Comedy | July 28, 2012 | 214 comments

Same Shit, Different Religion!

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kennymotown
Isn't it time to help the delusional get on the right track. Faith is not the pathway to truth!


Simple fact of the human condition is people will believe shit. Crazy shit, weird shit, miraculous shit, natural law suspending shit, financial advice shit, political shit, and religion. We always have done so, and more than likely there will be another poor schmuck that gets roped into buying the Ginshu knife, or dedicating his life to the Church of Scientology. In fact, I’d love to see a study that demonstrates a correlation between religiosity and those that buy shit on the Home Shopping Network. It would appear, so it seems, we are programmed to believe shit, no matter how shitty the shit is.

The human experience has produced gods by the dime and dozen, in fact since the beginning of recorded history, which is often defined by the invention of writing by the Sumerians around 6,000 years ago, (in other words the Sumerians were well on the way to writing postcards to one another well before the Hebrew God had created the universe) man has catalogued more than 3,700 supernatural beings, of which 2,850 are considered deities. That is just the number since documented history began. Imagine if we add to this the number of gods that mankind has believed in throughout the entire 200,000-year journey of the Homo sapiens’ experience. We’d be talking tens of thousands of gods that we’ve worshiped at one point or another.

It’s important to bear the above in mind because there is a tendency, especially among Muslims, Jews, and Christians to believe their god is the only God. Their god is merely the god of the ancient Hebrews. There are or were gods for the Africans, Aztecs, Australian aborigines, Chinese, Greeks, Indians, Incans, Mayans, Celtics, Romans, Japanese, Tibetans, etc etc. At one time or another, we were duped into believing these gods wanted us to sacrifice virgins to make it rain, murder a first-born infant to bring good fortune, or hack off the end of our penises with a piece of flint.

Gods eventually die, but new believers of new faiths continue to stand in line for their magic meal ticket to the afterlife. Mormonism was founded less than 200 years ago. A religion solely and wholly created by a felon, Joseph Smith. Was he convicted of stealing a loaf of bread, or of scalping tickets to Broadway musicals? No, he was convicted of fraud, and yet there are 13,000,000 human beings on planet earth today that believe Joseph Smith’s stories as gospel. Thirteen million people who believe black people are the segment of the human race punished by God for staying neutral during some cosmic battle; that the North American Indians are a loss tribe of Israel; and that Jesus second coming will take place in Missouri. It’s a given there will be another few thousand people who will hear the Mormon story this month and think, “wow, how do I join?”

More recent still, the commencement of Scientology. A religion that unequivocally demonstrates people will buy really stupid shit. A faith-based corporate organization that was founded in 1952 by science-fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard. You noticed the ‘science-fiction’ part, right? Anyway, central to this esoteric religion is that faith is revealed to those who invest their time and MONEY to master Hubbard’s loony teachings. Scientologists believe that human beings are held back from fulfilling their full spiritual potential by negative memories from former lives. To counter these traumas suffered from past lives, believers spend thousands of dollars, often millions of dollars in the case of wealthy members, on one-on-one “auditing”. Do you really want to know what “auditing” involves? Well, I’m going to tell ya. These sessions include the auditee holding a slim silver-colored handle of an “e-meter” while an auditor asks them questions about their former lives. The aim of this is to help progress the auditee, or member to the “bridge to total freedom”, so that they may live their lives to their full potential as “Operating Thetans”, or pure spirits.

How many people in the US alone believe this shit? Well, according to the 1991-2000 Census, a total of 55,000 Americans call themselves a Scientologist, and that’s just the ones that aren’t too embarrass to admit it in public.

Point being, it’s not hard to start a new religion. Simply, tell someone you spent four weeks in a cave and an angel spoke to you, and you will have no difficulty in finding someone who will believe it. In turn that believer will find someone who believes him, and so on and so on – and you’ve successfully added God number 3,701 to the ever-expanding list.

CJ Werleman

Author ‘God Hates You. Hate Him Back’ (Making Sense of the Bible)
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214 comments // Same Shit, Different Religion!

  • Incredulous
  • rerushg
  • Incredulous
  • WagonMaster
  • Argon18
  • dissillusion
    • +3
      dissillusion  
    • This one is pretty good, it get's into the religion of money and such that's not traditionally looked at as religion but is...

