Shark Week Drinking Game

Do yourself a favor and just call off work this week now.

Hosted by the Late Show’s Craig Ferguson (who will subsequently be receiving the best ratings of his career) August 1st marks the start of the Discovery Channel’s 23rd annual Shark Week. A week where people all over the world pay tribute to nature’s most majestic and badass fish, the Shark. As all traditions go it wouldn’t be natural to have an entire week devoted to something so amazing without somehow incorporating alcohol into it. Which brings us to:

The Shark Week Drinking Game.

Things you will need: TV, your favorite drinks, and DVR. Because let’s face it, if you actually follow even half of these rules you aren’t going to remember what they actually aired.

Rules:

1: Every time you see someone get in one of those steel cages and are submerged into shark infested waters, take a moment to reflect and realize you will never do anything as badass and idiotic as that, then submerge a shot of Jager into a Redbull and suck it down.
Bonus: Drink every time a shark rams the cage
Extra Bonus: If the cage breaks finish your drink

2: Drink every time they use chum. You know… the appetizing mixture of raw fish guts they use to attract sharks. You can probably pick some up at Target.

3: Every time you hear the jaws theme, sneak up on somebody and steal their drink.
Note: You can also do this every time you hear a cello

4: Drink every time some stupid yuppie gets mauled by a shark.
Bonus: If it’s Craig Ferguson, drink double
Extra Bonus: If he’s swallowed whole… Well… You may want to knock over a liquor store.
Note: Get your resume ready, because any jackass can run his show.

5: Drink every time they show an underwater camera shot looking up at a surfer. Because we can see in color, but a shark can only see surfers.

6: Drink every time they show a reenactment of a shark attack. I know it’s hard to tell that it’s a reenactment by the amazing acting, but if you aren’t sure there is usually text that goes across the screen that will let you know.

7: Every time a person rides on a shark by grabbing on to a fin, finish your drink. Then think about how you can make this happen for yourself.

8: Drink every time someone says “Prey.”

9: Drink every time someone says a shark statistic.

10: Drink every time they liken getting attacked by a shark to getting struck by lightening.

11: Drink every time they give you tips on how to survive an attack. You will usually hear them say something like “stay calm” and “get out of the water”. The latter being the first thing you’d forget to do when being attacked by a shark.

12: Drink every time they say sharks rarely attack people. You will usually find this accompanied by a story of somebody actually being attacked. Oddly enough every year Shark Week airs new stories of shark attacks…Hmm….

13: Drink every time they interview someone with an Australian accent. It’s common knowledge that Australian’s are experts on everything that is not domesticated, or at least that’s what every wildlife show would lead you to believe.

14. I tried coming up with more rules for this article by watching video clips of sharks, but kept getting distracted by how awesome they are.

HAPPY SHARK WEEK!!!

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