Dear Hubby...

Girl, you're living with an immature, irresponsible pig who'd be better LEFT! The message you need to consider leaving his nasty a$$ is GET THE HELL ON BACK TO YOUR MOMS! Yes, tape that to his boxed up crap before you sit his boxes on the porch while the locksmith is changing the locks. After all, you oughtn't have to give that message to a grown ass man who has a child. Perhaps his mom needs that one back to put some more finish and gloss on.

So, kick his triflin' behind to the curb! And, give that laptop to charity! The Salvation Army is always whining for new technology. Tell Sargent York that new Sony Vaio is a gift from your house to God's! He'll go into withdrawals, but he'll be at his Mom's or his boys' crib while he's going through. Still, he's not that mo-tarded where his dumb butt can't learn a valuable lesson about the importance of Family and being the man. And, if it means swearing out a restraining order, let him know he can't return until he's cured of being a trifling husband and father. He can't serve two masters. Let him know it's going to be his family or the Sony corporation!

I've had to deal with this, and it is a b*tch to deal with. I found that trying to "let it go" never ever worked. He tried the "it's your job" thing, and I asked in the bitchiest tone I have ever adopted, "Since when? Where's my paycheck then? Are you the boss, cause if you are, you f****in suck at it!". Then I didn't wash his clothes for a month, threw out the dishes he didn't rinse and made him buy me new ones, if something got broke and he left it, that's exactly where it stayed. I picked up after me and my daughter, and after a week piled all his sh*t at the door, and said, "I picked up my mess, what's your problem? Should I call your mommy since I get sh*t about a messy house, and High and Mighty Herself thinks that I should do ALL of it?!?! No, I just won't. It's one thing to be a partner, and a complete different thing to be a maid. You want a maid, hire one, cause I am not cleaning up after your messy a** anymore!" For some reason he seemed to get the picture a bit better, but I still had to do that, "It's me or the damned computer thing." By this time I loved him but was so beyond ready to just get the hell out. That was six years ago, and we're still together. It's not all peachy, but we've made it this far and I like to think that's because I made it a point for him to SEE ME, not what I did or didn't do that he perceived to be MY JOB. Relationships are always complicated on different levels, and a new baby will seriously complicate anything, because it's an adjustment both need to make. He's still trying to remain in what I call the "pre-baby phase", meaning he thinks he should have all the free time he wants, and you to have none. I nipped it before I let it take hold of me, and you should too. We are all people, different in so many ways, but still similar in a lot of others. If you can't depend on him, the child's father, then who's left? Stand up for yourself and your child, make it clear that this is so not cool, and that it needs to be remedied. Did I mention that I had to do all of the above over a computer? It's not an easy thing, to feel second to a machine, it took my man til four years later to realize that he had a serious addiction. I decided to forgive about it, but I will NEVER forget, as much as I wish that I could. It will always remain a lingering doubt, and that's something you need to decide if you, yourself can live with. No two situations are exactly alike, but feelings and intuition are your best allies at this point. I hope that everything works out for you, so far it has for me; but there are still times it's difficult. It's all in small steps and sometimes large strides. But it will ultimately come down to your ability to let it go, and his ability to care and understand how bad this is getting. I hope I haven't typed anything to offend, and if I may have; I do apologize. I just get irritated with situations like this, because it always seems to be left to us, and we're not all Ms. Fixit. Good luck to you both, it's not even necessarily that you'll need it, but it can't hurt any either.