Would your husband use your last name?
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- AndreaKnoll
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A Los Angeles man has won the right to use his wife's last name following a lawsuit against the State California that lasted two and a half years.
After he married, 31-year old Michael Bijon wanted to use his wife's last name, but found that though it was a relatively simple process for a married woman to adopt her husband's last name, with the roles reversed, he would be subject to an entirely different process involving a $350 fee, a court appearance, a public announcement, and a whole pile of paperwork.
After getting stuck in a mountain of red tape, Michael and his wife Diana Bijon called on the California chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union for a little help with their problem. Following their successful lawsuit, California changed its laws, making it possible for married couples and domestic partners to put their preferred name on marriage and DMV paperwork, irrespective of sex.
This is certainly a change that's long overdue. To quote the ACLU's SoCal legal director, Mark Rosenbaum, "This disposes of the rule in California that the male surname is the marital name to the same trash bin where dowries were once tossed out."
As a writer, I'd used a pen name for almost a decade, so changing my name after marriage just didn't make sense. Being a feminist, it also rankled that it was the woman who was asked to sacrifice part of her identity, unnecessarily, and by default.
I've been married now for the better part of a decade, and find the seemingly old-fashioned attitudes and expectations of people and institutions with regards to surname choice quite bemusing. Much of my family still insists on calling me Mrs. X on correspondence. They know full well that I never changed my name, in part to make a point. I also use Ms. rather Mrs., since I think that the change in courtesy title according to marital status, which is another women only thing, is also anachronistic. I figure that those who persistently call me Mrs. X are making a point of their own about the traditional values to which I refuse to subscribe.
Personally, I've always liked the double-barreled option, which literally brings both sides together with a new family name. Michael and Diana Bijan could have gone this route without a change in the law, but in their case, Michael felt far closer to his wife's father, which is why he wanted to use her last name only. For me, the double-barreled choice didn’t make sense, since my name was also my trade mark (and our names joined with a hyphen sounded a little convoluted).
The current humorous Hollywood fashion for combining names (as in TomKat and Brangelina) actually seems rather sensible to me. If John Mayer marries Jennifer Aniston, they could go by the name Mayerston or Anistayer. Similarly, if George Clooney ever decides to get hitched to Sarah Larson, they have an option of adopting Larsooney or Cloonson as their new mutual family name. At least it'd make for a plethora of interesting new hybrid names (though probably some unfortunate ones too, what if Helen Hunt marries Cameron Crowe?).
Then again, I like that other Hollywood tradition of getting married and keeping the name people actually know you by. That option certainly made the most sense to me. What do you think?
After he married, 31-year old Michael Bijon wanted to use his wife's last name, but found that though it was a relatively simple process for a married woman to adopt her husband's last name, with the roles reversed, he would be subject to an entirely different process involving a $350 fee, a court appearance, a public announcement, and a whole pile of paperwork.
After getting stuck in a mountain of red tape, Michael and his wife Diana Bijon called on the California chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union for a little help with their problem. Following their successful lawsuit, California changed its laws, making it possible for married couples and domestic partners to put their preferred name on marriage and DMV paperwork, irrespective of sex.
This is certainly a change that's long overdue. To quote the ACLU's SoCal legal director, Mark Rosenbaum, "This disposes of the rule in California that the male surname is the marital name to the same trash bin where dowries were once tossed out."
As a writer, I'd used a pen name for almost a decade, so changing my name after marriage just didn't make sense. Being a feminist, it also rankled that it was the woman who was asked to sacrifice part of her identity, unnecessarily, and by default.
I've been married now for the better part of a decade, and find the seemingly old-fashioned attitudes and expectations of people and institutions with regards to surname choice quite bemusing. Much of my family still insists on calling me Mrs. X on correspondence. They know full well that I never changed my name, in part to make a point. I also use Ms. rather Mrs., since I think that the change in courtesy title according to marital status, which is another women only thing, is also anachronistic. I figure that those who persistently call me Mrs. X are making a point of their own about the traditional values to which I refuse to subscribe.
Personally, I've always liked the double-barreled option, which literally brings both sides together with a new family name. Michael and Diana Bijan could have gone this route without a change in the law, but in their case, Michael felt far closer to his wife's father, which is why he wanted to use her last name only. For me, the double-barreled choice didn’t make sense, since my name was also my trade mark (and our names joined with a hyphen sounded a little convoluted).
The current humorous Hollywood fashion for combining names (as in TomKat and Brangelina) actually seems rather sensible to me. If John Mayer marries Jennifer Aniston, they could go by the name Mayerston or Anistayer. Similarly, if George Clooney ever decides to get hitched to Sarah Larson, they have an option of adopting Larsooney or Cloonson as their new mutual family name. At least it'd make for a plethora of interesting new hybrid names (though probably some unfortunate ones too, what if Helen Hunt marries Cameron Crowe?).
Then again, I like that other Hollywood tradition of getting married and keeping the name people actually know you by. That option certainly made the most sense to me. What do you think?
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- AndreaKnoll
- 9 days ago
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I think the issue with combined names is that you lose a lot of history--what happens several generations down, when someone wants to trace their ancestry only to hit a dead end when look for a Mayerston when they should be looking for an Aniston and a Mayer.
