Comedy | January 07, 2012 | 142 comments

Libertarianism: The "Human Centipede" of political ideologies !

source: http://dagblog.com/humor-satire/libertarianism-human-centipede-political-ideologies-12327

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kennymotown
For all our Libertarians!

by William K. Wolfrum 11/26/2011 - 11:22 am | Humor & Satire Politics
There are no great libertarian thinkers. Libertarianism is the absence of thought.
Lately, libertarianism has gained some weird popularity in the U.S. Sort of like Garbage Pail Kids did, but more offensive and less intellectual. Somehow, a growing group of maniacs has decided that things like paying taxes and making sure their handicapped grandma doesn’t die is an affront to their personal liberty.
I used to go by the theory that there are no homeless libertarians, but now I realize that was in error. The homeless are the quintessential libertarians, with no freedom-sapping things like shelter or clothing taking away from their personal freedom of licking the cheese off a three-day-old McDonald’s wrapper.
Libertarianism is like Scientology in that it’s a huge scam with a cult following of people who have completely lost the ability to think for themselves. Also, both libertarians and Scientologists believe in space aliens and that “Battlefield Earth” was Barry Pepper’s best work.
In the U.S., libertarians are under some bizarre fantasy that State governments somehow are better than the federal government. This fantasy is formed by being utterly ignorant to the current plight of states and the stupidity of state laws. Hell, why stop at States. How about we just live under City laws. Or better yet, let your neighborhood make all the rules. That way, you can have neighborhoods that have legalized dog fights and pedophilia. You know, Liberty.
And don't even start with the, "Well, the Founding Fathers said ... " stuff. As soon as you have writings of the Founding Fathers talking about a nation of 300 million people with 50 states and run by mega-corporations, we'll talk.
Libertarianism is a lot like the movie “Human Centipede” in that everyone involved is completely full of shit and it’s never actually been done in real life
Libertarianism was originally known as Anarchist Communism, because it essentially takes the worst of two hideous and failed ideologies, smooshes them together and calls it a philosophy. Human civilization has never tried libertarianism as a ruling ideology because humans aren’t, by and large, selfish and soulless monsters. Also, because it’s the type of ideology a 13-year-old comes up with when they’re angry that their parents make them mow the lawn.
Libertarians believe that masturbating in front of a mirror is the purest form of sex because it’s all you, baby.
Libertarians essentially believe that those who fall through the cracks of capitalism will be taken care of by charities. Because God knows, the majority of Americans who work 18-hour days for $2 an hour will spend their off hours working at soup kitchens and giving free appendix surgery to those who need it but can’t afford it. A libertarian regime would just mean we’d need to get used to wading through dead bodies to get to work. Because it would infringe upon our liberties to bury anyone who’s not you.
Libertarians believe the purest form of death is putting a bullet in your own head. Because you were free to own a gun and eat a bullet to get away from the nightmare of libertarianism.
Libertarianism is the belief that the poor of the United States aren’t suffering enough.
That so many people have seen how capitalism and unfettered free markets affect the common person and yet still consider it a perfect economic system can only mean one thing – that libertarians are just Republicans that have grown embarrassed in calling themselves Republicans. It’s not an ideology. It’s a way for rich people to sit back, feel superior and enjoy watching poor people fight to the death over a scrap of gristle.
Libertarians don’t have any idea what in the hell liberty or freedom mean. They are just a bunch of assholes who don’t want to pay taxes and want to get stoned and watch people who earn less than them wither and die.
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142 comments // Libertarianism: The "Human Centipede" of political ideologies !

  • mrtraffic
    • +4
      mrtraffic  

    • "ibertarians are just Republicans that have grown embarrassed in calling themselves Republicans. It’s not an ideology. It’s a way for rich people to sit back, feel superior and enjoy watching poor people fight to the death over a scrap of gristle.
      Libertarians don’t have any idea what in the hell liberty or freedom mean. They are just a bunch of assholes who don’t want to pay taxes and want to get stoned and watch people who earn less than them wither and die."

      That was beautiful!

