UK to ban electric toothbrush 'sex toys'
- added July 17, 2008
- 13 responses
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- mundosanto
- added this
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- related topics
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- Not News (25497)
- Comedy (8543)
- Sex and Love (4651)
- UK (3874)
- Sex (1478)
- Satire (251)
- Sex Toys (33)
- Toothbrushes (2)
Workers in the adult industry have long known that electric toothbrushes make excellent sex toys, but it is only now that the health risks of this shocking tide of self-abuse have been laid bare after we reported the results of a major new survey of British teenagers conducted by the independent market research company, Rabbits R Us, earlier this week.
Thankfully, our socially responsible Government is determined to nip this fashionable 'lovebrush' vice in the bud—or possibly the clitoris—as we discovered when we spoke to junior Health Minister, Geraldine Spottiswoode. Mrs Spottiswoode (44), a mother of two teenage girls who are themselves addicted to this dangerous habit, has tabled an early day motion in the House to restrict the sale of electric toothbrushes to women over forty.
"Why forty?" we asked. "The age of sexual consent in this country is sixteen."
"Because women over forty are basically past it and the ones who aren't are unlikely to get a thrill from shoving a tiny, vibrating toothbrush up their flaccid, furry front bottoms. I tried it twice and still haven't found either of the bloody things!"
"But what's to stop men buying toothbrushes for their teenage girlfriends?" we asked.
"Are you serious?" snorted the minister derisively. "What bloke in his right mind is going to buy his girlfriend something that outperforms his risible little todger and fits inside the smallest handbag?"
Thankfully, our socially responsible Government is determined to nip this fashionable 'lovebrush' vice in the bud—or possibly the clitoris—as we discovered when we spoke to junior Health Minister, Geraldine Spottiswoode. Mrs Spottiswoode (44), a mother of two teenage girls who are themselves addicted to this dangerous habit, has tabled an early day motion in the House to restrict the sale of electric toothbrushes to women over forty.
"Why forty?" we asked. "The age of sexual consent in this country is sixteen."
"Because women over forty are basically past it and the ones who aren't are unlikely to get a thrill from shoving a tiny, vibrating toothbrush up their flaccid, furry front bottoms. I tried it twice and still haven't found either of the bloody things!"
"But what's to stop men buying toothbrushes for their teenage girlfriends?" we asked.
"Are you serious?" snorted the minister derisively. "What bloke in his right mind is going to buy his girlfriend something that outperforms his risible little todger and fits inside the smallest handbag?"
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- mundosanto
- 2 months ago
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Seems a bit over the top. She should take a note of Cyndi Lauper' book, ya know, Girls just wanna have fun...
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Cyndi Lauper also has a song called She Bop about female masturbation. Cyndi Lauper is probably voicing her support for these teenage toothbrush uses as we speak.
(skip the song to about 0:44, it doesn't get going til then)-
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- Ben_Traffic_UK
- 2 months ago
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eeww, let me guess...people used them thinking they were normal? Like only used for your teeth? Well, I could see a ban for that!
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The thing about satire is it's supposed to be funny.
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She does not sound too professional "I've lost two"
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- thekingbeyond
- 2 months ago
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Sweet, sweet facetious sarcasm :o)
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- LindseyIndigo
- 2 months ago
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I'm sure this will be the New Yorkers next cover story.
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haha. can't wait till this makes it as urban myth..
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If this law passes. It will probably make it on to one of those lists of silly laws on the books.
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Oh, wow, I never would've even thought that electric toothbrushes could be used for that!!! (or that such a silly law could even be taken into consideration!)
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Why didn't this ever occur to me?? I've been refusing to let my man set us up with electric toothbri (pl??) but now I think I finally see the light!
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i think the wording of the article itself is lame. i couldn't finish reading it. it's an interesting topic, just rethink the wording, pls.
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did anyone click the link?
the top of the page says SATIRE!
relax people-
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- donkeyfly69
- 2 months ago
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