#24 Star Trek »

If a stoner is stoned enough they’ll just sit there and watch the blinking lights on a fucking Christmas tree, right? Well, that’s precisely why Star Trek is the quintessential stoner TV show, man. It’s filled with blinking lights and shit. They’ve got full walls filled with blinking lights and command centers filled with blinking lights and spaceships with tons of blinking lights all over ‘em. Oh, and Star Trek has got a whole bunch of hot chicks on it too! So what if they’re purple and have antennas…they still have big boobs, right? And, what’s not to like about boobs?

Star Trek is all super colorful too, dude. It’s like a cartoon with real actors (if you can call that shit acting). I mean look at Captain Kirk for instance…he’s the ultimate stoner! That dude’s so animated how could he not be a completely stoned cartoon parody? But just the bright-ass visuals alone are captivating to stoners. And, don’t get started on all the cool gadgets and the awesome soundtrack. I mean, the sound the phasers make and that “schwaaa” sound all the doors make when they open are just soooo cool when stoned, right? How many stoners wished their welcome mat sounded that rad?

Star Trek is funny as hell too, man. Wait? What? Are you certain… Star Trek isn’t a comedy? you lie! So all that running-across-the-room-and- slamming-into-walls thing they do during ill-fated Klingon attacks is really supposed to be believable? Ohh…we get it now. Star Trek is a drama. A portrayal of a Utopian society, eh? Marijuana must be legal in their part of the universe then! Never-the-less Star Trek is the shit when stoned.

Because when you are stoned, suspending belief is easy, another reason why 9 out of 10 stoners choose Star Trek. The show is set in the future but all of a sudden the dudes are fighting off lions and tigers in ancient Rome or they go back to some other fucked-up past decade and meet up with a ton of creatures that look about as real as toilet paper stuffed bras. Being stoned really does help when watching Star Trek however, because no one in their right mind thinks Trebbles are cute and big booby-ed purple chicks are that easy, right?

And, well…obviously stoners are only interested in the old school Star Trek because even they’re not high enough to believe George Costanza (Jason Alexander had bit parts on Star Trek: The Next Generation) would make a good alien!

Question? If one Borg gets stoned…does the entire collective get stoned too?