Comedy | December 08, 2009 | 54 comments

University of Michigan’s Masturbation Policy

source: http://www.buzzfeed.com/lindseyweber/university-of-michigans-masturbation-policy-ru

unimatrix0
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University of Michigan’s Masturbation Policy forbids masturbation in the shower. Apparently masturbation is only one issue contributing to serious “semen related costs” at the University of Michigan so KEEP IT IN YOUR TUBE SOCK.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/lindseyweber/university-of-michigans-masturbation-policy...

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Masturbation
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54 comments // University of Michigan’s Masturbation Policy

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- 0
  
  endovenoso
- baaahahahaha
- 2 years ago
  - flag
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  bombastinator
- I see a "dirty jobs" episode in this. It might be interesting to find a really old janitor who's been cleaning college dorm drains since the 80's and find out if internet porn has increased volume at all.
- 2 years ago
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  EdJoyProductions
- bombastinator:
  Call Jizz Rooter, that's the name, and away go spermatozoa down the drain. :)
- 2 years ago
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  EdJoyProductions
- How about peeing in the shower?
- 2 years ago
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  bombastinator
- EdJoyProductions:
  For those who have never used public showers at say the Gym or camp:
  
  No wanking, no peeing, no bending over to reach for the soap, No loud singing, No staring at or complementing the private anatomy of other shower users.
  
  Also, wear zoris (foam rubber sandals) if you don't want plantar warts or want to step in the leavings of former users.
- 2 years ago
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  Ghost_in_the_Machine
- EdJoyProductions:
  I remember being told never to walk barefoot in public showers from an early age, though I don't remember when. It creeped me out immensely to see a dormmate at college consistently use the showers and walking around the bathroom barefoot.
  
  I guess she had a system or something to aim for when the bathrooms had just been cleaned, but it still feels scuzzy as all hell just to think about it.
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  diabolical44
- hahaha. I'm sure the kids at Ohio state are gonna have fun with this one
- 2 years ago
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  bombastinator
- This does remind me a bit of the part of the Koran specifically condemning the raping of camels. You got to wonder what the administration is having to deal with there.
- 2 years ago
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  chunche
- I'm laughing much too hard to think of a clever comment...
- 2 years ago
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  remanns
- Whats the navy doing in the showers to begin with?
  (..oooooooooops,...someone beat me to that one )
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  remanns
- Well jiz whiz,....whats all the fuss about?
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  J_Jammer [removed]
- I've seen this picture before...or this exact same policy before. Funny, but not new.
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  CalgarC
- ROFLMFAO... loool thank god i left michigan and came to canada for school
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  Curtis_Wright
- can you blame them? have you seen the girls at Michigan?? What ever happened to the pursuit of happiness? I'd love to see a protest against the policy.....I just thought of a great idea for the show "Dirty Jobs".... hilarious
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  LowShred
- See, they don't have this problem at Michigan State, because the girls put out there. Sorry U of M, but it's true.
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  Ghost_in_the_Machine
- LowShred:
  Yes, and while MSU is a party school, the doctors being churned out of U of M are far too busy to get laid. They'll take what they can get, even if it's a date with Ms./Mr. Hand.
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  LowShred
- LowShred:
  I don't know if I'd go so far as saying the doctors, the engineers, maybe. Wayne State has the doctors.
- 2 years ago
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  Ghost_in_the_Machine
- LowShred:
  My grandfather went to Wayne State on the GI grant, I was told. I don't know what he studied but he ended up having to leave to work at GM full-time.
  
  I plan to go to U of M Medical School, myself, which is why I was joking with you. *chuckles* My favorite cousin went to MSU and still goes there all the time to visit friends. I went with him once. My sister's currently at U of M - Dearborn, though, of course -- I'm shooting for Ann Arbor once I get clear of all the medical crap I'm going through myself that put my scholastic career on hold for the time being.
  
