Comedy | March 13, 2010 | 118 comments

I Am a Republican. Why Aren't You?

Progresshiv
I am a Republican. I believe in self-reliance. I believe in competition. I believe in God. I believe that God believes in me. That's why, no matter what happens, I believe in belief. I'm a believer. Well, what does that mean to me? As a Republican, I believe Ronald Reagan's face should be on Mount Rushmore. I believe welfare is a handout to the no-gooders. I believe that the United States of America is the greatest country on earth. I believe that the evildoers hate our freedom. I believe that providing a public health care system is socialism. I believe that socialism is evil. I am a Republican. I am a believer. Not a trace of doubt in my mind. Ever since I saw Sarah Palin's face, I'm a believer. I couldn't leave her if I tried. Why aren't you a Republican? Hmm? Well, why not? Hmm?
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118 comments // I Am a Republican. Why Aren't You? // Video

  • Denica_Cassandra
    • +1
      Denica_Cassandra  

    • 1) Not an old racist in a flag shirt, trying to hide adult diapers (in horribly inappropriate shorts) from the rest of the Tea-Baggers
      2) I Care about people being safe and having a United country
      3) Base my politics in reality, not emotional drivel
      4) Mixed race
      5) Woman
      6) Wouldn't name a political movement after a Freudian slip

      HA!

    • 1 year ago
  • Progresshiv
  • BillCorcoran
  • Incredulous
  • Progresshiv
  • Davidod
    • 0
      Davidod  
    • Progresshiv:

      Which ironically, is ALSO how I look when someone suggests America is headed down the road to godless socialism.

      At which point, I SLOWLY back away from the person, try to avoid eye contact, and leave the vicinity as rapidly as possible without moving too quickly, so as not to make them jumpy.

    • 1 year ago
  • Progresshiv
  • dariusvons
    • 0
      dariusvons  

    • "... I belive in god"... this is why I'm NOT a republican. because you nutbags aren't just a party of buisnessmen anymore... but now merely the 'people who go to church party'. sorry but there's a reason why seperation of church and state was clearly laid out by our founding fathers, and why the treaty with trippoli clearly states that America is NOT a theocracy. however church leaders and republicans in general would have you believe that 'this nation was founded on christianity' in direct contradiction to factual history... there are two reasons why I don't like republicans/christians... firstly, just to believe the tripe they tend to, one would have to be very stupid. or, Secondly one would have to lie to themselves and everyone else while expecting all others to collude with them in these lies... stupidity and lies... yeah sounds like great grounding for a political party.

    • 1 year ago
  • Progresshiv
  • Vierotchka
  • Progresshiv
  • bking74
    • 0
      bking74  

    • I am career military, straight outta High School to my new home the 10th Mountain Division, 2nd Combat Brigade and while I agree with a lot of your views but a not having a public health care system is a stain on our nation's reputation.

    • 1 year ago
  • Progresshiv
    • 0
      Progresshiv  
    • bking74:

      Thanks for taking the time to respond. Be safe and alert and come home in one piece so we can argue over politics. I agree with you about the health care system. Sometimes it seems the main industry in political circles is finding new ways to misspend our money and subject our military to new and more dangerous risks. I think it's an insane path, and that's why I posted this video. Believing in an ideal is fine, but putting on blinders is just suicidal, no matter how sure you are that you're right (or left).

    • 1 year ago
  • BillCorcoran
  • BillCorcoran
  • Almibry
  • Progresshiv
  • dariusvons
    • 0
      dariusvons  
    • BillCorcoran:

      "45,000 Americans die every year for lack of health care insurance" ' a lack-of-insurance is NOT a cause of death. also we only need insurance BECAUSE of greedy republican buisnessmen...

    • 1 year ago
  • BillCorcoran
  • Progresshiv
  • CalgarC
  • Muse13
    • +2
      Muse13  

    • Wow any one else creeped the f***k out. I am scared to close my eyes now this guy could jump out my closet any second now!

    • 1 year ago
  • Progresshiv
  • ThomasZD
    • +7
      ThomasZD  

    • Why am I not republican? republicans are assholes, that's why! They preach limited government day after day, all while limiting abortion rights, forbidding gay rights, absolutely adoring gun rights, calling for bans on pornography, creating a war on marijuana that has completely gotten out of control and fear mongering our citizens into two wars, a great recession, and a completely ruined and frozen political system in Washington. I'm not a republican, because republicans are assholes.

    • 1 year ago
  • dariusvons
  • jmarkred
    • 0
      jmarkred  

    • Dude, you're #7 on the top ten current right now - Congrats! (And my Blackberry keeps buzzing me with comments on the video) - Jon Stewart needs to see this.

