Having children makes you unhappy

i wouldn't doubt it

At least all of our parents put up with the misery so we have the choice to be happy. I choose happiness! Birth control for life!

yes! cttrl alt delete i love you

Don't have them, friends and family do but my vote would be:

KIDS = EMPTY WALLET.

instructions for the survival of humanity

1. Children are born parents take care of them
2. Parents age children take care of them.
repeat steps 1 and 2

I was 35 years old when I became the father of my first daughter. When she made her first cry in the delivery room, I had a huge emotional release of energy, tears, etc. It takes a Man to be a real Father, but it is the most gratifying feeling in the World, and my hats off to the Mother's that sacrifice so much for the children and the Father's.
However, it is a burden not to be taken lightly.

Let’s state it another way: “Not having children makes you happy”. This, my honey & I can identify with. All we have to do is observe the interaction of the people around us in a variety of social situations. The people with the biggest, most genuine & longest lasting smiles do Not have children (at least not with them). We then compare this by turning the “smileometer” to parents with kids, noticing short, sometimes forced, intermittent smiles during the occasional times children are being quiet, obedient & playing nice-before they start sticking crayons up their own or their playmates noses & wailing at the first sign that something isn’t going their way. WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Without repeating all of the responsibility, burdens & 24/7 on-call obligations already mentioned in previous posts, we just have to visit with our dozen or so nieces & nephews to truly appreciate our freedom & happiness at Not being parents. When the gathering is over, they spend an inordinate amount of time collecting their mountain of belongings, themselves & their offspring in this seemingly endless, mesmerizing, entertaining, exhausting & finally annoying cycle that has us shooting “The Glance” at each other while giving the little hand squeeze that signals I’m so happy that we’re NEVER going to be parents-just being an uncle & aunt is satisfying & tiring enough.
We find our lives to be quite fulfilling & meaningful while dedicated to ultimately leaving our legacy for the planet to be a better place for future generations than when we arrived. Coming & going as we please & doing whatever activity or errand we choose next is what makes us happy, without necessarily feeling the obligation to replace ourselves by becoming parents-although we love going through the motions!

As W. C. Fields once said, “Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again”. But he’d probably been drinking.

Im very happy!! Yes, i was also very happy before my child, but this happiness now is different then before. I struggle (hard) and stress to be a good single mother but my smile comes from my daughter!I love my time alone...but i love my time with her even more!!!

Your kids don't make you happy.
You don't make your kids happy.

Happiness is a personal choice... chose well and live well

right on alysync!!! what fun it is

I think this study was genius in the way it got me riled up. I see how it generated a lot of responses.

I was compelled to write simply because it was so bogus!

Good job on the controversy level. Ya got ME.

People who believe children have made, or would make them "unhappy" were never happy in the first place.

Anything worthwhile, purposeful...requires commitment and compassion, especially children who are a reflection of ourselves in a sense. Anyone who doesn't have that to give probably shouldn't have children. In any case, children aren't the CAUSE of unhappiness.

However you may define happiness, it's a choice and what that so-called research can never reveal is the fact that most people choose to blame "unhappiness" on external forces.

Yes, I have children. Yes, I remember the "freedom" before children. Then, I was free as a child to do child like things...hanging out all night is fun for a time but not forever. Even with children, I'm as free as I ever was...and so are they. Freedom is a state of mind and spirit, and a choice like "happiness."

We are free to choose a higher purpose beyond ourselves...and still be "happy."

Children are one of life's many blessings. I suspect all the "supposed" don't-want-any and the wish-I-never-had-any children people are only fooling themselves. I also suspect that they are desperately lonely. That level of selfishness is only a defense mechanism for deeper issues.

Many deeper issues aren't even about a person's character, but rather our cultural environment today, external forces. This includes the pressures of today's lifestyle...financial demands...disillusion...all that "stuff." Children and their upbringing suffer from all this as well...but these issues (or challenges) are not because of them.

Those statistics are the result of research asking the wrong questions.

Im 26 and normally would spend my time working and being with my boyfriend mixed with misc fun.

