Current Tonight | September 26, 2009 | 67 comments

Enough with calling women 'Cougars'

source: http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-09-23/moving-out-of-cougar-town/

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Future_America
“Cougar,” as used to describe an older woman with an interest in younger men, is one of my least favorite words (right after “coleslaw,” right before “moist.”) The idea that a woman’s desire is akin to a snarling murderous animal with claws and teeth, who hides behind rocks and then rips your face off, is both unflattering and outrageously sexist. I’ve heard there are some who claim to see this word as empowering, but I think they’re men. Men, after all, whether their desire for younger women is a matter of evolution or personal preference, do not get tagged as “mountain lions” or “wombats.” And as the term “cougar” has caught on in our lexicon, my impression is that it’s not so much intended to specifically describe a woman with a taste for younger partners, but simply any older woman (i.e., any woman 35 plus) who is not yet married and still actively dating. Cameron Diaz, who spoofed her cougarsome self on Saturday Night Live, was labeled as such when she was just thirty one, after she begin dating a younger Justin Timberlake. Ewwwwwwww, right!!!!! How could he kiss such a terrifying hag!!! OMG!

So now we have Cougar Town (ABC, Wednesdays at 9:30), a show about Jules (Courteney Cox), a just divorced 40-year-old woman who’s torn between two fears --being alone for the rest of her life, and being “one of them,” as she whines to her friend; “them” being, you know, those horrifying, salivating crones who seem to live only sparsely in the real world and yet dominate the imagination of the male comedy writer. And therein lies the real problem of the show. While worries about aging and dating after divorce are legitimate, Jules seems less haunted by her own insecurities than by the threat of being lumped in with the town’s other desperate (ex)housewives, who make a spectacle of themselves at, say, high school football games. These women, by the way, are never actually called “cougars,” nor is the Jules character—it’s a reference to the school mascot. Which is a massively cheap, cynical cheat by the show.

What we end up watching is a female character driven by what is essentially a male hysteria. While her physical insecurity is slightly annoying (Cox, at forty five, is still a knockout, and yet the show begins with her standing in front of the mirror picking apart some imaginary microscopic flab; but in fairness, there are lots of insecure beautiful women) it’s not nearly as insidious as her shame about her own desire. She’s openly bitter towards her fortyish male neighbor for bedding twenty-something girls, and yet at no point in the pilot do we see her pursuing someone her own age. When she does end up with a younger man, her reaction isn’t so much “Yippee!” as a series of humiliating mumbles about her c-section scar and an offer to make him snacks, the way she does for her son. Any kind of sexual pursuit seems to reduce her to hunched embarrassment, the same state I was in while watching this show. To see a woman so desperately bereft of any pride in herself is beyond depressing. And yes, this is an essay about what’s supposed to be a comedy.

The jokes, such as they are, are mostly crude sexual double entendres. Her teenaged son, after catching his mother fellating a younger man, snatches away her banana the next morning with an angry “You’re not allowed to eat these anymore.” Really, Cougar Town? Penis equals banana? Thank you.

At one point Jules asks her son, “Why don’t you laugh at my jokes?” He responds, “Because your jokes make me sad.”

I couldn’t have said it any more clearly myself.

by Jessi Klein
  1. groups:
    Entertainment,   Culture,   Current Tonight,   Celebrity,   3 more
  2. tags:
    Sex and Love,  Television,  Women,  Sex,  8 more
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67 comments // Enough with calling women 'Cougars'

  • anonymoussociologist
    • 0
      anonymoussociologist  

    • Great article, and very relevant. It's interesting to see how much anger it brought up, and how many sexist/ misogynistic comments there are. But some people rather stay in denial than face the true impact of media and such shows on our social view. I really hope it gets cancelled and they write a better show for these talented actors.

    • 2 years ago
  • morirjedi
    • 0
      morirjedi  

    • Well they can call themselves what ever they want. Go for what you like. If you like younger men then go fo it. I've dated older women in the past and have quite enjoyed the experience. Without making any wide sweeping statements I can confirm one thing. An empowered older woman feels like a "Cougar", in bed.

    • 2 years ago
  • remanns
  • echoz
    • 0
      echoz  
    • Image

    • Older Women and HIV/AIDS

      Age is no vaccine against HIV. According to the CDC, some 120,000 men and women 50 years of age and older had developed AIDS as of 1999, with approximately 15,000 over the age of 65.

