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1 month ago

9 SIgns your Friend is Toxic

The 9 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship

1) Your friend is jealous of you. Jealousy is different than envy and the first can be very toxic for the relationship. Jealousy is: "I want what you have and I want you dead or disappeared." Envy is just: "I want what you have." A jealous friend will want to cut you out of her life because she really wants what you have and can’t stand to be around you anymore. An envious friend will want what you have, but will look to you as her inspiration or role model, and compete with you to get in the lead.

2) Your friend is a "doormat": It’s tiring to always be with someone who is so malleable.

3) Your friend wasn’t there for you. It’s sometimes hard to see if a friend is really a true pal until there is a life-changing moment in your life that requires the person’s support. This eye-opening event is called The Inciting Incident, which is when everything is going along fine, until wham! someone gets sick, or loses their job, or gets married or loses a loved one, and you find that the friend you thought would be by your side isn’t there for you at all. She doesn’t celebrate your good news nor does she help you in times of need. For some women it takes an "inciting incident" to finally notice that a friend is toxic.

4) Your friend is draining you: You feel you’re psychologically and emotionally giving all your energy to her and receiving nothing in return.

5) You don’t share the same values or the same world view: It’s a red flag that this isn’t the right friend for you if you don’t respect her for who she is. I interviewed a woman who wished her friend’s husband ill. It made the married woman realize that her friend’s behavior is nothing like her own.

6) You are using one another: This type of toxic relationship develops among socialites. You want to be friends with your neighbor because your children attend the same private school and you can coordinate a carpool. Will the friendship last? Maybe. Is there really a friendship between the mothers or is it just using? Is it worth turning this friendship into anything more than an agreement?

7) The relationship offers no return on investment: This is similar to a friend who is draining you – but this isn’t just an emotional give and take. If you are the one calling your friend to make plans and going out of your way to be with her, but she makes no attempt to go out of her way for you, then she’s not meeting you halfway.

8) Your friend is harming someone else or doing something illicit. Do you want to be associated with someone who is morally unjust? That’s a judgment call on your part.

9) Your friend burdens you with a secret: Your friend trusts you by sharing the details of her affair, but keeping the secret has weighed on you emotionally. You might want to keep your distance. If you’re too close to this woman and the secret is really impacting your life for the worse, it’s time to disengage yourself.

How to Disengage: If any of these signs describes one of your friendships, it’s likely to be a toxic relationship that’s burdensome to not just your sanity but hers as well. You could deliberately distance yourself and let the relationship fizzle into oblivion. If you would like to renegotiate the relationship and improve the friendship, have an honest conversation to reveal how you feel. You’ll risk losing this person, but the reward could be improving the quality of the friendship. Honesty is the best policy. Say: "I’m really upset you didn’t do this and this. And I needed you there to do this and this."

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More at linkThe 9 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship 1) Your friend is jealous of you. Jealousy is different than envy and the first... more

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2 months ago

12 Simple Tips for Relationship Bliss

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3 months ago

The Real Reasons Men Break Up With Women

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3 months ago

Why Reading Twilight Is Bad For Your Love Life

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3 months ago

Should You Tell A Friend Her Husband Is Cheating?

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3 months ago

How I Became A Divorced Virgin

How does one woman go through a five-year marriage without having sex even once? "I was twenty-nine, single again after a... more

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4 months ago

Flirtexting for Beginners

How to use your cell phone to start or spice up a relationship.

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4 months ago

Love ain't real, its all circumstance

Another study has come out proving that the fate of your relationship is actually in the hands of your age differential, parental... more

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4 months ago

SC Gov Cancels State Meetings for Trip With Wife

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4 months ago

5 Secrets of Happy People

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4 months ago

Study finds love is not enough to keep a marriage together

Living happily ever after needn't only be for fairy tales. Australian researchers have identified what it takes to keep a couple together, and it's a lot more than just being in love.

A couple's age, previous relationships and even whether they smoke or not are factors that influence whether their marriage is going to last, according to a study by researchers from the Australian National University.

The study, entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It", tracked nearly 2,500 couples -- married or living together -- from 2001 to 2007 to identify factors associated with those who remained together compared with those who divorced or separated.

It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.

Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage -- either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship -- having separated compared to just nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.

Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce.

A couple's parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.

Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage.

Not surprisingly, money also plays a role, with up to 16 percent of respondents who indicated they were poor or where the husband -- not the wife -- was unemployed saying they had separated, compared with only nine percent of couples with healthy finances.

And couples where one partner, and not the other, smokes are also more likely to have a relationship that ends in failure.

Factors found to not significantly affect separation risk included the number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife's employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.

The study was jointly written by Dr Rebecca Kippen and Professor Bruce Chapman from The Australian National University, and Dr Peng Yu from the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.Living happily ever after needn't only be for fairy tales. Australian researchers have identified what it takes to keep a... more

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4 months ago

Five reasons he dumped you -- true or false?

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4 months ago

What is infidelity?

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4 months ago

Will he let slip your sexy pics?

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4 months ago

You're Driving Me Crazy!

