Bike | June 28, 2009 | 7 comments

everyone you know is a d-bag (including you)

source: http://www.holytaco.com/2008/05/14/10-items-you-think-make-you-cool-but-dont

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cattheawesome
"10 Items You Think Make You Cool, But Don't" hilariously spears modern-day incarnations of cool with unpretentious, well-written disdain. The writer creams ten obnoxiously cliched behaviors of hipsters & geeks, and i laughed harder at the criticism nailing my own vices (my default ringtone for the last few years has been the mario bros theme, & i totally own a car-seat-belt belt; i love it & the feedback it generates).
example:
Bluetooth Headset
WHY YOU THINK YOU'RE COOL: All the other losers have to use their hands when they talk on the phone. Not you! You can talk on your phone and at the same time safely give some loser the finger because they’re only driving the speed limit. It’s Tuesday, doesn’t this asshole know you have your jujitsu class at 24 hour fitness to go to?
WHY YOU'RE NOT COOL: I don’t give a shit if you’re talking to someone on the other end, when you’re in a Subway Sandwiches and they’re trying to take your order while you say “Listen, you give me that paperwork for the Johnson account by tomorrow or it’s your ass. No mayo. I said no Mayo! Yeah, that’s right, Johnson account on my desk! No pepperoncinis!” it’s pretty god damn confusing and asshole-ish to everyone trying to deal with you. Answer your phone when you have time to hold it in your hand. The only people that should be wearing blue tooth wireless headsets are military field generals and the people that work the day after thanksgiving sale at Old Navy.

The comments following the article are the cream-cheese icing on this red velvet cake, especially from the butt-hurt longboarder. Frankly, anyone maintaining a non-Ted Kaczynski-esque lifestyle should be guilty of at least a few things on this list or risk being totally, totally lame. Social ineptitude hurts everyone, because it's uncomfortable to watch you fail.
  1. groups:
    Bike
  2. tags:
    Humor,  Skateboarding,  Sergio Cilli,  Hipsters,  7 more
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7 comments // everyone you know is a d-bag (including you)

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