      The number of women over 50 with HIV/AIDS is on the rise in the United States. That may be because post-menopausal women, no longer worried about getting pregnant, may be less likely to ask men to use a condom -- in fact, they are one-sixth as likely as their children and grandchildren to use one, according to a survey by University of California-San Francisco researchers.

      Click on image for larger view.
      Sex of Adults and Adolescents With HIV/AIDS Diagnosed During 2004
      Widowed, divorced or separated women who are back in the dating whirl may be at risk because they simply never paid attention to how HIV is spread, and because, back in their dating days, STDs were not so much of a concern. They also may mistake HIV symptoms for normal aging problems and not get tested, often until their illness is quite advanced.

      Older women with HIV face unique challenges. Many already have chronic illnesses such as diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, high cholesterol and obesity. Interactions between medications for these conditions and HIV medications can be problematic. In addition, older women are in general poorer, and less likely to join support groups or have support systems than younger women and, unlike younger patients, they often can't turn to parents or grandparents for help.

    • 2 years ago
  • echoz
    • 0
      echoz  
    • Image

    • MOTHERS WATCH YOUR SONS

      Approaching the end of the Berlinale, I feel more and more justified to generalize about this year’s competition section. One film after the other, a specific thematic element keeps showing up: women having relations with men many years their junior.
      Of course, this is not new to the world of cinema. There have been many Mrs. Robinsons eager to introduce boys to the grown up world. From the recent past, Cate Blanchett comes to mind in Notes on a Scandal (2006), or Marisa Tomei in In the Bedroom (2001). Yet, never have these May-December romances been so common as to become almost like a general theme of a festival and while in the earlier films, the age difference brought along scandal and disapproval, in 2009, we want the mismatched characters to find happiness together. These films, after all, are melodramas, and according to genre conventions the audience is conducted to yearn for the lovers to fight all hardships and unite. In any other case, the films would just be boring to watch....

      This is not just an American phenomenon. The final film in the competition section is Tatarak by Polish director Andrzej Wajda. Can you guess the plot? A middle-aged married woman, Marta tries to find happiness in the arms of a much younger man, Boguś.

      What should we conclude form all of this? Dating older women is the new trend? Or is it that love should know no boundaries (over the age of consent)?

      Today, it is socially accepted for older men to date younger women. It is about time the opposite also becomes acceptable. 2009 is testing (or widening?) our liberalism. For one, Michelle Pfeiffer thinks “it's a positive step in the right direction."

    • 2 years ago
  • echoz
    • 0
      echoz  

    • yes firefox, restore my session...ah! hmmm. I like the term "cougar". It seems like possibly the only equivalent to the feminist-dominating phrase "dirty old man" where cunning women are more likely to hide behind the general impression of innocent passivity...it's not that women can be deliberately misleading or liars, it's just that they're potentially not as interested in the truth as much as they are themselves and "discovering" how they feel about it ;)~ lol

      it's true, and men have been conned into unthinkingly defending a "woman's" honor, even when she's not worth a damn, but turn the tables and you're certainly on our own "man". The only remarkable woman that's sincerely impressed me to be much different that I've seen here is MotherForTruth...she doesn't mind pulling the sheets on feminist bullshit, if men still care to be fair about our own crap ;)~ (and not many women openly are...they are usually comfortably silent to any plights many men may actually face in even well-intentioned if flawed relationships with women.)

      Naw, I think "cougar" is just subtle and seemingly innocuous enough to bring some awareness to "bullet-proof" feminism at its assumable best ;)

    • 2 years ago
  • Denica_Cassandra
    • 0
      Denica_Cassandra  

    • lol, Lets have a family-based conference about it. Really though, this just sexist grasping in most cases. Having said that, Extreme age differences can just be creepy on either side.
      Every time I think of Hugh Hefner's wrinkled worm coming at one of those er..women, I just think DAMN those chicks must be addicted to money. This brings up the sad double standard of men wishing that they don't get old or are somehow exempt from losing their hot. (Baldness, viagra and beer-bellies, HELLO)

      LOL I date a man that is ten years older than me - but he is a great looking guy and it doesn't usually cause problems. I wouldn't date a man ten years younger than me because it seems like it would be mental torture. :)

    • 2 years ago
  • wankityspank
  • arcticspirit
    • 0
      arcticspirit  

    • I still find really younger guys attracted to me. I don't look anything like the "older" ms cougar America or the people over there. But one day I'll get/look older. (I am looking for a soul mate, not an erotic affair)

      My disability is invisible to others, it doesn't show ON my body, so I am lucky, I suppose, I blend in.