      Jesus for a Bowl of Goat's Foot Soup.

      (snippet)

      " religious insanity. There are two kinds of religious insanity. There is the fanatical insanity of the worship of the material God; the one who has usurped the natural province of the sublime, higher mind of natural aspiration, toward the greater awareness of transcendent liberty and there is the worship of the currency of the material plane, for the purpose of an exclusionary state, at the expense of one's fellows. This crazy and inflamed state, born of self interest, is radiated outward, from the captive planes of consciousness, by the disembodied residents of the lower astral plane. They are being swept out into the minds and bodies of those who have given up their own sovereignty, in exchange for temporary license and the exercise of ever increasingly profane appetites ...and like the contagion of a plague, this viral parasite has found ever more welcome lodging, in the minds of the greater public, until it is universally accepted as the right and preferred state of being.

      So... most especially in the logarithmically expanding decadence of the United States, this condition is reaching out into every nation, where similar conditions are festering into savage outbreak; both random and calculated acts of violence, against family, friends and strangers; kidnappings and torture, bodies by the road side, epidemic highway accidents, where as many as 20 people die at at a time, vans filled with passengers exploding into flaming infernos, public shootings in shopping areas, the indiscriminate murder of individuals under the plastic button eyes of Mickey Mouse, blowing away teenage boys exiting their vehicles. Every day there are a half a dozen or a dozen more and all the unseen killings taking place across the land.

      People are going to jail for catching rainwater. Hot dog stands and lemonade stands are resulting in the arrests of children. Children are being tased and shot down by the police. They're being buggered and raped by public officials. You can't grow your own food or milk your own cows. There are cameras everywhere but you can't use your own. The supreme court said that corporations are people. Mitt Romney sucked the devil's flaming cock below The Fellatio Wall in Jerusalem; swallow or spit, Mitt? He killed Jesus for a bowl of Goat's foot soup. The fundies are screaming for Jesus to come back. They've got a hammer in one hand and a fistful of nails in the other. Jesus better watch his ass."

      http://www.zippittydodah.com/2012/07/killing-jesus-for-bowl-of-goats-foot.html

    • 10 months ago
  • WalmartRamen
    • +3
      WalmartRamen  
    • Image
    • Religion today is in the wrong. They say things, act, pick or chose what is in the bible. Well look at Matthew 22:21 Jesus said "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's; and to God the things that are God's."
      But the Churches are tax exempt. Give it that is the separation of church & state. To protect the church from state law. But you get the point.

      I see the church today as the Antichrist. Well it looks like the mark of the beast etc. If you are not a part of the Church you are dirt etc.
      Republicans act not Jesus like. Don't like black people, but are ok with Asian, Russian, Indian etc.
      Liberals like me are ok with everyone & have the education to notice the stupidly. But are called stupid by the Republicans & like we are the Antichrist.
      Because we don't act stupid like they do!

      "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
      Albert Einstein.

      I see it as like the 99% It's time for the Liberals to take back the church!
      All of this hoopla of Religion is dieing is not placed right.
      The ignorant people in it are dieing.

      I see it as the Gnostic parts of the bible.
      Jesus said, "Those who seek should not stop seeking until they find. When they find, they will be disturbed. When they are disturbed, they will marvel, and will reign over all. [And after they have reigned they will rest.]"
      http://www.gnosis.org/naghamm/gosthom.html

      Go to Church, all Liberals!!

    • 10 months ago
  • common_sense_please
    • +3
      common_sense_please  
    • This seems to fit with the discussion:

      "Nothing should stand between yourself and God. Not imims, priests, rabbis, or any other custodians of moral or religious leadership. Not spiritual masters, not even your faith. Believe in your values and your rules, but never lord them over others. If you keep breaking other people’s hearts, whatever religious duty you perform is no good.
      Stay away from all sorts of idolatry, for they will blur your vision. Let God and only God be your guide. Learn the Truth, my friend, but be careful not to make a fetish out of your truths."

      Shams Tabrizi

    • 10 months ago
  • gump
  • warman1138
  • kennymotown
  • fiberbundle
    • +2
      fiberbundle  
    • Hating something that doesn't exist is pointless. Why not ask yourself what conditions, that you hate, are amenable to change toward the better by individual and group action?

