Marriage? Why?

Great pod, it definitelly got me thinking.
I talked to my parents recently about this because one of my brothers is going trough a tough time with his wife, they are separated now, and my father (who is 67 years old) was really angry and he just didnt understand my brother (who is 40).
My parents explain to me that marriage is not to be idealize, they had bad times and they can be difficult sometimes, but they respect each other deeply and know how right they are for each other, its so cute when they say they are inlove.

there should be a greater punishment for getting divorced, so people won't risk getting married

Wow, I can't believe I got through that without vomiting.

Marriage is so cool!

To each their own. I say don't think about marriage until you're older and have everything else you want in life.

What are we learning from this?

yea it is true ! entering a marriage should be thoroughly studied and analyzed like a career path. One thing stand true..there isn't a universal formula to the perfect marriage. Got to work at it like everything else in life

Hey, it's not just the young that are still trying figure out the pros and cons of marriage. Marriage in its present format is an institution designed by government and religion. Personally, I'll take a sincere relationship with two people who care about each others welfare, over a wedding ceromony and legally binding contract anytime.

octopi222, a PUNISHMENT for getting married???? what??

bluestranger, i totally agree with you.

I also think that marriage isnt an issue for only young people. i think a lot of older people take issue with the institution as it is, they just dont necessarily have a forum to express it.

You don't fall out of love. If you do then you never were in love.

Love is constant work and it just doesn't sit there and work for you, you have to work for it.

Relationship is work. Both have to work at it and communicate what they are feeling and thinking.

Marriage is good for the couple and for the children. The pain you cause for wanting to divorce or thinking it's the only way out is devastating.

Most problems can be solved, but people are lame and they just drop each other without trying to work at it.

I do think that love conquers all. Because if you truly have what is called love you can work through anything. Those that divorce are not in true love but in that respectful love, if that is even what they feel other than contempt.

I'm glad my parents are together and I feel sorry for those that don't have that in their life. I know what I would feel if my parents did ever get a divorce. Massive amount of disappointment.

I think that the perception of marriage has changed because society has changed.
People dont wait to have sex. And women don't need husbands; We can do everything without a husband, like support ourselves financially AND start families.
Personally--I'm oldfashioned. I want a husband for all that stuff. But I dont think a lot of my friends or people my age really view it the same way.

How could anyone really know how they will feel in 10 or 20 years ??? It's kinda crazy !!! I think marriages that last are because of principles. I don't think everyone really always feel like staying together. Out of not wanting to be alone or for the kids or keeping their word...

The question is, are those who stay together happier than those who shop for a better marriage???

If you are old enough to drink, to have sex and to go to war to die then you are old enough and smart enough to figure out who you will love for the rest of your life.

I think attributing the divorce rate to age and inexperience is giving an excuse where excuses are not needed. Considering that's what people want to justify their inadequacies., their lack of patience, their lack of heart, their lack of care, their lack of long suffering, their lack of hard working spirit and lack of hope.

I really don't like this pod...

I think we should just ban marriage. It will fix everyone's problem with this issue at hand. =P If you want... you can wear matching shoes or matching shirts to show the public that you guys are a pair.

I agree with people who were confused by the point of this pod. I think the musical cues, the shots of young girls crying over parents getting divorced and the statistics at the end were trying to tell us that "Divorce is bad."

Well, yes, no one likes to get divorced.

But here's the problem: too many people are getting married who basically don't know each other or have anything in common!

I think the stats at the end of the pod were supposed to shock us (88% of marriages with childen in 1950 stayed intact whereas only 49% did in 1990) but the numbers don't tell the whole story.

COULD women survive financially on their own in 1955? Could that have played a significant role in their decision to stay?

Just because people "stayed together" doesn't mean that it was a good relationship.

Also there was that bit about, "People who cohabitate are 68% more likely to get divorced!" The implication being that, gosh, these kids today don't take relationships seriously!

Actually the exact opposite is true. Instead of staying locked into a bad marriage because of low self-esteem or out of financial concerns people feel more free to end bad relationships. People today have much more information on relationships and such and its easier (I think) for people to reconginze when things aren't working.

If a marriage requires "extremely hard work" then your probably married to the wrong person. If your personalities, communication style, morals, values and life goals are in such absolute conflict that it requires daily therapy and hard work.....then, yeah, you fucked up and married the wrong person. There really isn't any honor or glory in being a martyr for the next 50 years, is there?

And sometimes people change over the course of their lives. Is someone at 14 exactly the same at 21? Would two people who got married at 14 still stay together and have exactly the same personality and life goals for the next 60 years? Of course not.

Well, people who get married at 18, 19, 21 also change and move in different directions sometimes -- and, unfortunately, no amount of "hard work" will resolve the situation if one partner moves in a fundementally different direction. Who you are at 19 is not really who you are at 30 in many cases. That's not good or bad, it's just life.

We should make it much, much, much harder to get married and much easier to get a divorce. Because right now the exact opposite is happening. Any two people who have only known each other 24hrs can get married in Vegas, but then it'll take an enourmous amount of time and money to severe that relationship once they realize they made a mistake.

Too often, I think, people rush into marriage hoping to "seal the deal" before the infatuation wears off or they think it will solve any relationship problems their currently having.