We fell in love, and had an unplanned pregnancy. We were so scared the whole 9 months. We thought about abortion...but just couldnt do it. (Always would wonder about the unborn one that never made it)

Now were married and nearly drawn to tears at the preciousness of our little one. Her name is Stella Lane and I swear she will make you smile.

I can't tell you how many offers we get for free babysitting.

I may not be able to get black out drunk and forget about everything but me....but I would never trade my life for what it is now for what it used to be.

I can assure you that when you have your OWN child, you will change your silly selfish ideas and get on the ride of your life.

I love you Tella 2 Smella (and she is very stinky too!)

Im still 26, I still look 26, and I sure as hell still feel 26.

Im Happy.

These researchers don't know how to measure happiness. I have two kids and they are both still quite young. I have yet to see them through their teen years and I'm sure I will pull out a lot of my hairs. I suppose you might say I will be unhappy on their short term happy-meter. But in the end (and right now) I will be astronomically happier. Obviously, that's longer than their tape measures.

Well I dont PLAN on having any kids, and what keeps me on this standpoint is seeing miserable fat mothers strolling their kids through walmart screaming at them to take the oreos out of the cart. Or the ones carrying 5 littles ones through the McDonalds drive through complaining they didnt get a toy in one of their happy meals. But anything could happen.... which scares me. For now, though, I am happy, and am proud to say I dont deserve a child. Theres too many things out there that can help me out enough to achieve fulfillment in life and too many things I wouldnt be able to do if I had a kid : )

cummon gang! what kind of stats are these?

I personally do not like children, and can see where this would come from. Some people dislike having to deal with a screaming brat all the time...

I met a woman at 8.30 on saturday night in Stoke Newington.

She was about 38 years and completely p*ssed (drunk for the Americans) and moaning about her three kids who were driving her mad and that she'd had to run out of the house before she snapped. Then she burst into tears and started saying she needed medication to cope.

When she eventually stumbled home my friend and I spent the next half hour wondering whether that was what the future looked like... we concluded that there was no point guessing but what we did surmise was this: it helps if you're happy with your partner perhaps.... surely the kids alone can't dictate everything?

Oh, and that woman was a GP by the way and seemed, despite being quite frankly wasted, a rather intelligent and capable woman....

Not sure what this brings to the argument but I suppose the little brats can make you unhappy and happy in equal measures....

BS all I can say is that after the birth of my son my life took a turn with more pupose and meaning NEVER BEEN HAPPIER MY WHOLE LIFE! PEACE..........

well, just remember... though kids annoy you, you were just like that once.

I think its also important to mention that the parents who really engage with their children are happier overall. I am constantly told by strangers how well I handle my kids, and its because I play with them instead of standing back and watching. Who doesn't like Hot Wheels and Heman?? Stoking the fires of your kids imagination can be more rewarding than a night out at the bars, speaking from experience. I am blissfully happy with my kids, and wouldn't give my life up for the world. Sure there are low points, but without the bad times, how on earth could you gauge how good life is?

I can't speak for the childless couples who feel they are happy without children.
I can say that I had no idea what true happiness was until I first looked into the eyes of my newborn daughter. I thought I understood love until she reached out and held my hand for the first time. And I had never been happier in my life than when she earned her first award for her efforts in martial arts.
Children change you, that's indisputable. But it also drastically changes what makes you happy.

Only if you're broke.

All i can say is GOOD LUCK to everyone saying they're NEVER going to have kids; keep on using that birth control! because there is a number of factors that play into getting pregnant and you can't forget all of those "accidents"!!!

Well you can't really comment on what you haven't experienced, so looking at all these postings above minus the people without kids i'd say Robin Simon's study wasn't as comprehensive as he thought.

im not a parent but i can say that i look forward to every day i get to babysit my girls. if im in a bad mood i actually look forward to seeing them, knowing they will make my day brighter....

I tell them that.

Our 2 children are a joy to us and also a great worry for the rest of your life. You worry about every finger and toe every minute of your life.

It is not the only thing in life or for all people.