    • 10 months ago
  • coolplanet
  • WagonMaster
  • ThirdSection
  • kennymotown
  • bailey78
  • ThirdSection
  • kennymotown
  • Gordon_Shumway
  • HarukoHaruhara
    • +3
      HarukoHaruhara  
    • "Not showing off his deeds, hence the sage is meritorious.
      Not boasting of himself, hence he leads.
      Because he is not contentious,
      Hence no one under heaven can contend with him."

    • 10 months ago
  • warman1138
  • WagonMaster
  • rerushg
  • gump
  • HarukoHaruhara
  • rerushg
  • xena
    • +8
      xena  
    • I got a kick out of this post. I even kind of agree with a lot of what is said although I consider myself a believer in G-d--a force greater than myself. I believe in what makes sense to me based on my experiences and what's comfortable culturally. I am a person of faith. I have been a recipient of miracles or as some might prefer, a witness to scientific anomalies.

      Anyway, even trusting science requires some faith. "While it is true that science often leads to facts (keeping in mind that current scientific truths are often later corrected by further research) we should keep in mind that most of the truths we believe are based on probability, not absolute certainty. Even most of the scientific facts we believe are based on what we’ve been told. Most of us have not personally conducted experiments to prove that gravity exists, but we believe it to be true." (http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/24/opinion/24davies.html?pagewanted=all)

      Most belief systems, I think, have some element of nonsense and can also be greatly profound and sometimes this is true concurrently, just like the nature of human beings. In fact, I think that science and religion are often two ways of telling the same story in a different way. I happen to like both. Religion--(although I'm not much of a church/mosque/temple goer) appeals to my emotional self while science appeals to my logical self. I value both emotion and logic and do not see one as necessarily better than the other but each serving a particular purpose for a full life.

      Most of you are probably more erudite than I so I'll leave this discussion to smarter heads. It is kind of like discussing the difference between truth and accuracy. I've enjoyed the discussion!

    • 10 months ago
  • gump
    • +2
      gump  
    • xena:

      I have enjoyed you. I have had similar experiences. They are not easily forgotten. Such things should never be forgotten. Hope to see you again.

    • 10 months ago
  • kennymotown
  • Incredulous
  • rerushg
  • gump
    • +3
      gump  
    • God is not religion. Not anymore than a plastic Jesus on the dashboard is god. BUT. but. BUT. but. Uno there is always a but or two. According to quantum mechanics everything is the same as everything else one way or another and all connected in spooky ways that seem very god like to me. I have experienced some spooky connectedness at gamboling tables and used the probability wave form with interfereance pattern to accurately predict numbers and made money. Let me tell you that was spooky and one heck of a godlike experience everytime it happened. Blew my mind. The winnings were tangible proof at the end of an experiment.Still blows me away.To be able to predict the next number out of 38 possible on a random number generator . This is an awesome universe.!!!!

    • 10 months ago
  • rerushg
  • gump
    • 0
      gump  
    • rerushg:

      I just watched the patern develope for a few hours knowing probability limits the generation of numbers to be within the thirtyeight and waiting to percieve the future numbers to be based upon the previous numbers. Did calm meditation and let things come to me and watched how they came up without betting for three hours. Does not work if I am tired or been drinking. Last time I was able to percieve a seven or eight number run. Thats double what i percieved any other time. I bet one time on the hard ten that I felt would follow a seven. was paid seven to one. then left the casino. I won seventy dollars on that bet. I was the only winner on that table . I had watched alot of money go down the rat hole during the three hours. I had been kicked off the roulette table at the same casino years before. The casino sends a big guy out to replace the dealer when too many people are winning. He plays the role of the alfa male. Makes a loud pointless speach and spins. Pays the winners while being loud and noisey then sddenly slams a 2 inch by two inch board about 24 inches long down on the table and threatens one of the players telling the player to bet the same amount each time. I was astounded. The SOB is not going to tell me how to bet my money . So I took my winnings and left the table. Everytime I was back in town I looked for that board in a special holder up under the roullette table. Its all knarlly from being used to break up the conentration of people who are winning at the table. I think the place is called the river boat or show boat. It is built to look like a boat, Its in Laughlin Nevada. I made deliveries in the area out from phx for a job that I don't have anymore. The perceptions work real good on both craps and roulette. There are 38 possible holes on the roullette and 36 possible combinations with two die in crap. I cannot do it with blackjack because everytime a player takes a card everything changes. And one big thing is that I never drink or do any drugs. Nothing but coffee or soft drinks for at least a year or two.Edit- The "spooky connectedness" is a term from quantum mechanics description on PBS. It really fits.

