Goldilocks and the Three Banks--pt.2
Now, every month, Goldilocks was receiving maybe 15 credit card offers a month. She was in denial at this point, just trying to drum up the payments on the cards she already had. She had accumulated about $15,000 in debt, and was faithfully listening to Dave Ramsey in the afternoons every chance she could, hoping that his wisdom would impart to her. She did pay off her smallest card, the one with a $500 limit. That felt great, and kept her in denial about her monthly routine for about another year. Then she heard Arianna Huffington suggest that we should all be boycotting the Big Banks, and we could do so by talking to the credit departments of our local banks. “That makes sense”, though Goldy. She composed a letter explaining the situation top to bottom, and handed it to Eva, a very helpful gal in the right department to turn around her life, she thought. Eva read the letter and replied: “Wow!” She went right to work, trying to secure a loan at about 12%, which sounded good to Goldy. But when Goldy went in the next day, it turned out that her earnings ratio was too low for the debt she’d incurred. Goldy went home sad, but not mad. She knew that Eva would have helped if she could have.
Another year went by, and offers were forthcoming. Godilocks gave it some thought, but every time she considered it, her stomach would tighten up, so she just kept paying the money, which also made her stomach tighten. It was hard to tell which source of the stomach-tightening was worse.
Finally, an offer came from Citi, and though she’d heard terrible foul things about the big corporation, she bit the bullet and read through the paperwork. 0% interest for over a year. That would save a bunch. $300 transfer fee. Well, that would be ok, she guessed. 24% interest if a payment is missed. She promised on her mother’s grave that she’d never in a million years ever miss another payment. She figured out that presently her interest payments were amounting to almost $250 a month, and decided that she would take a new direction in pro-activity, and make the call. Pretty soon. Well, actually, it needed to be thought about some more.
Then, the final finally arrived. It was in the form of an “All Things Considered” report on NPR. This was the trusted source that put Goldy over the top and got her to contact Citi. They were interviewing a girl who avoided all interest charges by signing for the 0% cards whenever she needed to. She’d pay the transfer fee, but at the end of the story they summed it up as if she hadn’t paid anything. In her head, Goldy’s addendum to the story was “Yeah, but there’s a fee, so don’t forget about it.”
She called a couple of days later. There were three cards to transfer. After the information was taken for the second card, the Citi associate tried to sell her a few other things; insurance and the like, but Goldy stalwartly replied “no” to all inquiries. They tried to send her the free trial periods, and she clearly reiterated, “no, please don’t send me anything that I have to cancel”. She tried to remind the associate that there was another card to transfer, but the associate had selling on her mind. She forgot entirely about the third card. She then tried to wrap up the conversation, and Goldy interjected, “What about my third card?” It was too late, the associate explained, blaming Goldy for withholding the information. “You’ll have to wait until you get your card, and then you can continue with the transferring. There was that knot again, but Goldy was too worn out to pursue an argument, and replied, “Thank you, I’ll do that.”
The day came when her card arrived. Goldilocks took a breath and tried to quell her disgust for partnering with one of the Big 3 corporations. “Maybe they’ve learned their lesson”, she thought. She had to admit that it made her feel relieved----empowered, even. She was down to two credit cards, one with 0% for a year, and the other one, the one that was only 19%, was cut more than half. The evil 29.99% cards were history! So, “Hurray!!” she uttered. “Maybe I’m out of the belly of the Beast”.
Two days later she got the bill for the remaining card from Chase, and on it, there was another $300 transfer fee.
Another year went by, and offers were forthcoming. Godilocks gave it some thought, but every time she considered it, her stomach would tighten up, so she just kept paying the money, which also made her stomach tighten. It was hard to tell which source of the stomach-tightening was worse.
Finally, an offer came from Citi, and though she’d heard terrible foul things about the big corporation, she bit the bullet and read through the paperwork. 0% interest for over a year. That would save a bunch. $300 transfer fee. Well, that would be ok, she guessed. 24% interest if a payment is missed. She promised on her mother’s grave that she’d never in a million years ever miss another payment. She figured out that presently her interest payments were amounting to almost $250 a month, and decided that she would take a new direction in pro-activity, and make the call. Pretty soon. Well, actually, it needed to be thought about some more.
Then, the final finally arrived. It was in the form of an “All Things Considered” report on NPR. This was the trusted source that put Goldy over the top and got her to contact Citi. They were interviewing a girl who avoided all interest charges by signing for the 0% cards whenever she needed to. She’d pay the transfer fee, but at the end of the story they summed it up as if she hadn’t paid anything. In her head, Goldy’s addendum to the story was “Yeah, but there’s a fee, so don’t forget about it.”
She called a couple of days later. There were three cards to transfer. After the information was taken for the second card, the Citi associate tried to sell her a few other things; insurance and the like, but Goldy stalwartly replied “no” to all inquiries. They tried to send her the free trial periods, and she clearly reiterated, “no, please don’t send me anything that I have to cancel”. She tried to remind the associate that there was another card to transfer, but the associate had selling on her mind. She forgot entirely about the third card. She then tried to wrap up the conversation, and Goldy interjected, “What about my third card?” It was too late, the associate explained, blaming Goldy for withholding the information. “You’ll have to wait until you get your card, and then you can continue with the transferring. There was that knot again, but Goldy was too worn out to pursue an argument, and replied, “Thank you, I’ll do that.”
The day came when her card arrived. Goldilocks took a breath and tried to quell her disgust for partnering with one of the Big 3 corporations. “Maybe they’ve learned their lesson”, she thought. She had to admit that it made her feel relieved----empowered, even. She was down to two credit cards, one with 0% for a year, and the other one, the one that was only 19%, was cut more than half. The evil 29.99% cards were history! So, “Hurray!!” she uttered. “Maybe I’m out of the belly of the Beast”.
Two days later she got the bill for the remaining card from Chase, and on it, there was another $300 transfer fee.
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- groups:
- Comedy
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- tags:
- Credit Cards, Banksters
