Comedy | October 23, 2010 | 48 comments

The 14 Most Disturbing Inventions to Stop Masturbation Ever

jqyueen
added this

A collection of history's most weird and cruel devices to stop fapping. From chastity belts to testicle tasers. From the article: "Maybe history has the answer we seek. Below are 14 different ways the masturbation crisis has been addressed in the past. Some of these were successful, some not, but taken altogether they reveal diverse societies dedicated to finding a powerful and lasting solution. With each of these benevolent and ingenuous concepts, it’s clear that parental vigilance is the key. Perhaps that is the most important lesson we can take away from our forebearer’s righteous crusades to clamp down on the “evil vice."

http://christwire.org/2010/10/the-anti-masturbation-movements-14-greatest-invent...

groups:

Tech, Culture, Comedy, WTF, current cult, Gadgets, Sex, History, Villains, List-O-Rama, Top 5, I'm Right, You're Evil 8 more
tags:

Technology, Torture, Christians, Masturbation, Sadism, The Spanish Inquisition, instruments of torture 3 more
|

48 comments // The 14 Most Disturbing Inventions to Stop Masturbation Ever

display: newest | oldest | popular

upload file

webcam

embed code

image url
- Paste the url of an image:
  process
  
  Paste an embed code:
  
  process
- Upload an image file:
  
  1MB file size limit
  - Online Display Ad:
    300x250 pixels
  - Flash Video Overlay Ad:
    300x50 pixels
  Upload an image to represent your video:
  
  We will automatically pick out an image to represent video files. If you want to choose your own image, upload it here.
- Record a webcam:
[x]

we might already have a story about this:
Choose media for your post:
checking post...
+ add

blog/

text/

link/

image

/webcam

+ add

embed code/

image url

checking post...

| cancel
I want to upload this to Current.com, and I own the rights to this file.
- Help us classify your file. What kind of upload is it?
- Pod (short non-fiction video, usually 1-7 minutes long, that tells a story or profiles a character)
- Other Awesome Stuff (anything else)
| cancel

- Einsam_Data_Old [removed]
- This comment was removed as a violation of community guidelines.
- Einsam_Data_Old [removed]
- Einsam_Data_Old: This comment was removed as a violation of community guidelines.
- +2
  
  dadevil
- This is my Favorite?: Anti-masturbation gear for the holidays!
  
  "Don't knock masturbation," Woody Allen famously quipped. "It's sex with someone I love."
  
  Interestingly, masturbation was not considered proper or safe for women even during those times when some were given masturbation treatments by their doctors. Yes, in the late 19th century, doctors occasionally masturbated women who were suffering from ‘hysteria.' I THINK THEY SHOULD STILL USE THIS METHOD!
  
  It was a nifty Victorian trick: Suppress and deny female sexual knowledge and expression, and when the resulting misery erupts through general manifestations of bodily and emotional discomfort, diagnose the women as ill and have them get sexual release through the desexualized digital (and later mechanical) manipulations of male physicians. All in a day's work!
  
  ("Solitary Sex: A Cultural History of Masturbation") masturbation was not a topic of great interest to the powers that be until 1712, when a con man named John Marten anonymously published a book spectacularly entitled: Onania; or, The Heinous Sin of Self Pollution and all its Frightful Consequences, in both SEXES Considered, with Spiritual and Physical Advice to those who have already injured themselves by this abominable practice. And seasonable Admonition to the Youth of the nation of Both SEXES.
  
  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201009/the-masturbation-gap
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +3
  
  CalgarC
- lol someone has been digging through O'Donnell's wardrobe collection...
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +3
  
  Mariased
- They left out the fact that it used to be an acceptable medical procedure to remove a woman's clitoris to keep her from "excessively" masturbating. Doesn't get much more disturbing than that.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +2
  
  andreii
- Mariased:
  ... what
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +4
  
  UtopianSky
- Mariased:
  Still is, in Africa.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +1
  
  Mariased
- andreii:
  Yessir.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +1
  
  Mariased
- UtopianSky:
  Very true.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +1
  
  bailey78
- Mariased:
  That is so cruel to do that to a person. I say castrate any man that does that to a woman. Let them see how it feels.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +3
  
  PzLuvHappeniz
- jesus fucking christ...
  the pear of agony, nuff said
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- 0
  
  remanns
- PzLuvHappeniz:
  yep. +^d
  
  - - -this should NOT be interpreted as "voted UP the pear". to be clear.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +4
  
  ocanada
- http://aaronstarmer.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/ChristineODonnellHarryPo...
  
  Where does this invention rank in the war against the lusting alone?
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +1
  
  GypsyJoy_Roam
- ocanada:
  tied with Palin:)
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +1
  
  randallr01
- Let's not forget circumcision
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +3
  
  Varex_Sythe
- Aw, there's a little heart stitched into one... how CUTE!
  