      Still my bf's are like 10 years younger than me now (always over 18.. I like older than that, but even 18 yr olds approach me.

      Why can't I land an older man? The better catch, the guys with a house and job, established and all. . They are looking for younger women.

      Check, on that. Of course I do have a health condition, but that isn't what makes them run. I scare them and they don't have patience for my "personality." And the quirks in my "personality" reflected by the way I was raised and my life experiences (but arent we all a sum of our life's experiences? So I have a TON of them!) In contrast, the same personality enchants younger men! I am silly and my friends laugh and have fun around me. Sex scare them too (I am normal - kinda tame by today's standards!).

      So what about men exactly my age? They are looking for younger women. I don't qualify. I am their age.

      So how are trends going? I've had a few long term relationships with younger men (each spanning 2 years or longer). Two nearly lead to marriage (we were engaged).

      I broke the engagements during both for personal reasons (different), I don't think I could bear a divorce, after surviving one.

      Younger guys in true love say what they really believe, but can they really know? Or will they just say I was too young? And I will have the broken heart? (that happened once)

      I know what I want exactly in life. I have no age requirements for my "soul mate" I am looking for a person not a statistic. But I can't help but feel **I AM vulnerable** when the guy is really young.

    • 2 years ago
  • remanns
    • 0
      remanns  
    • arcticspirit:

      relationships are a bitch. (yah,.........real "deep"I know);
      a little bit like "running for office" .Hey,....I wouldnt bother,.........but I'm old,......hindsight, cynicism and fatigue and all that. Some of us are burnt,.....some "arctic".

    • 2 years ago
  • arcticspirit
    • 0
      arcticspirit  
    • arcticspirit:

      are you saying that I'm afraid of taking the plunge? With anyone?

      Or was that directed toward the older guys (I have been targeting them so unsucessively!) I don't believe in casual sex, etc. I am after the real thing.

    • 2 years ago
  • remanns
    • 0
      remanns  
    • arcticspirit:

      I'm saying that the plunge is often into cold water! Some of us get tired of diving into the cold water, hell, and even BEING the cold water. Casual sex tends to be a little hot swirly tub,with lots of happy bubbles,...but shallow. Soon after you get out, you are left at best lukewarm , if not somewhat chill. ---And EVERYONE is vulnerable ultimately. That is why god invented beer.

    • 2 years ago
  • Maria_Jackson
  • anonymoussociologist
  • GenocideByLyrics
    • 0
      GenocideByLyrics  

    • why is this fem rant on the front page news slider? while some points are valid this is just another typical bitchy paranoid fem rant. blah blah blah degradation blah blah blah nazi penis blah blah blah. get over yourself our culture exploits EVERYTHING. im so sick of hearing these rants from women that are so god damn self centered and only see the discrimination aimed against them and fail to see it when aimed at every other being out there.

    • 2 years ago
  • Maria_Jackson
  • sweatmyhalyard
  • wanted300
  • NeutronActivation
    • 0
      NeutronActivation  

    • OK then it is agreed we'll just go back to:

      * "Decrepit old cradle robbing Hag"

      * "Grabby Granny"

      * " Last Resort"

      I mean old farts that chase young women are called:

      * "Pervert"

      * "Geriatric Gigolo"

      * "Father Time"

      That would make a great show.... "PERVERTS" coming soon to ABC (available in HD!)

      " Some men fall asleep after sex "Perverts" doing it before, during and after"..... Perverts" this fall on ABC.
      Get your ZZZZZZZZZ....... on this fall with ABC

    • 2 years ago
  • remanns
    • 0
      remanns  
    • NeutronActivation:

      YO! I ---am WAY into "Perverts". Seriously,....IT WOULD MAKE A MINT! (just BARELY skirt prosecution,.......mostly. An occasional prosecution would ACTUALLY RAISE the audience level!
      how about--"Pervert,.......OR No vert?" reality "serial exclusion show"?

    • 2 years ago
  • jcamille
    • 0
      jcamille  

    • ha haha!
      I'm going to start calling my guy friends "wombats".
      When you see a double standard in the world change/demolish it.

      I saw the pilot episode the other day. the show was pretty dumb, as most on tv are, but entertaining enough. Courtney Cox is hilarious.

