The Voice of the Murmurs

more of a slideshow than a documentary or personal account. your description says so much that should be included perhaps as a v.o. in the video.

If this were cut in half...I think it would be perfect. Images are beautiful and say alot, but It's a little long and starts to lose it's effect at about the halfway point. GL n e way.

The intro is a little long, and the piece in general could be cut down a little bit. I agree otherwise it's great! GL.

subtitles for the spanish would be great, it is a bit long and i agree with dustinmagic, more info could be included. GL.

I agree with the length. Using the length of the "assembly" song would have done its justice. Your mix of stills and moving images is always a powerful combination. Your stills remind me of a dear friend www.LinaPallotta.com. Check her out. The black and white hugging the color of the song also works. By profession, I am a teacher...I have the same feelings about helping one child at a time right here in the US. Thanks for your heart. GL

I appreciate the subject matter, and I like the music. I too would have appreciated subtitles and more information about why these children were orphaned and how they lived before the orphanage. I also thought the camera moved waayyyy too much for my taste.

The music is very wonderful and catchy I gave it a greenlight because i enjoyed how you made the documentary a little different and turned it into more of a music video because to me I can still understand what the story your trying to tell even with no one explaining what is happening

what is most touching and powerful about this piece is the love that you've put it together with, which it is really dripping with. i was very moved by these kids. i would echo some of the other comments: if you cut this in half and interspersed it with factoids flashing on the screen about where these kids come from, a bit about the history of terrorism in peru, and what the orphanage does - and you do at the orphanage, this would without a doubt end up on tv. i like your angles, your pieces have a very unique look.

thanks so much for your thoughts on my piece. would love to offer any thoughts on a question about your next pod, just let me know! ~ eleni

Dan, este es un video hecho con mucha sensibilidad, la sonrisa de los niños dicen más que palabras, te felicito y siempre deseando que lleves a cabo tus ideales, tus sueños. Gracias por aquellas personas a las que has llenado de vida.

Betín

Dan, este es un video hecho con mucha sensibilidad, la sonrisa de los niños dicen más que palabras, te felicito y siempre deseando que lleves a cabo tus ideales, tus sueños. Gracias por aquellas personas a las que has llenado de vida.

Betín

hi thanks for your GL on "year of the dragon". i like your piece but i have some notes on it. First of all, who is the narrator? maybe you should make it clear who he is, and what HE gets out of working with the kids. Some of the sub-titles aren't needed, they just become redundant to what is being said. it works when you tell something about a kids past that you wouldn't know by looking at him, but be careful because you tell the audience that the one kid was in the sewer two times, and that's definitely redundant.
The whole piece, especially the montage sequences can be drastically cut down. By at least half. All you need is a few images to express what you tried to express in a hundred. trust me, less is usually more.
i think you should ultimately think about what you are trying to say with this piece. if its a straight up doc for the orphanage then maybe you should bring in more of the staff, and interviews of the kids. if you want to say something else, you should try and decide what that is...

i hope this helps! keep me posted on your stuff!

This post is beautiful. It describes the human nature of love. Thank you for sharing it.

This piece needs to be spoken. It reflects the human desire to help others. Well done. GL from me.

Powerful... perhaps a tad shorter?
Peace!

That you care for these children comes through loud and clear. It's truly incredible what children must endure. -- I'd like to know a little more about life in the orphanage where you work.

I recently spoke with a lady who is working with children in Africa, her stories are devastating.

I congratulate for your work. GL from me.


Please click on my head and lend your opinion to my pod "small town climate change" I'd appreciate your input.

thanks.

Hi, I got your post, I'd be happy to chat with you. Where are you located?

We can chat on-line or depending on where you are, by phone.
Send me an e-mail at kdrewvideo@yahoo.ca

btw, (this is a little embarrassing) if you meant to give “small town climate change” a GL, it didn't take) If you didn't that's cool, but if you did... you know, could you... give it another shot.

peace.

inspiring. GL.

Great Pod, beautiful message. We all need to do our part in this world to help those less fortunate. There are many transgender children who leave in turmoil, deal with hate crimes, bigotry and are a statistic of suicides. Please help me spread the word and give me a green light as well. We are all gods children.......

