KEITH OLBERMANN: After the Scopes Monkey Trial in Dayton in 1925, in which the State used William Jennings Bryan as a guest prosecutor during an attempt to put a high school teacher in prison for teaching evolution, it took Tennessee about half a century to regain any positive reputation.
In our third story on the "Countdown" — circle the year 2062 on your calendar, because a bill now making its way through the Tennessee legislature would make it illegal to say the word "gay" or talk about homosexual issues in school with anybody not yet in the 9th grade. Assuming there's anybody left in Tennessee to get to the 9th grade, the way they're going.
On Wednesday, the House Education Sub-Committee passed the so-called "Don't Say Gay" bill. The bill, "prohibits the teaching of or furnishing of materials on human sexuality other than heterosexuality in public school grades K-8," basically forbidding teachers from using the word "gay" or discussing gay issues, such as a gay student being bullied. The exact situation that pushed two Tennessee students to commit suicide in the last two months.
The bill is the brain child — and the term is used loosely — of Republican State Senator Stacey Campfield. He claims the purpose is to avoid "sexually confusing children." It's not anti-gay, and no, he isn't anti-gay either.
(Excerpt from video clip) STACEY CAMPFIELD: Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community.
(Excerpt from video clip) MAN: No, it did not. AIDS — do you know the history of AIDS?
(Excerpt from video clip) CAMPFIELD: It was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men.
(Excerpt from video clip) MAN: No, it was not one —
(Excerpt from video clip) CAMPFIELD: My understanding is also it's virtually — not completely impossible, it's virtually impossible — to contract AIDS, outside of blood transfusions, through heterosexual sex. It's virtually impossible. The odds of a regular person catching it, like a regular man catching it from a woman is very low."
(Excerpt from video clip) WOMAN: What do you mean by "regular man?"
(Excerpt from video clip) CAMPFIELD: Uh, someone who is not from Africa, someone who is not a homosexual, someone who is not an IV drug user, someone who is not sleeping with someone who is one of those things. If they want to look at what the average life span is of a homosexual, it's much shorter than the average person.
OLBERMANN: Oh, we buried the lede here — a regular man is not a man from Africa. Okay, goodbye, Mr. Campfield. Have fun picking up the garbage.
And don't forget, "It was one guy screwing a monkey," is what he said underneath all of that talk there.
As an aside, about lifespan, it's unfortunate that that troglodyte's is longer than — 8:40.
Another state focusing on anything except the economy is Alabama. Not on gay rights issues, but rather, the much more important height of students' pants.
On Thursday, a bill proposed by State Rep. Alvin Holmes passed — play the tape, thank you — passed the House 59 to 0. The bill would make it illegal to wear sagging pants in Montgomery County.
We pay these people to do this.
"Any juvenile caught with pants more then three inches below their waist," — I'm suddenly reminded of the movie "Bananas" — "can be fined up to $100 and an adult can be fined up to $150 or up to 40 hours of community service." And you must wear your underwear on the outside, so we can check.
On this odd note, we bring in Sam Seder, host of the nationally-syndicated radio show "Ring of Fire" as well as the web-radio program "The Majority Report." Good to see you, Sam.
SAM SEDER: Nice to see you, Keith.
OLBERMANN: Yeah, I think we just buried the lede here. His definition of what a regular —
SEDER: Regular people.
OLBERMANN: What a regular man is.
SEDER: That's right. They, of course, come from specific continents and they're — they basically, I think, they're just his neighbors. Regular folk.
OLBERMANN: That's right. They are white folk who don't screw monkeys.
SEDER: Pretty — it's pretty stunning.
OLBERMANN: We're not paying —
SEDER: Tennessee's got to be very, very proud of themselves tonight.
OLBERMANN: We are not paying our public servants enough money. We are drawing from a pool of people who would be assistant — assistants on the garbage truck.
SEDER: Maybe we should also be putting them on TV more because that's — almost vaguely entertaining after you get over the incredible disgust.
OLBERMANN: How did this chowderhead get anybody to vote for this if that — could he have made a speech that supported this in the House of Barefoot Representatives in yokel land?
SEDER: It's almost as if he doesn't know that he's on television or on radio when he's saying these things. The only thing I can tell you is that it doesn't reflect well on the people of Tennessee.
OLBERMANN: Exactly. And again, as I said before, like the Scopes Monkey Trial — for 50 years the butt of all jokes in this country was Tennessee. When you talked intelligence, Tennessee. You talked learning or education, Tennessee. Why — do they crave any attention?
SEDER: Everybody just wants to get back to number one. And — you go with what your strength is, I guess. I mean, it really is — it really does boggle the mind that his guy can go on and say those things, in the same time, in saying, "I'm not anti-gay."
It's just — what's even interesting is that he actually — it occurs to him to even say, "I'm not anti-gay."
OLBERMANN: Right. Well, he means he doesn't want to kill them like African nations, or something like that.
SEDER: I guess.
OLBERMANN: How do you enforce this? That's my other question. I mean, if you can't teach it — by law, you can't teach anything like this to kids in school, which — as I recall, from my days in school — meant I was suddenly much more interested in it than I would have been otherwise. This is like having a bill that says, "We're going to eliminate illness by outlawing hospitals."
SEDER: You know, here's the interesting thing, is that this bill — there are some in the Tennessee legislature that actually argue that it liberalizes the laws they have now, because right now it's a misdemeanor if you talk about any sexuality before the age — before grade nine. And so — accidentally, I think — these people sort of liberalized it so that they could get around this notion — I mean, it really is stunning coming in the wake of this.
And I think it speaks to, sort of, the — how bereft a lot of these state legislators are, in terms of what they can do.
For instance, in Alabama, if you Google the words "Alabama budget," the words "draconian cuts" come up next. And there's nothing they can do about that. They've been surviving because of the stimulus money. That stimulus money has run out. And so what do you do?
Look, we have a horrible record in terms of immigration, what's happened in that state. They've lost a lot of jobs. So, let's pick on something that we can all agree on. Like, if it's not baggy pants, maybe you're not allowed to pick your nose at a red light?
OLBERMANN: While holding up your pants with one hand.
Again, how do you enforce this law? Because I am, in fact, flashed to "Bananas" by Woody Allen — in which the guy becomes the dictator of San Marcos, this fictional country — and he goes nuts with power and he says everybody has to change their underwear, I guess, every three hours, and you have to wear it on the outside, "So we can check." How do you enforce this moronic — and more importantly, why does it only apply in one county?
SEDER: Well, you wait — I think you wait, essentially, until some kid comes home and says something to their parents, and then the parents, I guess, presumably call the school and then they arrest the teacher. I don't — that's going to be —
OLBERMANN: And the pant law? How do you enforce the pant law?
SEDER: Well, that's going to be a lot trickier.
OLBERMANN: Police with —
SEDER: A guy with —
OLBERMANN: With a ruler?
SEDER: A hook and just sort of pull those up, I guess. I don't know.
OLBERMANN: And again, about it being in one county, do all these guys who believe in dressing that way — and you can talk forever about how it looks — do they all just stand on the county line sort of mooning them?
Sam Seder is the host of "The Ring of Fire" and "The Majority Report," and host here in my absence and great thanks for doing that while I was —
SEDER: My pleasure, thanks for having me.
OLBERMANN: Good to see you, have a good weekend.
SEDER: You, too.
