Do men really want to get married?

// added July 08, 2009 // 9 comments //
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http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/07/08/men.want.to.get.married...

"Well, what do you think?" his dad asked. Brian Lohse knew exactly what his father was getting at.

His father had never pressed him about marriage before. But the question had its intended effect: a light switch flipped on.

"I'd never really thought about it. But that was the point right there when I said to myself: 'Oh my gosh, you know what, this is the girl I'm going to marry,' " Brian said. "I can't picture myself spending the rest of my life with any other person than Alana."

Brian, 34, had indeed made the psychological leap. It was time to get this party started. Six months later, he proposed. They married in June.

If you believe the conventional wisdom, Brian's story is the exception.

"Real men" are perceived as committing "till death do us part" for the wrong reasons -- they marry out of convenience or under duress, and they acquiesce, kicking and screaming all the way to the altar. Somewhere along the way, marriage and masculinity became mutually exclusive. But that stands in stark contrast to the dozens of men I spoke with, who admitted -- no, insisted -- they've fantasized about popping the question, getting married, even having a wedding.

The circumstances surrounding those light-switch moments varied.

For one man who lost his father, it was the extraordinary outpouring of love and support from his future bride that changed everything; another guy came to the realization when he caught himself balling up his fists in anger the moment someone made a pass at his then-girlfriend; yet another described the emotion of seeing his long-distance girlfriend for the first time after spending months cooped up in a nuclear submarine.

For me, the light bulb popped on at a penny arcade, playing classic '80s arcade games with my girlfriend. Kris destroyed asteroids and hopped barrels with impressive dexterity.

But it was the grace with which she obliterated insects that sealed the deal. Spinning that roller ball, wiping out that quickly descending centipede with master firepower -- I had to marry this girl.
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9 comments // Do men really want to get married?

  • unclecharlie
    • 0
      unclecharlie  

    • I remember when marriage was considered an "institution", and marriage was considered sacred. Now, it is being mocked and ridiculed, and what was once viewed as scandalous behavior (shacking up and having illegitimate children) is now normal. Marriage has been run through the ringer, and with every one wanting to redefine marriage acording to their personal whims, it's no wonder marriage is ridiculed- that's what happens when we worship materialism, not to mention the fact that only about 50% of marriages survive "until death do you part." This is the result of amoral living, living with no boundaries, no values, no morals, where truth is subjective. It probably all started with Kitty Genovese's death- blindness to the evil which is all around us, and "not wanting to get involved." (If you've never heard of her, google her, and you can read her tragic story)

    • 7 months ago
  • iamfree
    • 0
      iamfree  

    • i would consider myself married..not legally but i have been with the same woman for about 6 years and have 2 awesome son's with her...we never really talk about "tying the knot" legally...we both know we dont need some ceremony that cost us thousands and a piece of paper to declare our love..really just that simple:-)..i dont knock people who do get married legally though,i just dont see the point

    • 7 months ago
  • alexawesome
    • 0
      alexawesome  
    • iamfree:

      I tend to agree, and so does my guy. We may do the legal route (Justice of the Peace) at some point, but the whole thing makes me vaguely uncomfortable - marriage is such a political and religious hot topic right now, it's oddly satisfying to boycott it. I don't need a church, a state or a culture to define the relationship I have with the man I love. We do just fine on our own.

    • 7 months ago
  • alexawesome
    • 0
      alexawesome  

    • I'm just going to blame the wedding industry on this one. And deBeers. I think they've done a right good job of screwing up the event for just about everyone. Kudos to those people who manage to have an enjoyable and memorable day.

    • 7 months ago
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