"Man from the Future" Arrested At CERN's LHC Escaped Custody -True Identity Discovered

Last week The Daily Galaxy did a post about a would-be saboteur arrested on April 1 at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland who made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Several of the Galaxy's readers took us to task for falling hopelessly for what appeared on the surface to be an April's Fool Joke.

But our Euro-based editor suspected that the so-called "April Fool's" timing was a cover, a clever ruse, indeed, a red herring planted by CERN authorities -stung by the recent bad press about the LHC creating incipient black holes that could destroy the planet- to cloak a much bigger and more terrifying story.

We also know that CERN authorities were upset last year when the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery (more on this later).

So we dug deeper, ignoring that popular canard that when you find yourself in a hole, to stop digging.

Here's what our man in Geneva, Hugh McCleod, unearthed (in a manner of speaking) from several top-ranking CERN sources who insisted on anonymity.

First, insisting that his name was Eloi Cole, the strangely dressed young man wearing a florescent bow tie told authorities that he had traveled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world . Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. Authorities reported that he would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from." He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender. The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier that week, a milestone Mr Cole admitted he was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines -a beverage many of CERN's more brilliant physicists believe (as does the American politician, Sarah Palin and pundit, Glenn Beck) helps fuel their brain power and insights into the quantum world. (We'll elaborate on the Mountain Dew connection later in the story).

Under intensive interrogation Cole told CERN investigators that "All my life I've had this strange feeling that there's something big and sinister going on in the world" and eventually admitted that his real name was not Eloi Cole, but rather, Arthur Dent. His identity was subsequently confirmed by British physicist and rock star, Brian Cox, employed at CERN who recognized the above quote as a seminal ID marker from the 1970s bestseller, The Hitchhiker's Guide the the Galaxy.

Following his initial interrogation, The Daily Galaxy learned that Mr Cole/Dent was taken to a "secure" mental health facility in Geneva, but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, we learned, "but not that bothered." We suspect they should be. Here's why:

Dent (aka Cole) was observed, McLeod learned from an elderly custodian, to have been assisted in his escape from the CERN detention center by a tall distracted visitor, an out of work actor claiming to be Dent's friend who signed the daily register with the initials "FP."

The physicist/Bono wannabe Cox told authorities that the initials might belong to a truth-is-stranger-than-fiction character named Ford Prefect. This friend, who told a receptionist that he was delivering a towel to Dent/Cole prior to their rushed escape, left behind, we learned, a severely dog-eared copy of a popular biography, The Second Coming of Steve Jobs. We are unsure at the moment of how this might relate to unfolding events.

Continued at the link . . .


http://www.dailygalaxy.com/my_weblog/2010/04/man-from-the-future-arrested-at-cer...