Who Needs to be Intervened?

Enrique Iglesias, don't you think he's getting a little old for this? He sings songs that I would picture is coming from the mindset of an 18-year-old freshman living in a dorm room. You'd think by now he'd have more sophisticated music, since he's going on 40 now. I thought he was done after "Escape", or at least after his "greatest hits" album was released. Then he has to go and release something like "I Like It". Well, I don't like it, Enrique. In fact, it's really quite annoying. Go sing some ballads. Retire from pop music. Please.

what the hell is up with eminem I used to have fun listening to his music now when I here one of his songs I feel like I want to kill myself ........ not literally

Ok Let's start with Linkin Park, your new album is not like your old. It's nice to branch out but when you only have three great songs to begin with perhaps you should work on the stuff that got you there a little more first.

Next Enrique Iglesias: I will admit you're good looking and the chicks digg ya man, but a lot of you're fans are middle aged women and frankly I don't want you telling my mom and all her friends that tonight you're fucking them! It's not right man! It's just gross!

Justin Bieber: Ok you're a pop sensation. But you're acting like a fad. Congratulations on the grammy nominations! But heres the deal not one of your songs has made it to number one yet. You haven't won a grammy. You haven't done anything impressive (other than be one of the youngest artists and being found over the internet) enough yet to get the buzz you think you deserve. What am I talking about? Cardboard cutouts of you everywhere! You have merchandise ranging from Trading Cards (http://justinbieber.shop.bravadousa.com/Product.aspx?cp=21965_41611&pc=BGAMJ...) to gift certificates to your own online merchandise store! But perhaps the main thing- WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT YOURSELF!?! You're 17! How pompous can one child be? The most impressive thing you've done is cause mobs of mothers and 12 year old girls to create a stampede that injures many people, including your fans! Do you really want to be remembered sending your fans to the hospital? Look maybe if you make some catchy songs and you know stay popular for about four more years, then yeah you you deserve this. Until then stop thinking you're the greatest thing ever!

Definitely intervene Bruno Mars.
He really needs to stop offering things he would never have to do in real life..."catch a grenade for you"...really? Because we live in a war zone where civilians have access to military issue grenades? Who knew? Also...who wants a boyfriend without a head? Direct quote from song "throw my head on a blad for ya" wtf bruno mars? wtf? Yep he definitely didn't say stop her from being hit by said blade but rather that he would kill himself...just because he was bored i guess...

Bruno Mars. You're a great singer and you are at the top of your game, but why do you have to sound so desperate in "Grenade"? This girl would watch you burn but you would still catch a grenade for her? Don't you get it? She's just not that into you!!!

THE BLACK EYED PEAS. they had some good hits back in the day, but now all they do is make terrible copies/samples... and repeat themselves. I'm not just talking about 'i gotta feeling (i hate this song)' but all of their songs.. are super repetitive.. even by pop standards!
I don't really care if the intervention gets them back to how they were, I just want them to shut the hell up, especially when they keep dropping soundbites about how awesome their music is, and how they're making music for the future... a grim sign of things to come. Stop them, Sergio! They need help!!

Hey Cake, it's 2011 (that's right, twenty-eleven) why do you still sound like it's 1996? I mean, you were cool and all and even my parents enjoyed your safe, jocular sprechstimme. But look guys, it's not fun anymore. It kind of makes me feel bad. You being the same makes me feel like I'm still the same, and I don't really want to relive the puberty years. It's not fair to me, Cake. Even your album covers look the same. And, honestly, it's been 10 years since anyone noticed you put out an album (I mean, did YOU hear Pressure Chief?), it's time to hang up that long jacket and call it a day.

Hey Enrique Iglesias, Why do you suddenly think you're all hard, and sexy? You were "my hero" in the 90s, you could "take my breathe away"! And now you're singing "tonight I'm fucking you" and how you "like it, the way" I "move on the floor". What the hell happened between now and then?!

Hey Drake, why do you think you can sing? Dont forget about degrassi!

I've got a splitting headache, sore throat and a temperature of 102.7.

Guess what? STILL NO BIEBER FEVER.

