Why are childless women treated like second class citizens

The last great taboo: Why are we childless women treated like second-class citizens

Having joined the group, the usual middle-class discussion you tend to hear among parents then ensued: which are the best schools in the area, what are their catchment areas, and are the extortionate fees needed these days for the private system worth the money?

Can childless women ever be accepted by society?

For a few minutes, the conversation flowed well.

But then one of the women asked me the killer question that I knew would instantly make me a total outsider to this group of mothers: 'And how old are your children?'
Six pairs of eyes swivelled to me as I muttered my immortal line: 'I don't have children. I can't have them.'
Six faces took on an uncomfortable expression.

A conversation stopper? Too right it is.

In my 14 years of trying unsuccessfully to become a mother, I have come to realise what not being a parent really means.

In a nutshell, exclusion from that big club of women who have children. In practice, exclusion from most of our child-obsessed society.

It is an attitude which compounds the emotional grieving process I find myself living to a greater or lesser extent pretty much all the time.

Sadly, I'm used to the way those women seemed almost physically to shrink from my childlessness. It's the same way that other parents react when I tell them.

They, after all, are that blessed group of clever clogs who are able to function normally and produce children.

They are able to fulfil the role of womanhood and contribute to the continuation of the human species. They are not-like me - defective.

They don't need to tell me what they are thinking because I can read it in their faces - that unless you have actually given birth to your own biologically genetic child, you can never know what it is really to love someone.

The deeper subtext to their response - especially in relation to my being a teacher - is that unless you have had your own baby, your views on children probably don't count for much.

Take any society around the world and you will see that producing a baby is at the top of the tree as far as a woman's achievements are concerned.

If you cannot do that, then you are some kind of second-class woman.

Of course, you can pretend that having babies doesn't matter, and kid yourself that having a fantastic, lucrative career is the most wonderful thing in your life. But you will be kidding yourself.

Having joined the group, the usual middle-class discussion you tend to hear among parents then ensued: which are the best schools in the area, what are their catchment areas, and are the extortionate fees needed these days for the private system worth the money?