Girl Dumps God?

http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2009/09/girl_dumps_god.html#more

by Laura Leonard

I wanted to love Not That Kind of Girl, a new memoir from “recovering evangelical”
Carlene Bauer.

On the surface, it was unclear just what, exactly, “recovering evangelical” meant. In the first chapter, Bauer describes her first encounter with the End Times, via a church basement screening of A Thief in the Night with her Christian classmates. At 8, her biggest fears suddenly included the government installing a bar code on her forehead or the back of her hand under a blood-red moon. She goes to bed at night earnestly whispering to God, “Could I live until I fell in love?”

This girl is me, I thought. I vividly remember telling my mom, myself at 8 years old, that I wanted to be excited for Jesus to come back, but if he could, it would be great if he could wait until I went to college, got married, and had a career and kids.

What critics are heralding as a “good-girl memoir” is actually a tragic story of faith, slowly and painfully lost. Bauer writes for a generation raised in the church of Dare to Discipline. For Bauer, faith comes easily at first, and even as she grows up and enters public school, she finds it easy to resist sex and alcohol.

But as her faith lingers during her college years at a Catholic university, belief in God feels like something she would shake off if she could only find the proper motive. Faith is a convenient foil to her introverted tendencies and dislike of the drunken parties and casual sex that consume her classmates. She secretly envies her friend Jane, who came to Christ in college, because it offers her a “platform for radical self-invention.”

Unfortunately, she can’t quite recapture this experience after graduating and moving to New York City. There she bounces from church to church, gradually letting go of her moral convictions in order to “experience life” in the way she’d desired at age 8, in whispered prayers.

What is ultimately missing from Bauer’s account is any sense of real community to support her amid her fleeting convictions. Roommates, friends, and love interests, Christian and non-Christian, come and go, and none is particularly memorable. Though Iris Murdoch's observation that “love is the extremely uncomfortable realization that something other than oneself is real” first led Bauer to the Catholic Church, we never see her live out the “uncomfortable” reality. “If I had to love someone the way I had to love God, I would have to leave,” she says, after she has already left God.

Bauer’s is a truly thoughtful de-conversion story, and that makes it particularly heartbreaking.

Unfortunately, hers is an all-too-common story: disaffected with the church, capital C, she gives up on God.

This book provided a reminder that we can never expect or ask anyone to singularly represent our faith. That’s something we must do every day, as persons who aspire to show not just what kind of girls we are, but also what kind of God we serve.


Question:
Have you been there?