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4 months ago

5 Tips To Boost Your Love Life

1. Abundance, or wealth-consciousness.
Anaїs Nin once said, "We do not see the world as it is; we see the world as we are." Thus you have the choice to see the world with a lens of wealth-consciousness or poverty-consciousness. Do you see scarcity, lack and limitation around you, or wealth, possibility and abundance?
The mindset you choose bears directly upon the success of your love life (and your success in general). Scarcity-consciousness - e.g. "all the good ones are taken" - begets neediness, and neediness is not attractive.
Big-heartedness and self-sufficiency, on the other hand, work much better. Even the Bible has something to say about that: "For he that hath, to him shall be given: and he that hath not, from him shall be taken away even that which he hath."
Seems kind of mean, but it's just the way of the world: wealth begets wealth. So even if you don't have a companion, act as if there is an unlimited supply of what you want available to you already.
And you know what? There is. Because even if only one thousandth of one percent of the 6.5 billion people in this world are cool enough to be eligible for your companionship, that's, oh, 65,000 folks. That's enough dates to tide you over for a whole month.
2. Enlightened self-interest.

This one has three words in it. 'Enlightened' means that you make decisions by considering the long-term consequences of your actions. Short-sighted decisions - e.g. "I know he's a bad boy, but it'll be so much fun" - usually end in tears and/or heartbreak.
'Self' means that your welfare takes priority, just like in the pre-flight announcement where they say put on your own oxygen mask first, then help others in the case of an emergency. To be able to take care of anyone else, you need to take care of you first. Simple, totally non-negotiable, and often neglected.
'Interest' means that you're signing up for your fulfillment and joy, not your pain. If a relationship is making you miserable and unhappy - like that of my friend Holly who was being put down and punched up by the man she was supporting financially - consider ending it. Because fulfillment is a feeling, not a person. So if you're not getting fulfilling feelings in a relationship, chances are you're with the wrong person.
3. The Be-Do-Have paradigm (vs. Have-Do-Be).
Many people think like this: "If I have a great partner, then I can do the things that people with partners do, and then I can be happy." That's actually the dog wagging the tail. The proper sequence is: "If I am a happy, self-sufficient, generous and charming person, then I will have a great life and do things that feel good and make me attractive, and then, as a pleasant side-effect, will have fabulous companions who are naturally attracted to my life."
Successful change begins at the level of identity and belief, so first, be the kind of person you want to be. From the right beliefs will flow the right actions, or te (the middle word from Tao Te Ching) naturally and effortlessly, from which will come right results.
4. Yin-Yang (Feminine-Masculine) Polarity
The Taoists say that two poles are necessary for energy to flow: the receptive or feminine yin and the projecting or masculine yang. We see this in nature: water runs from high to low; electricity flows between cathode and anode; magnetic force goes between north and south poles.
This is especially true of human relations. Without polarity, relationships fall flat, whether in heterosexual or same-sex couples: someone has to wear the pants.
As a man, if you take on too much yin, you risk turning into an indecisive wimp, which is not necessarily appealing to women. Having an open heart is great; just remember to keep your spine also.
As a woman, if you take on too much yang, you risk turning into a facsimile of a guy, which may be admirable but not necessarily attractive. Strength is great, but remember that femininity is what draws in the masculine.
5. Get out of your own way.1. Abundance, or wealth-consciousness. Anaїs Nin once said, "We do not see the world as it is; we see the world as we... more

singrrr
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4 months ago

Do men really want to get married?

"Well, what do you think?" his dad asked. Brian Lohse knew exactly what his father was getting at.

His father had never pressed him about marriage before. But the question had its intended effect: a light switch flipped on.

"I'd never really thought about it. But that was the point right there when I said to myself: 'Oh my gosh, you know what, this is the girl I'm going to marry,' " Brian said. "I can't picture myself spending the rest of my life with any other person than Alana."

Brian, 34, had indeed made the psychological leap. It was time to get this party started. Six months later, he proposed. They married in June.

If you believe the conventional wisdom, Brian's story is the exception.

"Real men" are perceived as committing "till death do us part" for the wrong reasons -- they marry out of convenience or under duress, and they acquiesce, kicking and screaming all the way to the altar. Somewhere along the way, marriage and masculinity became mutually exclusive. But that stands in stark contrast to the dozens of men I spoke with, who admitted -- no, insisted -- they've fantasized about popping the question, getting married, even having a wedding.

The circumstances surrounding those light-switch moments varied.

For one man who lost his father, it was the extraordinary outpouring of love and support from his future bride that changed everything; another guy came to the realization when he caught himself balling up his fists in anger the moment someone made a pass at his then-girlfriend; yet another described the emotion of seeing his long-distance girlfriend for the first time after spending months cooped up in a nuclear submarine.

For me, the light bulb popped on at a penny arcade, playing classic '80s arcade games with my girlfriend. Kris destroyed asteroids and hopped barrels with impressive dexterity.

But it was the grace with which she obliterated insects that sealed the deal. Spinning that roller ball, wiping out that quickly descending centipede with master firepower -- I had to marry this girl."Well, what do you think?" his dad asked. Brian Lohse knew exactly what his father was getting at. His father had... more