Hey Green Day, go back to being punk! You've become a "Walking Contradiction" with your pop radio-friendly tunes and quasi political songs. Go back to interesting songs like "Dominated Love Slave" or even "Welcome to Paradise" and just rock!

Hay Muse, I used to love your work but now all you do is Twilight crap. Get back to who you where

Katy Perry sucks and need to stop thinking her boobs will make us forget that her song suck ass and are like a shit vacuum sucking in other look at what she did to snoop dog she need to be stopped

Katy Perry needs to stop ruining music more than everyone else combined with her extra-crap lyrics and ridiculously bad videos.

The same can be said for Rihanna, although more specifically she needs to stop acting like taking abuse and writing songs about it is okay.

Nicki Minaj

I gotta agree with the Katy Perry thing. Reasons..

Exhibit A. Snoop Dogg in Candy Land for her California Gurls video (and I'm not even mentioning her use of the spelling of girls with a 'u')

Exhibit B. Teenageage Dream (Katy... you're older than I am seriously you shouldn't be singing about feeling like a horny teenager.)

Exhibit C. Katy Hudson (enough said)

Exhibit D. Stealing Lily Allen's look
(till you can right something a brilliant as The Fear don't bite other people's style)

Katy Perry, the motto when gospel fails to make you $$$ take off your clothes a sing "Ur so Gay"

Katy Perry, because she has the lyrical skills of a person from middle school, has some conflicting moral agenda against Lady Gaga yet sings juvenile songs, and is just a crappy musician in general.

JayZ Every song you have is about New York or how awesome you are.

Ne-yo, for two reasons:

1: That song and video for "Beautiful Monster", appauling and cheesy (same for "Champaign Life").
2: Singing love songs even though his debut single "So Sick", claimed that he's sick of love songs (blurgh!).

How about Rivers Cuomo, not for his singing on Magic, but for his feeble attempt to look cool next to B.O.B. He really should be forced to have a guitar in his hands at all time at risk of repeating the dorkiness

Hey Ice-T....Please go away

Hey Sergio Stop being such a critic.

How do you think every celebrity should act?

I"ve got a few for ya sergio.

Hey Marylin Manson,

Stop trying to be weird and creepy, you're off drugs and doing stuff like guest appearances on Tim and Eric. You're time to really piss people off has subsided, your songs have gotten a bit too girly too. Back when you and Trent reznor were on drugs and still friends you put out some awesome albums, but then you both cleaned up and your music has suffered. Your songs were much more complex and deep earlier in your career, but now they are very pop-ish. And where as I can see you doing that for one album, just to riff on it, it's been about 3 albums where you have. It seems like most of your band members actually end up leaving the band and suing you, which might account for some of your problems. You became popular in a world which had nothing better to do than worry about teenagers being corrupted, we had a surplus, there was a web boom, you were the worst threat to society. Now in a world with recessions, deficits, and wars, you need to rethink your image to fit in as something different to what we are all paranoid about. Do NOT become the next GG Allen. please.

Hey Snow,

Where the HELL are you! I loved your first/only album! Vanilla Ice is long gone, all you have to compete with is Eminem!!! The world needs your weird rap/singing/regge sound - thing back. Where do you buy all of your large coats?

Hey Trent Reznor,

Please see above commentary on Marylin Manson. Also, please stop working out and getting Ripped, unless you plan to release a video which shows you and Glen Danzig at the gym spotting each other on various exercises. Also, I wasn't huge on your album 'With teeth', but 'Year Zero' was Great! Then you slipped (yes pun enjoy), with 'The Slip', and I couldn't tell any of the songs apart from each other. Now I hear you're retiring? Though I heard this is to spend more time with your family (more power to ya), you could just make albums and release them online, I don't need to see you touring for every one. And please become friends with Marylin manson again and take him with you to the gym, he needs it, oh and produce a few more of his albums while you're at it. Also, work with flood again, he's good for you.