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wow how ridiculous and sexist!
Anyone should be able to take anyone's name. We live in a capitalist country, if you can pay for it, you can do it.-
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- Binarysunset
- 9 days ago
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I sure would be Mr. Jolie.... oh wait this was a generalization? Man that poster got me all excited...
I think we live in an era where tradition is completely ignored by the mainstream anymore. This is not a bad thing, this is how we evolve socially and intellectually.
Since marriage in many countries is more of a legal agreement than a religious one, (i.e For the joinning of property and ownership rights etc etc..)
Its perfectly fine for couples to not change names or the man to change to the woman's either or.
Old standards are just that, Old, and for the most part ridiculously unnecessary.
I think marriage is over rated anyway. Tax breaks aside..
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- Anticore75
- 9 days ago
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Binarysunset he COULD have paid to change his name, they were objecting to the fact that when women take their husband's name there is no fee.
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Just goes to show that there are double standards on both sexes since it's obvious discrimination that men have to pay more than women.
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One of my best friend's sister hand her husband take her name. Wasn't such a big deal in Pennsylvania.
When I get married, I may just change my entire name to Darth Vader. -
How does the soon to be Mrs Vader feel about this?
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- AndreaKnoll
- 9 days ago
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If you can legally change your name to a "stage" name, what's the big deal about taking your spouse's name?
Personally, I was 35 when I got married and had built an entire career and repuatation on my name... why would I sabotage myself by changing my name? -
I'm not sure I'd be down with a woman who wouldn't take my last name. While I agree that every person has a fundamental right to 'identify themselves as they please', making a political point at the expense of marital tradition seems misdirected.
I'm sure we can identify several practices grounded in sexist, racist and classist presuppositions but have since lost their racist and sexist bite. Why call anybody Mr. or Mrs. at all, doesnt this imply a caste system or at least have its history in class based society? And on and on.
If my wife seriously told me that she didnt want to take my last name, I would reply "Seriously? You want to make a political point about 'women as property' in the context of our marriage?-
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- BooksBrown
- 9 days ago
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I think it's about the issue of equality. The system had simple mechanisms in place for women to adopt their partner's names, but not vice versa, which is unacceptable in this day and age.
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- AndreaKnoll
- 9 days ago
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Not taking your husband's last name isn't always a political statement. What if you already have an established career under your name? Do you really want to risk losing everything you've built up because Jane Doe has built up a great reputation, but nobody knows Jane Smith--and nobody realizes that she used to be Jane Doe?
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That was the position I was in as a writer with a pen name. Still, as a feminist, I also recognized the system was very out-dated and was not something I wanted to participate in or perpetuate in any way.
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- AndreaKnoll
- 9 days ago
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Labels are useless to the blind.
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- Virtual_Will_Rogers
- 9 days ago
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Exactly, what's in a name....but if there's a principle to be fought over. Also, it's a question of what marriage is about. Is it a joining of two equals, or the domination of one person over another?
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- AndreaKnoll
- 9 days ago
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'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.'
From Romeo and Juliet.
So, in the spirit of that I took my husband's name because I love him and wanted to. Had I decided not to he would have loved me anyway. Which is why I love him.;-). It isn't the name that makes you, it is who you are. Sounds sappy, but it's true.-
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- JanforGore
- 9 days ago
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Well said. I guess part of who I am, is a person who staunchly stands up for principles, which is one of the reasons my husband loves me. I have to give him credit where credit is due, he's been very understanding about me not taking his name (even though I know he'd like me to).
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- AndreaKnoll
- 9 days ago
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wow...that sux
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Hmm... I think that it would be cooler if me and my wife were to come up with our own entirely new name. You know, I think I'll run it by her when the time comes...
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I did not think there would be such a problem if my male spouse is to take on my last name. I could recall myself telling everyone that I am not giving up my last name, because, one, I love it. two, I want to keep my family name going. three, the thought of "i have to" take on my husband's last name and our children has to have my husband's last name angers me, and why can I have the choice or my husband and i have the choice of whose name should go on.....
standards need to change!
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- Empty_Tank
- 9 days ago
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If Ben Bateman marries Jessie Johnson, perhaps their last name should just be Bateman-Johnson.
Or perhaps people should just be able to do whatever the hell they want. -
I think doing "whatever the hell they want" is the right the Bijan's and the ACLU won for us all...
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- AndreaKnoll
- 9 days ago
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Hey, even if you want to officially be nammed Ima Weiner...It shouldn't matter. In a country where freedom of speech is so important, and it's legal to call people whatever you want...Shouldn't you also be able to call yourself anything you want?
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- MissJonaLyn
- 9 days ago
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when i get married, i want my husband and i to BOTH change our last names and create a NEW and IMPROVED last name.
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I think those whom belong to the Cherokee tribe (or some native american) get the womans last name.
I can see the argument. I think the tradition of changing Ms. to Mrs. is to show that she's married and off limits. It's a possesive type thing.
Leeza. . . that's not such a bad idea. . .
