Twentysomethings are most likely to get divorced

Honestly, I think it is because we have a generation of people who have never had to seriously work hard for what they have. It is like there is this huge group of spoilt poeple who's parents have made their children's world an instantly gratifying, politicaly correct, everyone wins environment.

I think I may be a part of this generation (I'm 30 this month) but I think I was lucky. I had a tough-love mom and dad who made me pay for my own mistakes, made me work for my first junky car, celebrated my wins and helped me brush off my losses. When I was younger there were times I hated them for it but it was the best gift they ever gave (or didn't give) me.

If you don't know how to negotiate, work for something you want or need, or you have no clue how to give up a part of yourself, or you have never learned how to deal with conflict, how in the world are you going to make a marriage work?

Most of us 20-something-year-olds know marriage is an institution and not as glamorous as it used to be portrayed. Seems to me the only people in this category getting married right now are the ones popping out kids. Kids = more stress which usually = divorce.

I hope I never get married. It's kind of a scary thought. Oh yah - me reproducing is pretty scary, too.

I actually hope to become one of those old cat ladies....hopefully my pronunciation and language will deteriorate as well.

Everyone else is getting divorced...so why can't I?

Many years ago, getting a divorce was the worst thing you could do [especially if you're Catholic] but nowadays, even Catholics are calling it quits!

Most 20 somethings don't have the life experience to know how to even begin to fulfill their end of the marriage bargain.

A good marriage takes WORK and like the post above stated many don't have a clue how to give it some elbow grease.

Also factoring into this is the fact that many marry with the mind set that if it doesn't work out they can get divorced. That they can move on to the next person if this relationship gets stale.

It certainly can be done, but I completely understand this statistic.

being a woman of young age (but mature heart), its because so many of these young ones are having more and more kids as well too, and some of which parents are pushing the idea to get married because it is the 'ideal' thing to do...come to find out theres no love in the mix...only a child now..

also, possibly, because girls now days hear all these songs about 'love this and love that, he takes care of me, im his wifey' and want it so bad, they settle for the first man they see fit..?! wow....seems as if im putting it all on the women eh...?! but lets be real, thats a womans dream, marriage, a wedding, stability, right?

I think many people no longer believe that they should have to work to make a relationship work - that either it must go fine or they're just not compatible. There's no sense that anyone should feel any responsibility.

Ah youth. I think the biggest mistake made by young people is that they mistake sexual lust for love. When the flame burns hot and the mind a conflagration of passion it's very easy to believe you are in love. When the passion fades the truth is revealed.

Obviously this is not true in all cases. There are people who are married in their 20's who have and will remain happily married their entire lives. However, it's due more to luck than a clear recognition that you've met your soul/sole mate. The only unasked for advice I give to young couples is this: Would you feel the need to have the other person in your life even if you couldn't have sex with them? If they can honestly (key word is honestly) answer yes, then they probably have a fair shot of having a succesful marriage. Just my take.

ha, what a cake.
It's difficult to avoid stereotypically saying that this isn't all that surprising, younger people are more likely to rush into a marriage that might not last.

Little wonder marriage rates are decreasing - there is very little incentive to marry in today's culture. It's socially acceptable to co-habit outside marriage, religion doesn't play a role in the majority of people's lives and men and women can now be financially independent. So couples think, "why bother."

I don't think age has anything to do with it - although getting married that young is a bit much.

Fact of the matter is, is if you BOTH want it to work - it will work. It's hard work and I think couples get so "lazy" about the relationship they just give up and stop caring. Marriage is not a piece of cake by any means.

As a single, hetero, male @ mid twenties, I think it is for all the reasons that are taking ownership for your own actions.

It's a COMMITMENT take responsibility from day 1. Most young divorcees act like it was never their fault, "We just drifted apart" many will say. BS, stop blaming everything else. Parents, $, media; nope, it's your fault those shoud've already been considered.

Do you think the relationships would have worked if these people hadn't got married?

I have to say the pressure of having a spectacular marriage that costs thousands of pounds is enough to put a lot of people off for years until they have saved up enough, during which time circumstances can change.

that is hilariously obvious and "like duh"...

