Get on TV: Haiku Review for the Last Film You Saw

Too many haiku/
We must close this thread down now/
Cherry blossom moonlight.

New Moon

Bella's heart broken
Her new love is a werewolf,
Wait, he's just a wolf.

2012

The Mayans were right!
The world will end! Oh My God!
Help us superman!

After watching this,
I finally realized,
That wasn't Nic Cage!

Zombieland

Rule 1: Cardio
Rule 2: Use the "Double Tap"
Rule 3: Line Cliches

The Men Who Stare at Goats

Clooney acts wacky
Lebowski does lots of drugs
Not a Coen in sight?

Twilight: New Moon

Bare-chested werewolves
Distracts your attention from
B-movie acting

Fantastic Mr. Fox

George Clooney's in this film
Fans of the book, all will love
This very good movie

Fantastic Mr. Fox

George Clooney's in this movie
Fans of the book, all will love
This very good movie

Ninja Assassin.

Secret ninja clan
can kill men who own big guns.
Unarmed girl lives through.

Disney's A Christmas Carol

Death snow and despair
Scrooge gets a big wake up call
We are all happy

Twilight Saga: New Moon

When misfortune strikes,
Your best offense is always,
To take off your shirt

(thats good)

.............and a fine CULT it is!!!

"seperateus-reluntus"

island fuked us

'couples',.. uncoupled
Sooooooo,......we relent-us..............re-pent
O-- movie,..........O.K.

"Hi there sexy man
ohh, little man capris pants.
That's not gay at all..."

I second that,....really,....works 4 me.....

Twilight, New moon

Death Cab for cutie,
this song blows worse than the film.
WHY! WHY? oh. money.

I AM NOT EMO!
WAH! WAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! my boyfriend left me!
SUICIDE! not SAD!!!!

I lost my shirt! Bask
in my abdominal glory.
aww. you want sparkles.

2012

Feared the God angle
The other shoe never dropped
Cheap-o water scenes

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Earth stood still today
Keanu wore a damn suit
Man bad, Nature good

Earth stood still today
Keanu wore a damn suit
Man bad, Nature good

As you will notice i'm kinda obsessed with the gay little hot pants jacob is wearing in the movie. I think they prove the gayness of jacob and that it wasn't that the quilutes thought that the vampires were evil, that they thought they were too gay.

I see the outline,
of your package... mmm, jacob
to bad it's for men...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! SEXY EDWARD!!!!!!!
HOW COULD YOU LEAVE! heeey. werewolf...
nah, I WANT EDWARD!

bella didn't know...
but edward and jacob are...
gay... just a wee bit.

Also i think the vapires are gay cause they sparkle...
SPARKLES!!!! yep. not gay...
nobody has noticed this!!!
still pretty smexy..

Twilight new moon
heh heh. it sucks lots.
LIKE EDWARD THE VAMPIRE!!!!
better than the film

Hi there sexy man
ohh, little man capris pants.
That's not gay at all...

Twilight: New moon. Yep i sat through that shit.
Gay little man shorts
mmmmmmmmmm, your abs are sooooooo dreamy!
call me hot jacob!!!!!!!

Even more, And there's lots coming, I've got the week off!
Suicide! yippe!
That'll bring my boyfriend back!!!
or get another...

Bella I love you!!!!!
Says Edward who left her. yep.
He's gone really gay...

Where the wild thing are

Beloved children's tale
I laughed, I cried, Max's mom
gave me a boner

Twilight Saga: New Moon

When misfortune strikes,
Your best offense is always,
To take off your shirt

New moon

werewolves,vampires.
one of each breaks a girl's heart
just like high school, right?

Precious

How much suffering
can one 16-year old take?
Hey! Let's ask Mo'Nique!

Twilight Saga: New Moon

Fans are delighted
To critics dismay,Money
Made weekend only matters.

The Twilight Saga: NEW MOON

Once was team Edward
Then I saw Taylor shirtless
Now I'm team Jacob

2010

Another divorced father,
boy disrespects him -
saves humanity and BANG!

Zombieland

Missing twinkies
Woody swings a banjo
It's bill murray time!

Paranormal activity

Unfortunate love
a cowardly psychic runs
The theater jumps

The Box

man with no face
gives out buttons to push
Gibson upstaged

There Will Be Blood

... ... ... ... ...
Religion versus Money
... ... ... ... Blood.

Paranormal Activity

Demon haunts couple
Sure it was scary at times
But I slept just fine

Twilight: New Moon

New moon is a joke.
It's gonna make so much dough...
But the film just sucks!

Get it, sucks...see what I did there?

Precious.............. burdens heavy screams tears defeat silence grow

Center Stage

mind numbing acting
just watch until the sex scene
nope... ballet movie

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

Rockwell's ass is hot
its shown every time you doubt
how sane Chuck might be.

Emmerich Returns
To Unexplained Violence
Stupid, yet so cool!

2012
Roland Emmerich Returns
To Delirious Unexplained Violence
It was so stupid yet so cool!

Fame
Remember My Name!
When I'm Workin' At Wal-mart!
never gonna act again!

Amadeus (that movie about motzart)
Waitin' for motzart
to yell out TOGA TOGA!...
MOTZART! close enough.

Twilight
Dumb-ass teenage girl.
Hi mister stallker edward!
Sparkles! kinda gay...

Saw VI

Deadly contraptions
Bad guy still working though dead
Jigsaw is Tupac?

A Christmas Carol

A 3D Christmas
Jim Carrey motion capture
Still kind of creepy

2012:
Pychoanalize this one,
Wild Things lovers:
oh yeah, how's that for soup!