In Gods image

well I greenlit an earlier version of this so I can't do it again (wish I could)! loved you telling us about the kids and where they've come from in this one, and also loved one part - wasn't sure if it was intentional or not - when two layers of your narrative for a short time coincided. sounded like a stream of consciousness. really cool. you have a very unique style of film-making, keep it up. if you were looking to shorten this, you could take out some of the signing/music in the middle. so GL again in spirit! eleni

Te felicito mi hermano. Ojala que tus proyectos toquen corazones, y muevan voluntades hacia lo que en realidad importa. A nuestro futuro como raza, a nuestro valor como especie.
Sigue con tu sueño, que llevas muchos detras tuyo.

Now, about the overall design, in my opinion, you could tone it down a little bit, to be digested by average, not always-eager-for-drama viewers.

I noticed the graphics are sometimes not needed, and the color is a litle distracting, it takes away the drama a bit.
I like the cuts back and forth from pics to video, but close to the end, it feels a tad much.

I agree that by cutting it down (to maybe 2'00?) Would make it flow better. Keep me posted, in the meantime, GL!

Good track.

I echo the comments about it being too much in the end; cut it down/make it simpler, or both. Keeping it simple would allow the message to resonate more clearly in the viewer, as the multiple music, graphics and narration can become distracting.

Personally I would make drastic changes to the music to reduce the sympathy/drama effect and let the amazing words speak for themselves. That would be even more powerful, in my opinion.

Shoot me a mail sometime soon!

N

Certainly a worthwhile topic, but I agree the editing needs work. The cuts generally feel too fast and too random; I'd like to see the person speaking at points, and also like some extended cuts of the kids where we can actually hear them, get a sense of their personalities. It's all over the place now, and yeah, I'm thinking you need to go back and work on it some more, tone it down a bit and bring a bit more coherence to it, but it'll be worth the effort.

I liked your style in the editing intro. I suggest to change the color in the graphics, as someone said it's a little distracting. Maybe make it a little bit shorter so you don't have to repeat some of the images (like the children singing, I think I saw the same image repeated times). Liked the music and the voiceover. Thanks for the message, it does get to the heart.

What a wonderful pod. What a mighty mission!. I love the way you use the children singing. I don't know if I would use the vipe effects - disloves and cuts would tell the story just fine.

GL - Over come death to live life. Bless your work

Daniel,

Thank you for your positive and inspiring comments in regards to my work. You asked for some feedback on this piece:

First of all, you have a lot of talent. It is very evident from watching this piece. Good story, good raw footage, nice style.

I think the pod starts off beautifully, the first minute is right on the mark, with the exception of the speed of your shots. You need to slow them down to match the pacing of your music. Your shots are way too fast throughout the piece, even with the more up beat music. You are not letting the viewer become engaged. It's cut together right now as if it were an action sports piece. Too fast. This piece is a heartfelt piece, therefore your shots need to slow down and allow the viewer to be moved. Also, you have no interviews. To compensate for this you need to shorten the piece by like 2 or 3 minutes, I know that sounds like a lot but trust me, it will be better. I think if you slowed the pacing down, cut the piece in half, add some more slates or voice over giving us more information about the orphanage or even just more thoughts on the how the place has affected you personally, you would have an outstanding pod! The story is there, that's the most important thing, now you just need to structure it for Current TV. At Current less is best and they always love it when you include your own story, such as how stories you come across affect you. Without interviews you need to carry the piece. You start out doing a great job and then we are left with a lot of fast images and not much information. All the feedback I've read below I agree with as well. Also, I think you should stay away from the colored text, stick with black.

But seriously, you have a lot of talent, I can see it in your choice of story and style. But take the advice of all these great people who have given great feedback and make this pod go from good to great! With these fixes I see this headed for TV. The thing is even if Current picked this for TV they would make all these changes anyway before it aired, so you might as well do it. Good luck and I'll keep an eye out on this pod. I would love to GL it when you cut it down. I'll be sure to keep an eye on all your other work as well. Keep up the good work.

