Call to Caption: Rick Santorum

looks like barack obama's got this election in the bag, but atleast the republicans got the best candidate interms of keeping face with the world, cuz the other candidates were clowns, well i think bachman had a real chance of perhaps beating obama, however either way Obama wins by landslide word

Why did I ever even start running?

I just got an abortion.

I just did Mitt Romney's dog

Do you think anybody smelt that? If they did I'll blame it on the dog.

Do you think anybody smelt that? If they did I'll blame it on Obama.

What is that terrible smell? Is it the women coming after me?

Take a hard right end up here

You know you've got a problem when even Reagan thinks the definition of "santorum" is funny.

Which one of you commie-pinko terrorists put the Green Peace flag behind me?

I want to apologized for that rude comment made by the ESPN writer toward Jeremy Lin's asian decent. ESPN did the right thing to nip it in the bud. Now I'd like to show my gratitude toward the bros of the ESPN crew by treating them to some fried chicken and watermelon.To wash it down I brought y'all some Malt Liquor.

Actually, there is probably nothing going on here, as there is nothing in his brain, but Republicans love empty suits, they won't be promoting any newfangled programs to raise taxes about.

Do farts have lumps?

Don't look at the cocks, shit, I mean mics!

Ricks expression when asked a question.

Ya know, my mother was a Bozoette back at More Science High...but I digress.

yes, folks - I am severely ignorant about everything.

Although I thought the little red "E" stood for 'Excellence,' I think it means I'm out of gas.......again

oh, wonkers.....

Waitress, I'll have a couple slices of toast please.

We don't serve toast here, Senator.

Do you serve chicken sandwiches?

Yes, senator we do.

OK, get me a chicken sandwich, toast the bread, and hold the chicken.

Hold the chicken, Senator? How do you want me to hold the chicken?

Like an aspirin, ho.

I want you to hold it between your knees!

and about eatin' meat on Fridaty......

and about eatin' meat on Fridaty.......

Cold showers allways worked fo me.

I haven't ejaculated since my loss in the senate race.
Sorry if I look a little tired. I gave myself an opus dei whipping last night.

There I go again.

Well... guess that would explain the HUGE bottle of aspirin in Karen's medicine cabinet.

I don't think I can do this without my sweater vest.

Must...stop mind...from visiting...sexual realm. La la la la la.

I gotta quit googling 'santorum".

The advertisement claimed it was stronger than the other toilet tissues.

I think I just crapped in my pants.

Wah! I want my Maypo!

Where's the picture of Jesus I asked for to be on the wall next to Reagan? And the 10 Commandments?

I get so nervous when people talk about naughty parts.

Wait, are you sure this is my chair? I don't feel the hole where I am supposed to fart in...

I am not like that Mitt guy, I REALLY love my dog.

I posted this on Reddit (r/QuotesPorn) and Fark, so get ready for some entertainment.

On his 3rd attempt, Santorum is shown bracing himself as he struggles to complete the challenge of, 'List the three items that are behind you'.

‎"Oh Gawd, I really made it this far... I meant to SERIOUSLY run in 8 years! Oh, nuts.. Now I am going to have to take a geography class to see what they are talking about so I don't eff it up if I have to debate with Obama....."

Rick: "That Ronald Reagan picture is freaking me out!"

Rick: "I really should have used wet wipes to wipe my ass after eating that bean burrito."

Gee, I wish Herman Cain hadn't dropped out. He's worse about answering questions than I am! Why are they picking on me?

What other laws can we pass to keep women barefoot and pregnant?

"Why do you all look so angry? Im scared..."

"I know I'm anal muck but at least I'm not any of the others."

"Oh god, I think I chocolate shaked my pants... Damn contraception, exactly why it's gotta be banned!"

*They're just microphones. They're just microphones. You can do this, Ricky baby. You're Momma's big man. Come on man, pull it together. You can do this! Its not all about dick, damnit. They're all just staring at me...Just pretend they're all nake-no wait...scratch that.*

"OOhhh...oh. um...yeah, I think it just slipped out. Can you all excuse me for a moment? I have an ass penny situation here....er...be right back."

"Uh oh Mommy, Ricky made a boom boom. Time for wipies."

"OMG...I'm the dog catching the bus"

Un oh - I think I just Mitt my pants?

Yep! Got an aspirin between my knees now.......I think ...... How its done!

Karren hit minapause...No more procreating!

Allow me to demonstrate, with my face, what contraceptives do to an individual's sexual realm.

Is Mr. Reagan looking at me? He makes me really... squishy...

With a poker face like this, I shouldn't be against online gambling.

Do I agree with the Bush Doctrine? Can I phone a friend?

What the hell do you mean ... I'm winning?

I am Jack's cold sweat . . .

Ethics complaints in 2006? I don't know what you're talking about... http://www.citizensforethics.org/legal-filings/entry/crew-files-ethics-complaint...

What do you mean there are more women than men! Well I uh... really?

I don't know the answer to that question, let me ask my owners.

You Googled "Santorum" and got WHAT?

And this is my "Deer Caught in the Headlights" look.

Iran-Contra?

Does the milk in my cappuccino have to be frothed?

When I think of Reagan my anal sphincter starts to quiver....Oh how I miss you Ronnie.

Oh shit, I have to get a rectal exam next time I go to get my viagra.

Holding this between my knees is really hard!

Mic check! I need to occupy the lavatorum!

Why is the creepy guy in the photo smiling at me? Crap did he Google my name?

Why are they asking me about my old friend Bruce???

I've got to take a wicked Olberman!

Tal-i-Ban Man: My religion IS my politics

Help....I'm constipated.

Could we call a recess? I think I might have leaked a bit of myself in my pants.

I think the Viagra had a Reverse Effect... =(

....that wasn't a bubble poop, was it?

....just made water in my undie....

Why did I even think that I could be president, I hope they don't figure out I am just faking it all.

They call me the Freise....I keep taking all his dough.

Uh-huh.....I'm gonna win this race. Thank you....Thank you very much.

Do you think bringing our aborted fetus home to meet the family was ok?

This is the face of a constipated man. If anyone notices this expression displayed by a family member or friends. Please seek medical attention immediately. Do not attempt to Google!!!!!

I paid for this mike darn it!!!!!

I think I Santorumed in my pants.

America I am sorry last night I touched my wife's knees with a bottle of aspirin. Pray for us that the baby survives. Now I must repent my sins.

"Who stole my sweater vest?"

Frothy Brown Gooman