Ask infoMania's Ben Hoffman Anything! (Or Insult Him, Your Choice)

Why is Infomania so obsessed with jump cuts? Every segment has it. Your introduction to us asking you questions has them, all of the Viral Videos do too. Why?

Ben do the people on cargs list ever call back?

Will you marry me?

I' got something to say:

Ben Hoffman, please STFU. I mean really, what is up with you? Always ranting about how everybody sucks balls. Did it ever occur to you that you might be the one that sucks(mega balls), and that no one gives a shit about that you'"got something to say"?

"I'm fat", "I'm a nerd", "I've never had a girlfriend", "iPhones are stupid", "I'm really ugly and pale, and out of shape", "Britney's a whore", "I'm a retard", "I'm Ben Hoffman, I never get laid". Yes, thank you, Ben, we know by now. So get over it and stop the bitchy whining, you self-conceited, worthless, pasty, third-rate incline of lard.

Thank you, everyone feels better now!

You have thin legs. . . Take that!
I'm sorry, I cant do it, I love you too much.

Ben you bald, overweight, slob with bad teeth. Any jackass with a hat could do your job. It doesn't take a genius to get on a soap box and complain about everyday observations. When will they realize your useless to the show? Every time you try to tell me about local news or twilight or one of your tech reports, which is always a day late and a dollar short, I turn off the T.V. completely. I'd rather twist a rusty screw into my ear than hear one more of your smug comments on pop culture. Thanks, I feel better now.

After working in the health care system for some years I've learned that stupid fucks like you often provide the motivation for severely depressed patients stick around a bit longer. Do us a favor and go get drunk, stick an ice pick 3 or 4 inches into your left ear, and then do an editorial on America's existential crisis and the necessity of better end of life care. Thanks, asshole.

Many of us are probably wondering how many women your sorry ass has managed to bang. And, a good number of them are only interested in the living ones. Let us know. I've got a lot of money on you still having an intact hymen.

I bet you were that little boy who pooped his pants in 2nd grade handwriting class, was happy to have his mom pick him up and take him home soon thereafter, and continues to wonder why he has to sit in his own shit until the end of the day when he is at a lack of ideas for infomania

I am surprised your mother didn't post-birth abort you, you ungrateful ballsack.

Ben, the only place you have thick skin in on that 2-inch pecker of yours. Do you really wack off 2 times per hour during a work day?

are you really a dude?
really?
cause you act like a 2 year old girl

your female equivalent is an untalented Liza Minnelli

You're personality is as flat as a teenage girls chest who has yet to hit puberty. But also my cat just done the hugest crap ever, it god damn stank to such a great amount. I smelt it and looked at it and instantly thought of you! :3

Thanks to your harebrained ego project "contest", I'm constantly getting annoying response emails from everyone telling you to fuck off. Eat my ass, Ben Hoffman.

im lactose intolerant too. can we be best friends now, pretty please? :)

If I give you a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth where does the extra penny go?

Do you want to see my hemroids ??

your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!

sorry

You look like a fucking retarded, inbred, cross between Droopy, Richard Nixon, and the fat ass fucking Elvis, on the shitter, eating a pb and j, with no talent to wash all that ugly down with. Im choking on just looking at you.

Have you ever posted something weird on Craig's List just to see who calls?

my questions:
1-how's your relationship with the infomania team?
2-do you enjoy making your segments?
and now complete the sentence: The last time I dated a women was ...........years ago.
lol
cheers mate!

date dump or fuck Selma Blair Sandra Bullock Amy Adams

ben what does your hair look like under the hat

Ben, I would have to say the back of your neck looks like a botanical potato garden. You do good work keep it up. Screw all these 15 y.o cum guzzlers talking shit about you. Hey mom I'm on t.v!!!!

PS. When Monique does eventually take that shit of a lifetime, I hope its on your face... Ben Hoffman, you fucking suck.

Tell me, Ben, when you crawl from under that box, upon which you do the InfoMania Editorial, do you realise how sad and pathetic you look like whining about everything that does not go your way, huh? Also, you're stupid. Seriously.

(Actually, I like you a lot. A-LOT. Keep it up and... cheers, mate!)

If I agree to easy payments for liposuction; what happens after I miss too many payments?

I've never seen you without your hat off. What is your hair (only on your head) situation and will you ever show it?

have you ever told the aristocrats?

does it depress you to know that based on these insults over 75% percent of your audience is retarded?

I thought they used to call this playing the dozens. Seems kinda '90's looked at that way. Personally I find it hard to insult someone who isn't actively involved in being a douche.

perhaps if you did something douchey...