    • 1 year ago
  • BillCorcoran
  • 1storange
  • dariusvons
  • unclepete813
    • +2
      unclepete813  

    • oh yeah fuck ronald reagan too. Yall act like he was a god, fuckem all, the last president we had in the usa was John F. Kennedy. The system has been stolen ever since. He was the last. Every president after JFK has been a puppet for the NEW WORLD ORDER/Masonic satanic worshippers skull & bones, boheminin grove worshipping devils. They all work for the Vatican who is the devils den. Think im lying. the truth hurts. peace out now get your head right and get your god giving rights as a human back. go soverign be free get out of this communist system its not democracy its hypocracy for the devil to keep people as slaves for the Elites. Rockafellas/rostchild/queen/pope and more. down with all them the fed reserve. all of them are enslaving you people wake up you got 2years left before its over.

    • 1 year ago
  • bking74
  • Davidod
  • unclepete813
    • 0
      unclepete813  
    • Davidod:

      oh yeah its a council of 13 that run this world. you got them bankers and believe it or not go check the history on them devils. a little rich family who started the central banks just happen to be jewish which not a real jew but the synagogue of satan jew. started alot of this mess. Rostchilds then sent his sons to each country to start banks in Usa we have the Federal reserves. once we got that in 1913 4years later we in our first war and we been in debt ever since. They planned all this for years. check the movie sherlock holmes its about all this stuff too. When i was in the Army and i first voted, I was a republican. cause my superiors told me if i want more money vote for the republicans. I gave 6 years of my life being a train killer. Then they say god bless america. This is all bullshit. They use all my military brothers and sisters to go kill people for corporate greed. If i knew then what i know now i would have started a revolt and laid down my weapon. This is all a plan to control the whole world for a few elites. When they get they kill off 80 percent of population they dont need the military no more. So everybody needs to wake up. This is serious shit going down. Obama is a zionist which is nazi/jewish its all the same. it means end and beginning for their god satan himself thats what the new world order is and fuck that health care you thats to put a chip in all americans so they can kill you off at anytime. wake up people. We dont have a country no more. 60% is own buy china and so one. USA is a corporation go look it up. its over, we belong to the queen we all been sold at birth buy you certificate. thats the only resource america has is us. we all are slaves now get your godly rights back and be a human have no label. no republicans or democrats or color or creed. be free and a human. be soverign. peace out 1love to hummanity. blood raw.

    • 1 year ago
  • unclepete813
    • +1
      unclepete813  

    • I believe all republicans and democrats should commit sucide. I believe that anyone follow any politics is dumber than dumb. I believe well I know but partys are ranned by the same people. The Illuminati,The Bilderberg Group,CFO,Vatican,SATAN. thats the truth. now wake the fuck up people you being lead to your death beds. Turn off them tv's and dont read that newspaper its all a set up to block your conscious. This is the end of a cycle, yes the end of earth as we know it. block out all negativity and get back to being as ONE with the universe. No bad or Good/no god or devil/No right or wrong get back to being just one. This is how the ELITE controls the world and got yall fighting about politics,religion,race,sports and all. WAKE UP PEOPLE or shall I say SHEEPLE. Stop being followers. peace out 1love to hummanity and down with the NWO/nazism. Fuck all REPUBLICRATS.

    • 1 year ago
  • RoBot_rOcKer
  • dariusvons
    • +1
      dariusvons  
    • unclepete813:

      kudos to one who see's through the lies and the propaganda and knows the true face of evil... the white man in a tie who claims he speaks for everyone and knows the plans of god... only evil can come from anyone who says they speak for me or says they know anything about god.

    • 1 year ago
  • csmonut
    • 0
      csmonut  

    • LMAO!!! Once again, you have shown that you are one strange person...and them's yer good points!
      Love the parody and keep up the good work.

    • 1 year ago
  • indecisiveh
  • thedirtman
    • 0
      thedirtman  

    • ...I do believe in self-reliance. I do believe in competition. I do believe in anti-socialism. I am as anti-social as they come. I wake up every morning to chop wood, and bring water to the fields. In the afternoon while others siesta I take my goods into town to barter.

      God loves me for working so hard. God loves me more because I will write the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. God loves me more because my wealth proves that I am better. He has given me a body of steel that woman adore. God loves me more because of how the women adore me....

      ...hmmm???

