Unpredictable partners show warning signs of domestic abuse?

Lindigo , the only way to be sure you aren't being abused is by never having sex with the same person twice .

"Possessiveness? Jealousy? Relentless criticising? Control-freakery masquerading as concern? Making threats? Emotionally blackmailing you into sex? A push or a grab?"

I've seen all of those, either personally or in friends relationships, most of the good enough relationships too.

The relentless criticising i saw was probably the worst, it looked like it would really break you down.

i suppose each relationship is unique though.

I think people should keep a mental check box of "stay with this person till something better comes along" and a lot of the above really should edge a person into that box.

One of the warning that I didn't notice was trying to isolate you from your family and friends. The first thing a predator does is try to cut the prey from the herd. Never go out alone or with people you aren't well aquainted with. Look out for each other. If you party, have a reliable friend looking out for you.

partner abuse is terrifying and relentless. It is so subtle that it is hard to pick up it is him and not you.....

These forms of abusiveness are everywhere. Being isolated from family and friends, or made to be financially dependent, are especially severe and damaging. The control-freak and sexual blackmail, constant insults, etc., I feel are more common and less difficult to dodge.

Does anybody else think that girls growing up without good father figures is a cause for falling into domestic abuse? I do. Maybe I'm being too personal, but I think I'm onto something.

I was married to a very abusive man for way to long. he was abusive in everyway you can imagine. Till one time i woke up in the middle of the night while i was sleeping getting the crap beat out of me , just because he was drunk and high on drugs , that was enough for me to say screw this I'm gone.. left got a divorce and went and made my life better in soooooooo many ways. now i am not afraid to lay my head down to sleep at night.. the sad part of it all was i did love the idiot

I don't think it's as easy as saying people who show these early signs will necessarily be violent. None the less, these early signs are abusive in themselves. I think what is important here is for the women to recognise this early on and start either working with their partner to address the issues (therapy, counseling, etc) or get out of the relationship before the effects are detrimental.

I draw the line at anything that seems like I'm being treated as a possession instead of as a human partner. Which includes all of the above.

My sis's beau exhibits a few of these signs. I can't stand the guy. He's very possessive and jealous, yet he cheats on her. Also I think he's a "cutter", and a puncher of refrigerators And he calls her incessantly for lame, shit reasons, drives my parents nuts, especially my dad. I only hope she realizes his lameness and leaves him.

because of the abusive, physical, mental & sexual, relationship that i was exposed to from the age of 5 till i left at 16, between my mom and step'father' - i have not been able to completely engage in a rewarding relationship. i was never exposed to the concept therefore did not learn the behavior. i never learned how to completely trust, anyone. My mom did not defend me and he was a total control freak, abusive and cruel.

i have had several relationships, some long term, with some wonderful fellows but i was always sure in the back of my mind that they were temporary and consequently, they always were. so now, in my 50's, i am alone and claiming it. i have moments where i think i should have had kids and would now be playing with my grandkids, etc etc. but in a minute i have forgotten all about that and relish my privacy once again. when i feel the urge to quench my maternal instincts, i have nieces & nephews & cousins and bunches of extended family members who have taken on the job of ensuring the survival of the human race by procreating and i go visiting to interact and 'get that fix'. it is good, and i am not a lonely old 'maiden aunt' type. just a crazy old hippie chick that they all think is the absolute coolest!

spousal abuse is a monster issue that is not, even in this day of instant exchange of information, solvable. many factors are involved in answering the 'why' the greatest of which, i believe, is conditioning. what we learn at the youngest ages, male or female, is what stays with us for life and if we are conditioned to obey as women or dominate as men, then abuse is inevitable.

human interaction is necessary for someone to be rescued from an abusive situation whether it be the abused or the abuser.

if you know someone, reach out and help them to understand that it does not have to be that way.

Sounds simplistic but..

I think many, but not all, of these problems can be traced to pharmaceutical drugs.

look at some of these side effects and think of them in combination.

