Comedy | March 13, 2010 | 118 comments

I Am a Republican. Why Aren't You?

Progresshiv
I am a Republican. I believe in self-reliance. I believe in competition. I believe in God. I believe that God believes in me. That's why, no matter what happens, I believe in belief. I'm a believer. Well, what does that mean to me? As a Republican, I believe Ronald Reagan's face should be on Mount Rushmore. I believe welfare is a handout to the no-gooders. I believe that the United States of America is the greatest country on earth. I believe that the evildoers hate our freedom. I believe that providing a public health care system is socialism. I believe that socialism is evil. I am a Republican. I am a believer. Not a trace of doubt in my mind. Ever since I saw Sarah Palin's face, I'm a believer. I couldn't leave her if I tried. Why aren't you a Republican? Hmm? Well, why not? Hmm?
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