    • 5 months ago
  • VFORVENDETTA
  • JohnA
  • tverdell
  • JustAnotherSchlub
  • ZiggyStrange
  • tverdell
    • 0
      tverdell  
    • JustAnotherSchlub:

      That's why I said straw man.
      The libertarian is being defined as ridiculously as Ayn Rand defines liberals -- ridiculously far from the truth.

      If you talked with a libertarian I doubt you would have this impression.

    • 5 months ago
  • fiberbundle
    • +3
      fiberbundle  

    • I think the criticism is quite valid. At best Libertarianism is just " feelings". Its not a political template; its not a pragmatic tool ; Its a mess of disconnected and contradicting sound bytes that are used to justify whatever selfish, antisocial, activity its adherents are currently engaged in--- activities that everyone else around them finds obnoxious, irritating, threatening and dangerous. IMO, for the most part, "They are just a bunch of assholes who don’t want to pay taxes and want to get stoned and watch people who earn less than them wither and die."

      Just leave me alone and let it be. Never was that way for our species and never will be that way. So grow up.

      Profile of a Libertarian. Male community college sophomore---status single and not dating. (The Klingon expressing his exasperation with our inability to see how "cool" Libertarians are; kind of gives you the idea of who most of them are).

    • 5 months ago
  • joeredford
  • Milieu
  • Anonmaly
    • -5
      Anonmaly  

    • "Ron Paul - 30% of people who watch this whole video change their vote."

      (The rest are probably on government payroll, or think that their Orwellian doublespeak will cover their asses when when known conspiracy facts play out to be the hard core fascist policies that's being thrown literally in your faces everyday.

      Funny thing about it, we've already crossed the line into extra-judicially-murdering American born TEENAGE U.S. citizens... Anwar al-Awlaki may have been a terrorist, his son, struck by a drone less than a month after himself, was a CHILD!!! & Obama, didn't even see the need to say anything about it.....

      When "Collateral Damage" was released by WikiLeaks, when the mentality of certain (not all) U.S. troops was on display to the whole world, when some of us were forced to open their eyes, what did Obama do? Time for a witch-hunt, time to go after whomever exposed the foul pervasive mentality of our government as demonstrated through the actions of some certain bloodthirsty soldiers....

      And when they found the "patsy", when they think they got "the right man", one Bradley Manning, what do they do....? Virtually if not actually torture him, in a cell with no clothes, no bed, no nothing but a small cage, food, and toilet for months on end.... And now with his trial, what little bit of news that breaks through the "infotainment" about important things like evidence in the case..... THEY HAVE NO CASE!!!! They can't show that those leaks harmed anything but the "sanitized" face of the war and war machine. They certainly can't, or have failed to so far definitively prove Manning had any part in it..... Anyone working in the same office or room of cubicles could have done it. Does that stop the ill treatment {though it did improve some a while back}, or threats of locking him up forever, or the character assassination campaign by the government through the media? Hell NO.

      We've already crossed the line collectively, Obama has crossed the line.... And it's the exact same that people with a brain including Ron Paul wouldn't cross it's that line into elitism, superiority, and the same line in racism...

      Once you find it easy to abuse 1 group, or 1 person, once it's okay to extra-judicially-murder a CHILD, once it's okay to torture.... You can try to give a trillion reasons that "this only applies to so & so or such & scuh", but the truth is once you cross it with 1 or 2, or 200, however many innocents killed with "misplaced" drone strikes, however many tortured, however many peoples rights stripped way..... There is no line.

      TPTB (the powers that be) have no problem adjusting the line to suit their agenda, and they show you daily with their new bills, acts, legislation, all of it....

      They've put money over us, they let the banks and speculators crash the economy and bailed them out....

      We've got 18 million unoccupied dwellings (many of which the financial institutions stole through deceptive practices), and 3.5 million homeless... And people so angry (yet peaceful) they are protesting in the streets the state of EVERYTHING and they've been beaten, and "pepper-sprayed", and caged and treated like sub-human parasites, for demanding their RIGHTS....

      & Obama (when he's not looking for a way to harness the sentiment in the streets, and associate it with his "brand") is sitting back almost approvingly of the harsh tactics used by many cities in "dealing" with these peaceful people....