This generation has a pretty bad ego complex, and when two egos get together, they need to compromise and understand that the current fight isn't the only fight. Pick your battles, dammit.

Well I'm a 20 something and I've found the person I want to share the rest of my life with. She is an amazing person. I think someone has to find out who they are first before they can find someone to share their lives with. The problem is most 20 somethings are so caught up with the game of life....having the freedom, the clothes, buy the next new thing, partying etc...that they don't really know who they are. You have to sit back and reflect before you can make that big of a decision (getting married). There's my two cents.

I can understand why people view divorce as a negative situation, especially if the two parties don't make the effort to see if they can work things out. On the other hand, I think the alternative to divorce can potentially be much worse. People split up for various reasons, many of which are valid. I imagine divorce is an awful thing to go through but staying in an unhappy marriage for the duration of your life sounds like the more unhealthy choice. In an ideal world people would make wise decisions about their partners and stay together for a long time. In reality, people make mistakes, lots of them.

Well honestly, I'm not surprised...these days more and more people are getting married in their late teens-early twenties. I often ask myself if they really stopped to think about how big a choice marriage actually is..and I think they don't.

As for me...I'm not getting married until my late twenties, early thirties....I'm 23 by the way

I'm twenty something and I'm looking to divorce

I was watching a pod the other night and it said something like 82% of high school students said getting married was "highly unimportant". Sad.

Whoa, whoa....and whoa.

I do not buy for one second all this talk about how the reason for the high divorce rate is that young couples are "lazy" and don't want to "work" at it.

The REAL reason is that waaay too many people are getting married to the WRONG person.

Most of the negative commentors seem to be saying, "They are obviously highly compatible and were deeply in love when they got married....so they must have gotten divorced because they are just lazy."

They don't come right out and say that...but they seem to be thinking that and thus they are mad that these "soulmates" are getting divorced.

First off....how well did these people even know each other before they made a lifelong committment? A year? 6 months? Even less? What's truly shocking isn't the high divorce rate but the incredibly short courships that preceed the marriages!

The real problem here is that couples aren't living together first! Or they really haven't been dating that long to begin with. I personally have a friend who dated a girl for 7 months before getting married. Surprise, suprise they found out after a 1 year of living together that they are wildly, wildly incompatible for each other and have vastly different ideas of what they want out of life.

So they got divorced.

And that's a good thing!

Now had they been guilted into taking the advice of some on here and "worked" and "toughed it out" sure they could have eeked out a semi-enjoyable life living in a kind of truce....but they weren't right for each other. If you have to invest that much WORK just to barely get along with someone you aren't compatible with....that's not love, is it?

We've got to grow up in this culture and stop assuming that the only people getting married are deeply in love highly compatible soulmates. Actually, very few are hence the high divorce rates.

Marriage has become an industry and a product. Lot's of people bought houses they couldn't afford because they wanted to live the American Dream and that meant (to them) buying a really cool house even if it wasn't actually right for them (price-wise)

Well, lots of young people are taught since grade school that marriage will bring instant happiness and love. There is little emphasis on the importance of picking the right partner. The sales pitch begins and ends with "Get married and everything will be awesome!" So just about everyone does.

If we want to cut down on divorces we need to stop selling marriage as the "answer."

Way, way too many twentysomethings are getting married to people they barely know and who they aren't right for (over the long-term) because they want all the things in the sales pitch...not because they actually found their soulmate.

Those that are claiming that 20 somethings are spoiled and that is the cause for rise in divorce really must not know many 20 somethings. I really dont think its that everyone is spoiled....at least not the majority of people I know. I and most of my friends got jobs when we were 15 and worked all the way through college often working 40 hours a week plus full time classes. And still many people I know after college are working multiple jobs to pay off loans. Honestly most people I know in their 20s now have paid their way through school while our older friends had tuition paid by their parents. The 20 somethings now are having to deal with astronomical college debt and a poor job market.