    • 2 years ago
  • RoBot_rOcKer
    • 0
      RoBot_rOcKer  

    • i really cant believe there is this much to discuss on the topic. seriously im starting to not like current very much anymore if a topic like this can get this much attention its just ridiculous and to be on top too? i thought this was supposed to be an intellectual website with intellectual people talking about intellectual things. i guess i was wrong.

    • 2 years ago
  • PIXELFLIP
  • StrangE2U
  • remanns
  • echoz
  • AndrewH13
    • 0
      AndrewH13  

    • I was pretty dismayed by the fact that there is actually a show based around the concept of a "cougar". Whats next? David Arquette starring in a show about rickrolling?

    • 2 years ago
  • Sam_the_Wizer
  • Sam_the_Wizer
  • snackynak
    • 0
      snackynak  

    • They shuld be called "Ferrets" instead, because they break out of their cages at night, steal my car keys and make me late in the morning....

    • 2 years ago
  • remanns
  • TDubs
    • 0
      TDubs  

    • "What we end up watching is a female character driven by what is essentially a male hysteria. "
      Is this a medical or research finding? I'm sensing some open hostility here. Seems calling men names and making fun of the one's who date younger women is o.k. but no so? People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones! Ok, older men who date younger women suck and older women who date younger men are 'suffering from what is essentially a male hysteria. So it's all male's fault??
      Men suffer equally in the work place, or more so, as women who are home makers, dying younger on average than their female counterparts (i.e. their wives). As more womne have entered the workplace these women are taking on the diseases that previously killed their husbands and are dying younger. So who is slaving away? Everyone. Love your job, quit it or don't start it in the first place but don't act like the work load and sacrafice to raise a family is unilateral! Get over yourself.
      Well written but way off point!

    • 2 years ago
  • antiutopia
  • echoz
  • arcticspirit
  • Betico
  • Tiffany_Jenkins
    • 0
      Tiffany_Jenkins  

    • maybe cougar = female equivalent to cradle robber for men ...

      both are used extremely/ when they dont really apply but still... maybe theres a place for the term ..

    • 2 years ago
  • Tiffany_Jenkins
    • 0
      Tiffany_Jenkins  

    • maybe cougar = female equivalent to cradle robber for men ...

      both are used extremely/ when they dont really apply but still... maybe theres a place for the term ..

    • 2 years ago
  • echoz
    • 0
      echoz  

    • and for good controversy ;)~ ...of course some feminist entitlement to "having a good time" for everything she's had to "seriously" 'so' put up with. well, I'm all for fun, but screw that absolutely selfish, narcissistic lamer "badge of honor" sense of entitlement women grovel too like with nothing but blonde "go-girl" me-ism feminist attitude like scandy who also comments at Future_America's link..:

      ScandyHousewife—

      Lighten up! Being a Cougar is about women over 40 ready to re-capture themselves, having a little fun, & NOT TAKING THEMSELVES SO SERIOUSLY. Seriously.

      Your average woman over 40 has spent the last 10-15 years slaving over her family and their needs. Nursing, diapering, reading, gourmet cooking, cleaning, laundering. There's non-stop hours of school volunteering, attending little league practices, games, lessons, and carpool- driving-the-hell out of their respective cities. The graduation to Cougar is a badge of honor! We've earned it! I want Chanel or Gucci, or wait, the Designer Empress of Cougie, Donatella Versace, to create a Cougar blouse or dress with a prowling cougar patch on the sleeve to proudly display the valor I have earned. For a complete Cougar Education, go to www.scandaloushousewife.net

    • 2 years ago
  • echoz
    • 0
      echoz  

    • I found some of the comments most perspicacious as well:

      Fenario—

      Attractive older men capable of wooing women half their ages, known as 'Silver Foxes'. I can't see these men bristling at the term, launching into tirades about being characterized as domesticated Soviet morphs of nature's penultimate trickster. The implication is that the older party uses their wealth of experience to overpower the inhibitions of their 'prey'. Younger women are more prone to romanticism, hence the emotive, ethereal, often effeminate courtship older men engage them with. Young men, on the other hand, are more drawn to physicality, with muscular strength, 'size', and endurance equating to, in their minds, beauty and confidence. Thus 'cougar' describes the raw, animalistic qualities that young men find so attractive. Both terms are equally sexist: they presuppose motives based on outward behavior with the opposite sex, and as such they are products of jealousy. But you seem to completely miss women in this piece, who, from my experience, are the quickest to throw out the term in response to another woman's behavior, while simultaneously demonizing men, who, and again, this is my experience, are usually the one's having sex with them.