The truth is that everyday we have to face problems as parents that our childless counterparts don't. I am lucky, I have one child, not that I wouldn't want more but this was it for me, almost died to have her and can't do it again. My child has autism, aspberger's syndrome to be exact. And truthfully sometimes it is hard, going to the schools and makign sure that she is treated fairly. BUT I am lucky, she will always be my little girl, she is always innocent and charming and full of love. How you raise a child determines if they are a screaming brat or not. My autistic kid complains about noisy bratty regular kids who don't know how to behave! That is the parents fault an it should be punishable!!! However, the study doesn't say what kind of day the person had when they asked the questions, and if they went back and asked again another day to see if they felt the same. I am happier than I could ever be without my kid, and my husband and I married very young and have been together for 15 years, married for 12! I think that having children young makes it easier and I wouldn't trade my kid for all the money back I have had to spend on her lol :) Being a good parent is a daily choice you have to make and too many people are too lazy to be good parents, so they aren't happy. People should think about and choose when and if to have kids, and it shouldn't be to try to hold onto a marriage, that is why so many single parents are out there.

all my friends who have kids are pretty unhappy. kids equal misery

At last, something official. The pressure is now off!

It's gotta be pleasurable in some way if so may people make the decision to back and have more: It makes sense that evolution, which obviously made making kids quite nice, must give us some sort of menal carrot, or on the other hand it could be a stick, as this study suggests; either way, we can't stop ourselves!

Just think of the feeling when you see a newborn baby, that's pleasure right? When they're grown up a bit it's bound to be a bit of a hassle, but in the past kids matured much faster than we allow them to today (not that I disagree with that), so providing for them for an 'unnatural' length of time is bound to bring some negative mental side effects (Imagine a mother bird forced to look after a Cuckoo chick!).

Granted that there are many factors that contribute to personal happiness, I think one crucial aspect is the way you value and perceive children in relation to your individual development and self-fulfillment, two concepts that are increasingly important to members of our society.

Some people - even though they might not readily admit it - see children as an extension of their aspirations, as a not entirely altruistic means to fulfilling their personal aims. Obviously, parenting has a lot to do with the idea of passing on traits - biological and cultural - so it is important not to underestimate the egoistical motives at play here. I am not saying this is wrong or malicious in any sense, I just thing we tend to downplay the fact that the alleged 'joy' of having children has a lot to do with the idea of being able to create something in one's own image, of raising someone whom I can teach and influence and who, at least in the case of a biological child, also shares many of my physical features. Of course, the latter can be incredibly gratifying and result in extreme happiness, but I think a decreasing number of people actually see it that way. For more and more parents, a child is nothing but a hindrance that stops them from achieving their goals in life, so obviously, they are going to be unhappy.

So, even though financial and economic factors are crucial in the sense that it might be a luxury to be able to view your child as something positive, I think it is also crucial to look at the way we perceive children in relation to our idea or rather ideal of individual development.

I had a mother who loved babies; but, babies grow up. So by the time one of us was just past being a toddler, it was time for another infant. And we were expected to start doing for ourselves. " You're a big girl now." I'm sorry, but you are not a big girl at three. So, my mother didn't relate very well with children, just infants. I never understood until my sister had her children and I saw again the pattern. And I saw in them the same kind of reaction that I'd remember too well. I have since seen this in other family households. and it is so weird to note...that babies grow up and every stage is an opportunity to learn about them and yourself, an opportunity to grow. Happiness is where you find it. I was unable to have a child and it lead among other things to the divorce of my one and only marriage. I swear on my wedding day that I was ask when we were planning our first. And by and by when that didn't happen we turned to the doctors. Oh, he was relieved that it wasn't his fault and was able to tell others that he was doing his part. It was HER(me)! So, I have learned that I will not have children in this lifetime and now that I'm older and a little more wiser, I see families who get it and families that don't have a clue...dysfunctional doesn't even begin to describe it. I have to say that I'm okay with who and where I am now. I don't know if I would have been a good mother; but I would have loved to have had the chance. And as far as happiness, I find it everyday..

blah blah blah, another piece of crap picked for tv

Having kids will make your life more stressful, no doubt about that, but it's also more rewarding.

Twoddle

I believe that how happy a parent is really depends upon whether or not that person or that couple is prepared for all of the responsibilities of child-rearing.