Here's a patient complaint from PAXIL:

electric "jolts" feeling in head, weight loss, anger I would not recommend that anyone EVER take this medication! It landed me in the hospital for 3 weeks with a diagnosis of bipolar mania. It made me realize what a mess our medical system is and how poorly people who need help are treated. No trust in our system at this point.

http://www.askapatient.com

i saw a guy punching a woman outside a night club a cpl years back, i kicked the crap outa him, he was twice my size and age too :D ended up in a police station then court and i was almost jailed cause his partner didnt press charges and they accused me of starting the whole thing, what a mofucker!
and ironically at the time of the fight me and my partner we having also a disagreement but difference i sat her down on a bench and talked it through.
guys who hit girls are weak and if you find yourself in the situation then hit them with something hard be it a fist or a frying pan let them know that they are the bitch :D

I think some married men or women who become abusive towards their spouses because they want some of sense of control so use someone who they know that is less superior to them

I think it's easy for people to really know abuse now days. They know the signs (the obvious ones not the ones listed that are subtle) and they can see it coming and if they have the right mindset with the right group of good friends they can avoid creeps like that.

However, there is a form of abuse that is bad but not noticeable. It's the controlling abuse. Where the man tells the woman (in a non threatening or abusive way that is apparent) how she isn't smart enough or strong enough to sustain life without him and how he is far more important than her family or friends and he brainwashes her so much that she shuts people out of her life. On top of that he controls her with affection or lack their of. And it happens to women that are so loyal that they wait for his affection instead of going out and getting it from somewhere else....even if they do receive offers through flirting from other men.

MEN??? WHAT ABOUT WOMEN? THE ARE FEMAE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSERS ALSO.

ALSO, LET ME TELL YA THERE ARE SOME NASTY WOMEN OUT THERE THAT USE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE LAWS AS A WEPOND TO FRAME AND HURT MEN !!

Any of the listed can happen when someone takes another for granted.

Beware of men who weep (with tears) after sex. This is a sure sign of a man who is a tyrant, as I discovered too late.

Beware any partner who doesn't treat you the way you feel you deserve, nomatter what it is. For example, I don't appreciate irrationality coupled with constant shouting/screaming. Especially not when the signal is being told "I can feel my mood changing" (i.e. you'd better stop talking or I'm going to start irrationally shouting and screaming).

Anyway, what I mean is: friends don't treat friends like crap. End of.

Anyone aware of the symptoms of manic depression will find the example in this article of a man who is charming one minute, and agressive the next rather curious. It's curious because it's a dead ringer for someone who might just suffer from a mental illness. Should this be a reason to heap another stigma upon the mental health community to make them social outcasts, because of generalized findings without foundation? If I hadn't had a bit of coffee this morning, I might think someone was trying to make a case for justifying the Iraq war.

We should be very careful in looking for another scapegoat, potentially within the mental health community, to blame all of society's ills for. I thought most of us had grown tired of being slaves to fear which had no basis while enduring this administration? Well then, don't fall for the same smoke and mirrors again. If you haven't noticed a friend, or someone within your own family struggle with mental illness, you don't know how hard life can be until you've met one of these people. I'm not trying to minimize the problem of women and violence, but I am trying to advocate caution in inadvertently victimizing an entire community of people who do not need any more problems than they already have by being ostracized either. And let's not forget, violence is not a problem entirely exclusive to men. And women are not without their own personal dysfunctions. But judging by the legal system, it's difficult to tell at times.

Next time on "NO SHIT".

teach your children well

i wonder what the statistics are for men who show these signs of domestic abuse who had fathers who were abusive to their mothers

i am scared of being blind one day and not realizing i'm in this position... though i am pretty sure i disqualify anyone at any of these signs.

Beware of people who sleep around with both sexes, they are quite likely very screwed up, confused, or using an unhealthy amount of drugs.

Well, that's just what I noticed while observing people back when I had a nightclub.

Behavior like that raises red flags left and right that almost always lead back to very bad childhood experiences and very unstable futures relationship-wise.

Damn, I keep thinking the "news" that gets posted on this site comes from relatively "normal" sources, but the deeper you look the more you realize it is often people on the fringe pushing their personal agendas.

In the context of a "normal" relationship this article has relevance. In the context of being posted by a person with a promiscuous bi-sexual lifestyle, it is even hard to understand how it's relevant.

People who appear normal one minute can quickly turn out to be totally screwed up in the head.

But hey, as long as you're being completely open and honest with people, more power to you.