How many dicks do you think you could suck in an hour?

are your parents siblings?

Holy shit he asked for an insult not the prequel to the harry potter novel series by using him as the main character vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

you have the face of john belushi and the comedy of james belushi. your punchlines are more predictable than Jay leno's, without being as edgy as my local weatherman. keep up the good work on your obscure program on the channel i can never seem to find.

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say
in Texas. I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions
on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather
kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm
deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a
weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a
revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared
richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth
into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody,
abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and
then killed themselfs in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as
you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought
of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are
vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of
this earth. And did I mention you smell?

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to
impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop
will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it
more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive
its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to
fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame
of your ignoble blood. May you ckoke on the queasy, convulsing nausea
of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty
and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus.
Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are
unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that
reality forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements
of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you
hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more
weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle,
waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and
obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living
emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease,
you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient
in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are
dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all
unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock.
You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish
foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless
crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You
cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting
naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted
fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate,
noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise
everything about you, and I wish you would go away.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid.
Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond
the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are
trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far
that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no
intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on
Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire
galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll.
Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some
primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure
essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond
the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is
an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again
for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant
questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of
the rest of this drivel. Duh.

the only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped
away most of your of whay you wrote, because, well... it didn't really
say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful.
I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of
babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have
learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success.
True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take
for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes
forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these
things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I
would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right".
Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck
in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a
demand on you.

Teacher: Okay Kids! Today we will be learning about society!

Teacher: Let's look at the chart...

Rich People

Attractive people

Respected People

Funny People

And lastly Normal members of society

Kid: Teacher Teacher! You missed one!

Teacher: Oh no Child, That's just Ben Hoffman....We don't speak of him

Kid: But isn't he funny?

Teacher: No Child!, He doesn't tell jokes...He is the joke :D

u smell cool.

Here's my question:
simpsons (in its heyday) or futurama (all seasons)?
hint: the answer is NOT family guy, fuck that show.

It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork. The constant stares and gasps must eat at your soul. You poor dear.

I hear when you were an infant, your mother wanted to hire somebody to take care of you, but she already owed the Mafia money for all the methamphetamine she smoked while you were in the womb.

Honestly, it explains a lot.

You sir, are an elevator.

you're like a stage 4 herpies

You seem like a nice guy...but I have to admit that I fast forward through all your segments on "Infomania." If you've seen one Ben Hoffman segment, you've seen them all.

are you single?

Do not have kids. They will be ugly, and ashamed that you are their father.

Well first of all, F*CK YOU, YOU F*CKING PIECE OF SH*T. A**HOLE!

Just playing :) I'm too nice to say that. In person..

Anywayyy, do you get to keep the cool tech toys you review on Tech Report?

So...Ben,when you went to the porn convention did any shemales happen to get friendly with you??? Weird question,yeah i know,but I just have to ask!!! Oh! & another quick question!!! Is Chris Crocker really addicted to crack???

Ben, a question: do you still have any of that Old Fitzgerald I left at your apartment in 1993?

Nothing I can say could be worse than you rolling out of your sloven hovel, staring at yourself in the mirror, and realizing that you will be a sad, lonely, and angry shell of human excrement for the rest of your worthless and miserable life.

+1CarolynJ

Holy Sh#t Ben, you have so many admirers the love is just oozing out like a sharp stick in the eye! Actually Ben, I adore you. Why... I don't know. You make me laugh, your not afraid to put your ass on the line. Are you mean? Maybe.. but it's usually the harsher side of the truth. I think you mirror the way many of us feel about stupid people doing stupid crap. When you rant I think wow... "true dat" almost every time. This is supposed to be Ask Ben Anything... soo.... okay, I know. How do you do it? How are so you damn amazing?

Have you hit bottom, Ben? You're now asking people to hate on you?

Buddy. Just keep doing your thing.

Just keep that ridiculous hat on and stick your nose way too high in the air --- the malevolent wishes of thousands will be back before you know it.

F**k you, Ben Hoffman.

Hey Ben, "Scared and alone" called, and it wants to know when you're planning on dying.

(WHY) come you get paid (CASH MONEY or Cheeseburgers) to be a Tool on Current, while the rest of us just desperately search for validation or attention with our posts? ;)

Ur funny, but Maddow IS hotter than you, and more people want to sleep with her.

Also, you are one HOT lesbian.

Q: Ben, why do you look like my English classmate even though he's Chinese?