Hey Duran Duran,

Keep putting out more albums. YOU ROCK! Red carpet massacre was good, but I'm still a huge fan of the 'wedding album', when do you plan on touching on that more? Astronaut was cool, but are you going to do a more techno sound or what? You're a god damn ROLLERCOASTER! Here's a thought, do an album where techno dj's mix a bunch of your old songs together. That would Fucking DESTROY me! My pants are drenched at the mere THOUGHT of this happening!

hey hank III quit complaining about having had a record deal.

hey music quit sucking balls lately.

hey cat power quit making people think it ok to do that annoying fucking whisper singing, it sucks, and it is annoyingly lame.....!

hey bands quit calling yourself "roots music" because you played banjo on ONE fucking song, that sucked ass by the way. the only roots you have are privileged Anglo Saxon.... fuck faces

Hey alt-country quit being just as fucking dumb as pop country....we get it you drink alcohol, you like trucks, you like guns, you have tattoo's, you like skulls, and smoking weed, but all your songs are filled with the same lame cliches' as pop country so what is the difference. both themes are the same, basically that rural people are drunk hillbillies, one of the only stereotypes that is PC to throw around still....... fuck. everything is lame...

P.S.
Alright, good intervention.

Hey Greenday stop trying to be "punk", you were never punk, you were crappy 90's grunge and now you're a..broadway show? All thats changed is that now you wear eyeliner and have children. Nothing punk about that.It's kind of hard to be a rebel when you've become a societal norm. So stop making songs that make no sense "Did you stand too close to the fire, like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?"-21 guns THE F DOES THAT MEAN? And supposedly David Bowie co-wrote that crapfest of a song. He sure has come a long way from Ziggy Stardust.. I should've known something was wrong when you starred in "Labyrinth" even though it was released 10 years before my conception. But hey, you had some cool stuff. Back in 1991. Now it's just creepy when Billy Joe Armstrong dresses like a 17 year old emo boy. Black and white? SO PUNK. So, Greenday, stop making really bad music and invest in some life insurance, or whatever sensible family men do these days.

Hey society stop using the media as your resource pool for "fact's" and take the burden of education upon yourself.

OMG

Wellll...You could CLEARLY do about 9000000 shows on Lady Gag Me or Just-A-Beaver...& Yeah...That Auto Tune stuff too!!! You can do one on how Mr Brian Hugh Warner A.K.A. Marilyn Manson has softened his image a TON!!! Personally if it were me doing this, I'd do one on how mass media is being dumbed down,BUT...That IS a bit of a hard concept to work with...Hmmm...That's enough from me for now!!! The kidZ these days simply don't understand what real music is anyway!!!

Hey Die Artwoord stop having weird penis tattoos, stop parading your strange tiny person around and wear a shirt. you are not a ninja in the slightest.

why dont u do urself serg but on a serious note do lil kim because she is old and just is dumb for not letting the new breed [ nicki minaj] come in and cramping her style and i also live in kim's hood in bed sty so talk about how she lis about her certain surgeries hmmmm

Everybodys comments are dumb and stop saying rock is white ppl music because it ws invened by black ppl and dont talk about drake and nicki and its not spelled nikki duh and hip hop is not nonsense unless ur from the streets or middle class u woundnt understand thank u and good bye [ weakest link woman's voice]

half these people just posted what you already have made fun of.. bahumbug

Hey Justin Bieber, stop pretending you're a gangster hot shot. You're 16, Canadian, and white.

hey lady gaga stop wearing weird shit all the time

Drake, Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Nikki Minaj, J beebs, Jonas Brothers, everybody on the Disney Channel, Beyonce, jeez everyone who isn't a Beatle.

Hey, Rihanna. Stop trying to sing. Every high note you try to hit falls flat. I know male singers with a better falsetto than you.

hey T-Pain, stop using autotune.

hey Justin Bieber, stop everything you're doing.

Usher or should we say "Ursher". Yes of course every pop-star has the right to comeback (especially after they signed those papers), but doesn't give you the right to sing about your adventures at a club or your sexy-time with hot chicks like you did 10 years ago, but this time with auto-tune, threesomes and weird hand movements. Grow up.

Side note: Usher, thank you so much for finding Justin Bieber and making him a tween sensation. The entire world really appreciates it.

Hey Katy Perry, stop with the whole candyland thing!

Sergio, we get it, pop music is depressing and you feel like you need to help. the first few interventions were funny but now its just sad. please go back to being the white hot top five guy, you were good at that.

