Comedy | January 20, 2010 | 157 comments

Christian group to save Haitians with solar-powered Bibles

source: http://gizmodo.com/5452832/christian-group-to-save-haitians-with-solar+powered-bibles

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pjacobs51
Joining Travolta's Scientology humanitarian effort to capture as many mind prisoners as possible, a Christian group is sending an army of Proclaimers to Haiti. Proclaimers are solar-powered audio bibles, which could assemble into a giant robot to destroy the scientologists.

Maybe. I just like the idea of a giant Bible robot fighting Travolta and his cohorts until they obliterate each other.

But I digress: According to Australian news outlet ABC News, the Faith Comes By Hearing organization has sent 600 of these Bibles already, which will spread the Holy Word speaking in Haitian Creole. They claim that they are helping Haitians by "providing faith, hope and love through God's word in audio". The first part is good, especially if you accompany that with food, water, medicines, and shelter. The second part, however, may not be that useful at this point.

They claim that "the Proclaimer is self-powered and can play the Bible in the jungle, desert or... even on the moon!" I'm sure that it would be more helpful in the moon than it could be in Haiti. Because I imagine that, in Haiti, a solar-powered Bible would be as helpful as the Genesis according to Eddie Izzard.



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157 comments // Christian group to save Haitians with solar-powered Bibles

  • PsychoAlan
  • JanforGore
  • marQueso
  • wayseeker
    • +1
      wayseeker  

    • These Christian's answer to these people dying from hunger, thirst, and trauma is to send them "The word of God" in a box. Insulting and oh so typical.

    • 2 years ago
  • Atalanda_Cameron
  • div
  • mindcruzer
  • iamfree
    • +1
      iamfree  
    • Atalanda_Cameron:

      wtf does fishing have to do with shoving some superstitious bs down a countries throat while they are experiencing a crisis...this is more like the saying "kick a man while he's down"..People need food and a sustainable way to attain it...the bible in book or robot form will never feed a single soul...If anything it will damage it by inviting in dogmatic and limiting beliefs...I dont have anything against people believing what they want but i do have a problem with people who act like they are participating in "saving" people by introducing them to Jesus...as if their imaginary friend was the only dam hope..how warped can a mind get?...jeez

    • 2 years ago
  • SleepDirt
    • 0
      SleepDirt  
    • Image
    • Atalanda_Cameron:

      'They're solar, no batteries required, Christians are smart like that.'

      Yeah cause what atheist would have thought of solar power? Two-stroke diesel radios is the best I could have come up with but then I have no interest in proselytising to anyone, especially the world's most vulnerable society.

      But thanks for the smart Christian tip.

    • 2 years ago
  • IMMININT
    • 0
      IMMININT  

    • QueenGloria is the type of person that would do something like this.... Listen up sweetheart....

      You can sit around all day and pray but unless you take action nobody is getting anywhere. Sending radios does nothing. More than likely they'll have the batteries taken out of them and used for something useful.... Your god isn't going to drop food from the heavens, create a clean waterfall out of the sky, stop future aftershocks, or allow people to live without basic nutrition.

      Please save the bullshit for somewhere else. These people need real help, so I suggest donating the money you plan on giving up for Offering on Sunday to a Relief Fund.

      [end rant]

    • 2 years ago
  • lifestudentno83
    • 0
      lifestudentno83  
    • IMMININT:

      IMMININT, there is apparently no reasoning with this one.

      I don't know why there are people who think God is some magician who sprinkles magic dust over every boo-boo in the world and makes it all better...

    • 2 years ago
  • BornAgainChristian
  • TaGgInUrBlOcKuP
  • royulery
    • +1
      royulery  

    • jesus wanted his followers to be missionaries but now there are artificial ministers. do the electronic words carry the spiritually healing powers of an apostle? can a tape recorder convert the unholy and make them pleasing in the eyes of god?
      this is a fundamental shift in technology, synthetic grace. i forsee cyborg mormons carefully watching me, with great understanding and endless patience.

    • 2 years ago
  • blaino
    • +1
      blaino  

    • Its the most ridiculous cure for our problems.

      Building fall on top of you? Here's a bible.
      Life threw something else impossible at you? Here's a bible.

      When will these people realize that we need something more tangible to solve the worlds problems, a belief in god is simply not enough and it will not ever be enough. In fact a belief in god causes more problems than it solves.

    • 2 years ago
  • IMMININT
  • blaino
    • +1
      blaino  
    • blaino:

      You're missing the point Gloria, The bible and accepting jesus as whatever CAN NEVER TANGIBLY CHANGE ANYTHING.

      If these religious idiots who sent the desperate people really wanted to help they would have gone over to Haiti themselves and fed hungry people they could have set up aid stations to take care of sick and injured people. They didnt they sent fancy bibles.

      They did absolutely nothing to help the situation. Nothing you will say about how great jesus is will change the fact that they did nothing to help those people in Haiti.

    • 2 years ago
  • oppressed1
  • Varex_Sythe
    • 0
      Varex_Sythe  
    • blaino:

      Queengloria, I think you mean to say that the Bible has sold more copies than anything else. As far as saving people, I don't think the bible has saved as many lives as modern medical science, not even close. But if you mean to say that the bible has saved more souls then anything else then that I can accept as unprovable one way or another, so you can go ahead and make that claim. Just keep in mind, as I cannot disprove that the bible has saved more souls then anything else, you cannot prove it.

