KEITH OLBERMANN: First — because it was during recess in 1967 that I learned the only way to beat the bully is to kick him in the groin — here are "Countdown's" top three nominees for today's "Worst Persons in the World." A groin kick is earned, we hope.
The bronze ̶— not to kick somebody when they're down — but it's "The No Compromise PAC," which supported ex-Presidential hopeful, Congresswoman Michele Bachmann. Who, by the way, is the clubhouse leader for sanity, for having bowed out after the first actual voting showed she had no actual support.
But this PAC that was supporting her decided to try to sell her, in a commercial, as the political version of Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow:
"The establishment sports guys love to hate Tim Tebow, he's not smart enough, his mechanics are no good, he's not accurate enough — still, he just keeps winning." That's a John Facenda voice. "The same could be said of Michele Bachmann: no baggage, Christian, and like Tebow, she keeps fighting and she just keeps winning votes."
The ad was made before Bachmann got five percent in Iowa. And before Tebow, in the last game of the NFL regular season, gained exactly 60 yards passing, completing just six passes, and he led the Broncos to their third consecutive defeat by the embarrassing score of seven to three. Sheesh — Bachmann scored more in Iowa than Tebow did against Kansas City.
The runner-up? From the other end of the spectrum, Rick Santorum. Not to tar Iowa all with one brush, but it appears they prefer a candidate who comes in and goes all racist on them. He wants to eliminate welfare. You know, for African-Americans. "I don't want to make black people's lives better by giving them other people's money. I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn their money and provide for themselves and their families. The best way to do that is to get the manufacturing sector of the economy rolling."
I think that's a Herbert Hoover quote. Or maybe the guy who founded the Ku Klux Klan.
Wait, it gets better.
In his "I tied" speech today in Iowa — as opposed to a victory speech — he got fascism backwards, while describing how his grandfather moved here from Italy, "after having fought in World War I, because Mussolini has been in power now for three years and he figured out that fascism was something that would crush his spirit and his freedom.
And we have two parties that are out talking about how they're going to solve those problems. One wants to talk about raising taxes on people who have been successful and redistributing money, increasing dependency in this country, promoting more Medicaid and food stamps and all sorts of social-welfare programs and passing Obamacare to provide even more government subsidies, more and more dependency, more and more government — exactly what my grandfather left in 1925."
No, no, no Rick. Fascism was when Mussolini took government, and tailored it — even gave some of the reins to it — to big business in Italy, and made the specious argument that the people would be the real benefactors if business grew rich and more powerful in Italy. You know, exactly what the Republicans argue today. Fascism.
Congrats, Rick, you sold out everything you claim your grandfather stood for.
But our winner? Good old Pat Robertson. If you're wondering about who's covering what for whom in the caucuses and primaries and the general campaign, why bother?
Pat knows. Because God told him. And then God told him not to tell anybody else. "I think He showed me about the next president, but I'm not supposed to talk about that so I'll leave you in the dark — probably just as well — but I think I know who it's gonna be."
And then he said God doesn't support President Obama and how only "overwhelming prayer" can keep the country from "disintegrating."
"Your country will be torn apart by internal stress. A house divided cannot stand. Your president holds a radical view of the direction of your country which is at odds with the majority. Expect chaos and paralysis." That's just for Pat personally, right? "Your president holds a view which is at the odds with the majority — it's a radical view of the future of this country" — it involves having black people here — "and so that's why we're having this division. This is a spiritual battle which can only be won by overwhelming prayer. The future of the world is at stake because if America falls, there's no longer a strong champion of freedom and a champion of the oppressed of the world. There must be an urgent call to prayer."
Call to prayer is a Muslim thing, isn't it?
Jesus Christ, Pat, God told you you're not supposed to talk about that, and you keep talking about it? I mean, seriously — if I thought God was talking to me, I'd do two things. Number one, I'd get an MRI, or at least a CAT scan. But number two, if the tests came back clean, and he was still telling me not to tell anybody — I'd shut the eff up. Or I'd start practicing ducking lightning bolts.
Pat Robertson — God wants you to shut the eff up, so shut the eff up — today's "Worst Person in the World."