Oh, and you are a mean mean booger

You are more pretentious and corny than Sergio Cilli. Well, almost.

you're so lazy you picked that chair knowing you wouldn't have to lean over to fart. you suck :)

On average, how long do you cry at night before falling asleep?

How does it feel to be a fatter, uglier, gayer version of Bryan Safi?

How on god's earth, does that infomania editorial soap box, support your body weight? If you have a clip of it breaking, can you please post it. It may actually be the first time I laugh at your stupid fucking segment.

What do your parents actually tell people when someone asks them what you do for a living? I feel ashamed for them.

How does it feel to know that Rotten Tomatoes Show contributors get paid better than you?

When you're doing the infomania editorials, do you realize you're making all those dumbass hand gestures? Is that to try and distract people from how not funny you are? ... Just an FYI, it doesn't work.

I hope you lose your stupid f*cking hat.
- Dylan

I notice you always complain that even though you are on TV you don't get laid. How come being on Current has the opposite effect on me? I'm literally swimming in pussy over here man. Maybe you should leave L.A. and try to charm the bitches out here in the midwest.

I've noticed recently that your body language has become more repetitive and less creative. Every time you attempt to make a point, you choose to clench your right fist and jab it towards the camera. It worked in earlier segments, but now it's getting tiring and unoriginal. Perhaps opening a palm (or two) combined with an eyebrow raise or a shrugged shoulder might help prove your point in a more entertaining and creative way. And don't cut away so quickly. I'm sure you're just as funny in one take as you are in ten.

Watching you try to procure insults for yourself is like watching a hibernation deprived California grizzly bear trying out for the circus just so people can laugh at the silly Current jacket and Cleveland hat that he wears which he just got at a Goodwill down the street for 2.99 as a two for one deal and still thought it was a rip-off but tries to prove that it was still a good idea by making videos of himself procuring insults on Current.com.

Ben, my last sh*t was more compelling than the content you post on Current. You should kill yourself soon.

...you remind me of a young Tyrone Power, with those dark brooding looks...or maybe not...

have you considered replacing crusty old andy rooney on 60 minutes when he finally kicks the bucket?

Do you think that your boss likes you?

insult Ben??? thats fucken easy all i have to do is show him his repressed memory of being a homo and doing the first ever two guys one ben. hahaha

dude what level of commentator do i have to be to get one of those awesome current zip ups you're always rocking?

What is the weirdest thing you've found on your Craigslist searches?
Why are you always so cranky?

Dear Ben,

Firstly you are a beaver faced buffoon, but i do enjoy your madcap antics. (That clears up the insult.) Secondly are you or have you ever been a member of the communist party and need oxygen to live?

Your mom is a fat sagging slut. You are the spawn of a clown's dildo collection.

Oh yea I forgot to ask my questions after insulting you.
1. Just exactly how much does it cost for that bruce willis hair cut under your hat?
2. and what is at the end of your lanyard?

ur a funny guy man...i like your segments man...insightful, and massively funny

when you are umm...finished, how do you usually remove your penis from the VCR?

will you be my best friend?

I wish you were worthy of my insults.

Ohhhhh suck it Hoffman!

what is underneath you hat? O_O

I also was about to insult Ben, but now, after reading emmaclaire's comment I feel I must come to the defense of a fellow Wildcat. There is no college basketball program in this country with more prestige and success than UK. I don't know who your favorite team is...and honestly it does not matter. We've got 7 National Titles, and more wins than any program in the country GO BIG BLUE!

I got your back Ben...but you still suck

Well for starters "Ben Hoffman here from infomania" like any and every person watching this video doesn't know who the fuck you are. What a great way to introduce the obvious. Kind of like what you do in all of your videos. Maybe that's why 58% of viewers vommit in their mouths when they watch your videos. You might as well have started by saying Hi I'm wearing the same shit I always wear in my videos in case that wasn't obvious enough either. Let me just some it up to you like this. Ben Hoffman commenting and talking on a video is exactly like Ben hoffman's mother dieing in a car accident..... I really don't give a fuck.

P.S. I didn't mean that, I'm bipolar.

I came here to attempt to insult Ben, but instead got distracted by all the inane comments below.

Ben - You are similar to fellow clip show star Joel McHale expect he is funny, good looking, and is on a show people watch.

You're as technologically experienced as a wombat. I'm not sure if you have a foul odor, but judging by your looks you probably do you pathetic, top-heavy, chicken-legged, pasty, manic masturbating son of a bitch, but I still love you man.