Daniel.
I'm so sorry. I've been out of town with no computer access. YES! This is wonderful. It is a better length. You've given some background information and created a comprehensive story about these very important children. Love it!! GL. Sorry it took so long to see it! (I love the song by the way)
Loryn

Very good work! and of course my support to all your projects.
Thanks for your comment about my work.
GL

,V,,

Dan,

I'm giving this a GL cause I like the story, I however would have loved to hear more from the children, even just their laughter while playing.

Shola

Great music, nice camera shots, great perspective. But as an editor, I would recommend cutting the video down a bit (shorter to me is punchier), using fewer transitions (sometimes just cuts are ok), and changing the color of the text titles. Other than that, I like the sepia effect for the kids images, and certainly the message. Good luck!

Thanks for checking out Yoga Saves.
I'm really glad to see your work on current tv
You asked for suggestions-
I would like to see more story, for example, the history of the orphanage, or maybe film the streets of Peru where the kids came from, or film taking a kid out of the streets.
There's an orphanage called Casa De Milagros in Peru, their video is on www.channelg.tv, search under "Advocacy and Human Rights".
It's a beautiful story.
Keep up the great work!

great camera work...nice edits. i lived in south america for a while, and sometimes to see the conditions that these ninos are subject to is mind boggling and shocking. it makes my heart smile to know that people like you are reaching out and changing their scene for the better..and telling the story..documenting these moments para todos es especial absolutamente estas hope to these ninos bellisimo. very touching piece. tu ere la luz! GL from kendallfresh.

check out my pod, 'the big brother show.' thanks

I like the edits, I prefer the 1st audio track i.e the piano I would not use the overlayed text (and certainly not in blue) IMHO

I think you could make much more of a statement by making it much shorter and not using the middle part at all. It makes much more sense with the piano,panpipe & narative, some simple text fades at the end would work too.

Excellent though,

great piece.

Hey everyone. I want to thank you for taking time to comment and to continue to express the good, the bad, and the changes. I'm going to tweak once again and bring it back up. I hope you will continue to share with me whats your insight. I'm very grateful for this environment. Cheers. Keep speaking for those who cannot ! Peace! Danielmklopp~

Thanks for putting this up - really good. GL!

Daniel,

Wonderfully uplifting. Some of the photography is just stunning. The short biographies superimposed on the screen are touching and intriguing.

For what it's worth, I think the footage is a tad on the repetitive side. Can you photograph any of the boys telling the story of their life before the orphanage? It would be interesting to see a face as he tells the story. All you'd probably need is just one. Also, you've got no footage establishing where you are. I visited Lima almost twenty years ago and remember it as a vastly diverse, traditional city. Beautiful colonial buildings, mixed with American chains. Seeing the boys in neckties reminded me of a story. When my wife and I wanted to take in a seaside restaurant there, we were reminded of something unusual for American tourists: a dress code! I had to borrow a jacket and a tie from a friend's dad! And it wasn't a great fit!

Most importantly, if your short film succeeds in moving its viewers, tell us how to support your work! You start to make a pitch for support, telling us how little it costs to feed these boys, but you don't close the sale! Discreetly post your website address at the end, buddy! Don't be afraid to ask for money.

J

Beautiful, I would not change it anymore from this latest version ..If you listen to everybody's advice you might end up with too many pieces of the puzzle that don't make up a whole. I just find that having just the voice over (not hearing from the children) unifies it, I guess it seems to me that it sets the tone of the piece as more of a documentary, if the children each told their story it might sound as more of a commercial.. Love it , I would put your website at the end though.

It was a nice piece. Although, I wanted to hear from the children. Also, it's way too long. The part with them singing and all the shots of them on stage could be cut way down. The singing is nice, but I don't need to see the same shot for a whole minute.
Not into the sepia. Feels gimmicky.
why are there no female children?just curious.

Good for you for resubmitting and for your influence on these boys lives. I wouldn't be surprised if this eventually made it on TV.

Great work and interesting topic! GL

Looks like you're doing some great work over in Lima. Like the film, looks like you've already had quite a bit of feedback so won't mix it up too much, think most of it's been said, but I'd love to see more of this. Have you thought about giving one of the kids a camera and getting them to make their own video diary?

Keep it up!

i love this piece. but be careful about your music choice and narration in the very begining. at points it sounds like those programs as