Hay Shakira i heard a couple of your new songs and they suck! What happen to you? You use to be all romantic with your indie/rock en espanol sound And now, you sing about something called a waka waka ... man... and your she-wolf song it is even more stupider then the Texas wolf kids, and your dance moves are so corny. I remember back in the 90's when you use to sing and play the acoustic guitar. I guess you substituted your guitar for thous corny steps. Don't get me wrong you still look sexy when you move your hips, but you need to stop singing about stupid shit it makes you look slutty especially with your blond hair. Por favor lla no cantes asi. Se me llenan los oidos de sangre cada ves que cantas de estupideces.

Hey Gucci mayne stop saying burr in every song . Stop using another guy right beside you in every video dancing and acting like your music is good. Stop rapping about Bricks Money Bitches Chains Watches Cars Clothes. Stop repeating your name over and over in every song. Stop bein illiterate. Sergio will you please help this obnoxious music making "Rapper" If you agree comment more suggestions about Gucci that should be intervened.

Dear Lil Wayne stop comparing yourself to Tom Petty. On your song loyalty you said "Paper come fast Tom Petty in this muhfucka" , then in bring it back you said "I'm the Cash Money Makaveli, y'all ain't ready, break fast like Tom Petty, y'all just petty." I don't think you know you're talking about the rock singer not a nascar driver. I'm embarrassed for you.

Hey Rihanna stop writing songs about abusive relation ships. We get it you were in one, but now it's making your song more of a joke. I can't list how many Facebook groups I've seen using your song names as jokes about your relationship with Chris Brown. Stop it! Sometimes I laugh so hard when i hear your songs on the radio I almost crash my car! And no it's not like you're just trying channel your experiences into your art, and here's why. A REAL ARTIST HAS MORE THAN ONE EXPERIENCE! Seriously try to write music about something other than Rude Boys, living in disturbia, still loving a guy who deserves your hate, Guys who are like a disease to you, or being a murderer to your significant other's heart. God you even have a song about having so many songs about abusive relationships! Seriously it seems like you want to milk it and that make it almost pathetic! I'm almost on Chris Brown's side. (Trust me after Umberella I was close)

Hey Travie McCoy, I can't turn on the radio without hearing "Billionaire"...is being a millionaire not enough for you?

And hey, Taio Cruz, "Dynamite" and "Break Your Heart" are catchy and everywhere, but your music videos are the most boring shit I've ever seen.

And also:
-Justin Bieber, stop asking your hairdresser to give you the quintessential Lezzi cut. I get confused and think that pop music is suddenly tolerant enough to have someone who REALLY kisses girls and likes it topping the charts and collaborating with famed homophobes...

A few suggestions:
-Owl City, stop pretending you're the Postal Service. No one who likes Death Cab or the Postal Service listens to your music because they realize that it's a less interesting, lower quality knock-off. Also, it's creepy that you're trying to be the sensitive, introspective voice of 12-16 year old girls everywhere. My little cousin should not be talking about how you speak to her soul...
-Katy Perry, stop pretending to be Kosher with with church. Putting down Gaga's "blasphemy" won't make your preacher daddy love you again because you prance around kissing girls with your tits hanging out. Also, stop telling the press that you don't like people noticing your breasts. There are ways of hiding them if you want to, but your candy covered bra tops certainly aren't the way to go. Also, marrying an ex "sex addict" probably won't have sunday school teachers putting your records on for sing-along time.
-Jack White, stop being the Lil' Wayne of the alternative and Indie scene. I love you to death, but i can hardly pick up a record without noticing that you've collaborated on it in some way.

P U ... Your new gig stinks.Thanks to Lohan,we all know ... interventions just don't work! Get back to "WHITE HOT TOP 5" where you belong!

Love R.

Hey pop music, stop stuttering so much. Can't you write a chorus without repeating the same word, or parts of a word, over and over?

how bout sergio?
I'm all about doing something new, but I'm not going to lie that I miss Sergios white hot top five. To my memory it came out much more consitantly, and covered the wide variety of disgusting bullshit in the pop music world. Now, I'm not saying I don't enjoy music intervention.. But it just seems less awesome that top five. . . Mad love for Sergio.. just saying..