    • 10 months ago
  • rerushg
    • +2
      rerushg  
    • gump:

      Amazing. I've been to Laughlin a couple of times, about 20 years ago, to evaluate some technical problems they were having at the power plant (Mohave), and went to that same casino. May have played the same wheel (only remember one roulette table there). Sounds like you had a good plan there. I just broke even after a couple of hours. :)

    • 10 months ago
  • gump
    • +1
      gump  
    • rerushg:

      I never liked gamboling. But I made quite a bit several times when I was in trouble with my bills. Mostly it is dangerous like the cliffs of hell. I have been known to tell people to go home and read some books and get the math befor makeing another bet. Flat out tell them they don't know what they are doing. Nothing entertaining about watching money go down mob drains. Creeps me out.

    • 10 months ago
  • gump
  • gump
    • 0
      gump  
    • rerushg:

      I did not cause it to happen I just percieved it would happen and bet on it. I was a witness. I could have stoped it. But I could not cause it. A lot of things could have happened that would have stoped it from happening, like a delay in the game, perhaps a missunderstanding ( argument ) at the table...etc. The perception came sort of like resonance transfers energy from one thing ( like the wind ) to another thing ( like a bridge) without actually needing to radiate the energy or to conduct the energy by actual contact.You have seen that old news film of the bridge wiping around wildly till it broke apart.That was a 35 mile per hour wind if I remember correctly. But the bridge built up so much energy it was going crazy till it was torn apart which changed its resonance. Nowadays engineers make sure thier bridge designs allow for this problem. I know one way they can alter the frequency of a structure is to stuff hollow steel beams with styrofoam blocks. Sounds weird I know but I learned this by being on a job site where the blocks were custom made for that very purpose with the " softness " of the finished block being critical. The quantum mechanics way of describing the probability as both particle and wave at the same time with the measurement being effective at the peak of the wave is just an attempt to describe mathematicly what happens naturally around us all the time.The interfereance pattern stripes shown on PBS resemble the piramid shape of the columbs of possible numbers that can be rolled with two die. It is often refered to as a piramid but is actually football shaped. Has a 2 at one end and a 12 at the other end with all the combos for 7 in the big fat middle. I'm struggling with it all as far as understanding it and being able to describe it mathematicly. Lots of things behave as waves and particles at the same time. Understanding this may be key to future technology that utilizes tremendus amounts of energy that can move us about extremely long distances. Partly because it will help us understand the nature of dark energy and dark matter which is a challenge being attempted right now in physics. You should research it some. At least on the Nova series. It is awesome . By the way I think I recall the wind at the bridge was not 35 miles per hour but 3 to 5 miles per hour. Resonance is awesome. And that is just a peek at the wilderness in front of us. I find it exciteing to put my mind to work on the exploration at the frontiers of knowledge. Keep the faith rerushg. I put this stuff here because alot of people have a faith in god or feel spirituallity is relative to the cosmos itself as a whole. I'm sad that the"organized" religions seem to get so broken down by greed over time. Sometimes a very short time.

    • 10 months ago
  • rerushg
  • Incredulous
  • rerushg
  • gump
  • rerushg
  • gump
  • Incredulous
  • Incredulous
  • rerushg
  • rerushg
  • gump
  • Vic_Romano
  • HarukoHaruhara
  • bailey78
  • HarukoHaruhara
  • rerushg
  • kennymotown
  • rerushg
  • MSII
  • rerushg
  • kennymotown
  • Vic_Romano
  • kennymotown
  • MSII
  • ankab
  • kennymotown
  • bailey78
  • Vic_Romano
  • bailey78
  • rerushg
  • kennymotown
  • HarukoHaruhara
  • Vic_Romano
  • Vierotchka
  • bailey78
  • Vierotchka
  • bailey78
  • cw9000
  • MSII
  • Mishima
    • -9
      Mishima [removed]  
    • MSII:

      Leftists only want "freedom" FROM religion. The Liberals want to get rid of the remotest possibility of seeing or hearing ANY references to our Judeo-Christian traditions and beliefs. They do not want to see any decorations at Christmas, they want to get rid of "In God We Trust" on our money and everywhere, they go to federal courts to try (unsuccessfully) to stop a 24 SECOND prayer by a student at a graduation ceremony, they want any reference to Creationism forcibly removed from all schools across the nation, they want the 3-MILLION member Boy Scouts to go against their CENTURY-OLD traditions.

