Karl Rove Henchmen Thought to Be Behind Gingrich Castration
source: http://deardirtyamerica.blogspot.com/2011/12/karl-rove-henchmen-thought-to-be-behind.html
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IOWA -- Newt Gingrich has allegedly checked into an undisclosed hospital in Iowa after Karl Rove's henchmen cut off the GOP candidate's testicles late Saturday evening. The details are fuzzy, and the only source blaming the grotesque castration of Gingrich's privates is, unsurprisingly, Gingrich himself.
Gingrich's lone campaign staffer was not around when the incident happened. According to the sputtering, bewildered Newt, the violent action happened at a trucker cafe just outside Des Moines. "I was halfway done with my medium rare steak, so I untucked my napkin from my collar and headed to the men's room to let out a little pressure. Two men entered after me, held me down on the floor. They pulled out a hunting knife and disabled me."
He's blaming Karl Rove for the attack. Pundits had recently blamed Rove for supporting Romney and lashing out at Gingrich. "Rove did a hit job on me, and now I'm severely disfigured," Gingrich said. "The terrifying reality is still setting in."
Ever since Gingrich performed the Truffle Shuffle for a large audience of Iowan voters, he surged in the polls. The FCC later banned the video of the dance calling it "nightmarish and offensive."
Gingrich called an ambulance and was escorted by police to an undisclosed location where he is currently being treated. The candidate has been described as delirious and "out of touch with reality", as the local sheriff put it at an emergency press conference. "He'd been traumatized very badly. We're hunting down the perpetrators, but so far we don't have much to go on. Why this candidate was dining in a truck stop by himself, we don't really know yet, but we're putting the details together."
The sheriff admitted he didn't think Rove was behind the crime, but instead a few "rowdy liberal truckers" cornered the candidate and "had their way with him." The sheriff refused to answer one reporter's question about if there really existed any liberal truckers.
Read the rest:
http://deardirtyamerica.blogspot.com/2011/12/karl-rove-henchmen-thought-to-be-be...
Gingrich's lone campaign staffer was not around when the incident happened. According to the sputtering, bewildered Newt, the violent action happened at a trucker cafe just outside Des Moines. "I was halfway done with my medium rare steak, so I untucked my napkin from my collar and headed to the men's room to let out a little pressure. Two men entered after me, held me down on the floor. They pulled out a hunting knife and disabled me."
He's blaming Karl Rove for the attack. Pundits had recently blamed Rove for supporting Romney and lashing out at Gingrich. "Rove did a hit job on me, and now I'm severely disfigured," Gingrich said. "The terrifying reality is still setting in."
Ever since Gingrich performed the Truffle Shuffle for a large audience of Iowan voters, he surged in the polls. The FCC later banned the video of the dance calling it "nightmarish and offensive."
Gingrich called an ambulance and was escorted by police to an undisclosed location where he is currently being treated. The candidate has been described as delirious and "out of touch with reality", as the local sheriff put it at an emergency press conference. "He'd been traumatized very badly. We're hunting down the perpetrators, but so far we don't have much to go on. Why this candidate was dining in a truck stop by himself, we don't really know yet, but we're putting the details together."
The sheriff admitted he didn't think Rove was behind the crime, but instead a few "rowdy liberal truckers" cornered the candidate and "had their way with him." The sheriff refused to answer one reporter's question about if there really existed any liberal truckers.
Read the rest:
http://deardirtyamerica.blogspot.com/2011/12/karl-rove-henchmen-thought-to-be-be...
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