2012:
Everyone loves the end of the world,
Until it happens to them,
unless there's 7 sex scenes, like real porn,
Then they'd probably still like it.

2012:
The end of the world,
srsly? What's next?
The Simpson's Movie?
oh wait. . .

2012:
It's all FUN and GAMES
Until someone loses a planet.
I know, it was so funny, too.

2012:

"2012 is just:
Disaster Porn, nothing more!"
"Well, it's about time!"

It's disaster porn.
Not that there's anything wrong-
With that,... just sayin'.

Precious

My guess for top ten
baby names of 2010?
Easy: Mongoloid.

The men who stare at goats

I dig this movie
Jedi warriors!
alas, I'm a nerd.

Surrogates

Well the problem is
Movie is a surrogate
For something better

2012

The end of the world
So much destruction and death
Why am I laughing?

Antichrist

Nic, Emily, Bjork:
Say hello to Charlotte, the
newest punching bag.

2012

earthquakes, explosions
plane crashes, the white house gone!
must stay up... zzzz, zzzz.

Precious

Don't forget tissues
Extremely emotional
The Oscar goes to....

2012

Who needs a good script?
We've got ACTION and 'SPLOSIONS!
oh...and John Cusak

Disney's A Christmas Carol

Carey has eight parts?
Fine. How 'bout Gary Oldman?
Bob, Tiny Tim. Weird.

2012

Can you fit the huge
2012 into
a tiny haiku?

2012
Talk talk talk talk talk.
Explosion! That was awesome!
Chase!...Talk talk talk...snore.

The Box

Weird man...with a box....
HEY YOU UP FRONT, STOP TEXTING!!!

Crap. What did I miss?

2012

A cast of zillions
None of them interesting
LESS TALK! MORE 'SPLOSIONS!

2012

Forgot My Child
Anjelina Got Some Room?
John Cusack Is Cool.

HUNGER

Brown downward spiral
Plaid pants, loud shirts mocking us
Elect the starving

2012

the worst is over!
oh wait, now there's explosions
Where was Bruce Willis?

The Simpsons' Movie

Homer saves Springfield
The most memorable part...
Seeing Bart's weenie

The Incredibles
Spandex and black masks
We need these kinds of heroes
Awesome family!

Jennifer's Body

Megan Fox is hot!
But there are so few boobies.
How disappointing.

The Men Who Stare At Goats

Spacey Sissy-Slaps
And McGregor overacts
Movie's off it's tracks.

AMELIA:

Hello! Oscar, please.
Please? Hilary Swank's in it!
Okay, Golden Globe.

Drag Me To Hell

Goofy Raimi flick
Gypsy curses loan agent
Disgusting, but fun

Antichrist

In out, in out, down
A happy ending in red
How did that get there?

A Chirstmas Carol

The classic tale
Of holiday grumpiness
Fa la la la sucks!

GI Joe: Rise of Cobra

The Joes are not green.
And Cobra's rise is nothing
But an afterthought.

A Christmas Carol

Disney does Dickens
but forgets that small children
will watch this movie

Precious

Mariah Carey
So she's not wearing makeup
Give her an Oscar

A Christmas Carole:

Oooooooo! IMAX-3D!
You can almost touch the snow!
Try!...You'll look stupid.

The Box

Button gives you cash
It also makes someone die
Press it already!

The Devil's Rejects

psycho family

Tries to kill people

Wait, what just happened?

Fix

Berkeley film fest
showed us the goods and how
wilde's so hot, wow!

Amelia

oscars lay in wait
beneath the dark still surface
this bait sure smells bad

Caligula

No porn, no cure folks
Bathing in ignorance you
actors. Helen, John

Volver

Mom? Thought to be dead
Honey, beloved husband
down in a freezer.

Amelia

Amelia Earhart
Wikipedia better
Than Oscar-bait film

This Is It:
Humanized Michael
But he saved it for the show
Barely a Sha-mon

This Is It

Hollywood makes big
Money on an icon's death.
Exploitation? Duh.

The Time Traveler's Wife

Knew nothing of it.
Wrong movie, wish I could travel.
Wasted hours of my life.

THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL

Babysitting gig
Lots of walking through the house
Holy crap - Satan!

New York, I Love You

I heart New York, but
I am in love with Paris.
Hope we can be friends.

Antichrist

Charlotte Gainsborg is
A Succubus...with a talk-
ing devil fox. Sweet.

Paranormal Activity

Don't piss off demons
Dude put that ouija board down
Great, now it's on fire

Cirque de Freak

Popular vampire book
Horrible movie adaption
Sound familiar, Twilight...

MEMENTO

Snapshot. Tattoo. Gun.
.wife my killed you know I, John
Bang! Now, where was I?

This is It

MJ - such talent
Would have been a monster tour
The film will thrill all

ZombieLand (spoiler warning)

Bill Murray zombie!
Not really. He's faking it.
Oops... shot anyway.

Love me if you dare

I really dare you
To see the game of these two
Do you play or not?

meep

Transformers 2

Megan Fox's Ass.....
What were we talking about?
Robots? What robots?

Paranormal Activity

Low budget movie
Made me want to crap my pants
Oh wait, I just did

Toy Story

Woody, Andy's favorite
Then Buzz Lightyear came along
In the end, they are freinds

Castaway

Tom Hanks is stranded
a volleyball is hs freind
WIlSON, he must say goodbye

Amelia

Sad Amelia,
Soaring quickly from theatres.
Word of mouth plane crash.