  Alas, damn you, central nervous system! At least I'm healing well. Care to connect, fellow Michigander?
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  LowShred
- LowShred:
  Hell yeah! Us Michiganders gotta stick together.
- 2 years ago
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  rufescens
- Really! a teaspoon of semen clogs up drains? And what if it's done in the dormitory room--what will be the result after laundry? Should they place plaques in every dormitory room asking guys to use only paper-towels to clean up?
- 2 years ago
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  bombastinator
- rufescens:
  Not at all. IIRC standard shower drain is 1/14" pipe. that would take a LOT more than a teaspoon. This means there are so many people doing that it might be better measured in cups. Sperm is mostly protein and cooks at a very low temperature, much like egg white. Hot shower water could handily do it. The individual deposits likely build up over time.
- 2 years ago
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  EtVoila
- Hahaha! Semen clogging drains, sperm counts must have skyrocketed!
- 2 years ago
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  samthesixth
- Best ever. Can't wait to send it to my brother, the U of M grad.
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  CreditFigaro
- ... this got to be the #1 story?
  
  What the hell?
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  ProjectBat
- Yeah, being a college student I have gotten picture messages saying these are up at just about every school anywhere...wouldn't think its all that real or even a big deal.
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  Zdonick
- Oh, that's too funny. I'm concerned with the authenticity of this, though.
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  mr_tibbles
- I just thought of a great idea for the show "Dirty Jobs"....
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  ryan8566
- i think this calls for "monitors" so i will sign up pro bono.
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  kennymotown
- The best way to change the world is too love yourself first!
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  Jen_Kuligoski
- Oh my wow...
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  thewhompus
- I'd love to see a protest against the policy.....
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  Mauvearmchair
- What ever happened to the pursuit of happiness?
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  bombastinator
- Mauvearmchair:
  If it's all the same i'd rather not wash my toes in your happiness thankyouverymuch.
- 2 years ago
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  Giganticus
- Oh I'm sure this sign will curb the occurrence of white-water babies.
- 2 years ago
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  Arson24
- The dinosaurs died cause you touch your self in your shower and apparetly damaged the pipes also hahahha
- 2 years ago
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  bethopea
- wouldn't it be more of a Health Code Violation?
- 2 years ago
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  pakazak
- whoever though naval personnel could cause that much trouble.
- 2 years ago
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  bombastinator
- pakazak:
  HUH? Univ. Michigan is a college. Where does the navy enter into this?
- 2 years ago
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  Ghost_in_the_Machine
- pakazak:
  Thank you, I'd wondered the same thing. I'm sure if there's any place they don't mind masturbation, it's the military. Getting out excess aggression and all.
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  bailey78
- How are they going to know who is whacking off in the shower of each room??
- 2 years ago
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  naty_forty
- bailey78:
  That's what I'm wondering, how will they know??
- 2 years ago
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  Sam_the_Wizer
- bailey78:
  duh, DNA.
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  hardknockxpert
- bailey78:
  lmao at Sam the Wizer...
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  versasrev
- bailey78:
  I'm thinking the are communal bathrooms with showers
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  H_squared
- PAHAHAHAHA This makes me so happy. I can shove this in all my friends faces. You pay $50,000 a year and you can't even jack off in your own shower. :D
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  ironicbliss
- PMSL My old R.E. teacher MR Perrot, a stern, brutal Catholic warned us boys weekly on the evils of masturbation.
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  hayden_augustus
- can you blame them? have you seen the girls at Michigan??
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  02
- hayden_augustus:
  best
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  indecisiveh
- LMFAO
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  Arson24
- Wow really????? you put up a sign for this hahahhah
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  deadpool
- This drain wouldn't be clogged if it wasn't for all the damn semen!
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  ahappymintleaf
- Public schools and their weak pipes. Good stuff.
- 2 years ago
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- 0
  
  Ghost_in_the_Machine
- *bursts out laughing*
- 2 years ago
  - flag
  reply

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