Nine ? 9 ? NINE ? NEIN.

It recently came to our attention that someone in a script-writing course must really be into the number nine. Because it's showing up everywhere we look, no matter the region, the location, the story or the premise! You can't pop open a web browser these days without running into the number, whether it's written out or a part of another title. We're ready to join Twitch: Nein to Nine!

In fact, it's getting on a near-psychosis level that we're running into it. But why!? Let's take a gander at the films coming out that have decided to rally themselves around this number:

[youtube OnoJecu9e7c]

9

To Be Released: 9/9/2009

What's The Point: A post-apocalyptic thriller by way of Little Big Planet, Shane Acker's CGI film takes place after we're made aware this is a co-production between Tim Burton and Timur Bekmambetov (Night Watch). The cast is comprised of known names (Elijah Wood, John C. Reilly, Jennifer Connelly, Martin Landau, Crispin Glover) providing voices for our tiny, strung-together crew who are the last hope for Earth's survival after an unknown event. To counter-act their patchwork steampunk cuteness, they are chased by ROBOTS. And loud, swelling music plays a lot.

Why Use The Number: If the credits are to be seen, there are in fact nine members of the patchwork doll crew.

[youtube MJpwwdOomtY]

Nine

To Be Released: 11/25/2009

What's The Point: A Rob Marshall (Chicago) "musical" backed by The Weinstein Company as they desperately try to score a hit off the holiday season. Daniel-Day Lewis plays a fictional director based off Federico Fellini and an interpretation of 8 1/2. Then famous actresses show up. But one part of the press release had us cackling. See if you can tell:

...while balancing the numerous women in his life including his wife (Marion Cotillard), his mistress (Penelope Cruz), his film star muse (Nicole Kidman), his confidant and costume designer (Judi Dench), an American fashion journalist (Kate Hudson), the whore from his youth (Fergie) and his mother (Sophia Loren).

Why Use The Number: Seriously though, Maury Yeston, who wrote the music and lyrics for the original musical, claims that his work paired with the material he took from 8 1/2n would make...NINE.

[youtube KQiCmO7lVoA]

$9.99

To Be Released: 11/25/2009


What's The Point: Godless stop-motion puppets live as horrendous abominations against religion, wondering why their lord and creator has forsaken them. Or--it's a slice of life film as shown through stop-motion where their eyes show no emotion except for water dripped onto their clay faces. Oh, and there's a book one of the characters reads that promises the meaning of life.

Why Use The Number: The book costs $9.99. And in the end, the meaning of life is to buy a ticket to the film, realize you overpaid, curse God and become a film critic.

[current 90029810]

District 9

To Be Released: 8/14/09

What's The Deal: Neill Blomkamp made one of the more impressive looking comparisons to racism with this pseudo-documentary about a South African journalist investigating the titular district, which is made up of humans and literal aliens who came to Earth seeking sanctuary--only to find themselves forced into labor and being stripped of their technology. Originally based on his short, Alive in Joburg.

Why Use The Number: Because Districts 1-8 were taken.

[youtube nfpQGJYCQNE]

9

To Be Released: n/a


What's The Deal: Like Ju-On, The Grudge and countless other Asian horror films with soaking wet young girls with long black hair--only this time it's Thai!

Why Use The Number: Some nonsense about visiting nine shrines to get nine blessings to have overtly loud scream-gags and a creepy looking hag-child knock over your water bowl.

So remember! If you're writing a script or making a short film, just say:

NEIN TO NINE.

-John Lichman