Personally, I don't want kids---but it's not just because of the typical reasons of how loud, gross, or expensive they are. I know that if I were to have a kid, I would be introduced into a whole new world of anxiety. How are the kids and teachers at school treating him/her? Uh-oh, the poor thing is getting sick...again...? Why is that strange man looking at my kid?! Worrying about the adult members of my family is stressful enough, thank you.

One thing I can say is that many of the unhappy parents probably had kids too early, or should not have had them at all. Just from my normal observations in public, I can tell that parental apathy is becoming a huge problem. The "give the kid whatever it wants----anything it takes to make him/her shut up" behavior has become way too popular these days. On the flip side of the same coin, there are parents who spare their children no dignity. You know, the ones who scream back at their kids in front of everyone. I think my mother really got it right in that category. A low, quiet, deadly voice to scare the crap out of me and my unruly sister was enough to shut us up without embarrassing us in the process.

In conclusion, if you really like the little ones, and are ready and willing to deal with what it takes to be a good parent, then kids might just be a great source of joy for you. On the other hand, if you feel pressured to have kids because that's what the family wants, but know deep down that you don't have the patience for it, be prepared for misery if you do have them.

Is it worth bringing kids into this world right now? Just because of everything that is going on...

fiddle sticks... Nothing beats being a parent. The love we share with are kids, there can be no greater joy.

Kids=Over population!

odd article. hard to determine from a personal perspective too. you can't say "bs I have kids and I'm happy" because you don't know if you would be happier if you hadn't, likewise for those without kids. I'd actually believe this article. most of our beliefs about family is incorrect and based on happy little disney myths. I was shocked when i learned that being in a hetero relationship was actually a psychological detriment to females. it's true, look it up.

I think this makes a lot of sense, we've always been told that we'll be happy when we get married, we'll be happy when we have kids. I don't think kids automatically bring happiness if the person isn't happy with themselves. Happiness depends on the individual and less on relationships and kids.

happiness is caused by a perspective not a situation.

Having the baby can be the biggest strain on a relationship ever, but over coming problems with sleep and who is doing more can make the best family ever.

(mine)

I can c parents being unhappy, changing baby's dippers, waking up in the middle night everyday to a crying unhappy child. But it gets better they eventually move out and go to COLLAGE most of the time....

I'm happy to hear this because i know many people who don't want kids. including me

Obviously it's false, because the Govt. pays poor people to have kids. Kids=money?

Most educated people can't because they can only afford 1 or two.

God bless the breeders who make us pay more taxes
God bless big oil
Poison monkey how many kids can you possible have?

God bless mr. smithers

I have a daughter and I love her so much !!! For sure happy times, yet ... it's just more ... more joy, more fear, more concern and more reward ... Being a parent gives us a real purpose. To serve another human in a way that is so amazing and special ....
Her mom and I are not together anymore, so that has added some hard times to the mix...

So.. Not sure if its an easy answer, there is allot into it BUT ..

I know one thing for sure ...

MAKING BABIES IS REAL FUN !!!!!

Most people stumble into what society at large has programmed them to think will be the fullfillment of their lifes and fill that emptiness they feel - what they get is the emptiness, a lot more stress, guilt and a lot less time to find 'real' ways to address the source of their misery - hardly surprising it's a disappointment. There are exceptions of course.

This 'cultural myth' has been repeatedly 'cracked' throughout history. In the Kreutzer Sonata, Tolstoy calls children a "source of misery" and "a cause of fear, anxiety, and interminable suffering", while Emerson felt 'there was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep.' Mind you, I'm only quoting 19th century men here, so probably not the best sample..

Is this study suggesting that we'd all be happier living in a spree of selfish hedonism? Or just confirming what we already know - that good parents tend to make personal sacrifices for their kids?

Lol... if someone is intelligently questioning if their reality/life is ready for children Before they have them, that just means they are actually planning. This reminds me of the movie Idiocracy. :) p.s. All power to you if you are a prepared, intelligent parent!

I think this study succeeds only at one thing: to sell copies of Newsweek magazine.

I don't have kids but my gut instinct tells me that fulfilling my dream of being a mom would make me happier than anything in the world. Sure, day to day child care has its share of struggle, stress and strife, but bringing up a child with love in this beautiful world is the best thing I imagine doing with my life.

