A pumpkin's last request
source: http://snotrag-dave.newsvine.com/_news/2008/10/20/2018191-a-pumpkins-last-request
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- goldenways
- added this
Personally, I don't see the appeal of scraping out someone's innards... pureeing the pile of glop... and baking it in a pie shell. Sounds like something out of a Vincent Price movie. But, hey... what do I care? I mean, it's not like it's my choice, right?
I guess being sliced, disemboweled, and decorated like some demonic night light is preferable to just hanging out here in the mud... freezing all night, baking in the sun all day. That's how it was for Grandpa Joe, they say. He got all shrivelly-looking... patches of fuzz and oozing sores started appearing all over his body. Then one day, it was over. Cracked right down his back, his skin peeled open exposing his guts. Wasn't long before the birds swooped in. Yeah, like that's something to look forward to.
Before the end comes, I would like to get a couple things straight. First, when you carve my face, make it a classic scary grin. None of this "cross-eyed bumpkin with a straw hat and freckles", okay? Just give me a few jagged fangs, menacing eyes, and a diagonal slit for a nose. Nice and horrifying… that's not too much to ask, is it? I mean, it's my one and only face, at least I'd like it to be memorable.
And, no electric light bulb. I want a real candle.
Oh, and when I start to show signs of getting that dried out look… the curling-in teeth and problems keeping my lid from falling in… could you please just put me out of my misery? Don't leave me out too long so I lose my looks. And, no compost pile… I want to be smashed and splattered on your driveway. Make it quick and as painless as possible.
It's my holiday, too.
I guess being sliced, disemboweled, and decorated like some demonic night light is preferable to just hanging out here in the mud... freezing all night, baking in the sun all day. That's how it was for Grandpa Joe, they say. He got all shrivelly-looking... patches of fuzz and oozing sores started appearing all over his body. Then one day, it was over. Cracked right down his back, his skin peeled open exposing his guts. Wasn't long before the birds swooped in. Yeah, like that's something to look forward to.
Before the end comes, I would like to get a couple things straight. First, when you carve my face, make it a classic scary grin. None of this "cross-eyed bumpkin with a straw hat and freckles", okay? Just give me a few jagged fangs, menacing eyes, and a diagonal slit for a nose. Nice and horrifying… that's not too much to ask, is it? I mean, it's my one and only face, at least I'd like it to be memorable.
And, no electric light bulb. I want a real candle.
Oh, and when I start to show signs of getting that dried out look… the curling-in teeth and problems keeping my lid from falling in… could you please just put me out of my misery? Don't leave me out too long so I lose my looks. And, no compost pile… I want to be smashed and splattered on your driveway. Make it quick and as painless as possible.
It's my holiday, too.
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WorldPeaceTV
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lol...thanks for that! mmmm pumpkin soup! Has anyone tried smoking one?
- 3 years ago
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WorldPeaceTV
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rainbowryan420
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WorldPeaceTV:
out of all of the smoke i have inhaled
i cant say have tried to smoked a pumpkin - 3 years ago
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rainbowryan420
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rainbowryan420
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who can we do this without any regard for these poor living creatures
- 3 years ago
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rainbowryan420
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nufsenuf
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Quick and painless sounds right to me!
- 3 years ago
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nufsenuf
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Scarabus
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That's one last request I'll be happy to honor. Except that I'll smash it somewhere else. My driveway is made of wood chips.
- 3 years ago
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Scarabus
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iknew
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lol ^^ I'd probably say something like this....If I were a pumpkin (insert far away gaze to the clouds here)
- 3 years ago
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iknew
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sotanewb
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Preferably, in my sleep.
- 3 years ago
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sotanewb
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pokesmot
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That's how I want it quick and as painless as possible.
- 3 years ago
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pokesmot