      Does anyone really think, with all the lines crossed, the president letting all the things happen he has, and even unilaterally going to war recently without the legally REQUIRED approval of congress he gives a flying-fuck about any of you beyond what he can get out of you in supporting his police-state?.....

      He doesn't, and the government job, or the cheap products to buy your greedy narcissistic children at the expense of both the planet and slave wages in third world countries will only last so long, getting you so far....

      And um we have a constitution for a reason.... We have our servicemen swear an oath to the constitution for a reason. Principles, rules, laws preordained, to keep dictators from coming to power.... Obama knows this, he's a constitutional law scholar, isn't he even technically a "professor"?

      Yet he has signed laws into being that are in fact unconstitutional, he's unilaterally went to war without approval from congress, and has sat back and given essentially hand outs (in fairness much like Bush did) to the same people that are robbing us blind, while sending our poorest of the poorest people him and previous administrations could force through a shattered economy, and lack of better options, to go fight to ensure predatory capitalistic gains in other peoples countries..... Simultaneously taking our rights away and allowing the PIGS to bash our heads in, shoot us with rubber-bullets, pepper-spray us, when we protest.....

      THAT IS OBAMA FOR YOU......)

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5I0E75G8-g

    • 5 months ago
  • joeredford
  • hombre76
  • joeredford
  • joeredford
    • +6
      joeredford [removed]  

    • A Modern Libertarian ( Sung to Gilbert and Sullivan's A modern Major General)

      I am the very model of a modern Libertarian.
      A font of information that is politically contrarian.
      I know the economics of abundance and prosperity.
      And can quote from every pundit with uttermost in verity.
      I'm very well aquainted ,too,with matters theoretical.
      And understand the axioms of authors quite heretical
      With Freidman, Smith, Ayn Rand and Locke with economics Keysian.
      I swing through all their theories like a circus act trapezian.

      Chorus
      He swings through all their theories like a circus act trapezian. Repeat

      I'm very good at splitting hairs in arguments quite logical
      And giving talks in manners that approach the pedogogical,
      In short, on information that's politically contrarian,
      I am the very model of a modern Libertarian.

      Chorus
      In short, on information that's politically contrarian,
      He is the very model of a modern Libertarian.

      I know the mythic history of our lost oppotunities
      Of Moots, of Things in Iceland and Utopian Communities,
      On Yurok legal systems I can wax in ways quite passionate,
      And point out modern relevance in ways that leave you graspin' it.
      I laud the rights of ownership and individuality
      Of freedom in the market place and constitutionality,
      Though if the latter is ( in situation hypothetical).
      Any part statist, then I'll state I'm antithetical.

      Chorus
      Though if the latter is( in situation hypothetical).
      Then he'll state he's antithetical.

      I can state the failures of government morality,
      And demonstrate the reasons with an eye toward their casuality,
      In short, on information that's politically contrarian,
      I am the very model of a modern Libertarian.

      Chorus
      In short, on information that's politically contrarian,
      He is the very model of a modern Libertarian.

      Now some may say I sound dogmatic like a priest hieretical,
      And preach a jaundice view of things that verges on fanatical,
      That market place solutions are an article of faith to me,
      A viewpoint they insist , bears no relation to reality,
      That medievil Iceland with it's tiny population
      Does not a model make for a super-power nation.
      Well, if you insist on labels like an amateur taxonomist
      Then I'm the true man who's a one handed economist.

      Chorus
      Then he's the only true man who's a one handed economist.

      So what if my alternative to government inequity,
      I supported solely by examples from antiquity,
      But still in information that's politically contrarian.
      I am the very model of a modern Libertarian.

      Chorus
      But still in information that's politically contrarian,
      He is the very model of a modern Libertarian.

      Let's sing it again folks.
      I am the very model of a modern Libertarian...........................................

      .