      ...was I dreaming? This is not 1768? Hey, where did all the women go? ... and who is this Obama? I hope he fails! : (

    • 1 year ago
  • Progresshiv
  • thedirtman
  • UtopianSky
    • +1
      UtopianSky  

    • LOL!

      The Republicans have to do a LOT of work repairing the holes they dug themselves into if they want anyone with an IQ above 100 to vote for them ever again.

      The war, the financial crisis caused by deregulation, trickle UP economics, the rise of fundamentalist Christian theocrats; and all they can do is have radio pundits and FOX news call liberals "communists" and other words they pull out of thin air to scare people.

      Those ploys work on the stupid people, and they have been joining them in masses. But no one who knows what those words mean would ever fall for that crap.

      The sad part is, half the population has an IQ under 100.

    • 1 year ago
  • BrushwithDeathToothpaste
  • Almibry
  • UtopianSky
    • +2
      UtopianSky  
    • BrushwithDeathToothpaste:

      It is amazing that back then, Republicans were liberals and Democrats were conservatives.

      Ronald Reagan single-handedly flipped that by wooing the southern conservative Democrats- the "Dixiecrats" to become republican, and losing the liberal educated republicans of the Northeast, who became Democrats.

    • 1 year ago
  • NJ2D
    • 0
      NJ2D  

    • Excellent Video! And you just helped me ward off some Mormans trying to by my home so I am eternally greatful!

    • 1 year ago
  • Progresshiv
  • CreditFigaro
  • BrushwithDeathToothpaste
  • Almibry
    • +2
      Almibry  

    • I believe I can touch myself inappropriately in the nose bleed seats at a baseball game without getting caught on camera... I believe, with enough visualization and a tall building, I can fly... I believe huffing gasoline makes me more attractive... I believe that's the mothership returning for me...
      Bye now...
      Have a beautiful time...

    • 1 year ago
  • Progresshiv
  • Almibry
    • 0
      Almibry  
    • Progresshiv:

      ??? I can't shake hands with myself, and I'm the only one of my kind... They (the republicans) won't talk to me anymore because I lost the first ring, and it doesn't help that I switched out Cheny's buck shot for bird shot... They'll never let me forget that one.
      =(

    • 1 year ago
  • Progresshiv
  • jubal
  • mr100percent
    • -1
      mr100percent  

    • http://GOP.com

      Dude, I'm a moderate republican and I don't believe in any of those things. Those are not core Republican values, those are Ronald Regan-esque values that some of the party supports. President Eisenhower didn't espouse those kinds of beliefs, and even GOP.com doesnt list those as issues. (heck the GOP page doesn't even list core issues that openly anymore)

    • 1 year ago
  • CreditFigaro
    • +3
      CreditFigaro  
    • mr100percent:

      "(heck the GOP page doesn't even list core issues that openly anymore)"

      That's very telling.

      Honestly, the video you posted doesn't show anything about core values. It is a piece of marketing trash that has zero substance. In addition, it shows how little the republicans have to talk about.

      "How could it be good if it raises taxes by $1/2 trillion and costs $1 trillion to implement?"

      -Scott Brown in your video

      I think this is the substance here, and what betrays the core values that they don't want to talk about openly.

      It speaks to simple minded individuals who don't understand taxes, don't understand the legislative process, don't understand the budget and don't see (and in fact, shield their eyes from) mountains of research about social, economic and political policy.

      It's quite ridiculous to be a Republican.

    • 1 year ago
  • BrushwithDeathToothpaste
  • UtopianSky
    • +1
      UtopianSky  
    • mr100percent:

      It's not some of the party- it's the core of the party.
      If you believe in the values that existed in the Republican party before Ronald Reagan, the Televangelists and the "Greed is Good" pocket liners, try the Libertarians.

    • 1 year ago
  • BillCorcoran
  • common_sense_please
    • 0
      common_sense_please  

    • The only problem I have with this is "I believe" Sarah Palin's face should be on Mount Rushmore because she is much better looking than "the gipper" (not to mention it would give Sarah a chance to put up a monument to herself that equaled her notion of her own importance) -- that and it's more accurate to say Republicans can't seem to "leave" Ronald Reagan "even if they tried"--but saying that openly would just set them up for the rhetorical follow up comment -- why can't they quit him?

