Culture | January 19, 2009 | Comment on this video (21)

Watch With Me: A Perspective on Couples and Pornography

nerdberd
What if your sex life is witnessing a lull where the action between the sheets is lifeless and thoroughly unimaginative? To battle this dry spell, a lot of modern couples are taking a recourse in watching sexually explicit videos in an effort to spice up their conjugal relationships.

Thanks to Ex'pression College.
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21 comments // Watch With Me: A Perspective on Couples and Pornography // Video

  • Mobius2012
  • emc650
  • teorema
  • waihili
    • 0
      waihili  
    • teorema:

      Aloha e Teorema,
      You're one of the world's most innovative sexologists and producers of explicit and erotic educational media, and you're right here with us, adding your thoughts.

      Many people have watched and learned from your sexual media, and perhaps have even gone on to embody the lessons you convey.

      Thanks for being here, and for all you do.

    • 3 years ago
  • jayashiva
    • 0
      jayashiva  

    • I find that 'porn' fist of all needs to be renamed. I like the terms 'sex films' or sexual media as an alternative.
      Sexual media has the power to be used in a healing and empowering way or it may be used in an addictive and dis-empowering or even in an abusive way.
      But all tools share these possibilities. As a kundalini/tantric yogin, I find that sexual media can be a powerful catalyst to ignite the powerful current of kundalini energy which is the vital force of evolution for human beings.
      This force lies like a sleeping serpent at the base of the spine and when aroused and directed properly can open new channels to consciousness and cosmic awareness.
      Listening to a woman in various states of ecstasy and orgasm for instance the power to arouse this regenerative force and make it available for transmutation in the inner process of sexual alchemy.
      Watching a woman arouse herself and move deeply into ecstasy can bring the observer into heightened states of arousal/awareness that is needed for inner transformational work with sexual energy.
      jayashiva

    • 3 years ago
  • waihili
    • 0
      waihili  
    • jayashiva:

      Hi Jayashiva,
      Yes, I agree with you, basically, except that commercially produced media do have a different "vibe" than, say, Joseph Kramer's or Margo Anand's products, which are more inspirational and instructional.

      As a practicing tantrika, who "rode" a ten month long spontaneous kundalini uprising (and went to some interesting "places" as a result) I do also tend to prefer media and materials which encourage the active embrace of sexuality with spirituality. But that's my personal taste and core erotic theme.

      Other people have other things that pull them into desire and pleasure -- perhaps what we consider erotic is due to a complicated blend of culture, society, neurology, and even karma. My job as a sexologist is to acknowledge and honor where people are, not direct them to where I personally think they should be.

      Namaste!

    • 3 years ago
  • teorema
    • 0
      teorema  

    • This mini documentary is well-done, but it avoids explicitly stating the central reality that men watch porn alone in order to ejaculate. The difficulty is that the internet-savvy watcher can find and focus on only the images that most excite him. Before the internet, it was not possible for most watchers to find their highest, most stimulating turn-on. Not everyone was equally thrilled with Playboy, Hustler or Blueboy. With the movement of a mouse, the guy who wants to get off can search among hundreds of thousands of turn ons. This new capacity to find the highest possible orgasm (mahamudra?) every time is an analog for the sexual high of paraphiliacs. Why would a guy settle for anything less than this mega-exciting stimulation--on the internet or in real life?

      A song after World War One: How you gonna keep them down on the farm, after they've seen Paris?

      There is very little evidence that watching sexual behaviors on the internet effects learning in individuals or couples. On the countrary, if humans learned sex by watching, what an amazingly erotic
      world we would be living in. Somatic learning theory tells us that sexual behaviors are learned by conscious repetition in one's own environment (not a class) over time with some feedback and in a social context.

      I would like to see a follow up on current.com on these important issues from sexologists such as Dr. Marsh.

    • 3 years ago
  • waihili
    • 0
      waihili  
    • teorema:

      Hi Teorema,
      I don't really have a problem with the "central reality" of men (or women) watching porn in order to ejaculate or have an orgasm. People go for that arousal with the intention of experiencing pleasure.

      I notice your link to Joseph Kramer's site. As someone who earned a CSB certificate studying with Joseph Kramer, I have a healthy and central appreciation for somatic learning and the value of embodiment. However, many people use their eyes, ears, nose and cognition as well as phyiscal movement and touch to learn. So, some people do "learn" from porn, just as they may "learn" social skills or cultural norms from other kinds of movies, TV or media.

      As for "how you gonna keep 'em down on the farm after they've seen Paris," if you listen again to the individuals interviewed in the piece, you'll hear a range of preferences and aversions regarding the use of porn, from men as well as women. Many people, but not all, would probably prefer a human touch, given the option. However, there are folks who are "wired" differently.

      Actually, I do think we live in an amazingly erotic and sensual world! And for the record, I'm not a commercial porn fan myself. I find it rather canned and boring and I have great concerns about the corporate usurption of people's sexual appetites and behaviors, as well as concerns about treatment of performers in the industry, etc. My initial interview for this project was almost 45 minutes long, so much of what I had to say was left out.

      Still, I think the two students did a great job. Kudos to them! And yeah, intelligent discussion, on this or any other venue, is certainly worthwhile.

    • 3 years ago
  • mink_Stacktrane
    • 0
      mink_Stacktrane  
    • teorema:

      You hit the hail on the ned, teorema. A fan of sex, not a fan of the sex or any other parasitic "industry" as we know it. More, however, needs to be said and examined @ the centrality of why porn is "useful" (and yes, it's primarily geared towards hetero men to jack of to). Totally agree that folks would like the real ish given the chance; so my question is therefore, wouldn't it be wise to change human relationships and experience more first hand?...

    • 3 years ago
  • kutekittiekat909
  • jaquismo
  • waihili
    • 0
      waihili  

    • The videographers did a great job of interviewing a number of people to get their opinions and experiences. Nice editing too!
      And the topic is fascinating.
      And yeah, I liked watching it I'm the sexologist who was interviewed! It was a fun project to do.

    • 3 years ago
  • unimatrix0
  • nerdberd
  • nickjamesc
  • nerdberd
  • kerenclashes
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