Leeza it's your birthday. Happy birthday Leeza.
sorry, had to do it.-
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- CarlosIsDown
- 9 days ago
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YES!!!! MY HUSBAND CAN BE A THE BRUCE TOO!!! IT'S TIME TO REDD THE THRAPPLE THEN AND GET ALL SCOTTISH ON YOUR BUMS!
I like the idea of keeping last names traditional. It's nice. But my mom's real Finnish last name was changed in her grandparent's time to a Jewish one at Ellis island. This was true of a great number of Finns since no one could pronounce their names, I suppose. That's bad for tracking. And my husband's last name wasn't his birth name either. I think this is GRRRREAT!-
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- juliethebruce
- 9 days ago
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I changed my name when I got married and if I had the chance for a do-over, I wouldn't. It has been 3 years now and I'm still correcting my name on documents. What a pain!
But if that's what floats your own boat, then by all means go for it! -
The fee thing is nuts
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- ohmankidvicious
- 9 days ago
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I've considered this for the longest time. My last is ugly in comparison to my fiancee's. The only draw back is moving from the beginning of the alphabet to the end.
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- StuntBunny
- 9 days ago
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Like the added spice,please no guns,a cool and intelligent explanation, staying single is a fantastic adventure,for a rattling story in love!??
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- ArtLiquidBlogspot
- 8 days ago
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I think that people should be able to use whatever name they please once they become married. Personally, I want to keep my last name. Out of 9 grandkids, my brother is the only one with the grandfathers name so he would be the only one to carry on the name. I want to carry on my family's name too.
Plus my Mother's maiden name has died out in our family. There were only two sons with the last name Thomas and both died about 14 years ago, so once my Mother's Father and hi brother die the name will be dead too. (Blood-wise because I know Thomas is a fairly common last name.) -
Who cares what Hollywood does? Their marriages don't last anyways.
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That wouldn't work for me. My would-be-husband's name is also Joe. So we would have identical names. Can you imagine the confusion?
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The man carries the seed. This is why we use the family name of the father for that new family. The wife joins the lineage of the husband.
We do not exist alone independant of our lineage.
If a family has only daughters, the father can make a request to his future son in law 's father who may have several sons if he would accept for his son to take his future wife's family name.
In the USA, we do not seem to care much about lineage and extended families expecially since the "me generation".
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Soleil,
You bring up an interesting point; most modern citizen's of the West have the mistaken notion that they are radically independent and free. As a consequence they are eager to separate themselves from the bondages of tradition and authority and instead wish to stand autonomous. I think the problem with this impulse, as expressed in actions like refusing to take your husband's last name, is it painfully divorces people from the cultural histories that have formed the bulk of their person. You are no more an individual than a wave that crashes on the shore...its no more clear where an individual wave begins and ends as is clear where individuals and family/cultural history begins and ends.
I see these decisions as symptomatic of an inflated sense of individualism and anti-traditionalism.-
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- BooksBrown
- 8 days ago
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Another case of a california kook's plight to self neuter. Who cares...
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- Liberal_Extinction
- 8 days ago
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...my girlfriend would love this...it'll save her getting the double barreled name!! lol!
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- StrangeConversation
- 8 days ago
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BooksBrown, it is so rare to have someone agree with me on current. I need to celebrate this and frame it.
In any case, if someone believe that as humans, we are spiritual beings first and that only our physical body will die, then we are deeply connected to our ancestors and our descendants.
When I look at trends I can see that there is a force that push some people to end their lineage. First it was contraceptions, then abortions, then homosexual lifestyles. Many people are ending their lineage.
Meanwhile especially religious families want many children.
What does that mean ?
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I haven't actually done the research yet, but in my eight years of living in Sri Lanka, I think at some point people must have joined last names. Otherwise they couldn't *possibly* have been able to come up with the name "Piyadasahewawitharana". It's a name that combines several common Sri Lankan surname prefixes and suffixes, and which graces a building in a town called Nugegoda. This may be what happens after just a few generations of name combining. It might be worth thinking of the children and grandchildren before combining long names!
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one of my fraternity brothers changed his last name to a combination of his last name plus his wife's last name.
that solved the issue of "who keeps the name" and "the last surviving member of the line" business, too...
i admire him for that.
my wife took my last name because she wanted to and it was also shorter and easier to spell than any other last names she'd used, including the one she was born into!
:)))))))))) practical gal... i love her! -
I don't mean to get rude but why the hell does everyone keep using John and Jennifer's last names to create their hybrid name. Brangelina and TomKat both use each actor's respective first names. Johniffer is the only name that would make sense in this new Hollywood hybrid naming game.
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that was rather dam well articulated Mr. Brown! =D
I'm definitely hearing that!
but y'know I wonder how melodramatic all this individualism is when maybe the guy just hated the fact his own last name sounded like a european toilet
buday is supposedly the guy's last name. Look at it. I bet you he took a lot shite in school for that =P lol ...and maybe he figures just losing it in a "romantic" gesture is as good a way as any. or maybe it's as shallow or as vain as a move in social climbing perhaps, who knows what side of the tracks he came from =P
And for once I get to laugh at one of Liberal's comments. lol