    • 1 year ago
  • dalistuff
  • desertcat
    • +3
      desertcat  

    • I am not a republican because I believe the strength and decency of this country comes from the people not from the Fortune 500. Aid to citizens is not welfare, aid to foreign countries to better their living conditions is welfare. I believe respects for peoples rights for people to live according to the style that best suits them and not to the one a bunch of closet gays chose. I call them closet gays as no matter who long they preach no matter how loud they preach, sooner or later the truth is know, whether they get caught in an airport bathroom, or in Argentina with a hooker or a hotel room with a young lad, the truth comes out. I am not a repug because I respect the American who serves this country whether at home or aboard, peace or war and that when their time in the service is over, the debt this country owes then is not over. I am not a repug because I believe it is the duty of local, state and federal government to see that all students get to go to a school in decent shape, with current books and tools and teachers who are qualified to teach and want to teach not just collect a paycheck. The law requires school for all kids up to age 16, the government therefore owes them for decent schools. I am not a repug most of all because I have a sense of fair play, if I lose a game I congrat the winner and support them. I do not cry and scream on losing that I will do everything I can to see that a winner is thwarted in every direction they turn. But most of all I am not a repug because I am a American first, second and last. My duty is to my country not to my political party. And that duty means I do what I can to see that the country improves not stagnant till my party gets back in office. May the gods help this country when people like Sarah Palin are looked upon as saviors.

    • 1 year ago
  • csmonut
    • 0
      csmonut  
    • desertcat:

      Kudos to you!
      I particularly like the part of taking care of the soldiers when they come home and....aid to foreign countries so they can live a better life as being welfare.

    • 1 year ago
  • desertcat
    • 0
      desertcat  
    • csmonut:

      . I am not a repug because I respect the American who serves this country whether at home or aboard, peace or war and that when their time in the service is over, the debt this country owes then is not over.
      did not say welfare to vets

    • 1 year ago
  • csmonut
    • 0
      csmonut  
    • desertcat:

      Misunderstanding here...I perhaps should have made my statement clearer.
      Your statement of: "aid to foreign countries to better their living conditions is welfare" is what I was refering to.
      Never said, nor ever would say, debt to those serving this country is welfare. We, this country, owes those people a deep debt of gratitude, and they should be taken care of when they come home.

    • 1 year ago
  • desertcat
  • bking74
    • 0
      bking74  
    • desertcat:

      How I wish I could live in your vision of America. I would be happy if we even just tried to accomplish some of the things you wrote about. An educated, well thought out point of view

    • 1 year ago
  • desertcat
  • hack26
  • EtVoila
    • +2
      EtVoila  

    • Hahaha, I thought that you were serious in that video until I heard the SciFi music in the background. Magnificent.

    • 1 year ago
  • MistressOfJade
    • 0
      MistressOfJade  

    • I'm not because I don't just care about myself, I care about the world as a whole. I'm not because I believe we need welfare, just reformed and just because someone needs help does not mean they choose it.
      I'm not because I believe in a God, but I don't necessarily think whatever some priest says is automatically true, because if it were, there wouldn't be so many denominations.
      I'm not because I believe if an openly gay man or woman can join the army and slaughter people oversees for their country, why can't they be bound into a basic civil union like straight people.
      I'm not because I believe in having my OWN opinion, not what my church says, nor what mommy and daddy or FOXNews says.
      I'm not because times change, and rules must change to fit the times. Making stricter rules isn't going to bring back the times you were born in.

    • 1 year ago
  • Vierotchka
  • Wetdog
  • Almibry
  • Davidod
    • +1
      Davidod  

    • At first, I suspected Progresshiv was reading a transcript from Glenn Beck's "American Revival Tour" live show. But since Progresshiv didn't start sobbing uncontrollably, I figured it couldn't be that....

      At any rate, keep up the excellent work, Progresshiv, as you're a "Great American!"™

      (trademark used with the permission of the respective owner, Sean Hannity).

    • 1 year ago
  • Progresshiv
  • imunbalanced
  • Sublime_Emperor
  • mcjk
  • jmarkred
  • JonRaymond
  • Davidod
  • Progresshiv
  • courage
  • Andrew_Douglas
  • Almibry
  • Andrew_Douglas
    • +1
      Andrew_Douglas  

    • Because you're a bunch of behind-the-times morons with outdated beliefs and no real sense of the constantly changing world around you? Yeah, that works.

    • 1 year ago
  • Progresshiv
  • Andrew_Douglas
  • Andrew_Douglas
  • Progresshiv
  • Andrew_Douglas
  • Almibry
  • Andrew_Douglas
  • MizPiz
  • hack26
  • PirateSauce
  • BarrytheblessedSocialist
  • BillCorcoran
  • Mariased
    • +1
      Mariased  

    • For some reason, this kind of reminds me of my Mom's self help DVDs . Progresshiv, you could really have a promising career in the creepy self help business.

    • 1 year ago
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