opinion without being labeled a threat to society. The difference is not in the man that makes up our democratic society, nor what we fight for - the difference is in how we assume the best way to achieve these goals is, because the truth is, no one knows - Its a system of checks and balances - The reps say what they think the dems are doing wrong, and the dems say what they think the reps are doing wrong - that's how it works, that's what keeps one side from doing something stupid like A) seceding from the union, or B) making personal attacks. Now, what freedom would you have if I labeled you a terrorist?

      Why is it people tend to document every stupid intuition they have before they think it through?

    • 4 years ago
  • eta
    • 0
      eta  
    • DougChristian:

      the leftwing is just as much at fault. and will continue to be detrimental to the problem. im not just referring to the movers on capitol hill. everyone who keeps being reductive and reinforcing leftwing/rightwing & conservative/liberal labels. ok yes, at this juncture, we can say republicans/right wings have had a large and short-sighted hand in lessening our cultural politics. but moving forward, for everyone who says they are leftwing and liberal, it's really just as paradoxical and problematic to our state of affairs. f you understand the significance of Barack's symbolism, it's that he stands for the transition toward as a society toward apartisan thinking and action. Given, a lot of the name game and blame game have to do with dudes like Chuck Norris, you, thinking you are on the other side and so much more cultured and smart, doing the same reinforcing of arbitrary labels, are just as plain-minded.

    • 4 years ago
  • eta
  • sk8bs55
  • Ya_Yletayo
    • 0
      Ya_Yletayo  

    • Id just like to remind people of that russian scientist Dr Paranin I think his name was who prediced a splitting of the US in the coming years...

    • 4 years ago
  • Samiammi
  • FallenMorgan
  • Ricky84
    • 0
      Ricky84  

    • Chuck Norris is so last decade. Everyone knows the Techno viking is the baddest thing to walk the earth now. If I was a Texan I'd vote for him.

    • 4 years ago
  • jogglef
  • peglegninja
  • Ricky84
  • RoboSquatch99
    • 0
      RoboSquatch99  

    • I'm so fucking sick of this racist right wing bullshit, they just can't stand having an african american president that much? This is why the world HATES the U.S.

    • 4 years ago
  • MinneapolisMafia
  • takenitback
  • alivein85
  • Samiammi
    • 0
      Samiammi  
    • RoboSquatch99:

      uhhhh, we have a black president - why do you think that's racist again? There were plenty of people who didn't like Bush, was that racist? Don't fabricate agendas, not everything is black and white.

    • 4 years ago
  • occono
    • 0
      occono  

    • ....He'd have some trouble rallying the whole State for a Secession, there are parts of Texas that are actually very liberal-minded nowadays, especially Austin.

    • 4 years ago
  • sk8bs55
  • seanalyn
    • 0
      seanalyn  

    • *face palm*

      I feel so bad for all the decent and intelligent Texans that get a bad rap from stuff like this. Im sorry all you guys! But I think its time to abandon ship and leave that state to the idiots who want to secede and make a spectacle of themselves.

      Or option B, we ship all the idiots to Alaska and let Chuck Norris and Sarah Palin be co-Presidents of their new country!

    • 4 years ago
  • kid_amy
    • 0
      kid_amy  
    • seanalyn:

      I love my home state of Texas, it's beautiful here! But it is awful the rap this state gets because of all those damn crazy right wing conservatives, they are grotesque, so outrageous! But, we got some good things going for us too, I think... (sigh) it's a very big state.

    • 4 years ago
  • PressCore
    • 0
      PressCore  
    • seanalyn:

      Where do I sign up for option B ? Palin would be his perfect running mate as the Emperors of Alaska. Sara
      Scara Bo Bara, La Range a Mange a Bo Bara. Fee Fi Fo Fum Era too. THIS is what happens when people are not medicated properly. And one look on Huckabee's face should tell you that guy is SO full of himself...I wouldn't vote him a job as clown at a child's birthday party. I was a citizen of Texas in 1980, and voted in Bejar county for Jimmy Carter in the Presidential election. Once a Texan, always a Texan. It's the most beautiful place on Earth. It took me all day long to drive my Saab 96 from LaFayette, Louisiana to the scenic overlook at the edge of Crocket county to see Pecos county below( where there are palm trees at Fort Stockton) during my first trip there in July 78. But waking up to that vista at the first light of dawn was worth it. It's the only place that Buddy Holly could have originated from. Driving on I 10, into a blue sky all day, and seeing a painted masterpiece of sky while easing back in the evening will tell you why. "Because Love is love and not fade away yeah Love is love and not fade away " But that's the left wing of the eagle talking, the talons holding the olive branches My picture postcards from home still illustrate the red Indian paintbrush/bluebells that the LBJ's liked. But then,the meek shall inherit the Earth

    • 4 years ago
  • seanalyn
    • 0
      seanalyn  
    • seanalyn:

      kid_army, yeah I feel for you! Texas is beautiful and has at its core and amazing and rich history...its just sad to see it tainted by the unfortunately very vocal idiots. My best friend is from Texas so I know there are good and wonderful and intelligent people from there. Maybe we can just split the state in two? That way everyone can be "oh well actually its all the crazies that are from the other Texas."