And that is something that I think is playing into the divorce rate...20 year olds are getting married at the same age our parents did but our parents didnt have 20,000-100,000 in debt. Its hard to start a life together, build a home and family when you still have to work two jobs and pay off loans. Finances have been the downfall for many young couples I know...many have bought houses but are now unable to make their mortgage payments. Financial strain puts a strain on every couple and for many its just too much.

My boyfriend and I have thought long and hard about our relationship and as much as we want to get married, we have decided that we will wait until his student loans are paid off and we are financially stable before walking down the isle. We want to be able to enjoy each other and marriage...not work multiple jobs just to make ends meat.

Its because we are a generations of temporaries and constant upgrades. We're constantly trading in cars and getting the newest phone that was released. We're a generation that is largely comprised of people who have never heard the word no and generally don't have to think of anybody but themselves. We're a generation of more is more and newer is better, and this has translated in to trading in our relationships when it is not giving us happiness without the effort.
This is the I generation, where it is about the individual not the partnership nor the group. Where nobody bats an eye when the 16 year old has the brand new BMW, iphone, gold amex, and a credit debt that would make any 40 year old freak out.
Thank god this is not true for everybody everywhere, but it is more common then people would like to think. One good thing that will come out of this recession is a reality check on everything in our life and hopefully a return to a sense of permanency in our lives. (jobs, housing, relationships?)

"Its because we are a generations of temporaries and constant upgrades. We're constantly trading in cars and getting the newest phone that was released. We're a generation that is largely comprised of people who have never heard the word no and generally don't have to think of anybody but themselves." -- Clarity_kat

Isn't that a little harsh?

Do you really think someone gets married at 22 and divorced at 28 because they just "flaked out" and decided they wanted something newer and brighter or just got bored with being married?

I refuse to believe that the vast majority of people going through the pain of a divorce are opting for it just because are bored with being married.

The reality of the reasons behind divorce go way beyond something so simplistic.

People do change, evolve and grow apart....or just realize that they aren't right for each other.

No one is exactly the same at 31 as they were at 21. Most people are radically different at 21 than they were at 18!

At 21 both of you agree that you never want to have kids....but at 32 she changes her mind whereas you haven't. Now what? Where is the simple answer there? How do you "tough out" that kind of radical shift in the relationship? Both of you now want two totally different things and there is no workable compromise that will leave you both feeling happy.

Or maybe the wife wants to travel the world and live in a different city overseas every year for the rest of her life at 25...but at 29 the husband wants to just stay rooted in one spot. Then what? Again, two radically different life goals that are, at this point, incompatible with one another.

The problem (imho) is that some people are envisioning static/changeless people who remain exactly the same in all aspects of their personality and life's ambitions from 21 until 91. No changes. Ever. Thus divorce becomes inexplicable to them. Why should changless/static people ever get divorced? Ah, but people aren't changeless.

We've got two seperate problems at work: one is that young people are getting married far to quickly to people they really don't know that well (and aren't all that compatible over the long term) because they want to live the fantasy of being married (as seen on tv)....and the other problem is that people really do experience a tremendous amount of change in their life in their twenties.

People change tremendously between just between 18 through 21! And those changes in attitudes, jobs, life goals, etc continue on through people's 20's. Spending the next 15 years in the Peace Corp might sound awesome at 18....but not so awesome at 26. Thus a radical change occurs. But what if your partner doesn't want to go in the new direction you just picked?

This is probably why 2nd marriage last much, much longer. Where you are in life in your 30's and 40's is much, much more settled.

We have too many options, whether it comes to toys, jobs or people, therefor our hearts truly lie in our eyes.

I think what you are beginning to see is entire generations who have popular culture as their sole source (outside of basic stuff: parents, their own lives, etc) of what 'life' is. this includes love. i don't think anyone can argue with the idea that the 'love' portrayed in popular culture is not at all like real love. the focus is on getting this figure head to admire and to have (for both male and female) rather than to have someone who will live their life while you live yours. I think many in our generation get married with pretenses based off of this popular culture image of love and find out very quickly that the OC and Sex and the City and the Hills aren't really how it is.