OLBERMANN: That rarest of James Thurber stories — one about Congress and big banks, from 1932. Next.
First — because I wish these guys were just figments of Thurber's imagination, or sombody's — your "Countdown" top three nominees for today's "Worst Persons" in the world.
The bronze? Steve Beshear, the Democratic governor of Kentucky. He submitted his 2012-13 proposed state budget this week, and it includes $286 million in cuts. Higher education is cut by just under 6.5 percent. K-12 education will drop by about $50 million.
Fortunately, a $43 million tax break will not be affected. That tax break goes to the builders of a proposed Kentucky Bible-themed amusement park. The park will include a 500-foot-long, 75-foot-high version of Noah's ark. And it will require the state to spend 11 million dollars to upgrade a highway interchange to make it easier to get to the place. Which, unfortunately, will not be called "Fantasy Land."
Cut $50 million from schools. Keep $43 million for Bible amusement parks.
The runner up? Republican nomination hopeful Newt Gingrich. It's one thing when washed up ex-Laura Bush press secretaries write screeds condemning President Obama for holding an event inside Disney World. It's another when the same lunk-headedness comes out of the mouths of a would-be presidential nominee.
(Excerpt from video clip) NEWT GINGRICH: They are apparently closing half of the Magic Kingdom, for which I apologize to all of the people who, for months, have planned to take their children and go to the Magic Kingdom. But, after all, who are they compared to Obama?
OLBERMANN: Or Ronald Reagan. That's right. How does this keeps happening? Republicans try to insult Obama, they wind up instead insulting Reagan. Reagan made a speech at Epcot Center in 1983. And then he held his second-term inaugural celebration there.
Remember George H. W. Bush and the "points of light" nonsense? The firsts Points of Light ceremony was at America Gardens Theatre at Disney World. Oh, and Richard Nixon. He held a news conference at one of the Disney World hotels in 1973. Just happened to be the news conference in which he declared he was not a crook. Erroneously declared.
So, presidents can't never do anything at Disney World — except Bush, Nixon, and Reagan.
But the winner? On the Gingrichian theme. Dr. Keith Ablow — he used to have a talk show on TV, but recently has been reduced to co-authoring a book with "Lonesome Rhodes" Beck and being the psychology pundit on the political whorehouse that is Fox News.
And, he may have admitted the single dumbest thing yet said in this campaign. I mean, Rick Perry is embarrassed for this guy.
Ablow writes that — if you are coldly analytical about Gingrich being a serial marrier and philanderer — you will realize it would make him a great president. Quoting:
One, "three women have met Mr. Gingrich and been so moved by his emotional energy and intellect that they decided they wanted to spend the rest of theirs lives with him."
Two, he writes, "Two of these women felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich is already married."
Three, he writes, "One of them felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married for the second time, was not exactly her equal in the looks department and had a wife (Marianne) who wanted to make his life without her as painful as possible."
You left out four — he betrayed the first two, one of them while she was fighting cancer.
But wait, this gets worse.
Albow writes, "So, as far as I can tell, judging from the psychological data, we have only one real risk to America from his marital history. If Newt Gingrich were to become president, we would need to worry that another nation — perhaps a little younger than ours — would be so taken by Mr. Gingrich that it would seduce him into marrying it and becoming its president.
So what you are saying, Dr. Ablow, is that voters need to worry about whether or not Newt Gingrich is loyal to the United States of America?
Dr. Keith Ablow — I think you may be mispronouncing that last name, buddy — today's "Worst Person" in the World.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)