Over all to each their own. Much respect to those who "stick it out" and also much respect to those who decide to move on. We don't know what people are experiencing. Abuse, depression, adulatory ... it's not our place to judge...

I want someone to be with me cause they want to. I want to be with someone cause its our choice. NOT because we have to or people like J_JAMMER will tell us.. "...people want to justify their inadequacies., their lack of patience, their lack of heart, their lack of care, their lack of long suffering, their lack of hard working spirit and lack of hope"

Whatever !!!

Life is so full, we can love and learn from so many. I wish people were more open to have the best life possible. To FOLLOW the HEART PATH !!!!!

To be FREE to BE !!! LIVE And LOVE experince as much as we can while we are alive ...

And not have to lie about it !!!! which all this old school bullshit does...

Puts us in a place that if we want to follow what our inner guide wants we have to make excuses or be tempted to lie ...

Cause old fashion values have us trapped in a box of obligation and fear of society and all their judgments!!!!!

It's perspective, oh no they are not together for 50 years...

it could easily be opposite. OH my god, you've only been married once ???? You need to get your self out there meet some new people share that love around some more YOUR HORDING IT !!!!

If you're in love, a piece of paper won't change that.

If you're NOT in love, a piece of paper won't change that either.

who benefits from marriage?

It seems like marriage is just a way of telling the world you truly love someone (unless its for a green card).

I can tell the world that I truly love someone without a marriage license.I was married for 13 years the last 3 or 4 of which my ex was cheating pretty much full time,but I stayed in it for my sons.I tried to talk her into getting counseling but she wasn't interested.Now I consider myself to be a pretty good guy(and i've been told this by others tooHAHA).I'm also a hopeless romantic,but i,m alittle jaded after all this and i'm not sure i want to go through it again.I know this is probably more info than most of you would like,but my point is sometimes when it's broken you just can't fix it.But divorce should be the final option.

Yeah I agree. In my opinion, marriage is kind of a primitive social construct. I mean, didn't it all start back in the days when wives were property and stuff anyway? But for people who are really religious, I guess they feel they have to get married to make their relationship legit.

A ton of people just take marriage way too lightly. I mean look at all the weddings in Las Vegas...come on. Then too, some people take marriage too seriously, like my mom, and won't get out of a damaging relationship for years and years just because the vows say "for better or worse"...I mean, again, come on...GET REAL.

From a biological point of view, were we really meant to stay with the same mate our whole lives? Maybe a long number of years, but for life? I dunno...

And with gay marriage...I'm gay, and I want equal rights and all but honestly..."marriage"? I'm not religious, so I don't give a shit if a church recognizes my relationship, but the government is a different story. Example: if my partner's employee offers health insurance benefits to him and if I'm without said benefits, then they should be extended to me and vice versa if we're in a civil union. Gays have been living together for years and years...only the government has yet to recognize their situation. Sorry, didn't mean to digress...

I think we have this romantic ideal/concept of marriage -- that it's going to be smooth sailing.

Marriage should be honorable, pure, sacred, holy, and blessed -- with God as the foundation and center of it. You made a vow in front of God and loved ones to love your wife/husband with all heart, soul, and mind, forsaking all others as long as you shall live.

Not only is marriage about love, but it should also be about honesty, trust, and faithfulness.

So, when at a crossroads in your marriage, there are two choices. You can work your problems out, go the distance, and get through the good, bad, and ugly. If you want to stay together, stay because you love each other and want to be together, not just for the children. Or, you can just give up, throw in the towel, and call it quits.

Even though I'm not married and shouldn't be giving advice, I believe marriage will have its ups and downs -- trials and tribulations as well as facing rough waters and storms ahead. Like everything else in life, marriage takes hard work and dedication on both sides.

The choice is up to you.

SEW YOUR OATS FIRST, DON'T MARRY YOUR HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART, (YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME LATER)DO NOT MARRY A VIRGIN!!!!!
HAVE CHILDREN, LOTS OF CHILDREN THEY KEEP
A MARRIED COUPLE TOGETHER(I'M STAYING BECAUSE OF THE KIDS)TRUST FORGIVE IGNORE
LISTEN.GOOD LUCK MINE LASTED THREE YEARS.

Go Gators! most of the kids look like they are at UF, they obviously have the best head on their heads when it comes to marriage

Great pod and it got me thinking about me being married.

I'd like to be married. My parents both come from divorced families but out of their siblings, they're the only ones who have been married once and are still married to this day. Everyone else is divorced, seperated, or singled parents or are just dating and nothing comes out of it. I'd model my relationship off of my parents, because they've been married for so long and they understand each other very well, even when they get mad at each other they make up eventually.

I love my parents so much. Mainly because they're more logical than most people I've met.

I'd also say as advice - marry somebody who's in your social class. I mean, marry someone who can give you your comfort level, somebody who won't depend on you for cash, and someone who can support you because that's caused a lot of divorces in my family. Also, don't be pressured to marry someone because they knock you up or if you have a child by them. And don't spend too much cash at the start of a marriage. Money problems causes most divorce.

To save all parties involved from being hurt, Marriage Licenses should be just like Driver's License - Renewal is optional! LOL