Tip O'Neal Your Glass To: The Gotham Independent Film Awards

The 2009 Gotham Independent Film Awards begins in just a few short minutes! While the best, brightest, coolest and most awesome people are whining and dining at the Cipriani Wall Street, the rest of us have to sit at an office and wonder why our invite was lost in the move.

I mean, it totally was lost. Because, uh...er...ah. Well, regardless, I can still "watch" the Awards, as if I were there.  I can also drink.

Tea! Silly, it's not even night time in Los Angeles. And despite better judgment, I never stocked my minibar. Or got a minibar. But let's face it: without liquor or some sort of "happy improvement juice," awards shows are about as exciting as watching the elderly succumb to the touching embrace of death. Only with "happy improvement juice" can you mock them and speed the process up.

So without further ado, here's the Awards via Ustream, and the sips are right below it.

Take A Sip:

• -If there are awkward jokes about the dying film industry


• -A Presenter Thanks The Soldiers.


• -Natalie Portman's tribute skips Star Wars: Episode I-III.


• -Big Fan is heralded as "dark" and allusions to The Wrestler are made.


• -Antichrist penis jokes. You'll be drunk in ten minutes.
  

• -You can recite the entire Best Documentary shortlist from memory.


• -You've seen none of the nominated films.


• -You can pick out a film critic/journalist/writer in the crowd.


• -There is an audible groan after a joke about the recession.


• -You see a Weinstein.


• -Every time the Livestream fails. (via Don Lewis)

• -Every time they say The Hurt Locker.


• -Every time someone doesn't say how awesome "independent" film is, when a majority of these films received limited-to-mid release in their respective demographics.


• -Big Fan wins Best Feature.


• -Someone cries.


• -You see Tim Robbins not giving a shit.

• -Every time someone praises the "state of independent film," yet still has limited studio backing. (via Odie Henderson)
  


• -Ben Foster wins nothing for The Messenger.
  

• -Big Fan sweeps it.


• -The Hurt Locker doesn't win.


• -You can name THREE OR MORE film critics/journalists in the crowd.


• -You see Nick Dawson.


• -The Maid gets nothing.


• -You saw all the Best Documentary nominees.


• -You're sitting at your laptop, drinking and watching this. Oh god, take another drink.


• -You have to reload the page to play the stream. (via Don Lewis)