Get on TV: Haiku Movie Review for the Last Film You Saw

Antichrist

All you need to know:
GENITAL MUTILATION!!!
Just SAYING it hurts.

"Year One"

Out on DVD
Even worse than critics say
Wow...it's just...so...bad

"Good Hair"

Lovely black women,
All these toxic chemicals?!?
Leave your hair alone!

Where the Wild Things Are

Gandolfini plays
A big, mean, scary monster
I blame typecasting!

State of Play

Russell Crowe says down
with bloggers and Blackwater
called another name

Saw

Terrible Acting
Stupid Twist Ending
Why does everybody love it?

Halloween 2

Why Rob Zombie Why
Corpses Rejects awesome fare
H2 cable view

And then there's the story, the biggest risk of all, about a major screen comedian (Adam Sandler) who finds out that he has a rare blood disease with a grim prognosis. But don't let this stop you. "Funny People" is anything but morbid and there's nothing maudlin or laugh-clown-laugh about it.

Apatow trusts in "Funny People" that his audience will find interesting what he finds interesting - the world of comedy, the people in it and the people drawn to it.

Mick LaSalle, Chronicle Movie Critic

Friday, July 31, 2009

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/07/31/MVTE1911GH.DTL#ixzz0RD4FgxGH

funny people
not SO funny
smiled, cried;
not comedy.

9

9 defeats wall-e
as post apocalyptic
robot thingy, thing.

District 9:

Xenophobes at arms
Subjugate prawns, but one learns:
Can't beat 'em, join 'em!

stunning are the phasers set
stunning are ohuras legs long and brown
this movie stunned me good

Bridge To Terabithia

Imagination,
Fun when you are twelve years old,
Unless you are dead.

X-Men Origins: WOLVERINE

Wolvie is da MAN!
Special Effects, really bad
Can't wait for sequel

Coraline:

Oh, wow, that's crazy
Holy crap did you see that
it's so... I mean, dang

The Godfather part 1

Blahblahblahblahblah
Brando's cute little accent
everybody dies

Hannah montana movie:

Spoiled popstar learns
Riding cowboys ain't to bad
the best of both worlds

HAPPINESS(1998) by Todd Solondz

Masturbation art
Cynical people all fall
Laugh and cry, it's life

Accepted:

Kid starts a college
Dude wears a hot dog costume
Glen makes some good wads

The Royal Tenenbaums:

Three kid prodigies
Two track-suited little boys
One awesome movie

Accepted:
Fake College called SHIT.
Kid blows shit up with his mind
Not a shit movie

Marie Antoinette--
give me my two hours back
And let me eat cake.

He's Just Not That Into You

Why am I watching?
Cultural stereotypes
Not that into it

Obssessed

Beyoncé can fight!
Kicking Ali Larter's butt
Idris is the prize.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

It does not matter
What color Kate Winslet dyes
Her hair--we see roots.

Tyson:

The Real Iron Man
Strong, Powerful, Poetic
Gentle, Mike...Tyson

The Informers

rich tanned white kids brood
ellis loses his bite here
where's the vampire?

The Last House on the Left (Original)

parents seek revenge
in the best way they know how
mom bites off weiner!

Wacthmen

comic comes to life
complete with slo-mo action
minus the big squid

The Informers

rich tanned white kids brood
ellis loses his bite here
where's the vampire?

The Last House on the Left (Original)

parents seek revenge
in the best way they know how
mom bites off weiner!

Wacthmen

comic comes to life
complete with slo-mo action
minus the big squid

The Informers

rich tanned white kids brood
ellis loses his bite here
where's the vampire?

The Last House on the Left (Original)

parents seek revenge
in the best way they know how
mom bites off weiner!

Wacthmen

comic comes to life
complete with slo-mo action
minus the big squid

The Informers

rich tanned white kids brood
ellis loses his bite here
where's the vampire?

The Last House on the Left (Original)

parents seek revenge
in the best way they know how
mom bites off weiner!

Wacthmen

comic comes to life
complete with slo-mo action
minus the big squid

The Royal Tenenbaums:

quirky family
dad tries to get back in it
best movie ever

Obsessed:

All my single white
female ladies, Beyonce
will dumbly kill you.

