"Dope" Part One

Here's the latest draft screenplay- now i guess i need a ghost writer but it seems a bit redundant. Or if anyone knows a Big Time Hollywood Movie Producer? I've been standin' in the rain quite a bit up here in Oregon.

So if you like comedic autobiographical musical tragedies with sex, drugs, and rock n roll, lotsa blood, violence, death, drag and offroad racing... read on.

Thanks,
Chris AKA "The Guy"
I went through a very unique experience. I’m hoping someone out there might want to produce this into a movie. Please let me know.

WARNING!!!!!!! This is a draft copy only. Barely a collection of jumbled thoughts, excerpts from letters and reports, etc.

“It’s easy to pick apart bad acting, shortsighted directing, and the purely moronic stringing together of words that many of the studios term as prose. No, I’m talking about the lack of realism. Realism. Not a pervasive element in today’s modern American cinematic vision.” John Travolta, Swordfish.

So far the "dream" project has mick jagger, john travolta, Chuck Norris, Jeri Ryan, steve miller, ac/dc, van halen, CW McCall, The Grateful Dead, Janis Joplin and aerosmith, and produced maybe starred in by sam Elliott. I want Quentin Tarantino to direct- it already has his name on it I think haha.

SCREENPLAY OUTLINE

an introspective of how did i come to be in this darned ambulance anyway

Starts with attempted murder…

(Sheesh-) it was a dark and stormy night...

(Scene is black- an arc welder flash lights the scene up, then a helmet is flipped up to reveal daylight, an apparently tranquil setting. )

no actually it was broad daylight cattycorner from city hall. The weather was really quite nice. The local bums had been getting scarier and scarier, it seems they were planning to kill me and take over the house I built. Someone will try to steal every house that you build, it's a rule of thumb. Life's been threatened a hundred times, a dozen police contacts, etc. Common knowledge among the kids at the school next door. The ringleader, (Name withheld), tried to invade my home on sep 26. I told him 4 times to get off my property and he kept coming up the stairs, which I proceeded to kick him halfway back down. Sep 28, I was welding gates for the new fence with all the no trespassing signs. I had to have the garage door open because of the fumes from the galvanized metal, and I was wearing an arc welding helmet.
I opened the helmet and saw (Another name withheld), another of the local bums, standing in front of me about 2 feet away. There was another one i didn't recognize just to my left. i started to say what part of no trespassing don't you understand and got knifed in the chest. Withheld already had the knife out. I grabbed his hand and pulled the knife out of my chest- some intestine came with it. The knife had entered the left side of my chest in an upward direction just below the rib cage. It went thru my intestine, my diaphragm, a couple inches of lung, cut my pericardium, and just barely nicked my heart. Oh and stupid Chris I was still trying to disarm the guy- trying not to hurt him. i yelled drop the knife you crazy bastard and banged his hand on the doorway twice. Linden yelled for his buddy to help him kill me. His buddy said let him go let him go. I said let him go my ass, the crazy bastard just STABBED me! Buy that knife a couple more times the hell with that. I had slammed Linden up against the garage wall with my forearm on his throat and had turned his hand around to point the knife at him instead of me. I was just about to start stabbing linden with his own knife in his own hand, but right then I started squirting blood out the hole in my chest every time my heart would pump, and I started feeling really weak.
I didn't figure I'd better be getting in a lot more of a fight right about then. I threw linden away from me and ran out the back door of the garage, ran upstairs, and got the phone. Called 911 and went back outside. Withheld's buddy followed me around back and said he didn't mean to have any part of this and offered to be a witness. I told him to tell it to the cops, who are on the way, because I'm a bit busy. He left. Thank God the kids were having a football game at the school next door. I borrowed their ambulance, sort of. I was laying on my back deck and started feeling warm, and mellow... I thought to myself oh shit, here it comes- I'm going to DIE! Right about then I started panicking pretty bad. Nasty trail of blood across the new carpet, pools of blood dripping through the secondfloor deck where I was at… My next door neighbor is a fireman- I had a fireman there inside 90 seconds, and an ambulance there inside 5 minutes. Otherwise it didn't look at all good.

Writer- I figure the first part is basically a documentary. I would say to send a badly bleeding dummy (not ME this time) to the hospital and follow along with a vidcam. Of course we can write in some humorous quips and say nice things about the people who helped me.

There was more blood than I ever saw come out of something that didn’t die. Need a shot of the blood dripping thru the deck as they haul the guy off…

They stabilized me in newport

The guy- please be extra careful in spots cutting my clothes off, will you honey?
Nurse- “Did what was left of that man just try to FLIRT with me?”

The Head Nurse, it turns out, was the Head Angel…. At least The Guy isn’t allowed to die in Newport…

Various Head Angels keep appearing throughout the tongue in cheek movie. The Newport Head Angel wasn’t angry with The Guy for flirting- she was amused and only called sexual harassment to give him some time. Sorry- he sexually harassed her (lol) she doesn’t have to work with him if se doesn’t want to. Can’t die in Newport.

Next scene they’re bundling the guy off back into the ambulance.

So then they had to take me to Corvallis for open heart surgery. Having the EMT shaking you and saying things like “stay with us, Chris” is not a good sign.
Starts out with a blood and guts (lit) attempted murder, then the guy gets stabilized in Newport and his life starts flashing before his eyes on the way to corvallis...
The Guy asks not to have a transfusion unless absolutely necessary.
EMT- Do you have any medical problems you can tell me about?
The guy- er, well, oh I know you mean besides bleeding all over your nice clean ambulance… yeah (weak grin) I can’t take SRI’s… and I’d like to not be transfused unless I absolutely have to, kindof a religious thing.
EMT- nah, we’ll worry about those when we get to the hospital in Corvallis… I’ll tell them, though.
The guy- you just keep that oxygen coming, pard, that’s really helping.
EMT- Don’t worry about that, we have so much oxygen, why, we use it for AIR…
The guy’s eyes close, his heart rate drops and becomes irregular…
The EMT shakes him and says "Stay with us, Chris, stay with us...!"... Fearing immediate death, the terrified patient's life starts flashing before his eyes. The screen rolls backwards blurringly fast, then slows... faint music becomes audible in the background, barely. He thinks "Oh my God
Intro into God’s (Sam Elliott) continued appearances
Time freeze-
Sam- Wait a minute, time out.
Mick- What? You know I have the contract. He just died, he’s mine- simple as that. I don’t understand why we’re having this conversation.
Sam- Not quite, this time. Sure you have the contract, but I also know you tricked him into signing it. Besides- he didn’t want whole blood. He said that because of his respect for Me.
Mick- Touching, I’m sure, but transfusions aren’t in the rulebook.