    • 4 years ago
  • Samiammi
    • 0
      Samiammi  
    • seanalyn:

      You guys are ridiculous! Celebrities make huge claims all the time and they always get heard - the issue would be if enough people supported Chuck, because I doubt the US would let Texas go willingly and you'd have a civil war - its so apparent on these forms - you have so many people aggressively attacking republicans - Is it wrong to think a certain way all of the sudden? Its just Chuck blowing wind if he's the only one doing it - but this is a scary revelation - people are seriously aggressively opposed to either side of the argument - people can say Chucks being dumb – whatever, he’s just a guy - but people on here are attacking republicans - saying that all republicans think this would be a good idea! That's almost a 50/50 split in the population - are people really this ignorant? This is a dangerous state of mind and I can't believe how eager people are to take sides.

    • 4 years ago
  • Alex_French
    • 0
      Alex_French  
    • seanalyn:

      thanks for the sentiment. that's what i've been trying to say.

      one of the best states in the nation hands down just getting shitted on because everyone thinks that we're a bunch of george bushes and chuck norrises trotting around on horses yelling YEEHAAW! all day.

      fuck that.

    • 4 years ago
  • marshaincc
  • outtheinside
    • 0
      outtheinside  

    • it's funny how many people disregard the texas voter outcome in the last election. how close was the democrat and republican count?

      it's also funny how people don't realize that while their states are floundering in recessions near bust, texas is holding them afloat with our tax revenues. yes folks, texas is much better off economically than the rest of the states and you need us. so go ahead, write us off.. we'll still support you when you want to suck on mother's teet.

    • 4 years ago
  • unimatrix0
  • seanalyn
    • 0
      seanalyn  
    • outtheinside:

      Sadly from what Ive been reading is that Texas' economy is starting to flounder as well and is barely holding itself afloat. While its true Texas is doing better than some states, its projection for this year is low as unemployment sky rockets. I was watching a report the other night that said the strongest state is actually something like North Dakota (I could be wrong on that one though since I didnt catch the entire report).

      Oddly enough my hometown of Bakersfield California is apparently riding out the recession well...then again they have an economy that is often not effected by the general economic trends of the country due to the oil and agriculture.

    • 4 years ago
  • mik661
  • CarlosIsDown
  • Wesnology61
    • 0
      Wesnology61  

    • So now you want the military to refuse to do what there told and states to succecde. None of this entered your mind in the last 8yrs Chuck or everything was peachy then.

      Next on the hallmark channel....
      Walker, Texas President

    • 4 years ago
  • Samiammi
  • fun_size
    • 0
      fun_size  

    • And this is why the United States is going to shit. Republicans dont care about the people they only care about CONTROLLING the people. If there isnt a Republican in office they start talking of overthrowing the Government.

    • 4 years ago
  • banditalamode
  • Samiammi
    • 0
      Samiammi  
    • fun_size:

      ahhaha - you just blamed all the problems on half the population - what does that mean? That means that you believe there is a split and are completely supporting Chuck seceding from the US - you know what'll happen, the US won't lose Texas - there'll be a civil war. Don't be so naive and realize the severity of the situation.

    • 4 years ago
  • thejesse2011
  • Wesnology61
  • Alex_French
  • alivein85
  • unimatrix0
    • 0
      unimatrix0  

    • We could clean this whole country up. We should round up all the social conservatives and religious fundamentalists and put them on trains and send them to Texas,

      And then we boot Texas out of the Union, cut our losses, and be a much better nation for the change.

      yes we can

    • 4 years ago
  • Ya_Yletayo
  • Samiammi
  • Nephwrack
  • Samiammi
  • Bren589
  • banditalamode
    • 0
      banditalamode  
    • Bren589:

      I flagged you minneapolis... if someone wants to watch Alex Jones' trailer they will, you don't need to post it to every comment. People can think for themselves you know, you're not helping anyone but Mr. Jones and his subsidiaries.

    • 4 years ago
  • mik661
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