Equal Time: How I divide my life between my divorced parents' homes.

Aint that the truth mommabear. :-(

Assets 50/50. This includes the kids. One for Him, and one for Her. I watch the children cling to each other, crying...They want to be together for Christmas. But who cares what they want?
Mom and Dad are satisfied, as they call this match a draw. And neither parent seems to mind, as they tug their asset down the hall. :(

Thanks!! I think so too, but then, Im partial. ;-)

Im sorry your exes are being such adolescents! I would think they would put their children first and themselves after, but, it seems MANY hold onto all the negative from the relationship at all costs, including their children's happiness.

Sadder still is that your children can not even see one another. How awful. I cant imagine my boys NOT being able to hang out together. Ive sacrificed a lot to ensure my boys suffer the least in this divorce and thankfully, its worked. Its been tough, but its worked.

I agree the courts need to look a little closer into the people they choose to side with.. it seems the more vile you are, the better off you do. So sad.

muse, beautiful dogs!!!

Also I commend you and your ex for making this as easy as possible on your children, Im sure they will also thabk you themselves as they grow older and see so many others who refuse to put themselves aside for their children.

I live less then 15 minutes from my exes (they live less then five from eachother), yet there is little waiver from the court orders, and sometimes the orders arent even followed..... The courts themselves have set it up so my children only see eachother one day out of the week, and the mothers still even dont let them see eachother any other time, but are able to talk amongst eachother to tell the same lies to their lawyer.......... As time goes on, more people are starting to see how the children are effected by these situations and they are able to make mature decisions based on this, but as long as the courts themselves promote bad behavior and lies the alienating and abusive people will always win while the children lose.

This is the set up for my children as well. I even moved about 2 blocks away from their Dad so my children would be able to walk to my house if they wanted. It seems to be working out pretty well.. nice and civil.

I certainly wish that more parents had the insight and love for their children that these parents obviously do. Unfortunately, all too often parents are sucked into the win-lose propositions offered up by family lawyers and court. In doing so, ultimately the losers are our children.

I was fortunate in that I grew up in a very loving family. My father and mother loved each other very much. My father made it a point to tell all of us how much he loved our mother and his children every day. Living in a home like this gave me a sense of security that I doubt many divorced families have. I was never concerned with where I would be or who I would be with. I had many friends whose parents were divorced or divorcing and I felt sorry for them, they knew it was not right and they were in pain. This is probably why our house was the gathering point for everyone I knew, ours was always a happy home.

Now, I am in a situation where I communicate with many people throughout the day about divorce and parenting rights. I always recommend that they try and do what truly is in the best interest of the children. Stay out of the ANTI-Family courts and work out a mutually beneficial resolution amongst themselves. If they are unable to communicate amongst themselves, find a counselor, a mediator, anyone other than an attorney.

Unfortunately my own ex wife is un-willing to communicate so I do not see my daughter at all. Why is my ex unwilling to communicate? Probably because she grew up in a divorced household where she was told that her father was a bad dad and she was never allowed to visit with him, ever. This is what we will get if we do not consider the best interest of our children. A society of fatherless children filled with hate and not understanding why.

BTW, I met my ex's dad, he was a very kind, honest, considerate, human being. My ex lost out on a lifetime with this kind man because of her mother's negative programming. I hope that someday soon I will be reunited with my daughter Madison, for her sake.

Donald Tenn
Fathers-4-Justice

This is the most intelligent way of dealing with divorce that I've ever seen.

The way my parents have dealt with their divorce has been an inspiration to many other couples with children going through the same thing. Some of my friends' parents have used my family as a mentor to create similar arrangements between their kid and themselves.
Not only am I happy with the system my parents have, but I am also extremely grateful that Mom and Dad divorced in the first place. If they had stayed together, I am sure that there would be tons more fighting, unhappiness and disrespect going on in my family, where now hardly any of that exists at all. It is also an excellent decision on my parents' part to have divorced when they did, instead of waiting a few years on my behalf. Being a very small child at the time of the divorce, I think, made the whole thing much less disturbing and unnerving as it would have been had I spent more of my early childhood thinking of my parents as two people meant to live together.
I've had friends ask me, when I'm leaving my mom's house to go to my dad's house, if I need to pack some clothes, shampoo, or anything for the next day. I feel slightly shocked whenever I am asked this, because the concept of one of my houses being more like home than the other is so alien to me. I've grown up equally in both houses, and both are thoroughly my home. At my dad's house, as at my mom's house, I keep my clothes, childhood toys, old school art projects, books and stuffed animals. I do not live separate lives when at the different houses, because both houses are marked in the same way by my transition from the 2-year-old to 14-year-old. I love that both houses are me now, and that each one has elements of all the stages of my life.
Juergens is a high-school freshman in Brooklyn, N.Y.

© 2008