Snappy comebacks for your conservative relatives
Ah, family gatherings. Nothing says the holidays quite like a tense dinner with your extended family. Especially those cousins and uncles who spent the last six months decrying Barack Obama as a Kenyan, socialist, fascist, Muslim, white-hating, health-care-destroying, tax-raising, gun-stealing sham of a president. Just in case that particular topic comes up, we’ve put together a selection of smart responses – complete with facts, charts, and comebacks – to help you win the holiday brawl. Let the merriment begin!
If you have a relative who watches Fox News, we can almost guarantee they’ll be frothing at the mouth to discuss the SUPER SEKRIT BENGHAZI COVERUP!!!!!
First of all, you can show them this:
And then say this: How long did it take Bush to figure out who was responsible for 9/11? Like, three years and two wars? Yeah. This took a week. Obama called it an act of terror on Day 1. Four Americans died that day, which is tragic, but by serving as consulates in dangerous places like Libya, they accepted a certain level of risk.
Conservatives have tried to link every single thing that’s happened since the Benghazi attack back to Benghazi. Hillary Clinton stepped down as Secretary of State … because she’s gearing up for her 2016 campaign. Petraeus resigned … because he leaked classified information to the biographer he was having an affair with. And, yeah, Obama isn’t commenting on Benghazi any more. He’s not commenting on the Aurora shooting or Trayvon Martin any more either. Because they happened in the past, and he – like every other sane person – has moved on and is allowing the process of justice to unfold.
2. The number of states planning to secede is proof that America doesn’t want Obama as their president!
Response: No state has filed a formal petition to secede. Many people have started Internet petitions, but those don’t have any legal bearing. (See: Best of ... secession petitions to the White House). Gov. Rick Perry went on the record saying Texas has no plans to secede. And a Supreme Court ruling from 1869, Texas v. White, stated that seceding from the Union is illegal because there is no Constitutional right to secession.
Also, many of the people who signed those petitions didn’t live in that state, so lots of those signatures are invalid. Finally, while the White House does say it will respond to any petition with more than 25,000 signatures, “will respond to” does not mean “will give in to.” And there aren’t nearly as many petition signers as there were Obama voters, so it seems like most of America still wants him around – you know, since he won that whole election thing.
3. America is abandoning its founding Christian values
Response: America is not a Christian nation. Many of the Founding Fathers were deists or supporters of “theistic rationalism.” Nowhere in the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence does it state that America is based on Christian values. And the First Amendment specifically says the government shall have no bearing on religion, which implies that the reverse is also true.
If they bring up the Pledge of Allegiance, remind them that the “under God” part wasn’t added until the 1950s.
If they still aren’t satisfied, ask what you think those “Christian values” are that we’re abandoning. Obama’s plan will help feed the hungry, house the homeless, care for the sick, and alleviate poverty. Jesus never said anything about gay marriage or abortion, but he was pretty specific about loving thy neighbor and caring for the needy.
4. 'I just think Romney would have been better for the economy, because he's a businessman'
Many people are under the misconception that a businessman would help the economy recover better. But you should remind them that the function of government is not to run like a business. The point isn’t to turn a profit; it’s to help as many people as possible live long, healthy lives and to fund the programs that make that possible. Things like public education and tax breaks are there to make people’s lives better, not to make money.
If they still balk, ask them about the specifics of Romney’s plan. What exactly would he have done that would have improved the economy? Unemployment has steadily decreased under Obama. One of the biggest factors affecting the deficit is the Bush tax cuts, which Obama plans to end when they expire. Obama plans to lower the corporate tax rate, end deductions for companies that outsource business overseas, extend tax cuts to middle-class families, and provides numerous other economic boosters. Oh, and “Obamacare” will help reduce the number of people who have to file for bankruptcy – more than 60 percent of all those filings are due to medical bills.
And then ask, again, what Romney’s plan was to make the economy better. Remind them that he made his millions by laying off American workers and outsourcing those jobs to China to increase corporate profits for CEOs. Not exactly the change America is looking for.
Let us know in the comments what you think you conservative uncle is going to bring up over turkey tomorrow, and we'll do out best to get an answer ready for you!
(Photo: Getty Images)