My favorite pouty-mouth vice presidential candidate, Paul “Eddie Munster” Ryan, has stepped into the breach to defend his beleaguered running mate. Demonstrating his tremendous loyalty (to himself), he started off by declaring that Mitt Romney’s secretly recorded comments were “obviously inarticulate.”
But what really impresses me about our foot-stomping little friend is that he’s using Romney’s class-based calamity to double down on his own agenda, the total destruction of the social safety net. The Budget Munster boldly declared that the “Ryan-Romney budget” (Hey, Eddie, your Freudian slip is showing) would save the country from its terrible dependency on those addictive socialist government handouts. The worst moochers — children on Medicaid and seniors on Medicare and Social Security — would finally be made to take “personal responsibility” for their incredibly selfish behavior: being born and not dying quickly enough (as my friend, former and future Congressman Alan Grayson, scathingly put it during the House debate on health care).
Don’t take my word for it — here’s what Ryan said yesterday:
“… under the Obama economy, government dependency is up and economic stagnation is up, and what we’re trying to achieve is getting people off of government dependency.”
The inconvenient truth is that Ryan himself was one of those government dependents — he received Social Security survivor benefits as a teenager after his father died.
I don’t begrudge him that, but being a helper, I do have a suggestion for the man who wants to be our nation’s big, steaming No. 2.
Are you listening, Eddie?
GIVE THE MONEY BACK! If you really want to set an example about the evils of government dependency, be a leader. Write the Treasury a check for all the federal money you’ve ever accepted, including any benefits you’ve received from the gold-plated health care system that you get for being a F#%KING FEDERAL EMPLOYEE!!
In the words of your former girlfriend, Ayn Rand, be a “maker” not a “taker.” You’ll feel so much better about yourself that you might even stop lying about your marathon time.
Nobody believed you anyway. The only person who can run that fast is a Kenyan.
(Photo: Getty Images)