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Use Old Newspapers as Fire Logs

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If you have a fireplace and can't get a good blaze going (you're a little girl), maybe you should consider the Newspaper Brick Maker. It costs $30 and turns old newspapers into firestarting bricks of goodness. It might make you feel better than you would if you just threw old newspapers away without recycling them. I must say, I received one as an early Christmas gift from my girlfriend and it works great -- as a meatloaf mold. The idiot failed to notice the house we've lived in for two years doesn't have a fireplace.

Note: It's almost time to start accepting new girlfriend applications again. I'm just waiting to see the look on her face when she opens her Christmas present -- a set of keys to a sports car that doesn't exist. After that I'm dropping her.
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