Eminem
- hey eminem stop promoting domestic violence in your videos. The Chris Brown/Rhianna story is soo 2009. Now on top of that u used Megan Fox in your video not cool man not cool

I don't follow modern music, but who is this guy rapping who used to be Jimmy from Degrassi?? I still remember being 12 years old and calling up a friend crying "They shot Jimmy!" into the phone, haha. And now he's singing...ehh, when will people start honing their (one) craft. Not everyone is meant to be a triple threat.

Hey Lil Wayne, stop being featured on everyone else's songs. I mean it is getting ridiculous when iTunes has it's own special playlist for "Songs featuring Lil Wayne" (if you search Lil Wayne, it's on the left side). Is it because ruining your own songs with auto tune wasn't enough so now you have to do it on everyone else's songs?

Hey Fallout Boy, you're all in your late 20s. Stop writing music about being an adolescent, it's creepy.

YO! I sent you an email about Nickelback. Please save them from writing another song that sounds exactly the same. If I have to hear another boring, basic 4/4 rock song by them, I just might play in traffic. Also, intervene this crappy band because they think they're good. That might be the worst part.

It's obvious that other people agree with me or else they wouldn't throw rocks at them on stage.

Ironic.

-Ryan

Mike Posner. His main hit is about writing a song for a girl and it not working...? Don't write songs about writing songs, especially if the song in your song sucked. Intervention: your entire cd is about your music sucking, listen to your own music.

THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR THEIR THE SUGGESTIONS! THE AMOUNT OF RESPONSES HAS BEEN AMAZING! WE'VE GOTTEN SOME GREAT IDEAS. WE CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH!

ke$ha! please...please...please intervene.

Hey Jason Derulo, stop saying your name in every song we know you love your name but we don't. You make it sound like your saying Jay Sean Derulo.

Hey Eminem, just stop. Kesha (thats right fuck the $) being a slut does not make you popular, it makes you a slut. Katie, we are over you, cali is no better than any other state oh and thanks for all the street cred from snoop. 303, I would rather kiss a corps than listen to your shit again. we get it you are all dush bags...I guess I need to stop now but wow that was therapeutic

Hey Kidz Bop...90% of those songs are totally inappropriate for kids to be singing.

Hey jason derulo, quit saying your name at the beginning of each of your songs.

Hey Kanye West -

I can't wait for your new album and all, but please stop tweeting. I get it - you have an extravagant lifestyle. Floral arrangements galore, fur coats, gold dipped goblets, and jet-setting in your fresh to death suits.

Your latest music video just oozes luxury only your mind can think of. I was waiting for cherubs to whisk you away to play chess on a cloud.

Speaking of baby faced beings, now comes word that you collaborating with the only person you follow - THE ALL POWERFUL Justin Bieber? Don't give in! But I got to admit, to get Raekwon on the track, boy must be doing something right.

Anyway, Kanye "no one man should have so much power." Yes that means you too, drop the phone AND step away from the computer.

Or, maybe I should just unfollow?

KOL

WTF happened ? the difference between AHA shake heartbreak and this latest piece of sh!t album you came out with is astronomical. they now clearly only care about making money. new rule i cant take you seriously as a band if you have a clothing line that sells 300$ scarves. i didnt know a band could sell out that quickly. its pretty bad when more of my moms friends want to go to your show then my friends. ill be at your show, but only to hear the black keys. and WTF is this i hear about you stopping in the middle of a show because your bassist got sh!t on? that bird dropped a serious metaphor on you and you just abandon a show. anyway i hope they enjoy their new following of soccer moms and fifteen year olds. theyre probably better suited for you, they wont notice your lack of stage presence and general douchebaggery.

also beyonce

eminem!
dude you need to stop rapping about how good it is to be off of drugs!
i'm real happy for you on a personal level and all but what comes out is just shit.
this is not what i'd expect from the rapper behind "purple hills".
if you're all about the clean and serene, we just dont wanna hear about it.

Was on Britney's case earlier, complaining that she needs and intervention cause she's getting lazy. In that same vain, I nominate Rhianna for being lazy.

She released the same albumn 3 times! Seriously I like Rhianna, but I didn't know which version of the album to buy. So I didn't buy it at all!