    • 2 years ago
  • unimatrix0
    • +2
      unimatrix0  

    • How perverse and disgusting to send starving and thirsty people in need of medicine and so much more such a silly and trivial thing. It is a waste of space and energy, and a potent reminder of the demented and disturbed nature of religious belief.

    • 2 years ago
  • IMMININT
  • fun_size
    • 0
      fun_size  
    • unimatrix0:

      The big picture would be a world free of ignorance and superstition. A world not divided by spiritual beliefs and prejudice. If only there was no religion... just imagine what people can accomplish by working together.

    • 2 years ago
  • QuestionGeek
  • duffong
    • 0
      duffong  
    • unimatrix0:

      I imagine the big (and very detailed) picture floating in my head while trapped for 8 days under a concrete slab would be a tall glass of water with some ice in it and a breath of fresh air.

    • 2 years ago
  • SleepDirt
  • QueenGloria
  • unimatrix0
  • IMMININT
  • TaGgInUrBlOcKuP
  • blaino
  • mojojuju
  • div
  • lifestudentno83
  • Buddha2112
  • ii386
    • 0
      ii386  
    • QueenGloria:

      I agree. Gloria's self-righteous third eye thinks it doesn't stink...but it needs a wipin' and a lesson on how to be a compassionate christian and not to judge so quickly.

    • 2 years ago
  • sleepyboy
    • +1
      sleepyboy  
    • QueenGloria:

      Sorry to tell you this Gloria but considering other countries that have nothing and are in poverty doesn't make that country barbaric. Plus you can't say that the piles of dead bodies is barbaric because the media isn't going to tell you the real situation and what was the real reason of doing that. You can use different words instead of barbaric. All I got to say is thst put yourself in that situation before you judge anyone or country. What people need to do instead of competing religously is actually be united and help out our fellow Haitians.

    • 2 years ago
  • wintermadness90
    • +2
      wintermadness90  
    • QueenGloria:

      You do realize that about 95% of Haitians claim to hold Christian beliefs right? About 80% of them are Catholic. I don't see how a solar powered bible would be bringing peace to them if they already have the same beliefs as you. It's not like the whole country of Haiti practices voodoo, which I think you are assuming.

    • 2 years ago
  • div
    • +1
      div  
    • QueenGloria:

      Yeah, good call Gloria (you're no queen, sorry). Their acts must represent their barbarianism and not their desperation for help. Yes, that's right. They are barbaric because they are dying. Mhmm. Good call. Any other classes of people who are barbaric? Or is it just anyone who isn't a Christian?

    • 2 years ago
  • ii386
  • mindcruzer
  • Ajil
    • +1
      Ajil  
    • QueenGloria:

      So sending a solar powered Bible to a nation of many Christians is worth saying "finally!" How will these devices bring peace? If you want to classify these people as barbaric, then you are labeling thousands of Christians as barbaric. I really want to understand how it would be bringing peace. If anything, it is a slap to the Haitians. The country has just been destroyed, thousands have died, and Christians want to send solar powered Bibles? yeah, dont lose the faith dont there! God loves you all. When you pray, he definitely listens. Ha!

    • 2 years ago
  • vans1170
  • ichigo113
    • 0
      ichigo113  
    • QueenGloria:

      Holy shit! You're all fucking hypocrital assholes. You're defending the Haitians but telling QueenGloria to go die. Really? Yeah, disagree with her point but don't be pricks about it. Telling her she's wasted like (no matter how different her views are) isn't helping Haitians, or changing her viewpoint. What the hell has current come to these days? I used to love this site, different, but respected viewpoints. Now its all assholes crying because you don't agree with me and I'm going to kill you because you are wrong. Disagree, but don't tell someone to go die. Arguing on the internet is for mentally handicapped monkeys, don't be one of them. And please, feel free to disagree with my point, but don't tell me I'm wasted oxygen and need to go die because I think differently than you.

    • 2 years ago
  • Confucius
  • CalgarC
  • MOK
    • 0
      MOK  
    • QueenGloria:

      Ichigo113 is absolutely right.
      QueenGloria has successfully trolled all of you(As she does in many threads). You all took the bait and said things that do not reflect well. Calm down!

      If you're interested in changing someones mind, insulting them with out-of-left-field hyperbole doesn't really do the job, no matter how out-there they might be.

      As for you, Gloria, if your intentions are as you present them, per your last comment, then you should know that your tone works pretty much the same as those who are going ad-hominem on you. In terms of results, you're achieving precisely what they are achieving.

    • 2 years ago
  • ryan8566
  • yepyep
    • 0
      yepyep  
    • QueenGloria:

      I don't think "QueenGloria" is real...6 children and all that insane god stuff come on..... and the part about her friend being raped and then saved by god....really???? I don't know....I think JJammer made it back on with a brand new persona.

    • 2 years ago
  • Nephwrack
  • SleepDirt
  • ii386
  • UrbanGypsy
    • +4
      UrbanGypsy  
    • QueenGloria:

      People like QueenGloria are the reason young people like me reject Christianity. Keep going! And keep talking like a religious lunatic! Your doing a great job of turning more and more people away from Christianity! Thank you...

    • 2 years ago
  • pjacobs51
  • crashbangnoises
  • IMMININT
  • Guyatthebusstation
  • MOK
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