      These terms are not derived from sexism so much as ageism, and the prevailing opinion (at least in this country, at this point in the story) that generational gaps should not be bridged in sexual relationships. In the Freudian sense, it has more to do with the human perceptive trait of viewing all older women through the prism of our mothers, older men our fathers, and the incestuous implications thereof.

      And if I can play the knuckle-dragging misogynist for a hot second, all this 'victimization is the new feminism' shit is really getting old. Woman do not get a fair shake in this world, but building up ivory towers of perceived slights and wailing from the balcony for anyone BUT Prince Charming does not advance your agenda.

    • 2 years ago
  • remanns
    • 0
      remanns  

    • I am sure all of womankind at large is happy to hear about your empathy, sympathy, or expression of team spirit!. Are you personally volunteering, or is this a more generalized sort of moral support?

    • 2 years ago
  • vladbox
  • RoBot_rOcKer
  • photi
    • 0
      photi  

    • depends on how many woman dont have a problem being under a label or group name such as this one,most of the woman who went to the convention (if not all) have no problem with the label given to them by others.

    • 2 years ago
  • samthesixth
  • ennui1812
    • 0
      ennui1812  
    • samthesixth:

      I know Sam, kinda like when I went to a nudist beach and there were mostly withered, dangly sun blackened old men staring lewdly at my much mistaken young self. I didn't stay or go to another beach like that. Old middle aged men are gross too.

    • 2 years ago
  • bombastinator
  • Reedalmighty
  • NotFooled
  • arcticspirit
  • ozoneocean
  • DeliaTheArtist
    • 0
      DeliaTheArtist  

    • First of all, I think "moist" is my MOST favorite word. How could you have a problem with the word "moist"?

      Meanwhile, I don't think the word "cougar" itself is "empowering", but I like the acceptance and appreciation of older women as relevant sexual beings. I haven't watched the show- but every time we turn around women are bombarded with ways to hide their age... mainstream media showing that experience doesn't sound sexist to me at all. Well, maybe a little- but I think it's well intentioned and meant to appeal to a generation of women who have been convinced to feel insecure through the continued societal disrespect towards aging. I'm going to stop ranting now.

    • 2 years ago
  • RFIDemocracy
  • remanns
    • 0
      remanns  
    • DeliaTheArtist:

      "moist wet eagerness"-
      don't even remember what early poem of mine that was in,.....porn parody thingy of some sort I seem to remember,....my brother occasionally reminds me of this noble creation,..........yepper "moist"; POWERFUL,.....yet damp.

    • 2 years ago
  • JulyJones
  • JonRaymond
  • Ihatethemall
  • Alex_French
    • 0
      Alex_French  

    • "cougar" is not a fad, but a series of futile attempts by the asshats in the tv industry to make it a fad. as for actually being offended or made uncomfortable by the term, you suck at life. get over it.

    • 2 years ago
  • molesteban
  • Alex_French
  • sk8bs55
  • fillmore
    • 0
      fillmore  

    • When she does end up with a younger man, her reaction isn’t so much “Yippee!” as a series of humiliating mumbles about her c-section scar and an offer to make him snacks.............

      ...........Thats not how it went. After sleeping with the young guy they were laying on the lounge chairs in the back yard while he was eating his snack and she exclaimed, "We had sex three times and you didnt need a nap or any pills!" and that was funny as hell.

      Get over yourself Jessi.

    • 2 years ago
  • Buddha2112
    • 0
      Buddha2112  

    • This nomenclature bullshit is stupid anyway. I just love tits. Age doesn't matter so long as they're fully formed and not old and saggy. The cougar fascination will come and go; call hot chicks what you will, it doesn't change the fact that tits are awesome and here to stay.

    • 2 years ago
  • Bood
  • pandaman2105
    • 0
      pandaman2105  

    • the cougar fad is pretty ridiculous.

      they're just beautiful women, why label them in some specific group.

      i'm not into them, soon to die out too.

    • 2 years ago
  • remanns
  • remanns
    • 0
      remanns  

    • "Cougar" as a source of media fascination is soon to be as worn out and over used as its subject matter. I think I was spent about two days ago.

    • 2 years ago
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