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George W. Bush Announces Amnesty for Pot Crimes


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"In a surprise move today while visiting Kiev, Ukraine, in advance of NATO meetings, US President George Bush made a dramatic announcement that in one giant sweeping act of Executive Clemency he was freeing all 70,000 of America’s marijuana-only prisoners.

The President was quoted as saying, "half of all adult Americans have smoked a doobie sometime in their life. Shoot, if the cops ever caught everybody who was breaking marijuana laws in America at the same time, you’d have to fence off a couple of states to make us a jail big enough to hold ‘em all. And you know, letting all those marijuana prisoners go, I’ll also be freeing up 70,000 prison cells for real criminals…or we could use some of the freed-up billions of dollars we were spending to lock those people up and spend the money for college scholarships…or fixing roads."

"The veteran Washington press corps was momentarily stunned by Bush’s dramatic pronouncement. And before they could ask a single question, President Bush waved his hand in the air and said, 'That will be it for today. Thank you all for coming, but I’ve got to leave. I’ve got a very important meeting at 4:20 this afternoon with other heads of state.'"
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