    • 10 months ago
  • Vic_Romano
  • rerushg
  • kennymotown
  • rerushg
  • Vierotchka
    • +3
      Vierotchka  
    • Mishima:

      Twaddle, bunk and tommyrot,
      Blather and tomfoolery,
      Trumpery and poppycock,
      Bosh and rigmaroolery.
      Slaver, drivel, blah and tosh,
      Balderdash and hooey,
      Folderol and fudge kibosh,
      Hokum and balooey.

    • 10 months ago
  • MSII
    • +4
      MSII  
    • Mishima:

      for 1 who so consistently -CLAIMS- to be atheist (I know, you make a lot of "claims") me thinks she protests too much... You "rightists" do so love to worship old dead rotting "traditions" to the exclusion of truth and progress. If it was up to your kind we'd still be using horse-drawn-carriages to get around. and there'd be none of that godless-heathen "indoor plumbing"!

    • 10 months ago
  • FoosMaster
  • Mishima
  • HarukoHaruhara
  • 2hellnwait
  • HarukoHaruhara
    • +6
      HarukoHaruhara  
    • 2hellnwait:

      Um, Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Jenna Elfman, Kirstie Alley, Jason Lee, Kelly Preston, Bart Simpson (I forget her real name) ...

      I would hardly call that "half."

      In fact, only two of them are really all that famous.

    • 10 months ago
  • 2hellnwait
  • HarukoHaruhara
    • +7
      HarukoHaruhara  
    • 2hellnwait:

      How do you know that? What do you know of their politics? You just assume they must be progressive wingnuts because they're from Hollywood? I have no idea what the politics are of all these people. Travolta doesn't discuss his politics. You know Tom Cruise has appeared in campaign commercials for Republicans? Kirstie Alley is also a Republican.

    • 10 months ago
  • bailey78
    • +6
      bailey78  
    • HarukoHaruhara:

      Ainsley Earhardt

      is a Republican

      Al Franken

      is a Democrat
      Al Jolson

      is a Republican
      Al Michaels

      is a Republican

      Alec Baldwin

      is a Democrat

      Alex Trebek

      is a Republican

      Alice Cooper

      is a Republican
      Amanda Carpenter

      is a Republican

      Andre Agassi

      is a Democrat
      Andrew Wilkow

      is a Republican

      Andy Garcia

      is a Republican

      Angie Harmon

      is a Republican
      Anita Louise

      is a Republican

      Ann Coulter

      is a Republican

      Ann Miller

      is a Republican

      Armstrong Williams

      is a Republican

      Arnold Schwarzenegger

      is a Republican

      Barbra Streisand

      is a Democrat

      Ben Affleck

      is a Democrat

      Ben Stein

      is a Republican

      Ben Stiller

      is a Democrat

      Billy Bush

      is a Republican
      Billy Mays

      is a Republican
      Blake Lively

      is a Democrat

      Blythe Danner

      is a Democrat

      Bo Derek

      is a Republican

      Bob Barker

      is a Republican

      Bob Grant

      is a Republican

      Bob Hope

      is a Republican

      Brad Pitt

      is a Democrat

      Brian Kilmeade

      is a Republican

      Bruce Springsteen

      is a Democrat

      Bruce Willis

      is a Republican

      Cameron Diaz

      is a Democrat

      Carrie Fisher

      is a Democrat
      Cary Grant

      is a Republican

      Catherine Hicks

      is a Republican
      Cecil B. DeMille

      is a Republican

      Chad Everett

      is a Republican

      Charlton Heston

      is a Republican

      Chelsea Noble

      is a Republican

      Cheryl Ladd

      is a Republican

      Chevy Chase

      is a Democrat

      Chris Rock

      is a Democrat

      Chuck Norris

      is a Republican

    • 10 months ago
  • MSII
  • bailey78
  • trut
  • ankab
  • bailey78
  • HarukoHaruhara
  • ankab
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