How to tell your friends that you don't want to see Avatar.
Everybody on the planet seems so excited to see Avatar. Everybody, except me. Most of my friends are using their craftiest rhetoric to convince me to see the movie. But I won't budge.
If you're in a similar situation, these are some helpful counter-arguments.
"James Cameron is not gimmicky with his CGI. In Terminator 2, the special effects helped to tell the story."
"In Terminator 2, I wanted to see the story because Schwarzenegger is a bad-ass. Are there any actors in Avatar who were also in Commando?"
"The special effects makes you feel like you're on acid."
"If I wanted to be on acid, I'd buy a hit of LSD. It's probably much cheaper than going to see the movie at the Universal City IMAX."
"It's going to be as EPIC as Lord of the Rings!"
"Oh. I walked out of Lord of the Rings. It was too epic and boring."
"Cameron developed technology to create a new type of 3D experience."
"Just because someone used a new invention does not mean it is interesting. For example Washington State University is working on an innovative way to harvest asparagus:
Will this movie change the way I eat Asparagus?"
"It has a green, anti-war message!"
"So does that new Yes Men movie, and I didn't get a chance to see that yet."
"What's the real reason, you don't want to see Avatar?"
"The characters look like they are painted from the same palette as Blue Raspberry ICEE's, and I prefer Cherry."
"It'll be fun, we're going with a big group."
"I guess that's a decent point."
But seriously instead of going to see Avatar with you friends, you should all just order a pizza and rent the 1979 teen sex romp, Van Nuys Blvd.
If you're in a similar situation, these are some helpful counter-arguments.
"James Cameron is not gimmicky with his CGI. In Terminator 2, the special effects helped to tell the story."
"In Terminator 2, I wanted to see the story because Schwarzenegger is a bad-ass. Are there any actors in Avatar who were also in Commando?"
"The special effects makes you feel like you're on acid."
"If I wanted to be on acid, I'd buy a hit of LSD. It's probably much cheaper than going to see the movie at the Universal City IMAX."
"It's going to be as EPIC as Lord of the Rings!"
"Oh. I walked out of Lord of the Rings. It was too epic and boring."
"Cameron developed technology to create a new type of 3D experience."
"Just because someone used a new invention does not mean it is interesting. For example Washington State University is working on an innovative way to harvest asparagus:
The promising new machine has a rack with 12 to 15 reels that are 18-inches in diameter. Each reel has 3 or 4 arms. In front of these reels is an optic sensor that can recognize an asparagus spear.
- California Farm Bureau Federation
Will this movie change the way I eat Asparagus?"
"It has a green, anti-war message!"
"So does that new Yes Men movie, and I didn't get a chance to see that yet."
"What's the real reason, you don't want to see Avatar?"
"The characters look like they are painted from the same palette as Blue Raspberry ICEE's, and I prefer Cherry."
"It'll be fun, we're going with a big group."
"I guess that's a decent point."
But seriously instead of going to see Avatar with you friends, you should all just order a pizza and rent the 1979 teen sex romp, Van Nuys Blvd.