    • 5 months ago
  • kennymotown
  • coolplanet
  • joeredford
  • ThatCrazyLibertarian
  • joeredford
  • ThatCrazyLibertarian
  • joeredford
  • ThatCrazyLibertarian
  • joeredford
  • VFORVENDETTA
    • +1
      VFORVENDETTA  
    • joeredford:

      One of the best-and funniest-post I have ever seen! the sound of 1000 hands clapping! thank you, thank you THANK YOU!!!

      I'll have that damn song in my brain for days-" I am the very model of a modern libertarian......"

    • 5 months ago
  • Milieu
  • kennymotown
  • coolplanet
  • kennymotown
  • coolplanet
    • +5
      coolplanet  
    • kennymotown:

      I can just hear Tuvok lecturing the captain on the benefits of a libertarian command structure.
      No pesky regulations, no Star Fleet interference, to each his own, survival of the top dog.
      It hasn't worked in the past and it won't work in the future.

    • 5 months ago
  • kennymotown
  • ibrake4rappers13
    • -9
      ibrake4rappers13  

    • What about what i said can you deny kenny? Its all verifiable just look at the difference between the two democrats grover cleveland and woodrow wilson and youll see how far the democrat party and america has fallen. We are now an imperial power run by central bankers

    • 5 months ago
  • kennymotown
  • ibrake4rappers13
    • -9
      ibrake4rappers13  
    • kennymotown:

      Im not placing the blame solely on progressive democrats. Republicans have been progressive as well. Richard Nixon was the worst on the republican side in my opinion he created the DEA. But he also created the EPA. isnt the EPA supposed to be a crown jewel of the progressive movement? Well it was a republican who created it.

    • 5 months ago
  • joeredford
  • ibrake4rappers13
    • -10
      ibrake4rappers13  

    • Actually americas first century was dominated with classical liberal (libertarian) thinkers. One of the most prominent was grover cleveland. He was a classical liberal and hes the only one who can be counted on the list of presidents twice. It was only until woodrow wilson that progressivism took hold of this country. We became an imperial power we adopted a central bank and started down a road of anti constitutionalist presidents. The reason we have the problems we have today is because of progressivism. Our imperialism our drug war the federal reserve are all progressive ideas

    • 5 months ago
  • kennymotown
  • joeredford
  • ibrake4rappers13
  • joeredford
  • Saladin
  • mrtraffic
  • AliceBToklas
  • kennymotown
    • +5
      kennymotown  
    • AliceBToklas:

      Standing ovation, where have you been my whole Current life? That was magnificent!

      I remember when I first came across the Libertarian party, I thought it read the Librarian Party (Damn you Evelyn Woods Speed Reading course) what was I thinking, silly me of course in Libertarianville there would be no Public Library's. :)

    • 5 months ago
  • joeredford
  • hombre76
  • hombre76
  • fiberbundle
  • deane
  • VFORVENDETTA
  • Saladin
    • +5
      Saladin  

    • I don't really like shitting on Libertarians because, other than their political philosophy, they're generally intelligent people. Just, by and large, uneducated as all hell. So that makes me ambivalent about this article.

      But it gets really frustrating dealing with them because, like the author says, their ideology does have startling similarities to cult behavior. At its core, it is an ideology as extreme as communism and just as religious.

      The main thing I disagree with in this article is that it hasn't been tried before. Oh yes it has, try the entire industrial age. Or, if you want something more specific, try the United States post-civil war to 1932. It was pretty amazingly awful.

      Sure, the Libertarian might assert that doesn't count, the same way Communists assert that that the U.S.S.R. doesn't count. But that's the thing about utopian ideologies, they will always move the goalpost so long as their ideology allows them to.

    • 5 months ago
  • kennymotown
  • hombre76
  • Saladin
    • +1
      Saladin  
    • hombre76:

      This is exactly what I'm talking about. Utopian ideologies never own up to their own failures.

      If the Libertarian society sucked, then it wasn't "really" Libertarian. So it's still ok.

      It's also a little strange that you have Che as your avatar, considering he was a Communist, which is the inverse to Libertarian thought.