Having my son was one of the happiest times of my life despite all the physical problems I went through to almost dying in childbirth due to complications... but we both survived and I know it was for a reason... and he has been the light of my life for the last 17 years. After both my husband and I lost our parents, our child has been the bright spot of our lives and he looks so much like my mother that each time i look at him it makes me happy. I think these studies with the broad brushes are honestly bunk. Happiness is in the eye of the beholder. I can't imagine life without my son. He is my miracle.

In response to above: Your niece and nephew are not your own kids. If you went through a long pregnancy with a woman you love...then seeing her give birth to something that is yours and yours alone, is something way more powerful then babysitting your bratty sisters kids.

i've got 2 nephews and a niece , the oldest is 7 . i don't need my own kids , and would probably kill them anyhow if i had to be around them all the time .

Happiness doesnt always equal good. Just because something makes you not fully happy, doesnt mean you should avoid it completely. Hell lying on my fat ass, watching TV, and eating hot wings makes me happy, but it's not the best thing to do sometimes

With more love comes more pain.I happen to be a single father to an amazing 5 year old boy, and he is the only person in my life that says " I love you" to me. He is my light and what depresses me the most is knowing that I cannot always be there for him to protect him from the possible cruelties of the world. Having a child made me realize how precious and delicate life is.

If going to the bar and getting wasted is more important then seeing your beautiful child smiling then- Yes you will be unhappy with children.
If you know and understand that the world doesn't revolve around your needs, then you would make a beautiful Mother or Father.
I love my baby girl more than anything. I can't imagine my life without her and I can think of many of my friends who are very excited to have one of their own soon. So in your face you stupid statistic. I am Mother, hear me ROAR.

i think one of the major points that the article should have addressed was the fact that 'happiness' (whatever that may mean) isn't always the most important thing; meaning and purpose are. A lot of people may feel unhappy with what they do, but they are executing a purpose, and if it means the drudgery of changing diapers and burping a baby, then so be it. Purpose can mean everything.

If your life is only about what makes you happy then you probably shouldn't have children. But you might want to consider how much happier your parents would have been without you. Sure, my kids had a wonderful nack for being a pain in the butt. But was it gratifying raising them? You bet. Would I have been a "happier" person without the responsibalty? Gratefully, I'll never know. Ido know this, raising my three beautiful daughters has made me a more complete person.

I hate kids, and I plan to have none. Decrease the surplus population.

when i hear kids freaking out i call it "screaming birth-control." i know it's not nice... :) i don't know if i want kids yet?

kids = hell!
i mean shit kids are cool to have for the first year then till they are 18 they bug you and ask you for money everyday. then when they are out of your house parents finally remember what life was like before kids. i will never have kids.

I had 0 kids and im happier than all you

I have three children, plus their spouses (they all call me MOM--it was their idea!!), and two beautiful grandchildren. They all make me very happy.

Of course having children is stressful and very, very hard, and causes unhappiness, everyone knows it. Though, it's not the same for everyone and some people feel meaning with children, which they wouldn't feel otherwise.

However, I think this brings up an important point...people need to think seriously about the implications of bringing a child into the world. People who have nine kids just because are causing themselves and their children grief--they are draining resources and their children will have that much of a harder time getting college and getting raised correctly.

this doesnt surprise me in the least bit.

for thousands of years the cliche of 'it takes a village to raise a child' was realized in practice. now in the age of capitalism and technology, the village is gone and the child and parent(s) are left to fend for themselves.

B.S,
We have 4 children and we're very happy.
There are always hard times,
most often having fammily makes the bitter times easier to endure and the good times more joyful.
We just had a sweet summer weekend at home with our adult kids visiting, watching movies and eating barbecue outside. It was one of those happy times that makes life good.
Even Anne Frank refused to give up hope and found joy amid war and destruction. Her family celebrated the joy of freedom with the Shabbat seder and remembered the deliverance from slavery even while hiding from the Nazis. That is the indomitable human spirit, and family is an essential part of being human, whether you choose to have children, or not.

Having my child made me very happy. But....it adds lots of worry!

What about the studies that show how important family is? If there were no kids in this world those that were childless wouldn't even exist because their parents wouldn't have bother creating them.

I think there's something wrong with this research, that's for sure.