  All the depravity and issues aside though, am I incorrect in thinking that some of these things look like S & M gear?
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +1
  
  keepthinkingboo
- wow ...
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +1
  
  EmperorThan
- Which is the front or back on the article pic? Imagine trying to crap out of a heart shape? Or much less, trying to 'wipe' out of a metal spikey thing?
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +4
  
  GypsyJoy_Roam
- Number one way to stop masturbation? A really good lover.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +1
  
  ahihoel
- I lol'd hard. Boh moj, that website is hilarious! ;)
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +5
  
  PrivateBurke
- Holy fuck. I don't know what's scarier; those torture devices or that website.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +2
  
  remanns
- PrivateBurke:
  +^d scary ALL AROUND ! ( pun noticed,....but not intended. )
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +2
  
  eden49
- ...OCH...oh wait...
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +3
  
  thetrimsmith
- I'll never look at Corn Flakes the same way again.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +3
  
  UtopianSky
- thetrimsmith:
  And Gram Crackers.
  Both were designed to get people to eat more fiber, based on the belief that fiber makes you less horny.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +3
  
  a619ko
- Do you know how cold the metal would be!?
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +4
  
  boothanew
- im sure there are people who actually would get off to this ....
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +7
  
  jubal
- This is so sick...the things people will do to stop nature from running its course.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- 0
  
  Guyatthebusstation
- jubal:
  You are such a fencepost.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +9
  
  Dmerza1989
- they didn't stop masturbation they just made it more kinky!
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +10
  
  Stoneyroad
- all that hard work by blacksmiths when they could have just told everyone that it will make them go blind & grow hair on their palms.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +2
  
  lifestudentno83
- Seriously? Who promotes medieval and pre-modern devices to prevent masturbation?
  
  Frankly, there's a reason people stopped inventing these atrocities: It's called SANITY!
  
  Not to mention they didn't work; people still masturbate and turn out to live productive and fruitful lives as fully functioning adults(including fully functioning reproductive organs).
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +5
  
  UtopianSky
- Just in case anyone does not realize it:
  ChristWire.org is a satire website, like BettyBowers.com and LandoverBaptist.org.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +4
  
  teenelizabeth
- UtopianSky:
  I hope so...otherwise my faith in humanity has just plummeted.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +1
  
  lopinjop
- UtopianSky:
  Pretty damn insensitive and convincing satire
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +2
  
  UtopianSky
- teenelizabeth:
  The ancient devices are real- the article suggesting modern Christians want to use them is satire.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +2
  
  UtopianSky
- lopinjop:
  It's just making fun of the Christine O'Donnell types and the era their mentality came from.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +1
  
  teenelizabeth
- UtopianSky:
  I know that it's satire now. I'd stumbled across Christ Wire earlier in the week with no clue that what I was reading wasn't 100% true because I actually know people who think like that.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- 0
  
  remanns
- teenelizabeth:
  The devices used by the Inquisition DO tend to "plummet" faith in humanity somewhat.
  . . . . .but I think I have something of an allergy to humanity to begin with.
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +1
  
  remanns
- Added to "current cult"; " cult of sadism, oppression, and self righteousness".
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +1
  
  remanns
- We ARE a twisted monkey. This isn't really funny, and I'm rather flexible and inclusive when it comes to "humor",....BUT when you start to doggedly explore "Spanish Inquisition" territory,....well...
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- ThatCrazyLibertarian [removed]
- remanns: This comment was removed by its owner.
- +1
  
  remanns
- ThatCrazyLibertarian:
  classic. +^d
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +1
  
  remanns
- QUICK ! Act NOW and you can be REALLY UNIQUE for Halloween !
  Hooty Hoo HalloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeN !
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +3
  
  GypsyJoy_Roam
- remanns:
  All trick, NO treat:)
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- 0
  
  remanns
- GypsyJoy_Roam:
  true. hmmm. +^d
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +3
  
  Seraphina76
- O M Gawd! I was expecting some kind of denouncing of these ancient torture devices, boy was I wrong...."With each of these benevolent and ingenuous concepts, it’s clear that parental vigilance is the key."
  
  REALLY really REALLY?!?!?! This has sadly been the status quo of Christianity...forced infringement of free will...save your soul or die...commit one of the sins in our man made list and not only will "God" send you to hell, we will make a hell on earth for you.
  
  No thanks!
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply
- +3
  
  remanns
- Seraphina76:
  This stuff is deranged,...obsessive, perverse, and terrible. ( NO SHIT. )
  +^d
- 1 year ago
  - flag
  reply

select your country

Community Spotlight

Join a Community Group

BFD - Big Featured Discussion

Viewer Created Content

The 14 Most Disturbing Inventions to Stop Masturbation Ever

48 comments // The 14 Most Disturbing Inventions to Stop Masturbation Ever

we might already have a story about this:

top videos

Viewpoint

John Fugelsang on the Catholic Church as ‘atheist factory,’ Cory Booker and the worst honeymoon ever

The Young Turks

‘TYT’ convinces Cenk that officially allowing women in combat will not be the end of the world

The War Room

Granholm: Honor sacrifice by supporting vets

Full Court Press

SpaceX launches new NASA future

find current on tv

find current online

recent comments

© 2012 Current TV, LLC
All Rights Reserved

the basics

follow us online

tools

stay in touch

select your country

Community Spotlight

The 14 Most Disturbing Inventions to Stop Masturbation Ever

48 comments // The 14 Most Disturbing Inventions to Stop Masturbation Ever

we might already have a story about this:

top videos

find current on tv

find current online

recent comments

© 2012 Current TV, LLC All Rights Reserved

the basics

follow us online

tools

stay in touch

© 2012 Current TV, LLC
All Rights Reserved