    • 5 months ago
  • hombre76
    • -1
      hombre76  
    • Saladin:

      I dont follow anyone, Sheep! thats your job I respect Che cause he told the Sheep of his time the same and to go fuck themselves if they did not like his so called Utopian Ideals. frankly at least we have ideals and the curage and principle to stand up for them. what are you? nothing more than a sellout thats what. a political prostitute.

    • 5 months ago
  • VFORVENDETTA
  • Saladin
    • 0
      Saladin  
    • hombre76:

      Is that a fancy way of saying I actually care whether or not what I believe in works?

      Politics, ideally, shouldn't even be about belief. It's about the greatest good for the greatest number. It's about establishing standards of living we can all enjoy and providing freedoms that aren't possible in the natural world.

      It seems to me like you're only interested in politics so you can feel better than other people, which is kind of dumb considering how retarded what you believe is.

      The fact that you even call me a sellout is a testament to that, as if politics were a fucking rock show.

    • 5 months ago
  • unimatrix0
  • kennymotown
  • ThatCrazyLibertarian
  • kennymotown
  • remanns
    • +3
      remanns  
    • ThatCrazyLibertarian:

      . . . .some of my best friends are lawyers . . .

      heh. kidding. ( just you ) bestest
      p.s.
      I actually did have a lawyer friend in a band of friends once a long time ago (* an actual musical band ) Still have some Libertarian friends who tolerate me,....."Devils Advocate" has apparently become my nick name . . . .go figure.

      - but I think this is digression.

    • 5 months ago
  • joeredford
    • +4
      joeredford [removed]  
    • kennymotown:

      Oh, Kenny...if only they were just wrinkles. They are more like major faultlines. No social democracy will ever survive a libertarian leader without the earth caving in on Ayn Rand's grave and exposing her for the selfish greedy , hypocritical monster she was.
      Libertarians are to liberty what conservatives are to conservation.

    • 5 months ago
  • kennymotown
  • Kilnsapper
    • -9
      Kilnsapper  

    • Loser post. Obama= Bush. God Save the Government!!!!! Who would I be if it wasn't for Uncle Sam. How can some dipshit that live 1000 miles from you know what is best for you? If it is that easy though, would someone please come wipe my ass for me since i'm too stupid to do it.

    • 5 months ago
  • Saladin
  • kennymotown
  • hombre76
  • Saladin
  • hombre76
  • Saladin
    • 0
      Saladin  
    • hombre76:

      It's not a fallacy, and the only hypocrisy here is from you. I'm pointing out all of the services you enjoy that government has directly or indirectly provided for you. If you want those things, why are you hating on the government.

      By all means, move to Somalia or some Libertarian hellhole and see if you prefer it.

    • 5 months ago
  • hombre76
    • 0
      hombre76  
    • Saladin:

      are they provided or do taxes pay for it? I poay taxes so I pay for it its not provided your confused and should move cause this is my fucking country and I aint going anywhere Period. get that A.H.? I'll see this country burn to the ground before I capitulate to this hipocritical two party BS any more. Enjoy a bowl of vitamin D an STFU.

    • 5 months ago
  • hombre76
  • Saladin
    • 0
      Saladin  
    • hombre76:

      You pay a tiny fraction of taxes. If you ACTUALLY had to pay for roads and research and everything else that is, yes, provided for you, you'd never be able to afford all of it. That's kinda the whole point of government.

      You just sound pissed off, you're not even making sense anymore. You certainly don't have a point to make.

    • 5 months ago
  • Ambill94
  • kennymotown
  • Ambill94
  • kennymotown
  • artemis6
  • kennymotown
  • unimatrix0
  • Ambill94
  • remanns
    • +7
      remanns  

    • I just cant embrace that in full,....as a "leftist libertarian" or anarcho-socialist" if you will. That the "individual" is the source of VALUE,....rather than the collective, is a concept I hold to. Now, as to ....The AMERICAN "libertarian",......... with his/her - " PROPERTY RIGHTS ! PROPERTY RIGHTS ! PROPERTY RIGHTS ! mantra,....well,.....cant go there.

      not on that team - there is just some overlap.

      Heh. Now that I think about it,....I sort of feel like a "freedom of speech" advocate called on time and time again to defend pornographers concerns about censorship. Yepper,....sort of like that.

