Humor & Culture Blog | November 13, 2012 | 1 comment

A cinematic affair: Casting the Petraeus-Broadwell scandal as a Hollywood blockbuster

By Jo Piazza / current.com / @jopiazza

It's only a matter of time before Hollywood options (if it hasn't already) all the juicy details of the David Petraeus–Paula Broadwell sex scandal to turn it into a delightful cinematic romp. 

We just want to help tinseltown get it right.

We're jump-starting this process by precasting this flick in the hopes of getting an executive producer credit ... or maybe just free tickets to the premiere.

Dennis Quaid as Gen. David Petraeus

Quaid has that rugged, yet handsome look that will make the mom audience swoon.

"Quaid, too, likes the ladies," GossipDavid's David Caplan reminds us. "He is better looking than the real guy, but that hasn't stopped Hollywood before." (An honorable mention goes to "The Office" star Ed Helms, who will most certainly be playing the good general in flashbacks to a happier time with Holly.)

Want more on the Petraeus scandal?
Watch "The War Room" weeknights at 10P/7E for a look at
how a crisis specialist would handle this debacle.

Angelina Jolie as Paula Broadwell

Because, duh. 

How did Congress find out about the Petraeus affair?
Watch "Viewpoint with Eliot Spitzer" weeknights at 8E/5P.

Sofia Vergara as Jill Kelley

The Latina vixen will definitely provide some much-needed flavor for this flick, as well as appeal to an international audience.

Bob Saget as Eric Cantor

The House majority leader became aware of the affair last month, weeks before it became public knowledge. Saget was born to play Cantor. We're just happy to have an excuse to use him.

Sally Field as Holly Petraeus

She's been Mary Todd Lincoln, now Current host Joy Behar tells us she thinks Field should play the scorned wife of a general. 

Jack Nicholson as Gen. John Allen

Because you want him in this movie. You need him in this movie.

Ryan Phillipe as Scott Broadwell

The pair of cuckolded Scotts is definitely the most difficult to cast. (We couldn't even find pictures of them we could use!) There's something about their dark little eyes that reveals a resemblance between Phillippe and Mr. Broadwell. "Plus, Ryan adds some sexiness to the movie," Caplan says.

Kevin James as Scott Kelley

Don't you want to give both these guys a hug? "Scott Kelley is the everyman. He wears 'dad' jeans. Kevin James is the ultimate poor-schlub husband who's dominated by his wife," Caplan says.

(Photos: Getty Images, ABC News)

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1 comment // A cinematic affair: Casting the Petraeus-Broadwell scandal as a Hollywood blockbuster

  • Richnjsouth
    • 0
      Richnjsouth  
    • Petraeus as a 4 star general, like all power controlling or celeb type personalities develope an ego that is too big for reality. He got caught in a typical "bimbo disaster". These type of guys think their power, money or position will protect them from the insanity of vicious women who devour men like appetizers. This Broadwell shrew destroyed this guy's life after he invested years of work, education and competition to reach his zenith......and all over some bitch's psycho need to falsely protect her predatory claim on Petraeus over another bimbo Jill Kelly, who like all females can't wait to open her big mouth over Petraeus' weakness and destroy the guy, thinking she was being a saint to expose the guy. Never, ever admit or make claims on any such female or avoid being seen in any social way together. Broadwell never wrote a book before, so who sent her to "hang out" with Petraeus to do a bio? These 2 overly self important shrews should be ostracized and never get to practice their trade again. All these power guys need to heed the warning to stay away from these blood suckers.

    • 6 months ago
jopiazza

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