FF7: Advent Children

CGI Greatness
Tetsuya is my hero
Cloud is still emo

Good God! Haikus, man!
"Five! seven! five!" is the way!
What the hell's this crap?

Dragonball: Evolution

Being a demon
Causes permanent bed-head,
Or so it would seem.

The Soloist

LA news man meets
schizophrenic musician
proves homelessness sucks

Catwoman:

worst movie ever.
Halle! You won an oscar-
did you lose a bet?

Sex and the City:

weddings, babies, clothes.
can I be chic rich white chick?
(Cattrall... time to stop)

The Number 23:

two plus 8 is five.
than that less sense this plot makes.
"numbers... are... ME?" BORED.

Wolverine leaked out.
Not bad, unfinished effects.
Damn, computer froze.

Happy-Go-Lucky:

Is Sally Hawkins Crazy
Or is she appropriately cheery
It's your opinion

17 again:

O M G so hot
movie wants you to look deeper
aw screw it, he's hot

Children of men

Clive, everyday man
To save babies, he journeys
the big sperm that could

17 again
sorry zak you suck
only one funny bit in
star wars geek was gud

Maltese Falcon

Peter Lorie, villain
Humphrey, the hero,
and the dame

solaris

out in space
where is hal to save you?
sorry George

Bronson:

Why so angry Mike?
One day you will be famous,
A British Hero

Hard Target (John Woo) - late night korean tv.

'What a very long coat
Wow, slow-motion explosion
I like extreme zooms'

Saving Private Ryan:
No, seriously.
How'd this film lose best picture
To Shakespeare in Love?

Volver:
In any language,
Penelope Cruz is hot.
Me gusta mucho!

Cliffhanger:
Sly v. John Lithgow.
Sly drops girl in beginning,
Lithgow in the end.

In Synecdoche,
cuckolded Caden loses
what he can't direct.

The Watchmen:

Oh, big, blue penis
You graced each frame so lovely
Creating envy

Eagle Eye

She can see you run
Controlling computer eye
Crashes, chases, LOVE

Girl, Interrupted:

Crazy 60s girl
Takes Whoopi over Jolie
Yep, she is crazy

Slumdog Millionaire
Poor Indian wins money
Fate reunites love

Grey Gardens:

tea for two and two
for- the love of eccentrics!
not bad- but poor cats :(

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Peter Sellers is
Everywhere. Oh look, there's James
Earl Jones. Whoops. Dropped bombs.

Yes Man:

Jim Carrey toned down
Kind of cute but very forgettable
YES YES!

Crank 2

Feels like a bad movie,
Smells like a bad movie
Yet, I enjoyed it a lot

17 Again

Zac Efron has a six pack and is sexy
But wait, he grows up to become Mathew Perry!,
The Horror, The Horror

Hannah Montanna:

Yummy Spoon Fed Plot
So Many Wardrobe Changes
Now do the hoe down

grey gardens

wrinkly drew barrymore
big edith is a big fat meany
tripplehorn is jacquelines twin

"I'm not there":

these six Bob Dylans:
impossible to follow.
nobody "gets" it.

The Darjeeling Limited:

Three weird brothers
One unlikely adventure
Okay: stop it now.

watchmen

giant blue penis.
much better than x-men, so...
don't kill with sequel.

"Hells Angels On Wheels" a 1970s era pseudo-documentary (think "Hair" but without dance numbers) starring Jack Nicholson as a punk who joins a neo-nazi/hippy biker gang known as "Hells Angels San Fransisco"

nonsensical plot
what's up with the swastikas?
so many fist-fights!

"OVER THE TOP" a 1980-ish film starring Sylvester Stallone, a giant truck, and the sport of armwrestling

Wow! Arm Wrestling!
To win back his son's respect
That dude just drank oil!?

Dragonball: You Sucked
No Easy Way to Say It
Sorry for Your Luck

17 again

efron is pretty
watch his hair sway to and fro
abs gleam and glisten

star trek: the wrath of khan

i'm not a trek fan
but this film wasn't half bad
drama, phasers, KHAAAAAAAAN!!!

the birds

calm bodega bay
why do they seek fierce vengeance?
chirp, squawk, claw, peck, death

Adventureland:

standard dramedy
only joke; Huge Ass Panda
It's not Superbad