    • 5 months ago
  • remanns
    • +5
      remanns  
    • remanns:

      HUZZAH ! a " worthless cowardly craven hit-n-run back-stab assassin voter" has struck and run without leaving a note ! Such character ! Such nobility !

      Now,....if I was saying this to someone in particular,....it would be wrong. So instead,....I will just say " PUSSY " , and just sort of leave it hanging there.

    • 5 months ago
  • kennymotown
  • ZiggyStrange
    • +7
      ZiggyStrange  
    • Image

    • "It’s not an ideology. It’s a way for rich people to sit back, feel superior and enjoy watching poor people fight to the death over a scrap of gristle.
      Libertarians don’t have any idea what in the hell liberty or freedom mean. They are just a bunch of assholes who don’t want to pay taxes and want to get stoned and watch people who earn less than them wither and die. "

      That says it all Kenny. Spot on.

    • 5 months ago
  • kennymotown
    • +5
      kennymotown  
    • ZiggyStrange:

      It really says it all, this guy has a great sense of humor. I'm going to try and interject more of that, political humor is the mainstay of comedy. I forgot slap stick is right up there as well! :))

    • 5 months ago
  • remanns
    • +3
      remanns  
    • ZiggyStrange:

      Well,.....I want to get stoned and preferably not pay taxes...........
      ( I don't however, advocate it as government policy,.....well,....the "not pay taxes" part . . .)

      I cant really afford to dress like that anarchist anymore,........ ( need jobs n such ) perhaps if I had managed to become more of a RICH person........... -sigh - .

    • 5 months ago
  • ZiggyStrange
  • joeredford
    • +4
      joeredford [removed]  
    • ZiggyStrange:

      Government is the great Satan. All evil comes from Government and all good comes from the market, according to the Ayatolah Rand. (Thank God she's dead and it won't be too long before Ron joins her in hell.) Where have you been hiding Ziggy? Too many Paulbots throwing around too many theories they can't prove? You're welcome to join me in my Paul proof retreat I call " common sense and rational thought." You're already on the right path, just turn a little to the left when you see the sign that says " No libertarian trolls allowed."

    • 5 months ago
  • hombre76
  • ZiggyStrange
    • +2
      ZiggyStrange  
    • hombre76:

      That's effin brilliant. You call people blind but you have no excuse, you wear blinders. RP is a liar hypocrite racist.libertarian so yes, we do have them. Obama is your worst nightmare.

    • 5 months ago
  • ZiggyStrange
  • hombre76
    • -4
      hombre76  
    • ZiggyStrange:

      yes Obama is he is a fucking monster compared to Ron Paul. Ron Paul did not sign a bill makeing the indefinate detention of Americans with out trial legal. Healso did not extend the patriot act like Obama did. you keep worshiping your dictator Obama the rest of us freemn and women will do what is nessisary as always.

    • 5 months ago
  • joeredford
  • Anonmaly
    • -1
      Anonmaly  

    • Hmmm, someone likes their forced sodomy by the two party myth?

      Like all those messy Santorums?

      Idk, am an Anarchist, but I do see the kinship to Libertarianism.... And collectivism isn't bad (knowing one of the arguments against Libertarianism is it's strong appreciation of individualism), it's the collective direction the country is headed that's total shit...

      So Libertarians with their thinking outside the box, and willingness to drop accepted tradition and garbage is stupid?

      Beats the hell out of all the "intellectual" inbreeding that goes on, and that's all the "left"/"right" myth has to offer, intellectual inbreeding going back thousands of years, when the fact their is only one party...

      The MONEY party..... The Kelptocracy, the "I can pay these guys over here, while writing laws to control you, to cage you for not obeying my crooked laws."

      What did Obama sponsor this article?

    • 5 months ago
  • remanns
  • kennymotown
    • +4
      kennymotown  
    • remanns:

      Thats because your a nice person, you are the glue that holds us together my friend. Me on the other hand, am an Old Angry Man who occasionally lets a fart in church expecting a Mass laugh. :)

    • 5 months ago
  • remanns
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